Online Dating Sites vs Bars/Clubs
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DMZ_1
Posts: 2,889 Member
I consider these to be the two worst venues for finding compatible dates. But which one do you think is worse than other?
The advantage of online dating sites is that a lot of information is out there in the open without having to ask. You can see someone's education, job industry, pet ownership, smoking vs. non-smoking, kids vs. no kids, religion, etc. Those things are not obvious when just looking at someone at a bar.
The main advantage of a bar is that the in person experience is had right away. You don't necessarily wonder what the person will be like in person. With online dating sites, in theory you could Skype chat for a decent replication of the in person experience prior to an in person date, but I don't think a lot of people go that route. Not having the in person experience prior to an actual date is the biggest weakness of online dating.
Also, at bars, women aren't known for being warm and approachable. The defense mechanisms are sky high.
Taking everything into consideration, online dating sites are probably better than meat market type bars/clubs. I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
The advantage of online dating sites is that a lot of information is out there in the open without having to ask. You can see someone's education, job industry, pet ownership, smoking vs. non-smoking, kids vs. no kids, religion, etc. Those things are not obvious when just looking at someone at a bar.
The main advantage of a bar is that the in person experience is had right away. You don't necessarily wonder what the person will be like in person. With online dating sites, in theory you could Skype chat for a decent replication of the in person experience prior to an in person date, but I don't think a lot of people go that route. Not having the in person experience prior to an actual date is the biggest weakness of online dating.
Also, at bars, women aren't known for being warm and approachable. The defense mechanisms are sky high.
Taking everything into consideration, online dating sites are probably better than meat market type bars/clubs. I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
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I guess my aversion to bars/clubs is the alcohol piece. Couple of reasons ..
1. I am not a big drinker, but give me 2 cocktails and I will flirt with anyone. I have no sense of what is right or wrong and will more than likey do something (or someone) stupid. So anyone that meets me after having a couple drinks, is not meeting "me".
2. My exhusband drank like a freaking fish. I don't want somone like that ever again... so my thought process is .. don't meet someone at a bar. lol. Unless I actually feel like doing something (or someone) stupid. Not for the long-term.
Online .. I don't know.. I haven't tried that so I have no thoughts about it.
:bigsmile:0 -
helovesme, may I offer to buy you a drink (or perhaps a couple) shy smile.
have a great day!0 -
I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
In a perfect world, this would be the way to go. Unfortunately, at a certain point most people's lives become so routine and can easily become insular.
My only real pro for the online approach as opposed to the bar is that you know everyone is single and there for the same basic reason of meeting and dating. Of course, I realize that not everyone is truthful, but in the majority of cases there this is a starting point.0 -
helovesme, may I offer to buy you a drink (or perhaps a couple) shy smile.
have a great day!
LOL!0 -
I have had bad luck with both. I haven't tried the online thing in 2 years and I swear I never will again. You cannot imagine the amount of losers I managed to meet. I laugh now but I sure wasn't laughing after wasting money on those sites. It was a JOKE. I think alot might have to do with the area where I live. There aren't any decent bars/night clubs around me either. If I had to chose I'd pick meeting someone at a bar over online. But I'd rather meet him at the grocery store or the gym.0
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I consider these to be the two worst venues for finding compatible dates. But which one do you think is worse than other?
I don't like bars/clubs so I really can't contribute to this from the perspective of meeting people there... but I can't wait to hear what everyone else says.
I electronically "met" 100+ guys online in the couple of weeks I had an account, chats/emails, etc. But in person only went out with 5 of them (all but 1 we're still friendly). Right now, I seem to be doing fine meeting folks in my daily activities (Sam's club, while travelling, while volunteering...oh yeah and MFP lol.0 -
Meeting someone at a bar/ club... well he'd have to be an exception. I don't really see people I meet there as potential partners.
As far as online dating, I don't know how I feel about it so far. It hasn't been bad for me so I'm optimistic about it.
I like that I already have a bit of knowledge about them through their profile.
In the end, I agree. The best way to meet someone for long term potential would be through every day life.0 -
I have had bad luck with both. I think alot might have to do with the area where I live. But I'd rather meet him at the grocery store or the gym.
It is very difficult to date in smaller towns (under 150,000) or in suburbs of bigger cities. Merced isn't a big city.
The gym itself is a more difficult place than it should be to meet singles. Pretty much every woman now wears her ipod/earpieces to avoid human interaction at the gym. 7-10 years ago, it was only the hottest of the hot women that did this. There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).0 -
I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
My only real pro for the online approach as opposed to the bar is that you know everyone is single and there for the same basic reason of meeting and dating.
That is a pro as far as I'm concerned as well. I really don't like having a conversation with someone cute to find out they have a bf/husband. Of course, sometimes women use this line as a lie to get someone to go away, and a single guy has to take that into consideration. But that is a tangent for a different thread. Knowing that someone is single & looking makes the process slightly easier.0 -
There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).
Apparently if you leave something behind in the other room, someone may approach you to ask. ;-)0 -
There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).
Apparently if you leave something behind in the other room, someone may approach you to ask. ;-)
Like a bottle cap??
Yeah... then 4 days later he brings his 2 young sons to the damn gym and no more googly eyes.. but I'm not bitter.0 -
There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).
Apparently if you leave something behind in the other room, someone may approach you to ask. ;-)
Like a bottle cap??
Yeah... then 4 days later he brings his 2 young sons to the damn gym and no more googly eyes.. but I'm not bitter.
WAIT! What?? He has two sons?? How did I miss this?? DANGIT!0 -
There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).
Apparently if you leave something behind in the other room, someone may approach you to ask. ;-)
Like a bottle cap??
Yeah... then 4 days later he brings his 2 young sons to the damn gym and no more googly eyes.. but I'm not bitter.
WAIT! What?? He has two sons?? How did I miss this?? DANGIT!
I updated my original thread... lol0 -
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING!!! :laugh: (didn't realise as I was typing)
Hmm... From my POV, it would be online. I never thought I would say that one day btw. :laugh:I consider these to be the two worst venues for finding compatible dates. But which one do you think is worse than other?
Which is also a disadvantage, considering how little people know about what they want. They think they want a person with green eyes, tall, dark and handsome, so they might filter on unimportant criteria. Height for example, I would filter normally "women > 170cm", but I know I would get along just fine with many shorter women.The advantage of online dating sites is that a lot of information is out there in the open without having to ask. You can see someone's education, job industry, pet ownership, smoking vs. non-smoking, kids vs. no kids, religion, etc. Those things are not obvious when just looking at someone at a bar.
I think people will be too much after their "perfect match" on these sites, but for me it's more about the "feel" you get when you see the person face to face. I'd screen faster in a pub/club.
Yeah, totally.The main advantage of a bar is that the in person experience is had right away. You don't necessarily wonder what the person will be like in person. [...] Not having the in person experience prior to an actual date is the biggest weakness of online dating.
You're talking about online dating here, right? Oh no! Bars and pubs. Right.Also, at bars, women aren't known for being warm and approachable. The defense mechanisms are sky high.
I think it's pretty awful in both case to be honest, they are just scared of creeps.
And there are probably more "bold" creeps online than in the real world. And they can probably hide their creepiness longer online too (no body language, no interactive conversation, which is good for shy guys too! :flowerforyou: ).
Well non interactive online doesn't work too well for me.Taking everything into consideration, online dating sites are probably better than meat market type bars/clubs.
Here is what I think about it:
- Most men are "bolder" online, there is more competition.
- Most women are lazy online, there is too much competition between men, so they just have to wait for "Mr. right" (lol?!) to come and talk to them and then they can decide. They are too empowered. I think bar/pubs can tip the balance back slightly in the men's favour.
- My strategies to approach women are normally fairly direct sprinkled with humour, which sends the right message face to face (confidence and boldness). Online, confidence is the norm: i.e. nobody cares about what they say because everyone is just a nickname on the screen, so everyone is sending pics of their thing or being stupid if they want to. Being confident/funny online is actually a turn off for girls, it's a behaviour that brings red flags: is he serious enough? how good of a date would he be? (talking about the initial approach btw).
- I really miss the body language, ability to smile and to be witty, and to make come backs and jokes. These are such massive tools in someone's arsenal.
- You've got to show too much of yourself, too soon, most girls have got lists longer than my arm of requirements for men and people will tend to not contact you for silly stuff they would probably ignore offline.
- Everyone is always "a perfect person looking for a perfect person", with only awesome pictures of them being soooo friendly and soooo cool and all that crap. :yawn: One can wonder why they are still single then.
Online has been kind to me generally though, but I think I need to rework my approach.
Yeah. On the other hand, the "community aspect" can damage your reputation after a break up. The good thing about pubs/clubs/online is that you are going after randoms, thus you have no past with them, and if turns sour you can easily cut bridges.I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
Interesting stuff overall though.
EDIT: yes, everyone is supposed to be single online. This is, I must say, a massive win!0 -
I have had bad luck with both. I think alot might have to do with the area where I live. But I'd rather meet him at the grocery store or the gym.
It is very difficult to date in smaller towns (under 150,000) or in suburbs of bigger cities. Merced isn't a big city.
The gym itself is a more difficult place than it should be to meet singles. Pretty much every woman now wears her ipod/earpieces to avoid human interaction at the gym. 7-10 years ago, it was only the hottest of the hot women that did this. There's a secret to meeting someone in a fitness environment, and I'm not revealing it here, though someone could probably figure it out if they Googled long enough (more than a few minutes).
Right - Merced doesn't even have 90,000! I only use my ipod when I'm doing cardio - it's off for abs and weights. I have yet to see a hot guy in Merced at the grocery store. I'm not kidding either. Most of the men around here look like they belong living where I work - prison. It's sad.0 -
The hard part is when you don't have anyone to go out to any kind of bar, lounge or venue where you might meet someone because all of your friends are married or have babies! I used to go to bars all the time, but not really the single pick up joints, the old man beer bars. But there were always fun people and lots of single guys there because the pressure was off since it wasn't a pick up place. Two of my friends met their husbands at the bars we frequented. I go to a lot of places alone (dinner, movies, festivals), but I'm not really up to putting on a skirt and hitting a bar alone. To me it looks like you want to take someone home and I'd feel awkward. I really would rather meet someone in person though because like was previously stated, you can filter out stuff online that might not matter when you have the physical chemistry in person. The last several years I've been in female dominant work environments, too and nobody is following me at Target or the market to get my number so I don't know where else I would meet someone besides online. lol0
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The hard part is when you don't have anyone to go out to any kind of bar, lounge or venue where you might meet someone because all of your friends are married or have babies! I used to go to bars all the time, but not really the single pick up joints, the old man beer bars. But there were always fun people and lots of single guys there because the pressure was off since it wasn't a pick up place. Two of my friends met their husbands at the bars we frequented. I go to a lot of places alone (dinner, movies, festivals), but I'm not really up to putting on a skirt and hitting a bar alone. To me it looks like you want to take someone home and I'd feel awkward. I really would rather meet someone in person though because like was previously stated, you can filter out stuff online that might not matter when you have the physical chemistry in person. The last several years I've been in female dominant work environments, too and nobody is following me at Target or the market to get my number so I don't know where else I would meet someone besides online. lol
I agree. All the married guys that I work with (yes, the ones who say to wait 3 mos to have sex) tell me to go out to the bars alone. I'm like really? You want me, all alone in the dark walking back to my car from a bar? And you tell me you care about me??? Are you freaking kidding me? That is asking for trouble in my opinion. I do not live in a high class city, I live in a crummy small town full of low lifes.0 -
I believe that the best singles are sourcing enough dates from their day to day activities, their interests and friends of friends, all of which I believe are better tactical approaches.
I wish this easily just happened.
I don't do clubs/bars... It's hard to find some decency there0 -
I've spoken/met so many creeps online in the last 2 years, that I'm going to say bars are better. The last time I met someone half decent was in a bar.
I'm sure there are still some decent people online, but the majority are misfits! I've just started a new job and I'm hoping to meet someone IRL. I think that's always the best way. Its more natural. You dont lie in person! I've given up with online, you never know what they're saying is true!!
I can't speak for the women though :bigsmile:0 -
Time to get some new friends with similar interests?! (Try meetup.com? Or similar stuff...)The hard part is when you don't have anyone to go out to any kind of bar, lounge or venue where you might meet someone because all of your friends are married or have babies!
I have done this a few months ago for similar reasons and it's been cool so far.0 -
Time to get some new friends with similar interests?! (Try meetup.com? Or similar stuff...)The hard part is when you don't have anyone to go out to any kind of bar, lounge or venue where you might meet someone because all of your friends are married or have babies!
I have done this a few months ago for similar reasons and it's been cool so far.
I actually am in a meet-up group or two. "Singles 20's/30's without Children". Lol I do stuff with them sometimes, the weird thing is that they mostly do things on the weekdays and I have been spending my after work time at the gym. Hard on the social life when you workout instead of go to happy hour for beer and wings.0 -
From my limited experience of online dating it was definitely worse. I did meet two nice guys, but the long list of headaches I acquired in the process so wasn't worth it. I have more success meeting people in bars but usually I feel they are too young for me. I rarely meet single guys my age.0
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I guess my aversion to bars/clubs is the alcohol piece. Couple of reasons ..
1. I am not a big drinker, but give me 2 cocktails and I will flirt with anyone. I have no sense of what is right or wrong and will more than likey do something (or someone) stupid. So anyone that meets me after having a couple drinks, is not meeting "me".
2. My exhusband drank like a freaking fish. I don't want somone like that ever again... so my thought process is .. don't meet someone at a bar. lol. Unless I actually feel like doing something (or someone) stupid. Not for the long-term.
Online .. I don't know.. I haven't tried that so I have no thoughts about it.
:bigsmile:
I totally agree with you for the aversion to bars! And, for the exact same reasons...I also am not much of a drinker, but 3 beers in and I am VERY happy and LOVE everybody. I also have the alcholic ex husband--who I met at a bar-go figure!
I have done online dating, have no horror stories to date (thankfully) and though I haven't found Mr. Right, I have met some great guys!
My day to day life does not have a place for meeting single men..........I work at a construction company so there are many guys I work with--but that is just it - I WORK with them, so not ideal for a relationship (though there are no company policies agains it)0
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