Where's the "Line"?
pammbroo
Posts: 550 Member
Wanted to throw this out and see what y'all think....
I realize that many of you prefer not to sleep with someone until you are exclusive. And honestly, that would answer this question quite easily. lol
But for those of you who don't choose to wait for exclusivity, where is the line drawn between just "getting laid" and an actual "relationship". Can there be anything in-between or will it always be one or the other? And I would say this in the context of being with someone who you have an interest in and may consider a committed relationship with at some point (not really a FWB situation).
I realize that many of you prefer not to sleep with someone until you are exclusive. And honestly, that would answer this question quite easily. lol
But for those of you who don't choose to wait for exclusivity, where is the line drawn between just "getting laid" and an actual "relationship". Can there be anything in-between or will it always be one or the other? And I would say this in the context of being with someone who you have an interest in and may consider a committed relationship with at some point (not really a FWB situation).
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It's quite simple.. if you just want to sleep with them then it's just a hookup.. if you're willing to spend quality time with them and the sex is an added bonus then there is potential.0
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It's quite simple.. if you just want to sleep with them then it's just a hookup.. if you're willing to spend quality time with them and the sex is an added bonus then there is potential.
Exactly!0 -
When you're hooking up, you only talk about hooking up. When you start really talking about life, beliefs, feelings, then it becomes something else. That's when you have to figure out whether it is exclusive or not. The hard part is knowing if there is more than just the chemical (I want you). That usually takes a month or so.0
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It's quite simple.. if you just want to sleep with them then it's just a hookup.. if you're willing to spend quality time with them and the sex is an added bonus then there is potential.
Hmmm someone might want to tell my FWB about this.... We spend hours just talking lol about everything. Saturday we got into a conversation about monagamy and he told me how his parents met lol. I think he is confused cause he still hasn't asked for anything more lol. Opinions please on how I can move this along :bigsmile: :blushing:0 -
A diagram!! Perfect!!! LOL
Thanks for sharing.
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Hmmm someone might want to tell my FWB about this.... We spend hours just talking lol about everything. Saturday we got into a conversation about monagamy and he told me how his parents met lol. I think he is confused cause he still hasn't asked for anything more lol. Opinions please on how I can move this along :bigsmile: :blushing:
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Getting to the next level may be tough as things are VERY comfortable right now. Has the friendship, has the nookie and has no commitment. At some point, you may need to ask him to make a decision whether to step up or walk away. Can be a tough decision. But only if you are unhappy with the current arrangement.0 -
I used to think that if someone is a friend, yet you still want to sleep with them then a relationship is just a matter of committment. I don't think that anymore though I think any great relationship has to have a foundation of friendship. Some might say pretty much all of my relationships were FWB, but it was more than getting laid. I think I would just consider us "seeing each other" or dating basically. We did coupley stuff but there was just a "thing" missing that would make me not want to have them as my boyfriend or call it a relationship. When I'm sleeping and hanging out with one person, I'm not really looking elsewhere or sleeping with other people so the exclusivity thing just happens but I would still not think that we were in a relationship. I don't know what the missing ingredient is besides lifestyle compatibility but there is a difference and it's just something I feel (or don't actually). And the f*** buddy is usually totally all sex, not even really pretending that you want to get to know each other below the surface but a little more intimate than one night stands. So it depends on each individual coupling. Some people like each other in multiple ways but know that they wouldn't make a good couple. And then sometimes one thinks friendship+sex = couple, and the other doesn't. That's when I say communication is essential to make sure you are on the same page.0
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One of my greatest disappointments in life was that when I became single I realised I wasn't cut out for casual hook ups. If I'm interested enough to want to sleep with a guy then I invest emotionally, I'm in a relationship and exclusivity follows fairly quickly. If either of us are not interested in exclusivity at that point then I'm out. I'm not as bothered about exclusivity beforehand.
So to answer your question, for me, regardless of the intention at the outset, a relationship follows or we stop sleeping together. I can go into a relationship being unclear as to it's status (ie which way things will go) - for me this is all about finding out what the potential in the relationship is.0 -
I honestly can't answer this. I mean I would say have to be exclusive -- that's just what I have always said and kind of believe. But who knows. I've only had one boyfriend - high school through most of college - total of 5 years. I haven't been on a date since and that's like 11-12 years. So who knows what I'd do. Never say never.0
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love this!!!! :bigsmile:0 -
I've always followed the "it has to be in a relationship" rule until recently. Rules are meant to be broken
. We consider ourselves dating and if I'm totally honest, it's exclusive at least on my side of the equation (I think it is on his too, but who knows...). We both see potential for a relationship, but we're just not there yet. Still, I had a minor panic attack that I had landed myself into a FWB situation and that's just not my thing. He's made it clear that he isn't looking for FWB either. 0 -
Exactly!0 -
Great visual. I think the FWB overlap should be slightly bigger, but I understand the general idea that the drawer was making. The overlap on Dating & Relationships is accurate.0 -
Great visual. I think the FWB overlap should be slightly bigger, but I understand the general idea that the drawer was making. The overlap on Dating & Relationships is accurate.
It should be an animation though...
From dating to relationships as depicted here, then over time you become 1 single circle (bliss), then the circles cross each other and exit from the other side (ok ok, I need some space of my own now, so get off my back!), and then you go your separate ways more and more as the circles move further from each other ("you're not coming home tonight?" "nah... Working on some projects" <= don't want to come home).
And then you split (circles are separated). That's until you hit another circle.
Successful and happy marriages are just for people whose circles are extremely slow to move, and a lifetime didn't suffice to bore them of each other.0 -
Great visual. I think the FWB overlap should be slightly bigger, but I understand the general idea that the drawer was making. The overlap on Dating & Relationships is accurate.
It should be an animation though...
From dating to relationships as depicted here, then over time you become 1 single circle (bliss), then the circles cross each other and exit from the other side (ok ok, I need some space of my own now, so get off my back!), and then you go your separate ways more and more as the circles move further from each other ("you're not coming home tonight?" "nah... Working on some projects" <= don't want to come home).
And then you split (circles are separated). That's until you hit another circle.
Successful and happy marriages are just for people whose circles are extremely slow to move, and a lifetime didn't suffice to bore them of each other.
Thanks for being so uplifting!
*I hope the sarcasm isn't lost here*0
