help me please! dating advice
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christine24t
Posts: 6,064 Member
I've known this boy since freshman year of college (we're seniors now), and we're kind of friends. My roommate dates one of his roommates so our two houses hang out frequently.
About three weeks ago, he started texting me and stuff, and I kind of like him now. He texted me on Saturday and asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said yeah, and I was really excited. He then called me tonight and asked me to hang out tomorrow, and he said something to the effect of we could watch a movie at his house but if I thought of something else we could do that too.
I spoke to one of my other roommates about this and she said that she thinks we should do something else, like go play racquetball at the gym. She has a good point - that it would be more interactive and not just two hours of sitting on the couch. I have a lot of anxiety now about tomorrow. Not that I think I'm so good looking or anything, but what if he tried to make a move on me? I've been on one date in my life and never been kissed. I'm not ready to do that, and I'm not comfortable with doing anything physical at this point.
Is it rude to text him tomorrow and say something like "hey i was thinking instead of watching a movie, we could play racquetball at the rec instead?" I think it would be more low key and that way I wouldn't be so anxious.
About three weeks ago, he started texting me and stuff, and I kind of like him now. He texted me on Saturday and asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said yeah, and I was really excited. He then called me tonight and asked me to hang out tomorrow, and he said something to the effect of we could watch a movie at his house but if I thought of something else we could do that too.
I spoke to one of my other roommates about this and she said that she thinks we should do something else, like go play racquetball at the gym. She has a good point - that it would be more interactive and not just two hours of sitting on the couch. I have a lot of anxiety now about tomorrow. Not that I think I'm so good looking or anything, but what if he tried to make a move on me? I've been on one date in my life and never been kissed. I'm not ready to do that, and I'm not comfortable with doing anything physical at this point.
Is it rude to text him tomorrow and say something like "hey i was thinking instead of watching a movie, we could play racquetball at the rec instead?" I think it would be more low key and that way I wouldn't be so anxious.
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Racquetball would make sense if you are both into playing racquetball. I tend to like active dates, and I happen to be a racquetball player, so I would like that sort of date. But if this guy isn't into racquetball, than that isn't going to work.
I have no idea how much time you two have spent together, so I can't really say if it was or is a good idea to do a movie night on his couch. But if you are not comfortable with that idea just yet, maybe you want to do something else first.0 -
Do you think he means watch a movie... or do you think he means "watch a movie."
I'd been off the market so long that when I became single again I didn't realize what "what a movie" usually means and couldn't understand why the guys in my church group looked at me funny when I said I was thinking of asking flavor-of-the week over to watch a movie. lol.0 -
Hm. What about bowling? lol. I think racquetball might be too much for a date. At least for me anyway .. not until I got more comfortable with someone. Maybe I am backwards. hm.
He suggested that you could do something else, so I don't think it would be rude at all to offer up another idea.
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Given what I understand what your expectations are from a date, I would avoid the movie thing.
If I was to invite a girl to a movie at my place, on my couch/sofa... I would very probably make a move.
The rule of thumb is that if a girl accepts an evening invitation to a man's place (movie or else), she is willingly falling into "a trap".
Bowling would be a better idea I think. You guys are standing together while playing alternatively, but it's chilled out so you get time to talk, can grab a drink etc.
Note that even if the guy makes a move, you don't have to accept (Yeah. For real.)... But it might put some awkwardness between the two of you which might be difficult to recover from (for subsequent "dates"). So you might blow it up by NOT accepting. I'm not suggesting you accept here, but merely saying I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I would be pressured to accept until I am ready (so would avoid the movie).0 -
Do you think he means watch a movie... or do you think he means "watch a movie."
I'd been off the market so long that when I became single again I didn't realize what "what a movie" usually means and couldn't understand why the guys in my church group looked at me funny when I said I was thinking of asking flavor-of-the week over to watch a movie. lol.
Haha that is funny!
I think he means watch a movie for real, at least I hope so. I know he only had his first kiss a couple of months ago (he made out with a friend of ours I guess one time) so I don't think he moves fast.Given what I understand what your expectations are from a date, I would avoid the movie thing.
If I was to invite a girl to a movie at my place, on my couch/sofa... I would very probably make a move.
The rule of thumb is that if a girl accepts an evening invitation to a man's place (movie or else), she is willingly falling into "a trap".
Bowling would be a better idea I think. You guys are standing together while playing alternatively, but it's chilled out so you get time to talk, can grab a drink etc
Yeah the more I read all of your posts, I'm thinking of switching it to racquetball. I'm friends with him, so it's not like a first date really, but it's one-on-one which we've never done. I've drank with him before, hung out in a group, so I'm not embarrassed about being sweaty in front of him.
Ah I am having so much anxiety about this!0 -
I know he only had his first kiss a couple of months ago (he made out with a friend of ours I guess one time) so I don't think he moves fast.
Doesn't mean he won't move fast... in fact, it could be the other way around: recent first kiss...recent makeout session...now pandora's box has been opened and heaven help the young girl who next ends up on his couch.0 -
This whole thing seems a bit mealy mouthed to me. There should be some degree of certainty. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they spend time together alone, they go forward or it ends.
Relationships work best when they flow naturally. If it does not feel free & easy, it is not right. Yes, I realize that you two are both in your early 20s and there's some discomfort because dating is still new, but it is like anything else. You need to get the hang of it. It is not hard to get the hang of it, just be alone together, enjoy the company of one another and let it flow from there.0 -
If I was to invite a girl to a movie at my place, on my couch/sofa... I would very probably make a move.
The rule of thumb is that if a girl accepts an evening invitation to a man's place (movie or else), she is willingly falling into "a trap".
Bowling would be a better idea I think. You guys are standing together while playing alternatively, but it's chilled out so you get time to talk, can grab a drink etc.
Yikes. I'm 32 and when I say a movie, I mean a movie. Or when I've gone to the guys place to hang out, I meant to literally hang out.0 -
Yeah, I think you should do whatever feels more comfortable for you, even if it is racquetball (I would rather watch a movie ).
I was in the same position when I was a senior in college and the best advice I can give you is to go with the flow. Think of it as simply hanging out with a friend. A friend that you like to flirt with on occasion. There's less pressure and you can act like yourself and show your awesome personality that way. I know it is simpler said than done, but good luck 0 -
This whole thing seems a bit mealy mouthed to me. There should be some degree of certainty. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they spend time together alone, they go forward or it ends.
Relationships work best when they flow naturally. If it does not feel free & easy, it is not right. Yes, I realize that you two are both in your early 20s and there's some discomfort because dating is still new, but it is like anything else. You need to get the hang of it. It is not hard to get the hang of it, just be alone together, enjoy the company of one another and let it flow from there.
I like talking to him, and I've always had fun hanging out in a group, but I'm just anxious because I don't know what to expect. The other date I went out on, I was nervous at first but then I got comfortable, so I think it is just a case of this. But this date is different in that I know he likes me, whereas the other date was a blind date.I was in the same position when I was a senior in college and the best advice I can give you is to go with the flow. Think of it as simply hanging out with a friend. A friend that you like to flirt with on occasion. There's less pressure and you can act like yourself and show your awesome personality that way. I know it is simpler said than done, but good luck
Thank you! He is a friend so it is like that, and I just need to remind myself of that!0 -
Yeah, to be honest I don't think I've ever invited a girl for a date to my place (to see a movie) without having at least kissed or without being reasonably certain it will happen. I would never do a "come to my place" thing as the main activity of a first date for example.Yikes. I'm 32 and when I say a movie, I mean a movie. Or when I've gone to the guys place to hang out, I meant to literally hang out.
I'm thinking I need to try; so I'm asking you: do you wanna come to my place and watch a movie?
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Yeah, to be honest I don't think I've ever invited a girl for a date to my place (to see a movie) without having at least kissed or without being reasonably certain it will happen. I would never do a "come to my place" thing as the main activity of a first date for example.Yikes. I'm 32 and when I say a movie, I mean a movie. Or when I've gone to the guys place to hang out, I meant to literally hang out.
I'm thinking I need to try; so I'm asking you: do you wanna come to my place and watch a movie?
yeah let me get on that private jet....0 -
I know he only had his first kiss a couple of months ago (he made out with a friend of ours I guess one time) so I don't think he moves fast.
Doesn't mean he won't move fast... in fact, it could be the other way around: recent first kiss...recent makeout session...now pandora's box has been opened and heaven help the young girl who next ends up on his couch.
Pandora's box .. hee hee .. yeh .. I am sure that sucker was blown wide open. lol0 -
Thought I would update you all!
I texted him this afternoon and suggested racquetball, and he said yes that would be good. My roommate and I went to the gym - she took a class, while I met up with the guy. We went to play racquetball. He asked me at one point "no movie?" and i said that after sitting all day at my internship, I like to do something active, and he said yeah, that he'd been hanging out all day and it was good to move. I told him that I rode in with my roommate, and that her class was done at 7:30.
We played for about 40 minutes, and it wasn't awkward at all. We talked some and played. Then we went into the lobby and hung out. Unfortunately, this girl he had seen at a party the night before kind of interrupted our convo but she went away after ten minutes or so. We talked for a little while longer, and then he went to play basketball with some of his friends.
He texted me an hour ago saying that he had fun today and we should get together another time.
I think it went well!
Thank you for all of your help! 0 -
All good stuff then!0
