would you downplay your education on a dating site?

dbrightwell1270

I've got the impression on several occasions that women were intimidated because they thought I may be too smart for them without even meeting me. This comes from a few friends who tried to set me up with someone they thought would be a good match or from a few gals I met through online sites that said they almost didn't respond to a message I sent because they thought I'd be either so smart it would make them feel dumb or I would be a total nerd like one of the guys on Big Bang theory.

I have a PhD in economics and have considered just marking graduate degree rather than PhD in the education field. It feels like a lie so I haven't done it but at the same time I feel like the PhD has an aura about it that makes it way more impressive and intimidating than an MS. What are your thoughts on this?

christine24t

Even though I hate to say this, because I believe in higher education, I definitely see it having a stigma like you described, about being too smart for people. Even in undergrad, sometimes people make comments that certain majors are smarter than others. This guy I know was talking about his stats class the other day, and I said, "I could never be your major, I'm not smart enough." Even just hearing about the class, the information went right over my head

I would mark graduate degree, and then if you're talking with a woman, and it comes up, you can tell her, "Actually I have a PhD in economics." After she gets to know you, it shouldn't be intimidating. But if she doesn't have a vested interest in you and she hears you are crazy smart, it might scare her away.

AnnaPixie

Short answer: NO!!

If you can't be who you are, then what's the point? Besides, dont you want to attract someone compatible? Someone that would be on your intellecual level? Someone you 'click' with? Surely if she's intimidated by your PhD then she's not the one for you anyhow?

:bigsmile:

DMZ_1

Mark graduate degree and be done with it. Next! There are bigger things to worry about.

mznisaelaine

Never downplay your education in any situation!!

In my opinion, intelligence is sexy!

lorro

Well it may be a problem for some but on the other hand, it will be attractive to a smart woman. In short, it depends whom you want to attract

I have exactly the same problem when people ask about my work and have done both at different times - been up front or vague so as to conceal.

Katefab26

Hmm...you had me at PhD

JanieJack

Never downplay your education in any situation!!

In my opinion, intelligence is sexy!

I'm surprised to hear a guy actually has this problem. I thought that would be an "attractor" for women looking for a smart guy with good earning potential. And plus, if you have a PhD, you probably want someone intelligent who would be attracted to your mental strength.

I know women have this problem all the time. I don't even have a PhD, lol, but my friends and I have a running joke: When I don't think I like a guy, but he's too nice of a personality to immediately shut down, first I tell him I'm a single mom (if he doesn't already know). That often drives them away. If not, the next bit of information is my nuclear engineering masters. I do have one more trick in the bag if that doesn't work, but usually when I mention the degree their eyes glaze over and the conversation ends quickly.

So, yeah, if I had a PhD I would not mark that on my dating profile. I would let it come out in conversation.

AllanMisner

Just misspell a few things in your dating profile. That'll convince them you're not so smart. :drinker:

Moe4572

Just misspell a few things in your dating profile. That'll convince them you're not so smart. :drinker:

HAHAH...this is so true

yoovie

I think having a PhD in economics sounds like probably the most boring job in the world, to an outsider like me, and combined with a possible lack of attraction- I would say I was 'intimidated'- to be nice about the way I deliver the news that Im just not that into you.

mammothdoll

You're a bit old for me but I would date an economist. But I've spent a lot of time around economists, and I basically grew up on the Caltech campus. Maybe you should just aim a bit higher when it comes to the ladies.

j4nash

Nope. Be proud of accomplishments, don't hide behind them.

2stepz

As a chick working on my PhD in engineering, I feel for you. It's NOT easy... but my rule is to just be who I am. I can't be comfortable being someone I'm not, and if I'm not comfortable, I'm not attractive.

I say admit it. If she can't handle it, she's not for you anyway.

castadiva

I've thought about downplaying my education/intellect both online and in real life, and in the end, I just can't bring myself to do it. I want someone who likes me as the person I am, not because I've pretended to be someone or something that I'm not. Your PhD might lose you a few possibilities, but it's a big green flag for a woman whose educational achievements are also significant or who appreciates erudite conversation and mental agility.

That said, sometimes a little judicious editing is called for, and 'Graduate degree' might widen the field a little, if you've not had much luck listing the PhD. Perhaps you could try it for a month or two, and see what results emerge.

shamrck44

Absolutely not. Be who you are. If someone is going to be intimidated by your education do you really want to date them? Personally I enjoy being around well educated people. I for some reason don't have the "science gene" and am pretty clueless, but seem to surround myself with people who work in science.

There are a lot of people that would love to meet you because of what you know. Economics is fascinating. You may not get a lot of "hits" on your profile because of your education but the ones you get will be the right ones.

dbrightwell1270

Thanks for the thoughts and comments. I still haven't decided what I'll do but it was great to get advise from the forum as well as a few private messages. My thought when I wrote this was that the dating sites or friends talking about it are the only place that my education level would come up until I knew a gal well enough that she was over to my house (at which time she may notice the diploma hanging in my computer room).

The comments about being proud of your accomplishments and who you are were interesting. I don't really define myself by the PhD. It provides my livelihood and has given my a very unique and specialized set of skills but outside of work, I don't think I've had too many conversations about economics that were to any level of sophistication. Most of those came from a friend telling a random person I was an economist and the person wanting to argue about some sort of economic policy or the value of economics at all. The advanced discussions at that point were often more about getting the person to leave me alone than it was about having an informed conversation and dialogue.

I can only speculate about what percentage of ladies didn't answer a message because they felt intimidated but on the ocassions where friends said they knew someone I may like and then no meeting came up the main reason was he'll make me feel dumb. The ones I have met have said things like "I thought you'd be a nerd (or way too smart for me, these two run about 50/50) but your profile was funny so I at least wanted to meet you." The ones who've said that the PhD was the main reason they responded have been the ones I've been the least impressed with once we met. They somehow have the image that I'll be well read and discuss classic novels, plays and theater performance or be looking forward to going on wine tasting trips to vineyards or anitiquing or things that are generally classified as 'sophisticated" for a lack of a better word.

My interests aren't all that sophisticated. I grew up as a jock and a gym rat and all but the few who knew me well most likely wonder how I ever got admitted to college let alone finished a PhD. I like to get out and exercise when the weather is nice and hit the treadmill when it isn't, hit the weights a few days a week, BBQ with friends and catch a game, travel, etc. Intelligence is important to me and an unintelligent woman would bore the hell out of me and most likely be frustrated by my sense of humor. The main reason I was asking about listing a graduate degree instead was that it would still signal intelligence and ambition while not having as much of the "sophisticated" or nerdy or way too smart image associated with it.

Meghan0116

I've got the impression on several occasions that women were intimidated because they thought I may be too smart for them without even meeting me. This comes from a few friends who tried to set me up with someone they thought would be a good match or from a few gals I met through online sites that said they almost didn't respond to a message I sent because they thought I'd be either so smart it would make them feel dumb or I would be a total nerd like one of the guys on Big Bang theory.

I have a PhD in economics and have considered just marking graduate degree rather than PhD in the education field. It feels like a lie so I haven't done it but at the same time I feel like the PhD has an aura about it that makes it way more impressive and intimidating than an MS. What are your thoughts on this?

NOOOOO. Be proud of your education and the right woman will think you are even sexier for it.

hcoburn37

Nope, I have 2 degrees, one in education and one in business management, if they can’t handle it then I’m not for them.

meshashesha2012

no way. i have a ba in physics and a masters in french lit, so ive definitely met my share of peopke who assume their intellect intimidates the opposite sex. in reality i can honestly say these people ( at least the ones ive met)were jerks and just used their degree as an easy way to not correct their own behavior. and on the chance that there is someone who wont lije the fact that you have a phd, why would you want to lie to be with them? what happens when they find out the truth if you get serious?? it just seems like something so silly to lie about, especially since once the truth is discovrred the other person is going to think 'if hed lie about something so unimportant, then what else is he lying about?'


ive found the key to avoiding looking like an egghead is by being interrsting and having many things to talk about. for online dating profiles you want to sound like an approachable human being who isn't going to be someone so socially awkwsrd they won't want to bring you around friends and family. also peopke need to stop wearing their degrres as some sort of badge of honor when you're dating. i never tell anyone my degrees or majors when we first start dating because they want to get to know me as a person, not as a potential employee. i also avoid the while job conversation as well since none of that tells me who they are and if we might be compatible enough for a second or third date.

anyway i think the too smart excuse is about as lame as the too pretty excuse