Never Been On A Date

RoboLikes

I am 27 years old and have never been on a date. I have never been in love or had a boyfriend or been in a relationship.

It has kind of been one of those things where I kept thinking that it will happen, someone will want me eventually. Those thoughts are starting to be replaced with it will probably never happen, and no one wants me. I don’t mind being independent and single, but now that my friends are starting to get married and have children I’m realizing what I could miss out on a little later in life.

I know I’m still semi-young, but I constantly think, if it was going to happen, wouldn’t it have happened already?

christine24t

I definitely have the same feelings as you. I'm a few years younger, but I definitely feel the same about that I think one day it will happen, but I don't know. I think the more you think about it, the more it wears on you and the more self-conscious you become about it. When people and family members say, "so are you dating someone?" it's almost like it's embarrassing to answer no. That isn't so bad as never being kissed though. I feel somewhat ashamed of that fact. I'm the only one of my friends who has never been kissed, and all except one have had boyfriends before. I have been on a date before, but it was a blind date set up by my friend, so it wasn't the guy asking me out. So it half counts haha.

I think though, people are getting married later in life. While in history, you and me might have been considered "old maids" haha, now days it is not the same. I don't think you should give up. Some people don't honestly meet someone until they're older. And I think it usually goes that once you stop caring, someone usually comes along. And sometimes it is someone unexpected. I think we both have to stop focusing on it so much - I really do think, like I said before, that it hinders you.

And like you said, you don't mind being independent and single, but it sucks when people are coupled up and you're alone. That is a lot of for me too. It's awkward being the third wheel, so I try and hang out with my single friends. Then my feelings go away. But when I hang with couples, those disappointing feelings come back.

I'm rambling so I'll stop! But just letting you know you are not alone.

AnnaPixie

silly question, but have you girls tried dating sites?

catherine4211

If you want it to happen you have to get out there and make it known you are interested. Do social things that you enjoy and you will end up meeting people with similiar interests. Friends first - best way to go!

Saruman_w

Neither have I.

christine24t

silly question, but have you girls tried dating sites?

I have a match.com account but I am too cheap to pay for it. So I just browse people.

flimflamfloz

If you want it to happen you have to get out there and make it known you are interested. Do social things that you enjoy and you will end up meeting people with similiar interests. Friends first - best way to go!

I was going to say the same thing.

Technically, it could happen that you will find someone by chance even though you didn't do anything about it, in fact it has happened for some people.
But for most people, dating or, better, finding someone they love is something they must do actively!

Although sometimes it is better to be on your own that with someone that you feel is not a "perfect" match, the fact that you haven't dated yet is IMHO a handicap for your dating life (you don't know the ropes, probably lack confidence and are overly worried about it).

Even though you might one day meet "the one" by chance, will you be able to grab that opportunity when it presents itself without any prior dating experience?

If I were you, I'd try to date for a while just for the sake of dating (without being too picky, without any intention of being involved seriously). So that you can learn the ropes, so that you don't stress about it too much. So that you increase the chances of meeting the hypothetical "one" as well (eh, if you don't go out there, you won't meet him!).
Who knows, one of these "dates" might grow into something more.

They are many mistakes to be made, so it would better for you to do them now rather than when you are 35+ y.o.

You can try speed dating, dating website (POF is free for the cheap people!), meetup website (via activities), MFP (ladies, I am single! :laugh: ) or obviously meeting people here and there in the street/shopping centre/etc.

Oh, and I'm sure you are perfectly normal girls/guys, so it's just a matter of perhaps opening yourself a little bit more and being more relaxed/confident about it! (and it has nothing to do with "people not wanting you", I'm sure a lot of people that you have met in your life would have tried the dating thing with you had they been more "ballsy").

DMZ_1

silly question, but have you girls tried dating sites?

I have a match.com account but I am too cheap to pay for it. So I just browse people.

PlentyOfFish (www.pof.com) and OkCupid (www.okcupid.com) are free sites.

RoboLikes

If you want it to happen you have to get out there and make it known you are interested. Do social things that you enjoy and you will end up meeting people with similiar interests. Friends first - best way to go!

If I were you, I'd try to date for a while just for the sake of dating (without being too picky, without any intention of being involved seriously). So that you can learn the ropes, so that you don't stress about it too much. So that you increase the chances of meeting the hypothetical "one" as well (eh, if you don't go out there, you won't meet him!).
Who knows, one of these "dates" might grow into something more.

They are many mistakes to be made, so it would better for you to do them now rather than when you are 35+ y.o.

I don't think I'm being picky nor am I someone that stays in and keeps to themselves. I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever. And I am pretty active. I go out often with friends, I do a ton of networking, go out with my coworkers, go out with friends coworkers, plays, gym, museums, etc.

christine24t

I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever.

This is it for me too. It's easy to say "get experiencing dating" but it's hard when no one asks you out!

mikey1976

some like to fill me in for what i hve been doing wrong my whole life. i have had one serious girlfriend and that it. if i had a time machine i would go back and kick my own butt so i wouldn't of date such a wich she was evil there a saying

its better to of loved then no love at all

it a lie. i would of been better off with out her putting me through so much pain. i literaly have trouble trusting people now. that was ten years ago i have been on 3 dates but nothing mooshy. i keep dreaming that some gale will want me for me and live a long happy life together like in the disney movies but come on i'm going on 36 this summer. i'm getting older and feel more alone then ever. i have no friends in real life so i can't meet someone through them. i have pof account that hasn't seen any mail in a few years. it so depresing some times. plus it doesn't help having to deal with social axiety but i can't say life sucks and i'm giving up because that what got me into trouble in the past so i just take each day for what it is because i refuse to give up on myself again like i did in the past thats my vent so my message to you all don't give up it will happen in time we can't controle other people into loving us until we love our selfves that my wise words for tonight

Kdingo

I am 27 years old and have never been on a date. I have never been in love or had a boyfriend or been in a relationship.

It has kind of been one of those things where I kept thinking that it will happen, someone will want me eventually. Those thoughts are starting to be replaced with it will probably never happen, and no one wants me. I don’t mind being independent and single, but now that my friends are starting to get married and have children I’m realizing what I could miss out on a little later in life.

I know I’m still semi-young, but I constantly think, if it was going to happen, wouldn’t it have happened already?

I'm pretty much in the same boat.:ohwell:

Don't worry though I'm sure you have a better chance than me and you are still young.:flowerforyou:

toots99

I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever.

This is it for me too. It's easy to say "get experiencing dating" but it's hard when no one asks you out!

So do the asking! :flowerforyou:

Katefab26

Seriously, try some of the free dating sites. Obviously there are going to be a lot of creepy people, but they are generally pretty easy to weed out (like if they ask what color panties you are wearing...don't go out with those :laugh: ), and there are going to be a least some genuinely nice guys on there. Even if you don't meet the love of your life, at least you're meeting new people, having a good time, and not focusing on your relationship status so much.

Another suggestion is to think of the kind of guy you're looking for (if you're 27, you must have at least a general idea). Aka, what does he do for work, where does he spend time, what are some things you would love to see yourself doing with your boyfriend, and then go out and do those things, hang out in those places, actively look for guys you would be interested in (not in a creepy, desparate way, of course), and then ask them out. Nothing serious, coffee is a good starter.

The one thing I can tell you NOT to do is to focus on the fact that you've never been on a date. As much as you might think you hide those negative thoughts really well, people tend to notice when you're not as happy as you say you are. Be approachable, don't say negative things about yourself around others, smile like you're the hottest girl in the room, and don't be afraid to compliment a guy's appearance. They love it just as much as we do

JanieJack

I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever.

This is it for me too. It's easy to say "get experiencing dating" but it's hard when no one asks you out!

I second the suggestion to try a dating sites and writing a short, sweet profile (don't mention marriage! lol) ..even if it means paying for Match.com, since I had no luck with freebie sites. One thing I liked about the dating sites, even though there's a lot of creepers out there, is that getting all that male attention increased my confidence.

And for some reason, as soon as you get one date, it seems like guys from miles around can sense that you're datable so they start popping out the woodworks to ask you out (hence the whole "when it rains it pours" syndrome).

So instead of "dating just to date" you're dating to get seen, boost your confidence, and have fun- all of which will help in attracting "the one."

Showgirlbody

For one thing, I am 35 and never been in love nor had a long term relationship. I could think there is something wrong with me, but I also know that I haven't always put myself out there in a way that would benefit me in the long run. I had some flings that I knew wouldn't go anywhere with non threatening people that kept me away from being with a more suitable person, etc, etc. Probably a lot of self sabotage was involved as well because I wouldn't even try for the people that might have been a good fit because I figured they wouldn't like me. So, a lot of what is going on is within ourselves. I know you've seen much meaner or unattractive people that never seem to be without a mate or a date. There are so many variables that would put you in or out of the position of meeting someone great. I spent my 20's working and communting long hours for a thankless career in the entertainment industry. I would come home to my dog, eat dinner and go to bed to do it all over again. There wasn't a lot of effort to find the one. And spending my Friday nights watching 20/20 wasn't inviting Mr. Perfect to come find me either. I think waiting for things to happen for you is a bad idea. Nobody wants to be rejected and make the first move, including guys. And frankly, there are some mighty aggressive women these days who throw themselves at these guys and do tell them about their panties or even come on over and show them without any kind of date. Hanging out has pretty much taken over true dating because it's less pressure and doesn't feel like rejection. Anyway, I'm an old maid so who needs my advice but if you learn anything it's not to wait and assume that the stars will align and the great man of your dreams will come and find you and ask you. Sometimes you need to help fate along. I thought "it will happen when it happens" but it didn't because I didn't make a true, genuine effort to make it happen.
The original letter in Dear Abby was about a lady who was bothered that she wasn't getting approached or asked out. She thought dating was hopeless. She sent a follow up that I just read recently, and basically, she took the bull by the horns and made the first move so to speak and it was the right thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from me on Sept. 26, 2011. It was signed "Looking for a Date -- in the Future." Thank you for printing it, and I'd like to give you an update on my life.
I now realize that men have been approaching me quite frequently, but instead of showing outright interest and asking me for a date, they ask me to "hang out" or if I'm coming over to their place -- as if they're confirming plans we never made. Because of this I have been on a few dates that I didn't realize were dates until after the fact.
But I have also been on several real dates with one particular man I'm now seeing exclusively. When I saw him, I actually took the first step and introduced myself to him instead of waiting for him to notice and approach me. I'm so glad I did because although I always hoped that soul mates exist, I was hesitant to believe that "you just know." But I do! Better yet, he does, too. He's the kindest, most thoughtful, respectful man I have ever met, and I know I'm lucky to have found him.
I feel silly and disappointed in myself for having gotten married before without feeling this way, but I'm happily learning from my mistake. I hope you'll print this so it will give others hope when it feels like there is no hope to be had. Thanks again, Abby. -- HAPPY READER IN TRIANGLE, VA

toriaenator

I am 27 years old and have never been on a date. I have never been in love or had a boyfriend or been in a relationship.

It has kind of been one of those things where I kept thinking that it will happen, someone will want me eventually. Those thoughts are starting to be replaced with it will probably never happen, and no one wants me. I don’t mind being independent and single, but now that my friends are starting to get married and have children I’m realizing what I could miss out on a little later in life.

I know I’m still semi-young, but I constantly think, if it was going to happen, wouldn’t it have happened already?

I feel like the more you overthink it the worse it is...I know, **** advice. But I always find that when I think about how I'm looking for that person and such, then it never happens. And the unexpected times where I'm not thinking about it is when I find someone. But yea going along with everyone else, be open minded and put yourself out there. Its possible than your independence makes guys feel like you wouldn't want to date them! Just a theory but yea.. also if a guy seems cool and you can do so in a casual way, ask him out!

Don't worry! I'm a firm believer that there is someone for everyone

maria1113

I am 27 years old and have never been on a date. I have never been in love or had a boyfriend or been in a relationship.

It has kind of been one of those things where I kept thinking that it will happen, someone will want me eventually. Those thoughts are starting to be replaced with it will probably never happen, and no one wants me. I don’t mind being independent and single, but now that my friends are starting to get married and have children I’m realizing what I could miss out on a little later in life.

I know I’m still semi-young, but I constantly think, if it was going to happen, wouldn’t it have happened already?

I'm pretty much in the same boat.:ohwell:

I'm there with you guys too although I have been on few dates. It's been years since the last date.

I actually have been wondering that where do people meet these days? I don't go out to party that much, it's just not my thing. I don't meet any guys through my hobbies.
Also, I'm not one of those strikingly beautiful women, I'm more like one of those you don't notice or remember ever seeing.

AnnaPixie

Some great advice on here. I agree you need to get yourself out there and make it happen. A date is a very simple thing, its just 2 people having a chat. You shouldnt be scared of it or feel like you are past it, or need to be asked!

The next guy you bump into that you like the look of, ask him if he fancies a coffee!!

Sign up to POF and the first guy that takes your fancy, meet him!

You know your friends brother or brothers friend? See if he fancies bowling or something?

None of these may amount to anything, but it will break the ice and change your emphasis from dating to just going out and meeting people. I think you need to stop giving the word 'date' so much importance. Then you'll relax about it more. And then it will happen. Remember, its all about CONFIDENCE. And since when do confident women sit back and wait......... Get out there and grab the bull by the horns!!!

good luck :flowerforyou:

Steelheart7

Neither have I.

You are freaking adorable ?? how is that even possible?

Steelheart7

I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever.

This is it for me too. It's easy to say "get experiencing dating" but it's hard when no one asks you out!

So do the asking! :flowerforyou:

YES! Although, I don't think I could ever ask someone out .. so it is easy for me to say ... just ask them, when I probably wouldn't either. lol.

I have to say I am shocked. You guys are all so adorable! I can't imagine this is possible. Maybe you put out a vibe that you aren't aware of. hm.

pa_jorg

I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever.

This is it for me too. It's easy to say "get experiencing dating" but it's hard when no one asks you out!

So do the asking! :flowerforyou:

YES! Although, I don't think I could ever ask someone out .. so it is easy for me to say ... just ask them, when I probably wouldn't either. lol.

I have to say I am shocked. You guys are all so adorable! I can't imagine this is possible. Maybe you put out a vibe that you aren't aware of. hm.

I completely understand that it's much easier said than done to ask someone out. While I have been on dates and been in serious relationships in the past, there isn't anyone I've come in contact with recently that I'm even remotely interested in. Makes it hard to do the asking when there is no one to ask!! I think your best bet is just be open to whatever happens and do your best to put yourself into new situations where you might meet new people - try online dating, keep posting here on MFP, have you done things through meetup.com? Go with your friends to new restaurants or even by yourself to coffee shops, etc. New places and situations usually = new people to meet.

And you guys are all so cute and fun, I'm sure someone great will be waiting around the corner for you soon!

dbrightwell1270

I don't think I'm being picky nor am I someone that stays in and keeps to themselves. I don't date just for the sake of dating because I have never been asked out before. By anyone. Ever. And I am pretty active. I go out often with friends, I do a ton of networking, go out with my coworkers, go out with friends coworkers, plays, gym, museums, etc.

Most of what you described is being part of a group. Have you considered doing things where you aren't always in a group? It is much harder to approach someone when they are in a group.