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Sooo disappointed in myself...

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KahloKat
KahloKat Posts: 12 Member
in Social Groups
For the last couple of days I've been trying not to eat a lot, but when I get home I eat whatever I can find, I stuff myself and then I vomit everything eash time. It had been several months since I did this on regular basis. I don't wanna relapse on bulimia again.
I should have more control over my actions...and also I've been very irritable and agresive. Even to people on the street I don't even know.
I'm sad, I just want to have a normal relationship with food...
Anyone going trough the same?

I'd like to chat with someone just to stop thinking about my weight obsession.

Replies

  • EllaScarlet
    EllaScarlet Posts: 165 Member
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    Oh my goodness bulimia is just the most horrible thing. It took over my life, obsessed me, and destroyed my happiness for long periods of time.

    It has not been easy to recover - but I have got there, gradually. But you HAVE to eat enough. I have come to the conclusion that if you have bulimic tendencies then you just cannot CANNOT go on any diet that makes you feel like you are restricting your food. As soon as I reduce my calories I just want to b/p. And if I get that idea in my head then there is not much I can do to stop it.

    I went straight from anorexia to bulimia and my metabolism was screwed. I think it is only just back to what it should be. BUT - I am eating over 2000 calories most days and am still losing weight. Please do not starve yourselves - try to eat 3 meals with healthy snacks in between, don't deprive yourself, and don't beat yourself up too much.

    Also I have recently given up refined sugar as it was a huge trigger for me and messed with my blood sugar - and giving it up seem to have helped :)
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    I support you.. You guys, just make a 1 day goal for now. Just today.

    Eat enough today. Log whatever you eat. Part of why I haven't done if for so long is that I gave myself permission to eat enough. Give yourself permission for today.

    Ive been having 1500 to 2000 calories a day. And even thou I'm not at my target weight, I feel so much better. Start with a breakfast. Log it. Be okay with it. And then lunch... a snack... Dinner...

    You can do it. Your going to feel better. The longer you do this, the more your your metabolism will improve, and you will burn it off, instead of having it make you gain. I know its hard. Its not easy. But its not "Mission Impossible" It is possible.

    You can do it. I'm rooting for you. :smile:
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    I know what you mean about punishing yourself.
    I punished myself half my life, because I thought I was a bad person for many years. But I wasn't. The criminal was the bad person. Not me.

    Do you think this is a form of making yourself suffer, or punishing yourself for something that has happened to you, or something that you did yourself? Mine was.

    Is it that, you can do really good all day, then at night have those times of b & p ?
  • cowlover22
    cowlover22 Posts: 309 Member
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    I agree when you try to restrict your calories that is when you are setting yourself up for that B&P> If you dont feel like you are depriving yourself of anything than that urge to B isnt there as much. Atleast that is what I found. Peoples idea of a binge is very different. For some it is eating everything insight. For others it is eating a regular meal so even though I might not "B" the same it is the same in my mind. so if I plan things out I find I am much likely less to P . That is just something that has worked for me in the past..
    I agree with the feelings of being a bad person. No matter how hard I try I cant seem to convince my therapist that I am a bad person..she tells me that people did bad things to me but it doesnt make me a bad person. If I could only get over that!
  • KahloKat
    KahloKat Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you all for your replies! I haven't been around for a while so I wan't able to read this before. It feels really good to be understood. People around me always say that they know what I go through but I know that they just can't and think it's I choice I make and that I can stop whenever I want.
    I am still having these binge/purge episodes and people have told me that I've gained weight, which is not helping at all!!
    Seriously, Bulimia it's a *****!!!
    Thank you again!!

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