Red Flags
Meghan0116
Posts: 1,263 Member
What are some of your red flags in online and in person dating???
One of mine is when a guy talks nonstop about himself and doesn't ask any questions about me.
One of mine is when a guy talks nonstop about himself and doesn't ask any questions about me.
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Replies
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When they show up 30 minutes late to a first date. Also if they don't know how to progress a conversation.0
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If he mentions sex within the first conversation, or asks me if I like it!! Grrrrrr!!!
I've had this happen soooooooooooooo many times!! Mind you, I suppose its a grade up from getting a penis pic!!! :laugh:0 -
DEFINITELY being late is a big one for me. I think it's one of the rudest things you can do to a person because it says very blatantly "my time is more important than yours."
Poor manners in general
Talking about exes on the first date
Making very little eye contact
Talking incessantly about your job (Don't get me wrong ... I think hard-working men are very hot, and I recognize that what a man does for a living is a big part of who he is. But if you have nothing else to talk about, I'm going to wonder where I would fit into the picture.)0 -
When a guy gaslights (tries to make you think you're remembering wrong when he knows you're right).
For example, I'm big about posting pictures on facebook. It doesn’t bother me when guys take the tags off (they’re still casual dating, I get it). But I get really irritated when a guy (who initially commented on it or joked with me about the response its causing amongst his friends) removes the tag a week or month later and when I ask about it says it was never tagged.
My ex was an expert at this. I seriously had to start a journal just to break free from how crazy this made me. Some guys just have poor memories, but I’ve seen more guys do it on purpose, as manipulation, or as a sign of disrespect (they think you're too dumb to notice).
ETA: Ok, one more story on this: My ex tells me (over the phone, because I’m 3 months into a 6 month trip) that we’re through and it will only cost us $250 to get a divorce. A week or so later he calls to wish me “Happy Mother’s Day,†and some other sweet stuff which I’m enjoying, thinking he said “we’re through†in a fit of frustration and was about to apologize. But he never apologizes, and I finally say, “That was all nice and sweet, but a week ago you told me we were through. What changed?†He insisted he’d said no such thing regarding our marriage, and that he was referring, instead, to a real estate deal that had gone bad. We went around on it for about 5 minutes until I pulled out my journal and read him word for word what he’d said, including the part about how much it cost to file divorce.0 -
1. Owning multiple cats
2. Playing with a smartphone during early dates (unless the smartphone is being used to check a fact about something we discussed and immediately put away after).
3. Hygiene and grooming failures
4. Not being in the moment with me
5. Lateness
6. Talk about exes too soon.
Red flags depend as well upon where things are in the getting to know you phase.0 -
1. Narcissists
2. Someone who can't take a joke
3. Someone with hygiene problems
4. Tardiness, of course ;P
5. Excessive cursing on the first date.. I drop the f-bomb a lot, but when you have it in every single sentence, that's a bit overkill..0 -
Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.0
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Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.
Nooo! Really?! That's worse than responding to texts from the opposite sex without an explanation (Oh, my brother just texted me, etc.)0 -
Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.
Not only is that irritating but it is hurtful too. I have had that happen to me. I felt AWESOME after.0 -
1. Owning multiple cats
2. Playing with a smartphone during early dates (unless the smartphone is being used to check a fact about something we discussed and immediately put away after).
3. Hygiene and grooming failures
4. Not being in the moment with me
5. Lateness
6. Talk about exes too soon.
Red flags depend as well upon where things are in the getting to know you phase.
^^^ all of the above0 -
Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.
I have a friend who went out with a woman who actually took a phone call and made a date with another guy in the middle of dinner. I asked him how he knew that's what she was doing. He said "Um, she told me." :noway:
I don't even have my phone turned on during a date. Ever. What could be so freaking important? I understand that if you're a parent, kid-related emergencies trump everything, but if you aren't, keep your phone on silent and out of sight. I don't get these people who start twitching if their phone isn't in their hand or on the table in front of them literally all the time.0 -
Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.
Not only is that irritating but it is hurtful too.
It is hurtful, yes, but on the other hand I've been accused of texting potential dates when I was just texting friends. Ok, so you leave me alone for a long trip to the bathroom... um... the first time I *didn’t* pull out my phone and look busy, my date came back just as some guy had approached me to start flirting. So now I always get on my phone if my date leaves my side. When in a relationship or on a date, I put a quick end to any extraneous flirting, but I also believe in rewarding courage, so I’m not going to be rude to a man who actually had the guts to approach me. I'm at least gonna let him down gently, which my date thought was too friendly.0 -
ETA: Ok, one more story on this: My ex tells me (over the phone, because I’m 3 months into a 6 month trip) that we’re through and it will only cost us $250 to get a divorce. A week or so later he calls to wish me “Happy Mother’s Day,†and some other sweet stuff which I’m enjoying, thinking he said “we’re through†in a fit of frustration and was about to apologize. But he never apologizes, and I finally say, “That was all nice and sweet, but a week ago you told me we were through. What changed?†He insisted he’d said no such thing regarding our marriage, and that he was referring, instead, to a real estate deal that had gone bad. We went around on it for about 5 minutes until I pulled out my journal and read him word for word what he’d said, including the part about how much it cost to file divorce.
Wow, really??? I mean, as though you would FORGET that he told you he wanted a divorce???0 -
1) Being clingy/needy.
2) Overly emotional very early on.
3) Texting period (talking about being on a 1st or 2nd date here),it is just plain rude.
4) Putting friends,co workers,family,people down all the time...it will be me to someone else sooner or later.
5) Acting b**tchy on a regular basis.0 -
When they respond to messages with one or two word sentences, and add nothing to a conversation.0
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Seriously? Trick for everyone out there: do a runner when this happens and let the other person pay for the meal.
I have a friend who went out with a woman who actually took a phone call and made a date with another guy in the middle of dinner. I asked him how he knew that's what she was doing. He said "Um, she told me." :noway:Getting and responding to POF or OKC mails during the date.
I don't even have my phone turned on during a date. Ever. What could be so freaking important? I understand that if you're a parent, kid-related emergencies trump everything, but if you aren't, keep your phone on silent and out of sight. I don't get these people who start twitching if their phone isn't in their hand or on the table in front of them literally all the time.0 -
I was talking to a guy that I met on match, and we'd been talking for a couple of weeks. He made plans to come to town so we could go out (he lives about 3 hours away), and the day before our date, he called and we were just chatting. During the conversation he said, "How come you ignored my text earlier?" I responded, "I wasn't ignoring you--I got busy with work, and then I figured you were sleeping [he works nights] so I decided to let you sleep and I'd text you later." He was quiet for a minute and then said, "I think we need to work on our communication. If you get busy, you need to let me know that by saying you're busy and you'll text me later." Immediately I starting thinking DANGER, DANGER: CONTROL FREAK!!! But I calmly said, "I was at work. Is it not self-explanatory that I got busy? If I have a customer at my desk, I'm not going to tell them to hold on a second, because I have to tell some guy that I'm busy and can't text back right now. We've known each other for about a minute, I don't think we need to work on communication." He started getting a little testy with me, and that's when I knew to call it quits. I figured that if he's trying to control things THIS EARLY, that does not bode well for the relationship. :noway:0
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I was talking to a guy that I met on match, and we'd been talking for a couple of weeks. He made plans to come to town so we could go out (he lives about 3 hours away), and the day before our date, he called and we were just chatting. During the conversation he said, "How come you ignored my text earlier?" I responded, "I wasn't ignoring you--I got busy with work, and then I figured you were sleeping [he works nights] so I decided to let you sleep and I'd text you later." He was quiet for a minute and then said, "I think we need to work on our communication. If you get busy, you need to let me know that by saying you're busy and you'll text me later." Immediately I starting thinking DANGER, DANGER: CONTROL FREAK!!! But I calmly said, "I was at work. Is it not self-explanatory that I got busy? If I have a customer at my desk, I'm not going to tell them to hold on a second, because I have to tell some guy that I'm busy and can't text back right now. We've known each other for about a minute, I don't think we need to work on communication." He started getting a little testy with me, and that's when I knew to call it quits. I figured that if he's trying to control things THIS EARLY, that does not bode well for the relationship. :noway:
Eek.. that is scary actually. You never know how crazy some people can get once a certain point is reached in the "relationship."0 -
talking about how crazy their exes were/are
Having two TOTALLY different looking pics of you
Eat with your mouth open
being rude to the waitstaff
talking about sex right off the bat
asking how many men I have dated
do not tell me what i must or must not do - CAUSE I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME TO DO!!!0 -
Eek.. that is scary actually. You never know how crazy some people can get once a certain point is reached in the "relationship."
Yeah, I definitely didn't get warm fuzzies. This is why I only meet new people in a public place--I always have my own car, my friends know where I am, and I do not give the guys my home address.0 -
I agree with a lot of the previous posts.
Too clingy/needy early on
The control freak
The ex who thinks you would forget he asked for a divorce?? WTF!
The last couple first dates I had were generated from match and in one instance I didnt even recognize the girl and the other I barely recognized her. Their pictures had to of been a decade old and a hundred pounds ago. I dont understand that...A) I am going to notice that you dont look anything like your picture? or
why try and start a new relationship based on lies?
For me that is my redflag dealbreaker...lying.0 -
I agree with a lot of the previous posts.
Too clingy/needy early on
The control freak
The ex who thinks you would forget he asked for a divorce?? WTF!
The last couple first dates I had were generated from match and in one instance I didnt even recognize the girl and the other I barely recognized her. Their pictures had to of been a decade old and a hundred pounds ago. I dont understand that...A) I am going to notice that you dont look anything like your picture? or why try and start a new relationship based on lies?
For me that is my redflag dealbreaker...lying.
I went on a date with a guy who said he was 6'0. I get there and I am taller than he is. I am 5'9 and I was wearing heels. They were not 4 inch heels. lol0 -
Online dating: Claims to be on business in another country. Represents himself as a highly paid professional based in an English speaking country but has the grammar and spelling of someone who barely speaks English.
Then he's in love after two or three emails and starts calling me his wife and talking about how he's going to fly to where I am so we can run off and get married.
Gets angry when I won't give out my phone number and when I won't use Yahoo Messenger.
A tragic message about a sick or injured family member in need of money to pay the hospital bill will soon follow.
Actually, I've only let one of these guys get to the Yahoo Messenger phase, but after a bit of searching I learned about these scams and the timeline they usually follow. I can't believe people still fall for it, but these guys are still around and scamming, so I assume there are people out there who still haven't been warned about them.
Just leaving this here to do my part.0 -
I agree with a lot of the previous posts.
Too clingy/needy early on
The control freak
The ex who thinks you would forget he asked for a divorce?? WTF!
The last couple first dates I had were generated from match and in one instance I didnt even recognize the girl and the other I barely recognized her. Their pictures had to of been a decade old and a hundred pounds ago. I dont understand that...A) I am going to notice that you dont look anything like your picture? or why try and start a new relationship based on lies?
For me that is my redflag dealbreaker...lying.
I went on a date with a guy who said he was 6'0. I get there and I am taller than he is. I am 5'9 and I was wearing heels. They were not 4 inch heels. lol
I don't understand why you would lie about something that is going to be verified the second you show your face on the date.
Height is a big deal to a lot of women. I have always been more attracted to taller men, but I have dated short guys, and I am quite short myself (5'1, although I wear 4 to 5 inch heels pretty much all the time), so it is not a dealbreaker. What IS a dealbreaker is lying to me. That's not even a red flag; that is an absolute, you-are-never-going-to-see-me-again dealbreaker.0 -
Massive red flag: small boobs.
Online:
- Sh!tty/generic profile with "I hate cheaters and liars" type stuff,
- Lots of spelling mistakes (yeah I hate vein girls),
- "MySpace angle" pics: ok, show us the full body shot and save me the pain,
- People whose head is being eaten by a fish on their profile pics.
Person:
- Doesn't understand sarcasm,
- People who take things too personally (like a joke or a comment, and are digging their heels immediately),
- People who talk a lot,
- People who snore.
Lots of others, since when I see them in person, they are under scrutiny (which is the point of dating).0 -
I agree with a lot of the previous posts.
Too clingy/needy early on
The control freak
The ex who thinks you would forget he asked for a divorce?? WTF!
The last couple first dates I had were generated from match and in one instance I didnt even recognize the girl and the other I barely recognized her. Their pictures had to of been a decade old and a hundred pounds ago. I dont understand that...A) I am going to notice that you dont look anything like your picture? or why try and start a new relationship based on lies?
For me that is my redflag dealbreaker...lying.
I went on a date with a guy who said he was 6'0. I get there and I am taller than he is. I am 5'9 and I was wearing heels. They were not 4 inch heels. lol
I don't understand why you would lie about something that is going to be verified the second you show your face on the date.
Height is a big deal to a lot of women. I have always been more attracted to taller men, but I have dated short guys, and I am quite short myself (5'1, although I wear 4 to 5 inch heels pretty much all the time), so it is not a dealbreaker. What IS a dealbreaker is lying to me. That's not even a red flag; that is an absolute, you-are-never-going-to-see-me-again dealbreaker.
YES!!! Dead on balls accurate! Except I dont wear heels, the rest I agree with completely.0 -
Online:
- Sh!tty/generic profile with "I hate cheaters and liars" type stuff,
These are usually the women who repetitively date cheaters and ****heads and think it's a problem with everyone else and not themselves.0 -
I have not dated one online or in person before but whenever that time comes, there are the red flags:
Person:
1. Talks way too much about himself
2. Cough or sneezes all over my food or me or something (without covering his mouth/nose)
3. Does not perform some gentlemanly acts
4. Talks about women in general (more like degrading comments, etc)
5. Tries to make me feel dumb (or in other words, he is very arrogant)
5. Way too many foul words when speaking
Online: (Yea I am not sure what would be consider red flags just yet since I never did online dating) but I suppose...
1. Does not make sense when typing. ( I am not a big fan of 'typin lik dis')
2. No profile picture
3. Starts off a conversation that very perverted instead of just saying a simple "Hi" or "How are you?"0 -
Insecurity and clinginess are red flags for me.0
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People who won't apologize when they've wronged or greatly inconvenienced you.0
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