Bumped to 2nd choice???
timnca03
Posts: 37 Member
Am I wrong here? I need some opinions. So I made plans yesterday with a friend to go have some dinner and movie and hang out afterwards. She text me today saying she had to leave by 8:30 because she was going to hang out with another friend. I feel like I'm just paying for dinner and she's off to something better for the evening. She said I should just be happy with the 3 hours we get to see each other for dinner. I said thanks, but no thanks....am I wrong....I just feel like being bumped to 2nd choice sucks!
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I understand that. Maybe tell her you can reschedule the whole night? Is she hanging with a friend or a ... FRIEND.
Idk how to do italics on here, is she ditching you for another guy? That's not cool, especially if she expects you to pay for her meal... I think if a woman expects you to pay, there should be clear ground rules set for what the relationship is or isn't...0 -
If she knew the total plans,dinner,movie,hanging out and then decided to change them for someone else it shows a great lack of respect for you and the friendship.
Essentially it is saying that your time is not as valuable as hers is.
If it was a special circumstance such as a surprise visit by someone then that should have been explained and apologies made for.0 -
I agree. If she knew that the plans were for a long night, not just dinner, then I'd be upset too and I would have done the same thing as you.
It also could depend on the type of relationship you have with this friend. Do ya'll usually hang out for long periods of time? I have friends whom I'd only go to the movies with (mostly married or have kids).. then I have FL who I do an all nighter with so we always assume and plan for long nights.0 -
Well, perhaps she just has one night free to see both of you? Or both of you are only available for one night this weekend? Seeing as it was only yesterday that you organised it, I imagine she just thinks you wouldn't mind.
I wouldnt take it as an insult I dont think or that the other person is 'better'. I dont think she's just using you for dinner, rather, she's just sticking to the earlier part of the evening to see you, and using the 'hang out' time to see the other person. Shame all three of you dont know each other.......
I dont know what the relationship is between you, or the time you've known each other, but some days you just need to split your time to accomodate more than one friend/occasion. If she's never done it before, then I would just take it as a double booking. It happens.0 -
I understand that. Maybe tell her you can reschedule the whole night? Is she hanging with a friend or a ... FRIEND.
Idk how to do italics on here, is she ditching you for another guy? That's not cool, especially if she expects you to pay for her meal... I think if a woman expects you to pay, there should be clear ground rules set for what the relationship is or isn't...
Agree with all of this. The word "friend" appeared one too many times in your OP. Is this woman just a friend to you? Did she ditch you to hang out with a girlfriend, or is she openly double-booking? And what kind of woman says "You should be happy to get 3 hours with me?" That alone would be the nail in the coffin for me, so you handled it the way I would have. If she really cares about you, she'll make up for it, and she won't pull this crap again. You have to set a standard for how you expect to be treated and stick to it.
I also agree about the man paying for dinner. If a man asks me out on a date, I expect him to pay. If I'm meeting a male friend for lunch or dinner or whatever, I never let him pay. Too much room for confusion there.0 -
I don't really know who her "Friend" is she didn't specify guy or girl, but it is someone she works with so not a special occasion or surprise visitor. We typically do hang out for long periods last Saturday we stayed out until last call, so its a given that its not going to be a dinner only night. The frustrating part for me is I got invited to Disneyland yesterday(My favorite place in the world) but I declined because I already made plans with her for tonight. Not only in MFP great for motivation and eating right, but it also works wonders for venting and having a support group to make you feel better....Thanks guys!!! Im still bummed I missed Disneyland though
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Thanks guys!!! Im still bummed I missed Disneyland though
I would definitely let her know you missed out because of her. She probably wasnt thinking how important it was to you, and needs to be more considerate in the future.
So, do you think she means more to you than just a 'friend'?? You sound more upset than I would be by a 'friend'
Or perhaps I've just had a lot worse blow outs by my mates.....:grumble:0 -
I would be ticked too. You should be flattered she is giving you 3 hours...WTH? Who isn't happy to be home by 830 on Saturday night? I am sorry you gave up Disney to spend time with her, I wouldn't make that choice again.0
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I honestly understand all of it except for the "you should be flattered." That is rude.0
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I cancel. You deserve better than a deadline date.0
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I agree on what you did by cancelling....the whole 'you should be flattered"..that is a bit much. And, sorry you had to miss Disneyland...that really sucks.......0
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Here are your options in preference order for me:
- Go to dinner with her, and either let her pay for the whole meal or split the bill. Plus she owes you big time for being such a screw up so definitely should pay for her half in my book. Then potentially invite yourself to the cinema with the friend (after dinner that she half paid)... or do you suck so much that she can't have you around for a stupid movie? (in which case she'll have to justify herself)
- Hate her and just use her from then on because she really thinks I don't have anything better to do than to see her apparently (like Disneyland for example?). Then break her heart and laugh.
- Cancel and let her invite next time. So that she: 1) moves her *kitten* and shows some interest 2) pays for the night out (since that seems to be the rule on this forum :laugh: ). She'll love you for it as well.
- Say OK for the date, but never show up in reality and go to a pub instead, find some random chick and post some pics of you and this new girl making out on Facebook and showing how much fun you're having now!
So flip a 4-sided coin and let fate decide for you!
If her friend has a massive problem and needs to see her absolutely now (which is possible), then she should just cancel the date and apologize to you (this is fine really to do that). Otherwise, seems kinda cheap to me too...0 -
yeah I would reschedule the whole thing (not sure if id even bother with that really)0
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Oh wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better!
If it were me, I would have canceled. I tend to cancel when I have plans with someone and we get to the day of and he either changes it to be inconvenient for me or when I try, an hour out, to confirm we're still on, and he acts like he forgot and is scrambling at the last minute. Those are all signs that he is juggling women, or that I'm not "doing it" for him, or that I'm only a back-up plan.
Since you missed out on Disney, I might have kept the date, not ordered anything, mentioned how inconsiderate it was to plan something else, how you gave up Disney, and how there will be no further dates.
That said, there are no wrong answers here. So what did you do??0 -
Oh wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better!
If it were me, I would have canceled. I tend to cancel when I have plans with someone and we get to the day of and he either changes it to be inconvenient for me or when I try, an hour out, to confirm we're still on, and he acts like he forgot and is scrambling at the last minute. Those are all signs that he is juggling women, or that I'm not "doing it" for him, or that I'm only a back-up plan.
Since you missed out on Disney, I might have kept the date, not ordered anything, mentioned how inconsiderate it was to plan something else, how you gave up Disney, and how there will be no further dates.
That said, there are no wrong answers here. So what did you do??
I canceled on her, told her I thought it sucked to change things and to have a deadline for something that wasn't urgent and that we would just talk later. I'll give it a few days then see where things go...may just be time to move on. Don't think I want to the the back up plan!0 -
I would be upset if a friend did this to me- even if it was just a girl friend and not someone who I might be "more than friends" with. Either way, it's still very rude.
Also wanted to second that I would never expect a guy that was truly "just a friend" to pay for dinner just b/c he's a guy and I'm a girl. To me, that totally sends the wrong message and leaves potential for either person to misunderstand and get hurt. Asking someone to dinner and then paying for it sounds more like "date" than "friends night out" to me!0
