stay home or go out with "couple friends"?
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swimmchick87
Posts: 458 Member
I find myself in this situation all of the time, because all of my close friends in this area are in serious relationships. I'm planning on moving in about 3 months, so I'm just not even interested in looking for a relationship at the moment. I HATE being the 3rd/5th wheel. I feel incredibly awkward, especially when I'm just out with one friend and her b/f. I guess it would be better if I'd been friends with both of them before they started dating, but I didn't know any of the people my friends are dating before they were a couple so they're just "so and so's boyfriend" to me. So I'm stuck between being out and feeling awkward, or staying home alone all of the time, neither of which I want to do. I really, really miss having single friends around! My friend wants to go out for St. patty's tomorrow, which I usually LOVE doing, and it's even on a Saturday this year! However, I know she always invites her boyfriend and I feel really weird when it's me and the two of them. I don't dislike her b/f, but we're definitely not friends or anything. So if anyone else is in the same situation...
Do you prefer to go out and be the "3rd wheel" or just stay in?
Do you prefer to go out and be the "3rd wheel" or just stay in?
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Always go out!!! Seriously, though, all of my friends are in dating relationships. I just make sure that their significant others are comfortable with me. The best way to do this is to talk to the guy in the relationship as if he's your brother, aka, totally cool with, but absolutely no way there will ever be a romantic aspect!
Situations are only awkward if you make them that way. Nobody thinks you're a loser just because you're single and hanging out with a couple. Just relax and have fun...it's way better than sitting at home by yourself all the time.0 -
I'm not in this situation right now (I'm connected to a couple of GREAT church singles groups) but I've been in it a couple times. Here are some things I tried:
I tried to befriend my girl's b/f (he was SO NOT my type romantically, and my friend knew that) so when we hang out lit's more like a group than me tagging along with a couple (like Kate suggested).
One time I seriously had to just make some new friends to hang out with. It hurt, but it hurt more to feel like I was unwanted or only invited out of pity. Since you're moving in 3 months, that might not work.
When going out with all couples, I practice my "friend making skills," getting to know people in that locale. You could try that when you 3 go out, so you feel less like a 3rd wheel. If my friend is happy to have me hang out with her and her b/f, this is what I would prefer to do just so we can hang out and they can still have some couple time during parts of the night. If I feel like she's only inviting me out of pity, or her b/f will be resentful (which has happened) then I would rather go out on my own. But I won't stay home feeling mopey.0 -
When going out with all couples, I practice my "friend making skills," getting to know people in that locale. You could try that when you 3 go out, so you feel less like a 3rd wheel. If my friend is happy to have me hang out with her and her b/f, this is what I would prefer to do just so we can hang out and they can still have some couple time during parts of the night. If I feel like she's only inviting me out of pity, or her b/f will be resentful (which has happened) then I would rather go out on my own. But I won't stay home feeling mopey.
TBH, I'm not really sure the reason why this girl always invites me to go out with them. When she was single the two of us went out all of the time together, so I can't tell if she just feels bad or really wants me to go. She'll ask me if I want to do something, and then when she comes to pick me up or when we're in the car, she'll say, "Oh yeah, b/f is coming too so let's swing by there." I'm a person who is pretty easy to read, so I would guess that she could tell I'm uncomfortable. Her b/f is not a bad guy or anything (not someone I wouldn't want her to date or anything like that) but he's someone I just have a really hard time connecting with. He may resent that I'm there- again, not sure. If we're out at a club or something and I've had a few drinks, I have no problem going around talking to people. I think it's *super* awkward when they're dancing together and I'm just there, so I try to "make new friends" and go dance somewhere else. Last time I went up to a group of girls and just said something like "Hey, the friend I came with brought her boyfriend to the club...mind if I hang out with you all?" I was totally fine with that, but my friend kept following me and seemingly wanting to be right next to me (with the b/f) all night. Tomorrow another girl might come with us, but she's engaged and I would assume she'd bring her fiance. I would LOVE to just make new friends- it's really hard though b/c this is a very small area and I don't really have any outlets to meet people outside of work. There aren't any meet up groups in my area or anything like that and due to the are most people are tourists/seasonal and not locals. It's one of the big reasons I'm moving. Literally every other person at my work is married, engaged, or in a serious relationship, and none of them ever want to hang out without their SO's. Even when we go to happy hour after work, somehow by the end all of the SO's end up there with us. I can be pretty shy and I don't think I could ever just go out totally by myself and be able to meet people unless it was a meetup group or something where everyone was there for the same reason. Plus, given it's such a small area, if I told my friend I didn't want to go and then went out by myself, we'd likely end up in the same place anyway! On the one hand, of course I don't want to sit at home all of the time, but on the other hand when I go out in situations like this I find myself not enjoying it at all and wishing I could just go home.0 -
I would rather stay home. And I am always the person that wants to go out.
I have done stuff with couple friends before and I always regret it. You end up sitting there while the two of them talk about stuff that is personal to them. And then if they do dance, like you said, you feel like you're invading. It's not too comfortable to dance alone. I learned not to even bother anymore.
Or I would say to the friend (since it seems like she always invites you), "Hey would you want to go out tonight just the two of us? It would be fun to have some girl time and grab some drinks/dance?" If you ask first, and state your expectations, maybe she will respect them. And if she ends up asking to swing by to pick the BF up, I would say, "oh I thought we were just going out. I didn't know that you invited __________."
But honestly, if she seems to pull that move a lot, she's not a very good friend to you if she doesn't listen to you. At least you're moving soon. Hopefully you will meet better friends!0 -
Stay in. It's about you and advancing your goals. If you are not advancing your goals or getting something out of the equation, stay in and save money.0
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I would rather stay home. And I am always the person that wants to go out.
I have done stuff with couple friends before and I always regret it. You end up sitting there while the two of them talk about stuff that is personal to them. And then if they do dance, like you said, you feel like you're invading. It's not too comfortable to dance alone. I learned not to even bother anymore.
Or I would say to the friend (since it seems like she always invites you), "Hey would you want to go out tonight just the two of us? It would be fun to have some girl time and grab some drinks/dance?" If you ask first, and state your expectations, maybe she will respect them. And if she ends up asking to swing by to pick the BF up, I would say, "oh I thought we were just going out. I didn't know that you invited __________."
But honestly, if she seems to pull that move a lot, she's not a very good friend to you if she doesn't listen to you. At least you're moving soon. Hopefully you will meet better friends!
Yeah, to give her some credit I've never specifically told her I didn't want to go out with her b/f. I'm really bad at confrontation. When she asks me to do something I feel like it's really rude to say, "Well, who is going?" It's just the culture of the area I guess, everyone does everything in couples. In the past, when I've been in relationships (not in this area) I've certainly never invited my b/f out with me every time I went somewhere or every time I hung out with my friends. It's not just this one friend- she just happens to be the one I spend the most time with outside of work- everyone seems to do everything with their SO all of the time. Today six of us went to happy hour after work and within the hour all of their SO's were there- and it's not even like the SO's are friends with each other or the other people we work with either.
A girl's night is a good suggestion though. And you're right, if I say that and she proceeds to invite b/f anyway, she's not the best friend anyway.
I am SO excited to be moving- I cannot wait to get out of this area!0 -
Life is too short to stay at home!!!!!!!!!
Go out. Chat with your friend. Chat with other people. Give a nice fella the eye!! Stop WORRYING about WHY she's asking you out, and be grateful that you have a friend you can go out with!! (Some people don't have friends and are very lonely!! Stuck in on their own every night, without a choice!!) She is looking after you and I LOVE my friends that have the sense and love and respect for me to invite me out!!
Every single one of my friends are coupled up too!! Last week I hosted a dinner party with 3 couples and me!! I had a GREAT time!! Funnily enough, all 3 guys are my previous long term friends and their current girlfriends, I'm just getting to know!
As I said, life is too short - just go out! You never know who you might meet!! There is certainly more chance of meeting someone out than if you stay in. Look at it as an adventure, have a great time!!...........good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Yeah, to give her some credit I've never specifically told her I didn't want to go out with her b/f. I'm really bad at confrontation. When she asks me to do something I feel like it's really rude to say, "Well, who is going?" It's just the culture of the area I guess, everyone does everything in couples. In the past, when I've been in relationships (not in this area) I've certainly never invited my b/f out with me every time I went somewhere or every time I hung out with my friends. It's not just this one friend- she just happens to be the one I spend the most time with outside of work- everyone seems to do everything with their SO all of the time. Today six of us went to happy hour after work and within the hour all of their SO's were there- and it's not even like the SO's are friends with each other or the other people we work with either.
A girl's night is a good suggestion though. And you're right, if I say that and she proceeds to invite b/f anyway, she's not the best friend anyway.
I am SO excited to be moving- I cannot wait to get out of this area!
If everyone brings their SO to happy hour it definitely sounds like the culture where you live! I don't think anyone where I live would think it call up their SO and invite them to a work happy hour! I bet moving can't come soon enough haha0
