The Bipolar Roller Coaster
Soupskin
Posts: 74 Member
Greetings!
I first got started with MFP just over a year ago. I did great and dropped about 40 lbs. During this time, I took very little meds to keep my bipolar in check. I started taking Lamictal, but it didn't do much for me other than keep me depressed.
Last May, my wife informed me she was going to divorce me. 90% of her reason for wanting to leave me stemmed from years of me not taking my BPD seriously. When I received this news, I returned to smoking and eating poorly.
I got very lucky. I signed up for a clinical trial for BPD sufferers stuck in depression. I believe I had a placebo trial or it was just not working. With the threat of divorce looming over my head, I became more and more depressed. I called up my regular pDoc and told her about my worsening depression. She upped my Lamictal script but unfortunately this disqualified me from the paid study I was in. Even though I was kicked out of the research study, the research clinic kept seeing me on a weekly basis to get me stabilized. This was wonderful! There is no way I could afford weekly copays to my regular pDoc for this kind of treatment. The research clinic not only got me on Seroquel, they kept me stocked with free samples since couldn't afford the script and continued to pay me a stipend for the weekly visits.
I took my BPD seriously and worked hard on being mentally healthy and a loving husband and father. I was successful. I turned my life around and got my BPD under control. As such, I was able to develop better relationship skills and save my marriage and family from being split.
Last year was without a doubt the hardest of my life. Facing these issues head on that I've ignored my entire life took more than I ever thought I had. I think the hardest part of it was getting over the stigma of mental illness and stop being embarrassed about it. I've learned that mental illness is no different than any other chronic illness and who is embarrassed about diabetes and the like?
Now that I have the blessed Seroquel and Lamictal cocktail, life is no longer grappling with suicide on a daily basis with the occasional cocaine like highs of mania. Every day I wake up thankful that I don't have to spend the day full of dread and fear of my own thoughts. It's time to get back on track with the weight loss and enjoy the added stability that exercise will offer me.
Thanks, it's nice to have a place to discuss this where people understand where I'm coming from.
I first got started with MFP just over a year ago. I did great and dropped about 40 lbs. During this time, I took very little meds to keep my bipolar in check. I started taking Lamictal, but it didn't do much for me other than keep me depressed.
Last May, my wife informed me she was going to divorce me. 90% of her reason for wanting to leave me stemmed from years of me not taking my BPD seriously. When I received this news, I returned to smoking and eating poorly.
I got very lucky. I signed up for a clinical trial for BPD sufferers stuck in depression. I believe I had a placebo trial or it was just not working. With the threat of divorce looming over my head, I became more and more depressed. I called up my regular pDoc and told her about my worsening depression. She upped my Lamictal script but unfortunately this disqualified me from the paid study I was in. Even though I was kicked out of the research study, the research clinic kept seeing me on a weekly basis to get me stabilized. This was wonderful! There is no way I could afford weekly copays to my regular pDoc for this kind of treatment. The research clinic not only got me on Seroquel, they kept me stocked with free samples since couldn't afford the script and continued to pay me a stipend for the weekly visits.
I took my BPD seriously and worked hard on being mentally healthy and a loving husband and father. I was successful. I turned my life around and got my BPD under control. As such, I was able to develop better relationship skills and save my marriage and family from being split.
Last year was without a doubt the hardest of my life. Facing these issues head on that I've ignored my entire life took more than I ever thought I had. I think the hardest part of it was getting over the stigma of mental illness and stop being embarrassed about it. I've learned that mental illness is no different than any other chronic illness and who is embarrassed about diabetes and the like?
Now that I have the blessed Seroquel and Lamictal cocktail, life is no longer grappling with suicide on a daily basis with the occasional cocaine like highs of mania. Every day I wake up thankful that I don't have to spend the day full of dread and fear of my own thoughts. It's time to get back on track with the weight loss and enjoy the added stability that exercise will offer me.
Thanks, it's nice to have a place to discuss this where people understand where I'm coming from.
0
Replies
-
Hi Soupskin,
I fully under stand about then BPD. I am 43 y/old. have been maried for 20 years this October, and have 3 girls 2 of then have autism, and other medical problems. i am in a major back swing, and could care less about my self and my family. I am also on so many meds, and getting sick of taking them every day.0 -
Hang in there WT. It can and will get better. I have 2 boys on the autism spectrum as well, one is high functioning and the other has Aspergers so I know the stress that can add as well.
Sometimes you have to drop everything else in order to get yourself well. Only then can you begin to help others.
Just remember, no matter what you are not alone in this struggle. Sending friend request!0
This discussion has been closed.