The dreaded "Friend Zone"
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Carl01
Posts: 9,370 Member
I say dreaded because no guy ever wants to land in it but is it almost exclusively a lady thing or do guys have it too.
What things does a person do to land them there?
Once in the friend zone can a person ever get themselves out?
What things does a person do to land them there?
Once in the friend zone can a person ever get themselves out?
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Replies
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Personally, people that I love having in my life and want to keep there, but don't want to date are the ones in the friend zone. I don't put boys in the zone if they aren't great people. lol. That sounds rather snobbish of me.
Do you have a friend zone Carl?
I once tried to pull a friend out of the zone and it failed miserably. I, to this day, love him dearly and wish wish wish that I could be attracted to him. He is an amazing person. I would marry him, if I didn't have to have sex with him. lol.0 -
I think friend zone happens when you aren't attracted to that person. It could be physical or personality wise. I think you could get out of the friend zone over time, maybe depends. I have ended up liking a guy friend or two before, just all depends on the people involved I think.0
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Ouch!! I hate the friend zone....
:sad:
This is going to sound awful and a bit risque but the friend zone is for anybody I wouldn't sleep with and I know whether I want to sleep with you within the first 2 minutes of seeing you (of course this does NOT mean I will.. just means there's a physical attraction). Then it goes into personality and that could kill my lust. But if the personality is good, then I get intrigued and so it begins.
So friend zone for me, happens right away... it's been very seldom where I had a friend who turned into more. My ex husband sort of happened that way. We were friends when we were teens and he crushed on me. I had NO attraction whatsoever to him. He was younger by 2 years. I was 17, he was at an odd age 15, short and chubby and sooo annoying. If you would have told me I was going to marry him later on I would have busted a gut from laughing so hard. Then when I was 20 I saw him again and he had grown into a tall handsome confident guy (yuck). I was gaga for him right away within 2 minutes. :bigsmile: So he was able to come out of friend zone but because he was a completely different person. He was no longer that annoying puppy dog young guy I once knew.
Like I said in the other thread, there has to be intensity for me. I don't like when I'm completely stresed out and have knots in my stomach over a guy but a little of that keeps me on my toes.0 -
To get to a woman's friend zone, a guy is just not physically appealing and behaviorally doesn't do things to get her excited.
It is very difficult to get out of the friend zone. Best way to do it is to end the friendship and maybe reconnect with her after an extended absence (6 months or more of no contact) and some significant change that makes you more desirable.0 -
I once went out with someone and my inner sense kept telling me no, but my maleness kept saying yes. Well, after a night of drinking we ended up in the sack. As soon as I sobered up, I was like ewwww. Kinda like kissing your sister, only worse. From that point on, steel bars and laser beam level friend zoning.0
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Personally, people that I love having in my life and want to keep there, but don't want to date are the ones in the friend zone. I don't put boys in the zone if they aren't great people. lol. That sounds rather snobbish of me.
Do you have a friend zone Carl?
I once tried to pull a friend out of the zone and it failed miserably. I, to this day, love him dearly and wish wish wish that I could be attracted to him. He is an amazing person. I would marry him, if I didn't have to have sex with him. lol.
Not that I can say exactly,or at least not in the sense that I could find a lady attractive physically and personality wise but just can`t picture ever having a romantic relationship due to a friendship.
That doesn`t mean I long for every lady that I do find attractive either,just sort of put thoughts of a relationship out of mind unless something was to change in circumstances.0 -
Personally, people that I love having in my life and want to keep there, but don't want to date are the ones in the friend zone. I don't put boys in the zone if they aren't great people. lol. That sounds rather snobbish of me.
I once tried to pull a friend out of the zone and it failed miserably. I, to this day, love him dearly and wish wish wish that I could be attracted to him. He is an amazing person. I would marry him, if I didn't have to have sex with him. lol.
THIS!!! Exactly!!
The male friends I have in "friend zone" are FANTASTIC guys....I wish I wanted to date them, I just don't look at them that way.
I've also been put in friend zone...lol0 -
Oh the friend zone!! I'm always put there lol. I even had a guy tell another friend of mine that I was a "totally cool girl, but not dateable"...uh, wtf?? :huh:0
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Oh guys have the friend zone... I find myself being put in that zone a lot.
I asked a guy friend once how I always ended up in the friend zone and he told me it was because I am an awesome girl to be around and hang out with but dating would be awkward because I am too much of a tomboy.
Not gonna lie it kind of hurt my feelings because I have tried being the "girly girl" and it just seems so fake to me.
Can a person come out of the friendzone? I think so but you also run the risk of potentially losing a friend if things go horribly wrong, and for most people that isn't an option, because really who wants to lose a great friend?0 -
Yeah, guys have it too.
Same as the rest of the people who commented, it's for a girl you like, but well... you know... you just don't feel like it (chemistry or physical attraction mostly).
If you feel like it physically but she's quite thick/not mentally compatible, then you could try to put her in the FWB zone, if this fails I'd probably not bother "friend zoning" her (remember: we're not compatible mentally).
I've had girls going straight to the friends zone because I was unavailable at the time (had been with a girl for a while already).
Some girls present themselves as very friendly and very compatible with me but are missing a few core traits I am really looking for in a girl, so keeping their friendship appears as more valuable to me, so FZ quickly.
Men who wait too much/are too slow will end up there...
You can't really go out of the friend zone. Well, you can but you shouldn't be too present in the life of the girl you are after basically.
What most men do (and why they fail) is that, for one, they like being with the girl, and also they think that being with the girl a lot and being nice to her will make her like them more, but it just confirms you in the role of friend ("I like going out with X a lot, he is such a lovely friend!"). That's game over at this stage.
Better just disappear from her life for x months, then suddenly come back unexpectedly after say 6 months - 1 year and check the status. But better even is to move on to be honest...0 -
I think the friend zone goes both ways... I've been in it, and put people in it. I did date someone cause he was a "Great Guy" but I wasn't attracted to him. Huge mistake - I only hurt him.
The only way to get out? Make some change to be more desirable possibly - let's face it, the geek makeover CAN work. A new hair-do, weight-loss, new style, etc... Also, jealousy can sometimes work - once you meet and move on to someone else, someone may realize they missed out.
However, are either of the above somewhere you'd want to be? If you weren't good enough in the first place, find someone that loves you for you...0 -
This one hits too close to home in a different way for me.... The person who recently broke my heart is a pretty well-connected guitarist and has women swooning over him all the time. He doesn't ever get intimate with them, but he is free and easy with the friends and students in a way that he never felt comfortable with me. I ended up being jealous because he would share things with his female friends that were too sensitive to share with me. I was also kind of disgusted with the dynamic because they are all obsessed with him (we women cal just TELL about these things) and they are all hoping that if they stick around long enough and make him realize how much they love him, he will one day just open his eyes and.... well, ya know.... So - "they" are all still in touch with him and are not able to get on with their lives. As for me... still hurting, but no longer in contact with him or them... I am hoping that is the right move.
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I think I was put in the friend zone by a guy because I live too far away and I am older than him. I think if he lived nearer I would be out the zone! :laugh: If only as a FWB!! But I know he adores me and if circumstances were different we would get jiggly!
As for guys I put in the FZ, they are usually just not my type either sexually or relationship wise, or both. Might be someone that drinks too much or does drugs - nice people but just not the kind of hassle I need to put up with.
Nothing wrong with male friends. My friends tend to last longer than my boyfriends!! :ohwell:0 -
I don't know what to think about the friend zone because sometimes I love having guy friends and other times I hate it. A lot of the guys who are my friends are really great guys and I would totally date them if circumstances were different. I guess I'm weird like that, as me "feeling it" for someone is more based on how they treat me than on how they look.
I hate being put in a guy's friend zone, though, because I never know if he likes me or if I'm just a friend. I've made a fool of myself in the past thinking a guy liked me because we spent so much time together only to find out that he really only thought of me like a sister.
OTOH, I ruined things with a guy I really liked by thinking he had put me in the friend zone and moving on too soon. I found out later when I broke up with the other guy that my friend had really been interested romantically. But by time he told me, my heart was too damaged to enter into another relationship.0 -
Nothing wrong with male friends. My friends tend to last longer than my boyfriends!! :ohwell:
I love my guy friends! They treat me so well it's gonna be hard to just settle for someone who stands me up or never pays me attention til he's lonely.
But I get along with guys so much better than woman that it can hinder my dating life: I visited my best guy friend a couple months ago, and he asked me about a guy I'd been hanging out with. I was like, "uh, we're not dating...we're just friends zero interest." He told me that the way facebook looked to him, we were practically engaged, and that if I wanted to a true relationship, I needed to stop spending so much time with this guy. I dismissed my bgf's thought until this other guy moved and people at church wondered why I wasn't moving with him!0 -
Ive been put in the "friend zone" many times and even made it to the "dead zone" (when a guy just stops talking to you)
Lol I know that's sad0 -
I must be the exception :huh: I love my guy friends, there is often quite a lot of chemistry. It's just that I/we know we wouldn't be good in a realtionship, or they are otherwise attached. The single ones - I must admit at times I have been very, very tempted to see if we could be compatible. But always it's the hesitation, the fact that I know that with the right guy I wouldn't doubt my feelings, that stops me. I'm no longer content to settle for just an OK relationship and I'd hate to ruin a great friendship.0
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I was once placed in the friends zone. Woman thought I was a player so she didn't want to date me. Till she realized I'm not that type. We eventually dated a bit but then I got to find out she was crazy!!!0
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The only way to get out? Make some change to be more desirable possibly - let's face it, the geek makeover CAN work. A new hair-do, weight-loss, new style, etc... Also, jealousy can sometimes work - once you meet and move on to someone else, someone may realize they missed out.Then when I was 20 I saw him again and he had grown into a tall handsome confident guy (yuck). I was gaga for him right away within 2 minutes
Definitely agree with both of these posts. I think you have to change in a big way to get moved out of the friend zone. The guy I'm kind of crushing on right now - we've been friends for four years, but since I lost weight, I think he saw me in a different way? I'm not sure why now but it's fine by me!0 -
I put guys in the friend zone if our personalities aren't compatible for dating. For example I have one friend there because he doesn't push me into trying something new. I like men who help push me into trying something new/out of the ordinary. I am that friend for him, I make him try new stuff.
He's a great catch, for somebody else. He also has lots of female friends in the friend zone. He is a little strange, most of his exes are in the friend zone too.
Last time I got friends zoned, he said "you are so cute, like my sister." #fail!0
