Go on date, or just forget it?

krissypea79

So about 2 weeks ago I met a guy on match. He was the "singled out just for you!" guy, hehe. Anyways, he looked handsome, and his profile was well-written, however not a ton in common, seemingly (he comes across a little self-centered, little bit of a workaholic, although there is nothing wrong with ambition, I like that), not to mention he mentions hating country music - dealbreaker? (I'm a hardcore country music fan), So...we exchange a couple of emails and texts (he doesn't say much, really. texts like "How r u" with not much of a reponse when I ask how he is - "busy and stressed"). I'm the kind of texter who uses emoticons, exclamation points, etc. to show excitement, etc, but I realize not everyone (especially not guys) is like that, which is fine.

We set a date for last Friday (it took him two days to figure out that Friday would work). Thursday night, he says he's really sorry but he's had a super busy week and has to postpone, asking me if I'm free Saturday (I was going out of town). I said no, but that some time this week would be fine. He apologized again and said he was looking forward to it still and thanked me for understanding. I texted him quick over the weekend just to say hi. He replied back "Hey...have fun!" That was Saturday....I hadn't texted him, and he hadn't texted, until just now when he says "Hey." I don't know. He isn't much of a conversationalist thus far, I don't feel any real connection, like I HAVE to meet this person...and he hasn't exactly been chompin' at the bit to meet me, either. I'm a little concerned that he's so busy that it's taken us 2 weeks to plan something. I guess I'm used to knowing a bit more about someone before we go on a date. I guess I'm wondering if I should go and see how it goes or just write it off that I just don't feel like we have enough of a connection. What would you guys do? Should I go? I guess I am just used to guys being more excited and wanting to communicate a bit more. While I do appreciate a guy with a good job, it is slightly alarming that he's always mentioning how busy and stressed he is. I don't even know what he does...all I really know is his age, first name, and height (and that he hates country music lol).

christine24t

I would just go for it! Sometimes things don't work out. You don't know how many times I've thought someone was mad or angry over text, and then I see them and they're fine and happy when I see them. Texting doesn't reveal a whole lot about a person. The fact that he is texting you shows that is thinking about you, and I think just because he doesn't respond too detailed doesn't mean anything.

Some people use technology well and others don't. I wouldn't write him off just yet! Just my two cents.

jilltaylor86

I say forget it. I've been on too many dates with guys that sound what you described, and it was a waste of time. He doesn't seem super interested because he's not dying to go out with you. Nobody is too busy or stressed to plan a few hours out with a cute girl. And if he truly is, he shouldn't be on a dating site. If it were me, I'd just ignore his texts and keep looking.

RoboLikes

I say go, why not? Some people really are terrible over the phone/ text (me for example, it takes me an hour to reply back to a text).

Moe4572

Go for it.....some people are just not good at texting....give him a chance

AnnaPixie

So about 2 weeks ago I met a guy on match. He was the "singled out just for you!" guy, hehe. Anyways, he looked handsome, and his profile was well-written, however not a ton in common, seemingly (he comes across a little self-centered, little bit of a workaholic, although there is nothing wrong with ambition, I like that), not to mention he mentions hating country music - dealbreaker? (I'm a hardcore country music fan), So...we exchange a couple of emails and texts (he doesn't say much, really. texts like "How r u" with not much of a reponse when I ask how he is - "busy and stressed"). I'm the kind of texter who uses emoticons, exclamation points, etc. to show excitement, etc, but I realize not everyone (especially not guys) is like that, which is fine.

We set a date for last Friday (it took him two days to figure out that Friday would work). Thursday night, he says he's really sorry but he's had a super busy week and has to postpone, asking me if I'm free Saturday (I was going out of town). I said no, but that some time this week would be fine. He apologized again and said he was looking forward to it still and thanked me for understanding. I texted him quick over the weekend just to say hi. He replied back "Hey...have fun!" That was Saturday....I hadn't texted him, and he hadn't texted, until just now when he says "Hey." I don't know. He isn't much of a conversationalist thus far, I don't feel any real connection, like I HAVE to meet this person...and he hasn't exactly been chompin' at the bit to meet me, either. I'm a little concerned that he's so busy that it's taken us 2 weeks to plan something. I guess I'm used to knowing a bit more about someone before we go on a date. I guess I'm wondering if I should go and see how it goes or just write it off that I just don't feel like we have enough of a connection. What would you guys do? Should I go? I guess I am just used to guys being more excited and wanting to communicate a bit more. While I do appreciate a guy with a good job, it is slightly alarming that he's always mentioning how busy and stressed he is. I don't even know what he does...all I really know is his age, first name, and height (and that he hates country music lol).

I've had this type of guy contact me a few times off dating sites. The workaholic! They aren't available for what I want out of a potential relationship, so I move on. I'm sure he is a very nice guy and works hard and would be a great provider, but my idea of a guy is someone 'available' to share life with/have fun with, so.........not my type.

Your call honey :flowerforyou:

Carl01

I guess I would give it a go if he wants to but my spidey sense is telling me not to put much long term thought into it unless he proves well worth it.
He already has ground to make up.

It is possible he is trying to be aloof so as not to appear clingly but hell,short of being in the CIA and on a mission to save the world what better way to forget about a busy or stressful week then with a date?
That he retreated into his private world (assuming he wasn`t flat out lying) is a red flag.

DMZ_1

Forget it, he's rude, self-centered and probably not worth your time. If a guy wants to be with a woman, he makes it happen.

Think about you. If you want to be a with a guy, you make it happen. You don't last minute cancel, you show up and you look hot. The same type of thoughts go around a guy's head when he wants a woman.

I've seen times where women are hard to schedule with due to work. Usually it is not worth going on the date with them. If they can't make time early on when they are on best behavior, what's going to happen later on?

There are one or two explanations for this...

1. This person isn't into you, and is more into someone else.
2. This person hasn't made making time for a relationship a priority.

You don't want either one.

lorro

I wouldn't bother. Already it sounds like a chore. But if you are curious about him in any way, then go for it

krissypea79

There are one or two explanations for this...

1. This person isn't into you, and is more into someone else.
2. This person hasn't made making time for a relationship a priority.

You don't want either one.

Ohhhh boy - if he isn't interested in me before he's even met me, I've got bigger problems than I thought!! hehehe :laugh: He's the one who "winked," AND initiated the date...but hey, it happens I suppose.

Although his "Hey" tonight would lead me to believe he still does want to go on the date....but his lack of enthusiasm has definitely made me question whether or not I want to now. Last week he did say how excited he was to meet me...but his actions and words are not adding up. I think he is one of those "too busy" guys, as someone else mentioned. If he's too busy to set up a quick date, what will it be like to be in a relationship with this person? I just don't know. I don't want to miss an opportunity, but at the same time, this isn't exactly how I envision my relationship starting...although it could be one of those "funny stories about how we met" down the road. Grrr who knows!

flimflamfloz

Dunno.

flimflamfloz

How did you like my answer?
Ok, on to a more elaborate answer now: I think there should be a reasonable effort made from both parts.

If a girl winks me and her profile is empty (says nothing about her) I don't reply.
If girl doesn't talk much (and if there isn't any plan to see each other), then I just leave it at that.

I like a good conversation especially when two people participate.

DMZ_1

his actions and words are not adding up.

Actions and words must match in order for things to work.

krissypea79

How did you like my answer?
Ok, on to a more elaborate answer now: I think there should be a reasonable effort made from both parts.

If a girl winks me and her profile is empty (says nothing about her) I don't reply.
If girl doesn't talk much (and if there isn't any plan to see each other), then I just leave it at that.

I like a good conversation especially when two people participate.

Agreed. I know that spending hours on the phone and texting all day before meeting is not the best approach, but I prefer SOME getting to know each other leading up to the date. He didn't even ask me what type of place I'd like to go for our date. The day he seemed most talkative text-wise, was last Saturday...which was St.Paddy's day, and I get the feeling that drinks had to do with this level of conversation, lol. I am a talker, and when I'm interested in meeting someone, I keep in touch. Perhaps he is playing the "I don't want to be clingy" game, but that's not necessary before meeting. I want the guy to show SOME level of enthusiasm about meeting me!

Hehe....not that I know you that well, but your first answer had me a little stumped...I've seen you be much more opinionated than that!

AnnaPixie

Dunno.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

yep! definitely drunk :laugh:

flimflamfloz

Hehe....not that I know you that well, but your first answer had me a little stumped...I've seen you be much more opinionated than that!

I know, it was just a trick for you to realise that it's nice when someone actually *care* about making some effort.
I have probably typed more words than your dude now! :laugh:

meshashesha2012

id say forget it. these are not the actions of a guy wanting to meet you, but more so of someone who's potentially saving you as a back up.

melg126

I say forget it. Don't waste your time on some guy who can't keep his word. If he can't give you a bit of his time... really? Most people our age even the men who don't like texting will then actually pick up the phone to speak to you. There are others ways to communicate if he doesn't like texting. I agree he seems to want a backup. Move on with your country boots!!! :flowerforyou:

Tropical_Turtle

If a guy wants to be with a woman - he would move mountains to make it happen! If this guy is not doing that, then I would say thank you for your time, but no thanks, and move on.

You dont need to waste your time wading in every tidepool

krissypea79

If a guy wants to be with a woman - he would move mountains to make it happen! If this guy is not doing that, then I would say thank you for your time, but no thanks, and move on.

You dont need to waste your time wading in every tidepool

I tend to agree - he isn't in any hurry to meet me or to get to know more about me...and you'd think he'd be concerned that I am going out on dates with other guys...which I haven't in the past two weeks, but I am about to start again!!

Cameron_1969

I didn't read all the posts on here. . so maybe it's been said. . but I say . . Kick him to the curb!

I was on match. In my opinion, you read a persons entire profile. . you learn a little about them. .you find something that clicks. . you write them about it. .and HOPE they reply. The fact that you got to texting phase with this guy without any real communication makes me figure he's a hottie and so isn't used to having to work very hard. . he figures you'll be there. . .waiting. . when he's ready for you. .

Looking at your pics. . You are a hottie yourself. .so don't let some dipsh*t make you think so hard.. When I contacted someone on match. . it was because I was interested. not because maybe I might think about someday letting her go out with me. . .that's what this douche sounds like to me. .

just sayin!

solman66

As a guy who hates texting and who's job often leaves him feeling "busy and stressed", I feel like I can relate to this guy a bit. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt on rescheduling first date thing. I've had plenty of times when something major comes up at work on a thursday and it ends up screwing over my friday plans.
The lack of communication is a bit odd though, don't have any excuses for that one. Even though I'm not big on texts, I'd still make an effort to call or e-mail a girl if I was interested.

All in all, it's just a date. If you think there's an attraction go for it, if not, there's other guys out there.

krissypea79

I didn't read all the posts on here. . so maybe it's been said. . but I say . . Kick him to the curb!

I was on match. In my opinion, you read a persons entire profile. . you learn a little about them. .you find something that clicks. . you write them about it. .and HOPE they reply. The fact that you got to texting phase with this guy without any real communication makes me figure he's a hottie and so isn't used to having to work very hard. . he figures you'll be there. . .waiting. . when he's ready for you. .

Looking at your pics. . You are a hottie yourself. .so don't let some dipsh*t make you think so hard.. When I contacted someone on match. . it was because I was interested. not because maybe I might think about someday letting her go out with me. . .that's what this douche sounds like to me. .

just sayin!

Aww well you're sweet...yeah I am usually pretty good at reading people (don't always listen to those readings, hehe), and this time I don't know, something just seems odd. Not that I expect a guy to chase me, but the amount of communication and level of interest he has shown in meeting me is just not there. I *sort of* understand him canceling Friday...although I was confused as to whether he had to cancel because his week was so busy and something came up, or that because his week was so busy he needed/wanted the night to do nothing. Personally, no matter how busy a week I had, if I were excited to meet someone, no amount of needing a night "off" would keep me from it. I suppose, however, that is where males and females differ.

Anyways, I haven't replied to his "Hey" text from earlier. From what I've seen of his communication, I am going to assume that if I don't reply at all, he isn't going to follow up. Part of me wonders if I should still go ahead and go on a date, but part of me thinks that I only feel that way because I sort of feel bad for "blowing him off" and it's in my nature to not want to hurt someone's feelings. I think he is interested in meeting, but it is just not a priority for him for whatever reason (perhaps the douche theory is right and that he isn't used to working for it). I need to sleep on it, I guess.

Cameron_1969

Aww well you're sweet...yeah I am usually pretty good at reading people (don't always listen to those readings, hehe), and this time I don't know, something just seems odd. Not that I expect a guy to chase me, but the amount of communication and level of interest he has shown in meeting me is just not there. I *sort of* understand him canceling Friday...although I was confused as to whether he had to cancel because his week was so busy and something came up, or that because his week was so busy he needed/wanted the night to do nothing. Personally, no matter how busy a week I had, if I were excited to meet someone, no amount of needing a night "off" would keep me from it. I suppose, however, that is where males and females differ.

Anyways, I haven't replied to his "Hey" text from earlier. From what I've seen of his communication, I am going to assume that if I don't reply at all, he isn't going to follow up. Part of me wonders if I should still go ahead and go on a date, but part of me thinks that I only feel that way because I sort of feel bad for "blowing him off" and it's in my nature to not want to hurt someone's feelings. I think he is interested in meeting, but it is just not a priority for him for whatever reason (perhaps the douche theory is right and that he isn't used to working for it). I need to sleep on it, I guess.

Cameron_1969

Aww well you're sweet...yeah I am usually pretty good at reading people (don't always listen to those readings, hehe), and this time I don't know, something just seems odd. Not that I expect a guy to chase me, but the amount of communication and level of interest he has shown in meeting me is just not there. I *sort of* understand him canceling Friday...although I was confused as to whether he had to cancel because his week was so busy and something came up, or that because his week was so busy he needed/wanted the night to do nothing. Personally, no matter how busy a week I had, if I were excited to meet someone, no amount of needing a night "off" would keep me from it. I suppose, however, that is where males and females differ.

Anyways, I haven't replied to his "Hey" text from earlier. From what I've seen of his communication, I am going to assume that if I don't reply at all, he isn't going to follow up. Part of me wonders if I should still go ahead and go on a date, but part of me thinks that I only feel that way because I sort of feel bad for "blowing him off" and it's in my nature to not want to hurt someone's feelings. I think he is interested in meeting, but it is just not a priority for him for whatever reason (perhaps the douche theory is right and that he isn't used to working for it). I need to sleep on it, I guess.

oops.. .

Ok. . here's the deal. now you have to go out with him so that my theory can be proven correct. . .I will document this in my thesis entitled "Why women date douches and torture themselves worrying about the feelings of their inferiors". .

it's a work in progress. .. I'll send you a copy when it's published.

krissypea79

Aww well you're sweet...yeah I am usually pretty good at reading people (don't always listen to those readings, hehe), and this time I don't know, something just seems odd. Not that I expect a guy to chase me, but the amount of communication and level of interest he has shown in meeting me is just not there. I *sort of* understand him canceling Friday...although I was confused as to whether he had to cancel because his week was so busy and something came up, or that because his week was so busy he needed/wanted the night to do nothing. Personally, no matter how busy a week I had, if I were excited to meet someone, no amount of needing a night "off" would keep me from it. I suppose, however, that is where males and females differ.

Anyways, I haven't replied to his "Hey" text from earlier. From what I've seen of his communication, I am going to assume that if I don't reply at all, he isn't going to follow up. Part of me wonders if I should still go ahead and go on a date, but part of me thinks that I only feel that way because I sort of feel bad for "blowing him off" and it's in my nature to not want to hurt someone's feelings. I think he is interested in meeting, but it is just not a priority for him for whatever reason (perhaps the douche theory is right and that he isn't used to working for it). I need to sleep on it, I guess.

oops.. .

Ok. . here's the deal. now you have to go out with him so that my theory can be proven correct. . .I will document this in my thesis entitled "Why women date douches and torture themselves worrying about the feelings of their inferiors". .

it's a work in progress. .. I'll send you a copy when it's published.

Hehehe....no, I know you're right. I have always had this problem where I try to be the good guy even when someone else is being the bad guy. I really need to work on that!! I am going to take your advice (and the advice of several others) and not go out with him.

Cameron_1969

Hehehe....no, I know you're right. I have always had this problem where I try to be the good guy even when someone else is being the bad guy. I really need to work on that!! I am going to take your advice (and the advice of several others) and not go out with him.

Well then how am I going to write my thesis!? You MUST go out with him so we may hear of his total douch-ness on this forum. . It's important. . think of it as a sacrifice for the common good.

krissypea79

Hehehe....no, I know you're right. I have always had this problem where I try to be the good guy even when someone else is being the bad guy. I really need to work on that!! I am going to take your advice (and the advice of several others) and not go out with him.

Well then how am I going to write my thesis!? You MUST go out with him so we may hear of his total douch-ness on this forum. . It's important. . think of it as a sacrifice for the common good.

LOL. I will think about it....can't make any promises I think there's already enough mounting evidence of the douche-baggery that we encounter in the dating world. :noway: hehe

Cameron_1969

Hehehe....no, I know you're right. I have always had this problem where I try to be the good guy even when someone else is being the bad guy. I really need to work on that!! I am going to take your advice (and the advice of several others) and not go out with him.

Well then how am I going to write my thesis!? You MUST go out with him so we may hear of his total douch-ness on this forum. . It's important. . think of it as a sacrifice for the common good.

LOL. I will think about it....can't make any promises I think there's already enough mounting evidence of the douche-baggery that we encounter in the dating world. :noway: hehe

That may be true. .but I believe this particular subject may the king of all douche-bags. . someone worthy of study. .. Can you take on for the team?

JanieJack

Gee, you guys already said most of what I was gonna say:

I say forget it. I've been on too many dates with guys that sound what you described, and it was a waste of time. He doesn't seem super interested because he's not dying to go out with you. Nobody is too busy or stressed to plan a few hours out with a cute girl. And if he truly is, he shouldn't be on a dating site.

The workaholic! They aren't available for what I want out of a potential relationship, so I move on. I'm sure he is a very nice guy and works hard and would be a great provider, but my idea of a guy is someone 'available' to share life with/have fun with, so.........not my type.

The lack of communication is a bit odd though, don't have any excuses for that one. Even though I'm not big on texts, I'd still make an effort to call or e-mail a girl if I was interested.

I can't stand a guy who insists he was too busy to contact me from time to time. I'm not even talking about phone calls here, but a text or email takes, what? 5-10 seconds? yeah... we make time to do what we want. And if you don't want to get to know me enough to take 5 seconds a day to text/email then you and I aren't compatible long term.

I think he is interested in meeting, but it is just not a priority for him

If it was a priority, you'd know it by now.. you're too cute to worry about being the bad guy. His silence communicates loudly. So should yours.

La_Amazona

Next!!!!!!