Being satisfied
Carl01
Posts: 9,307 Member
If intimacy is not getting you there or is but not all that special am curious how many will make the effort to communicate with a partner this issue,what is lacking and what they are wanting.
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Weird you bring this up Carl...the last woman I was in a relationship with and by that I mean we had gotten past the initial stages and had agreed we were going to be exclusive and were in like the 3 month mark.
Problem was the physical intimacy was less than satisfying for me and as we were more and more comfortable with each other I brought it up, her reply and Im not joking:
You should go and sleep with a few other women to see if it is me or if it is you. I explained I am 38 I have slept with other women, so in this case I know my not finishing isnt because I just dont finish it has something to do with us.
I was hoping we would discuss and try different things or something and we started to discuss but never got past it and unfortunately we are no longer seeing each other. Too bad too she was a beautiful funny responsible mature confident adult woman.0 -
If you can't talk about it... then you can't fix it.0
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I can speak from experience. It is vital to communicate when there are issues.
I was never satisfied in my marriage. How should I say this, I took care of him but he never cared whether I was taken care of.
I tried to communicate with him verbally, through books, through games, through actions and he just didn't get it or didn't care. We literally went years without touching each other and that is one reason the marriage died.
I want an open relationship where you make each other happy and satisfied so communication is one of the top requirements on my list.0 -
We talked about it, which was a big step for me. I am not exactly one for opening up. Maybe i just didnt communicate effectively what was wrong!0
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To me it is such a touchy subject to talk about. Easier for me to do it then to talk about it. I don't know why that is.
I think that if its not there .. its not there. I dunno .. but if someone forced me to sit down and talk about it I wouldn't turn them away for sure. But I wouldn't initiate it.0 -
This is an interesting subject... a lot of it boils down to three things, one is if you're comfortable and second is do they do things that annoy you and put you out of the mood or three, lack of experience.
Point one: Was with a girl that was completely random about physical intimacy all the way down to kissing. Half the time she would shy away and others embrace it. Then one day she decided it was go time. I couldn't do it, too uncomfortable. One of those, WTF moments. I looked at her and literally said "wtf are you doing?" lol.
Point two: I was with a woman once that made too much noise and thrashed around on the bed like a fish out of the water, gasping for air. And this wasn't even sex, just messing around. I quit. Or the exploratory tongue kisser types who feel the need to clash teeth to see what they can fish out of the back of your throat while kissing. Totally awkward. Or the what I would consider boring types who don't get into it all. No fun.
Point three: It's a bit obvious when someone is inexperienced.. but not totally a bad thing. Being open with them and showing them what you like and vice versa is totally fixable and can actually be fun.0 -
<<<<<<<<<Communicator
Sometimes too much so. LOL0 -
I think it depends on how comfortable you are with the person and what your intentions are. If this is someone you see being in your life long term, then yes, a conversation is necessary. If this is just a FWB or a short term type thing, then talking it out seems like more work as opposed to walking him or her through what you need during.0
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This is an interesting subject... a lot of it boils down to three things, one is if you're comfortable and second is do they do things that annoy you and put you out of the mood or three, lack of experience.
Point one: Was with a girl that was completely random about physical intimacy all the way down to kissing. Half the time she would shy away and others embrace it. Then one day she decided it was go time. I couldn't do it, too uncomfortable. One of those, WTF moments. I looked at her and literally said "wtf are you doing?" lol.
Point two: I was with a woman once that made too much noise and thrashed around on the bed like a fish out of the water, gasping for air. And this wasn't even sex, just messing around. I quit. Or the exploratory tongue kisser types who feel the need to clash teeth to see what they can fish out of the back of your throat while kissing. Totally awkward. Or the what I would consider boring types who don't get into it all. No fun.
Point three: It's a bit obvious when someone is inexperienced.. but not totally a bad thing. Being open with them and showing them what you like and vice versa is totally fixable and can actually be fun.
First of all, I must say I have been through all three situations and it was insanely frustrating.
I add, for those of you that have seen Brides Maides with the dude doing the jackhammer move even though she tries to slow him down? Wasn't funny to me, I had just experienced that guy. Was a total D-Bag like the guy in the flick, too....*sigh*
Any who, Carl, to answer your question:
Should there be communication? Yes.
Is it always effective? No, for many reasons. People take it personally; People blame the person bringing it up; and, sadly, some people just do not care.
In the past, I've had a few...interesting....encounters. And about 80% of the time? I wasn't satisfied. I figured it was me. Until one night, in the hands of someone that...just...wow...I figured out that nope, I wasn't broken.
So looking back, I should've asked for more and I should've communicated my needs better.0 -
a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.0
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I went through the feeling that it was me and I was incapable of being satisfied. It was a horrible feeling. I also finally found out I wasn't broken and boy was that an exciting feeling.
Intimacy is such a vital part of a relationship so it is so important to communicate.0 -
+100000000000000a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.0 -
I have been of the impression that much stems from how early and easily people start having sex.
Forgetting the moral issues that are involved I think that many guys not only don`t learn how to satisfy but also that they need to.
Conversely I suspect many ladies never understand that they are an equal partner in the act and not just a tool for a guy to utilize.0 -
you know sometimes its just easier to show him what you like. Men/women arent dumb (for the most part) move their hands or adjust the angle of the kiss. Use verbal encouragement when they do something you like. Now the only thing you can't really fix is the ones who are unwilling to learn then they go bye bye. Also FWB and I had a discussion about this and both of us agreed on something. IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO PLEASE YOURSELF HE/SHE WONT KNOW WHAT TO DO EITHER...And remember no matter how kinky you think you are there is someone out there 10x worse. You have to be comfortable with yourself in order to be truely satisfied.
The worst one I had though was a guy who wouldn't stop talking. Ans I don't mean sexy talk I mean talking about everything lol completely threw off the mood :grumble:0 -
a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.
I can support that system!0 -
I have been of the impression that much stems from how early and easily people start having sex.
Forgetting the moral issues that are involved I think that many guys not only don`t learn how to satisfy but also that they need to.
Conversely I suspect many ladies never understand that they are an equal partner in the act and not just a tool for a guy to utilize.
As always Carl, you are very wise.0 -
I have been of the impression that much stems from how early and easily people start having sex.
Forgetting the moral issues that are involved I think that many guys not only don`t learn how to satisfy but also that they need to.
Conversely I suspect many ladies never understand that they are an equal partner in the act and not just a tool for a guy to utilize.
As always Carl, you are very wise.
I would say that is right on the money0 -
So looking back, I should've asked for more and I should've communicated my needs better.0 -
So looking back, I should've asked for more and I should've communicated my needs better.
I think that about sums up everything whether it be intimacy or just what I want for dinner. Communicate needs better! Now to find a partner who will do the same as well as a willing listener. In the meantime, Im just gonna go get dinner!0 -
So looking back, I should've asked for more and I should've communicated my needs better.
I think that about sums up everything whether it be intimacy or just what I want for dinner. Communicate needs better! Now to find a partner who will do the same as well as a willing listener. In the meantime, Im just gonna go get dinner!
Grab me a sandwich while you're in there, would you? :laugh:0 -
bump for later!!0
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I do think that like most things that are worth pursuing, intimacy takes time and practice, practice and adjustments. What trips your trigger early on may need tweaking to keep you interested. It can be uncomfortable to communicate what you need, but whether it's verbal or non-verbal, it's key to getting what you want, and giving in kind. Thought all the previous responses were quite right.0
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If intimacy is not getting you there or is but not all that special am curious how many will make the effort to communicate with a partner this issue,what is lacking and what they are wanting.
Even though its not a criticism its often taken as one. Its a sensitive subject for a lover to know s/he isnt satisfying you.
I think Jen has it right by showing the way, asking for certain things in certain situations, expressing a like or dislike for something.
But really, I've found that the best sex come of two compatible people with great chemistry, so it just works naturally.
But yeah, in answer, you certainly have to make the effort to fix it if it isnt working :flowerforyou:0 -
It depends on what kind of relationship it is.. if it's just FWB or casual, probably not.. but if it's a long term relationship that I want to keep, then yes.0
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To get even deeper into it (yeah,bad pun intended) do ladies really care if they "get there".
Or to be blunt about it do many of you enjoy the act(s),the emotion,the atmosphere and if orgasm happens then great but if not still can be awesome.
Personally I tend to feel I have failed in a way if a lady does not climax...should I?0 -
a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.
And we have a winner folks!!!!0 -
You're letting your freak flag fly, eh?a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.
And we have a winner folks!!!!0 -
To get even deeper into it (yeah,bad pun intended) do ladies really care if they "get there".
Or to be blunt about it do many of you enjoy the act(s),the emotion,the atmosphere and if orgasm happens then great but if not still can be awesome.
Personally I tend to feel I have failed in a way if a lady does not climax...should I?
Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't. It's not the be all and end all. Its a mood/cycle thing.
You shouldnt feel like a failure though, if you've pressed all the right buttons and it doesnt happen, sometimes it just doesnt happen! I've read that this is pretty normal at certain times of the month for most women
But I do understand your feelings as I feel the same if the man doesnt cum :grumble: But I think its different for women :ohwell: 0 -
You're letting your freak flag fly, eh?a hands on interactive game including dares and rewards and copius amounts of alcohol and orgasms for both.
And we have a winner folks!!!!
It will be flying high on Friday when I pick you up at the Airport! Have I told you about the flag I fly on my boat? It says "surrender the booty", wanna take a boat ride on Saturday? HEHEHEHEHE :smokin: :devil:0 -
To get even deeper into it (yeah,bad pun intended) do ladies really care if they "get there".
Or to be blunt about it do many of you enjoy the act(s),the emotion,the atmosphere and if orgasm happens then great but if not still can be awesome.
Personally I tend to feel I have failed in a way if a lady does not climax...should I?
I do, enjoy the acts. It's the whole journey, not just the finish. But then again, I was never one who could climax easily (not for lack of trying). It's really hard for me to push myself over the edge and I couldn't with another person until I was over 30. Tmi? Lol
I can't from intercourse either but I still really like it. I have no problem showing someone what I like foreplay wise, but some men do get bent out of shape if you don't like what others liked or worked for them before. I can only climax from one thing, a man has to go down. But it's not something I push because I can't relax if I know they don't want to or don't like it so it's pointless. Some guys just don't dig it (though some are just lazy and want to hurry and stick it in). So if it's not something they are going for or showing passion for to get me to climax then I'm not going to force them but it would be nice if they offered. And it's not a failure if it just doesn't happen. A for effort, showing a want for her to finish and that it's not all about you is a good thing. The fun can still be had without the fireworks at the end. It's harder for a woman, hormones, stress, etc.0
