Still living at home with parents - a turn-off?

salxtai

I'm still at uni so living at home is just more realistic than struggling to work and study and pay all the expenses etc.
I'm 23, and I don't know about other countries, but here in Aus, still living at home by 23 is not really the norm - I personally don't have a problem with living at home since I get on well with my parents, have my independence, have food etc... haha.

BUT I sometimes do wonder if this fact is a turn-off for guys?

I'm allowed to date, but my parents are conservative when it comes to the idea of a guy staying over / me staying over at his place, especially if he still lives with his parents. They consider it disrespectful to the parents and a lack of respect for myself.
I've personally made the choice to respect their wishes while I live at home, because it is their house.

I'm also not all that interested in 'doing it' (another story), so its really not a driving factor for me in a relationship - having said this, previous relationships haven't ended because of this at all.


I've considered joining a dating site but I'm skeptical that many will be put off as soon as I mention I still live at home.

Opinions?

flimflamfloz

BUT I sometimes do wonder if this fact is a turn-off for guys?

Depends on your personality and if you're independent and all that stuff...
It sort of shows that you are not THAT MUCH independent though, which might be a bit of a turn off. Also it might make things more complex.
Not a big deal though. I would date you even knowing that for example.

my parents are conservative when it comes to the idea of me staying over at his place,

See, this is the big deal for me. As soon as you would tell me that, I would run off. Because I'm not a 10 years old kid anymore who's only allowed to do cute kisses when the parents are not looking.
I wouldn't mind if you were OK to stay at mine. Not even for sex, but just "because".

I'm also not all that interested in 'doing it' (another story), so its really not a driving factor for me in a relationship

Yep, I'd give you a limited amount of time though for doing it. I'd stick around for a month or so (of "proper" dating - perhaps more depending on how much I think you're valuable) then think: hmmm something is probably wrong with her, or with the perception she has of me.
I should add that of course, these are just words, and real life is never that simple...

Natx83

I don't think it's a major problem. I moved out when I was your age, I may have moved earlier but my parentals had split so I was contributing to keeping the family home. I had a downstairs area, that was pretty self contained so I could come and go without needing to even see anyone else at home.

As far as the dating whilst there, I don't see it as much as in issue for a long term relationship as much as the not doing it part... This would prob end up being an issue before the parents would be. I don't know what else you got going on but I'm just saying :flowerforyou:

AllanMisner

I think it is perfectly fine for someone to live at home until they are about 28 (and especially if they're still in school). A proper pick up at your home, talking to your father, would all be part of the deal. Being 46, that would be awkward. But If I were only a few years older than you, I wouldn't think anything of it.

But, if both of you still live with your parents, you're going to struggle to find a play time place.

ItsCasey

The fact that you're still a student makes it more acceptable, but if you're looking to date older guys who have jobs and have moved away from home themselves, it may be an issue. A grown man likely does not want to hang out with a woman while her mom and dad are in the next room or have to deal with you living by your parents' rules because you're under their roof.

I do think it's very respectful of you to honor their wishes while they're giving you a place to live, and I would do the same thing. But it does complicate one's social life.

AnnaPixie

Well, I didnt leave my parents home till I was 29!! So, I dont see a problem :flowerforyou: My parents also wouldnt allow any guy to sleep over. However,

....by 29 I was 5 years into my second serious relationship, had my own business, and had my own car!! I also developed a wonderful 'fetish' for outside sex and random sex in said car!!!! :laugh:

My b/f also had his own place................its a tough world, but, You manage!

I'm also not all that interested in 'doing it' (another story), so its really not a driving factor for me in a relationship - having said this, previous relationships haven't ended because of this at all.

I would say the only reason a guy would struggle with you living at home is when the relationship becomes sexual. So, perhaps you need to address this issue at some point?

MissingMinnesota

As long as your in school and your still pretty young at 23 it is okay.
I think once you hit an age when you are out of school and have a job I think it would be a turn off. I do have a friend that after their father divorced their mother they moved back in with their mother to help with the bills and up keep fo the house. I don't think she has had an active dating life since then either.

christine24t

If you are a student, it's fine and if you have a plan, that's fine too! I'm graduating in a month and everyone I know is moving home with their parents, so it's not weird. But you should probably set a deadline as to when you are going to move out and have a plan for doing that - i.e.: "after i graduate in spring 2014, I'm going to find a job and begin saving money to rent/own my first place."

Hey if it helps, my uncle is forty, lives with my grandma and has a girlfriend. haha

salxtai

I'm also not all that interested in 'doing it' (another story), so its really not a driving factor for me in a relationship - having said this, previous relationships haven't ended because of this at all.

I would say the only reason a guy would struggle with you living at home is when the relationship becomes sexual. So, perhaps you need to address this issue at some point?

I should probably clarify that this is more driven by the fact I still live at home and know my parents don't like the idea of staying over etc so its kinda restricted anyways, so I don't really worry about what I can't change...

That and haven't had much experience because I've been living at home when I've dated in the past, so, you know, haven't quite had the types of experience with it to really make me want it, haha :laugh:

melg126

I think for your age it isn't a deal breaker! But if you're 40 still living at home making excuses why you can't get your own place... that's an issue... which happened to me off POF... he was still living at home... no thank you.

JanieJack

I'm still at uni so living at home is just more realistic than struggling to work and study and pay all the expenses etc.

Very smart!

I've personally made the choice to respect their wishes while I live at home, because it is their house.

I think this is a great mindset! And the right guy will appreciate this, AND be willing to respect your parent's wishes.

I will warn you, though: if you go around broadcasting you're not interested in "doing it" you might cut off many dates before you get asked out (sad but true). But at your age I wouldn't worry about it. Plenty of time for all that later after you have your degree.

Moe4572

Well I am almost 40 and moved back home after my divorce. I don't think it is a turn off, but does make certain things more difficult. I guess because I was recently divorced and going back to school, it was ok iwht the guys I dated.........

BUT....that said....2 years at home was enough.......MOVING OUT next month

shamrck44

I think at your age and being in school it shouldn't be an issue.

TheKitsune6

I think it depends on what whoever you are dating is looking for. I prefer more independence and privacy so yeah, living with folks is a deal breaker. On that note, there are lots of other people that would value your decision to save money and think that it's great you show your respect for your parents by not having sex. However you have to understand that every decision you make will change who you have access to as far as dating. It's up to you to determine if it's worthwhile.

Katefab26

Well, I'm living with the rents b/c I can't afford any other options due to being laid off. Blech. Not much I can do about that, though, so I just keep a positive attitude about it. I've never had a guy lose interest b/c of this. I just stay at their place :devil:

spyder_rose

I have found that a lot of guys still live with their parents in Sydney. I think it's cos it's so expensive to live there... but I prefer a guy to live outside of the "family" home...

I bought my own place at 22 (Brisbane) but then moved to Sydney a year ago and have always lived alone and refuse to live with randoms or have annoying housemates around...

I met a guy last year (28) and he still lived with his parents... He moved out of his parent's place while we were dating and moved in with 2 of his mates.

I never saw his place or met his friends and we dated for 8 months. So I guess if he had still lived with his parents, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Everyone that comes to my place says it's really nice and clean and I guess I'm very organised and tidy so I'm not sure this is a turn off for guys (in a way) cos they don't want me to see where they live after seeing my place... It was the same when I was in Brisbane too.

For a girl living with her parents, I think it's more protective and acceptable though. For guys... it spells out "mummy's boy" and you have to wonder whether they can cook, clean and look after themselves without someone holding their hand

catherine4211

At 23 it's perfectly fine. At 33 it's not.

j4nash

I lived with my parents, for about 3 weeks after I sold my house. Love them, but killed my social life.

At 23 no biggie. I think it's probably worse for a guy too, that whole social stereotype of the male as the breadwinner (and paying for dates). I think if you have a plan then you're good. If you're at home just because you're lazy.. no good.

erintheinspiration

I would hope that people are sympathetic to each persons situation, but who knows? I'm living with my mom... have been for the last year and a half. My ex doesn't pay child support and I took a pay cut to be able and spend more time with my daughter. (I was working at a job for 3 1/2 years where I was on-call 24-7... Holidays, weekends, overnights etc... Plus it was an hour commute one way. Not a good job for a single mom). Anywho, my mom opened up her home to us so I could actually start having a social life and get help with my daughter. It helps her financially and me as well. I'm being able to save money for something in the future. Adding another $700.00+ bill a month for rent just isn't feasible at this time. I plan on getting out on my own again... someday. But for now I'm thankful to have the help that I have received. I try to be open minded when dating b/c we all have our struggles. And I'm sorry, but if you can't accept they way things are in all aspects of my life, then you can just move along. You know what I mean? Best wishes!

Oh... and BTW, I'm 30!!

yoovie

over 27? yes

Bikini27

It always depends on the situation.
Your situation? Perfectly understandable and easy to work around.

I'm chatting with a guy that lives at home to help take care of an ill father and be there while the father still is. His sister moved home for the same reason. I think it's incredibly sweet and shows his family dynamic.

Now, with the job market as it is, I honestly understand needing to live at home for a period. But if you live at home with no forward movement to change your situation...I'm not interested in dating a man like that. And yes, it may be harder for a man in this situation than for a woman.

DeeJayTJ

at 23 no, thats understandable.

however, if your parents are treating you like ur 15 then thats a problem.

the last 2 girls i dated were 21 and 23. the 21 yr old's mom was super cool and well im 27, i think her mom was 40 and totally into me HAHA.

but the 23 year old, her parents were awful! and HATED MY GUTS!

so 23 and living at home is totally cool if ur parents let u do what u do any guy that wont date u for that u shouldnt waste ur time with anyway!