GREAT first date, now what? :)
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krissypea79
Posts: 362 Member
I had a great first date with a guy the other night. I feel like I did it right this time - not investing too much time communicating beforehand - we emailed a couple times, things seemed good so we decided to meet. We met at 5:30 for happy hour and before we knew it, the restaurant was closing! (11pm). Conversation flowed, body language was good, it was just a great time. During the night, I'd mentioned a country band that I am friends with that I'm planning on going to Saturday night. I had enough wine to where I was bold enough to ask if he wanted to go. He said he thought it sounded fun, that he'd be down....conversation moved to something else. We had a goodnight kiss, and he told me to text him when I got home, which I did, to which he replied that he had a lot of fun. I texted him yesterday afternoon to say hi, and he replied shortly after, we exchanged a few texts, he mentioned that everything about our date was great. I had a hair appt somewhat close to his house last night, so I texted him letting him know I was in the area if he wanted to do something. (I recalled him saying "what are you up to tomorrow night?" during our date the night before, and I had told him I had plans with a friend for coffee). She had cancelled yesterday afternoon, so I figured why not see what he's up to. He wrote back and said that he had planned on laying low because he was tired from our date, (I was too), but he said maybe...I replied back that there was no pressure at all, I was just throwing it out there and I'd understand if not. He wrote back and said that yeah he was gonna lay low, but "obviously no offense!!!" OK. so now it's Friday, and I want to firm up whether or not he still wants to go to the show with me tomorrow, but I do not want to be pushy. I texted him earlier to say hi and he replied, and we've exchanged a few msgs, mostly about how his day at work is going. My experience tells me that if he weren't interested he wouldn't be responding to me, especially not so timely....but I do not want to scare him off by asking him to hang out again. I don't necessarily want to follow some dumb dating rules...I've scared guys off in the past by playing it TOO cool and making them think I am not interested. Because I didn't invest too much, I'd probably be disappointed if it doesn't go further, but I'd get over it pretty quickly. I am feeling somewhat optimistic, just a little unsure...what do you guys think I should do? input from guys and girls is welcome 
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My thoughts would be to email or text him saying that the band you'd mentioned and that he said he might be interested in was still on, would he like to join you.
Whether he goes or not, after that I'd let him make the next move, so you're not doing all the work, to make sure he's interested in you too, etc. Just my thoughts.0 -
"Remember that concert I mentioned the other night?
It is at X:00 if you are still interested in going...I could meet you there or swing by your place if you wanted."0 -
"Remember that concert I mentioned the other night?
It is at X:00 if you are still interested in going...I could meet you there or swing by your place if you wanted."
That's a good approach...guess I don't really have anything to lose by asking...I just want to avoid seeming too pushy.0 -
I would. He obviously doesn't have a problem saying no .. go for it!0
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. My experience tells me that if he weren't interested he wouldn't be responding to me, especially not so timely....but I do not want to scare him off by asking him to hang out again.
My experience tells me you've done enough to let him know you were interested... and it's up to him to show that he's interested... Since it's tomorrow and you haven't heard from him, if I were you I'd find someone else (guy or girlfriend) to go with me and have a great time. And if he does ask about the concert in time to join me, great. If not, and he contacted me after the fact to actually ask why I didn't invite him to the concert (I don't think he would, but ymmv), I would probably say something like, oh, it seemed like you wanted to rest so I didn't want to push it. Hope you can join me next time."
I can see why you'd be wary of doing that, though, if you feel like playing it too cool in the past ran off the men. Maybe one last reminder as kit_katty said and then leave him alone...?0 -
Do not be shy in asking for what you want. You know where you stand when you ask for what you want.
Also, don't overvalue the meaning of a txt msg. Text messages are essentially meaningless forms of information unless substantiated by greater action. A phone call has a much higher value than like 5-10 txts. Texts are best used to transmitting short bits of information like "Meet at 3 PM?" or "I'm running late". It is really the basest form of communication.0 -
. My experience tells me that if he weren't interested he wouldn't be responding to me, especially not so timely....but I do not want to scare him off by asking him to hang out again.
My experience tells me you've done enough to let him know you were interested... and it's up to him to show that he's interested... Since it's tomorrow and you haven't heard from him, if I were you I'd find someone else (guy or girlfriend) to go with me and have a great time. And if he does ask about the concert in time to join me, great. If not, and he contacted me after the fact to actually ask why I didn't invite him to the concert (I don't think he would, but ymmv), I would probably say something like, oh, it seemed like you wanted to rest so I didn't want to push it. Hope you can join me next time."
I can see why you'd be wary of doing that, though, if you feel like playing it too cool in the past ran off the men. Maybe one last reminder as kit_katty said and then leave him alone...?
Well, I've heard from him, I just haven't brought up tomorrow night again. We've been texting back and forth since he is very busy at work - seems like he wants to vent a little about his day, and I just don't want the timing to be bad when I choose to bring up tomorrow night. I was thinking I might wait until tonight, like after 5 when I know he is done with work for the day. I feel like I'd definitely rather ask and get a definite yes or no so I know where I stand, then being unsure. If he still is interested as he has seemed to be, I just don't want him to think I am clingy or pushy, that's all.0 -
Stop over thinking! Our brain can sometime be our worst enemy. Just ask! If it's meant to be, it'll be.0
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. My experience tells me that if he weren't interested he wouldn't be responding to me, especially not so timely....but I do not want to scare him off by asking him to hang out again.
My experience tells me you've done enough to let him know you were interested... and it's up to him to show that he's interested... Since it's tomorrow and you haven't heard from him, if I were you I'd find someone else (guy or girlfriend) to go with me and have a great time. And if he does ask about the concert in time to join me, great. If not, and he contacted me after the fact to actually ask why I didn't invite him to the concert (I don't think he would, but ymmv), I would probably say something like, oh, it seemed like you wanted to rest so I didn't want to push it. Hope you can join me next time."
I can see why you'd be wary of doing that, though, if you feel like playing it too cool in the past ran off the men. Maybe one last reminder as kit_katty said and then leave him alone...?
I feel the same.
I think you've initiated enough contact by now and I'm sure he knows you're interested. I'd let him bring it up honestly or at least initiate a "hey what are you up to this weekend?" if he forgot.0 -
Ask him after work. Just make it casual. Like, are you up for that concert or are you chilling the weekend? I just need to know so I can give the ticket to someone else if you dont fancy it :bigsmile:
Seeming pushy or clingy or whatever, is so subjective, you just dont know how the other person is taking it. So, better to just be yourself and let it be a natural progression.
As I said in another thread, I'm not into the 'rules' or 'games', just be yourself :flowerforyou:
Good luck
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Seeming pushy or clingy or whatever, is so subjective, you just don't know how the other person is taking it. So, better to just be yourself and let it be a natural progression.
Tru dat!
One man's pushy is another man's cold-shouldered. Better to be yourselves so you both know up front whether you are truly compatible.0 -
So... I'm being nosy... Did you go? Did he go? Did you ever hear from him?0
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So... I'm being nosy... Did you go? Did he go? Did you ever hear from him?
Nope!!!! I texted him Friday night around 6 reminding him that if he still wanted to do something, that the concert was Saturday, and to let me know. Not a single reply. I am EXTREMELY, beyond puzzled. I logged back into match.com and he was "online now!" a couple of times this weekend.....OK now it's not even the fact that he SAID he had such a great time, he said this, he said that, but how and why is it so dang hard to just send a girl a quick text message to let her know you aren't interested?!?!?! Really?!?!?! He seemed like a really nice guy, too, not the kind to just blow someone off. Think I need to get a better gauge of character!!! It's very frustrating and makes me want to give up, when even the "great" dates end up rejecting me!!! Oh well!!! lol0 -
Damn poofer!!
Next!0 -
So... I'm being nosy... Did you go? Did he go? Did you ever hear from him?
It's very frustrating and makes me want to give up, when even the "great" dates end up rejecting me!!! Oh well!!! lol
Dating today is so much harder than in the past. There's also far more incivility than even 5 or 10 years ago. It's usually not you, it is them.0 -
OK now it's not even the fact that he SAID he had such a great time, he said this, he said that, but how and why is it so dang hard to just send a girl a quick text message to let her know you aren't interested?!
Most guys will say he had a great time. They'll make it sound like you are so awesome, and you'll think they're enthralled with you. But when they make quasi-plans and don't follow up, it's usually because they're looking for something a little less quality than you. Or maybe you're just not their type. This is why I try really hard not to get hung up on any new guy after the first date or two. Because usually they poof.
Like I just told Katie, don't give up. Just be realistic about it, and enjoy the attention (short lived as it may be). This is how most guys act, whether we meet them at the store, at the gas station, or online (especially online). And, hey, at least he weeded himself out after the first week. You didn't spend too much time being strung along ;-)0 -
Ugh! That's frustrating! Sorry girl! I don't know why they just can't say they're not interested in following up with things. That's why, when I'm the one not interested, I make it a point to say, "I'm not interested in continuing things, but thanks for a nice evening" or something along those lines. Just wish they would show us the same courtesy.0
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Ugh! That's frustrating! Sorry girl! I don't know why they just can't say they're not interested in following up with things. That's why, when I'm the one not interested, I make it a point to say, "I'm not interested in continuing things, but thanks for a nice evening" or something along those lines. Just wish they would show us the same courtesy.
Exactly!!! I would certainly let them know that it wasn't going to work out. And also, I find that I act differently even during the date when I am not interested. I don't use certain words, make certain gestures, give any sort of "false hope." Guys seem to make all these gestures no matter whether they plan on seeing you again or not, and I really do not understand it!! When I am not feeling a date, I think it's at least somewhat obvious, and I don't leave the guy confused!! I remember he even commented how he consciously turned himself in to face me more because he realized he wasn't at first, and he knew that was what you were supposed to do when you're interested in your date. Yup, lots of them seem to have some issue where they think you're great, but they're gonna keep looking to see if there's something greater. Oh well! onto the next!! 0
