Depression is destroying me.
hm_day
Posts: 857 Member
So it's very possible that I need a medication adjustment, or a medication add-on.
Yesterday I was having one of those "I'm going to kill anyone and everyone" days. Except that I probably would have done it if given the opportunity. That's not like me at all and I was not okay with it. Today I am exhausted, despite having slept all night long. I didn't want to DO anything, which is bad since I have a big nursing exam tomorrow that I really should be studying for, but I'm not.
Told my mom about this. She told me to call my doctor and schedule my physical early in order to get everything out of the way. They're probably gonna put me on one of the antidepressants I was on a while ago.
I'm just not in a good place right now. Not happy about anything, which sucks because I just went away for the weekend and had a great time. It's almost like I enjoyed that time away and then remembered that I had to come back to the crap called school and work and life, making the transition back to reality that much more aggravating.
Yesterday I was having one of those "I'm going to kill anyone and everyone" days. Except that I probably would have done it if given the opportunity. That's not like me at all and I was not okay with it. Today I am exhausted, despite having slept all night long. I didn't want to DO anything, which is bad since I have a big nursing exam tomorrow that I really should be studying for, but I'm not.
Told my mom about this. She told me to call my doctor and schedule my physical early in order to get everything out of the way. They're probably gonna put me on one of the antidepressants I was on a while ago.
I'm just not in a good place right now. Not happy about anything, which sucks because I just went away for the weekend and had a great time. It's almost like I enjoyed that time away and then remembered that I had to come back to the crap called school and work and life, making the transition back to reality that much more aggravating.
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I know your original post is a little old at this point, but with that subject line, I couldn't help reading it anyway. I hope things are better by now.
But your statement is absolutely true: depression can destroy you. I've had depression for about 7 years and even though I'm better enough to have gone off my antidepressants about a year ago (except for the sleeping pills--high anxiety means I don't get much sleep most nights, and the depression is worst when I'm too tired to handle it) it still gets to me, and I'm still picking up the pieces. Despite being mostly functional, my thoughts were so messed up that two years ago I was asked to leave my PhD program for poor performance.
I'm 28 but have been living with my parents (since I've been in school full time), but next month I'm moving to my own apartment out of state to start a new PhD program. I'm so grateful for all the progress I've made and the fact that I'm getting a second chance to follow the career path I really wanted, but I'm also terrified. Terrified of leaving my friends and family (and psychologist), of being alone in a new city and of having the depression return and destroy everything all over again.
So now I'm here (new group member), hoping to prevent depression from undermining my endeavor to make my life mine again.0
