Just curious
skierxjes
Posts: 926 Member
So.. you've gone on a couple dates with someone. Not sure if you *really like* them or not yet. They seem really nice, but still not sure if they seem to be your type.
When is appropriate to ask what their intentions are?
When is appropriate to ask what their intentions are?
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dates are for you to get to know each other as friends.... just be friends and have fun!0
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He wanted to come over after dinner and I'm sure I know why he did, I told him I didn't feel well haha I don't wanna rush things, ya know?0
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Do you want to ask about his intentions because you are not sure about yours? Do you think they will impact your feelings?0
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Probably. I'm leaving in about a month for 2 months. Not sure if this is the time to be starting a relationship. But I suppose I'd be okay with FWB and pick up and move forward from there when I get back?0
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Since you have a deadline of sorts, then I think it's completely acceptable to ask about his intentions. It might be an awkward conversation though.0
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When is appropriate to ask what their intentions are?
I try to avoid having "the talk" until I know for sure how I feel for a guy. The only exception being if he won't take "no" for an answer. I've yet to have a guy who didn't aready tell me he was exclusive with me actually BE exclusive with me, so when they try to get too physical for my comfort, and don't like my slowing them down, I do ask them where we stand. Because if "we're" not going anywhere, then he's not going anywhere
:blushing:
Especially if he knew I was leaving in a month. This may be the military girl in me coming out, but most of the guys I work with think nothing of striking up a "romance" during a month or two long training, knowing full well it will fizzle when she leaves.
Who knows, you could meet the "no compromise" man of your dreams who knocks your socks off while you're gone, and may regret having forced "the talk" with this guy or letting him push you into a relationship when you aren't feeling it for him.0 -
When is appropriate to ask what their intentions are?
I try to avoid having "the talk" until I know for sure how I feel for a guy. The only exception being if he won't take "no" for an answer. I've yet to have a guy who didn't aready tell me he was exclusive with me actually BE exclusive with me, so when they try to get too physical for my comfort, and don't like my slowing them down, I do ask them where we stand. Because if "we're" not going anywhere, then he's not going anywhere :blushing:
Especially if he knew I was leaving in a month. This may be the military girl in me coming out, but most of the guys I work with think nothing of striking up a "romance" during a month or two long training, knowing full well it will fizzle when she leaves.
Who knows, you could meet the "no compromise" man of your dreams who knocks your socks off while you're gone, and may regret having forced "the talk" with this guy or letting him push you into a relationship when you aren't feeling it for him.
Well, there already kind of is a no compromise guy at home..... I just don't know what to do. Speaking to my friends about the situation, they think it sounds like I'm more into the guy from home than the guy here. I don't know if that's so much the case as it's that I know the guy from home way better than the new guy from here. Ahhhhh! What happened to nice, arranged marriages? haha0 -
Well, there already kind of is a no compromise guy at home.....
Is the great guy from home interested in a relationship with you?0 -
Well, there already kind of is a no compromise guy at home.....
Is the great guy from home interested in a relationship with you?
I don't know if I'd call him great.. He's very nice and "my type" in a lot of ways, but is 10 years older than I, divorced, no job, no drivers license and lives with his mom.... I live an 8 hour drive from home, so ever if we did start a relationship, I'd see him MAYBE once a month..
ETA: Yes, he wants to be with me...0 -
wait you lost me at you're dating someone you're not sure you like (which more than likely means you dont like them).
i think the real question is what are YOUR intentions by continuing to see someone you're not that into? are you waiting for them to say they are into you before you decide on being into them?
if you've already friendzoned him, hen maybe you're the one who should be telling him your intentions?0 -
wait you lost me at you're dating someone you're not sure you like (which more than likely means you dont like them).
i think the real question is what are YOUR intentions by continuing to see someone you're not that into? are you waiting for them to say they are into you before you decide on being into them?
if you've already friendzoned him, hen maybe you're the one who should be telling him your intentions?
No, there's a guy from home that really likes me (can't figure out why, but he does). This is the guy with no job, no drivers license, lives with mom, is divorced and has a kid. Except all those crappy things, he's totally my type, but lives at home, which is 8 hours from school. So I don't see us ever actually dating.
I've been on a few dates with a boy from school. I don't know where it's going with him and I don't know if/when to ask his intentions.0 -
Well, there already kind of is a no compromise guy at home.....
Is the great guy from home interested in a relationship with you?
I don't know if I'd call him great.. He's very nice and "my type" in a lot of ways, but is 10 years older than I, divorced, no job, no drivers license and lives with his mom.... I live an 8 hour drive from home, so ever if we did start a relationship, I'd see him MAYBE once a month..
ETA: Yes, he wants to be with me...
Don't settle. You sound completely hesitant about him. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Period.
I wouldn't give this guy the time of the day. Sorry.0 -
Well, there already kind of is a no compromise guy at home.....
Is the great guy from home interested in a relationship with you?
I don't know if I'd call him great.. He's very nice and "my type" in a lot of ways, but is 10 years older than I, divorced, no job, no drivers license and lives with his mom.... I live an 8 hour drive from home, so ever if we did start a relationship, I'd see him MAYBE once a month..
ETA: Yes, he wants to be with me...
Holy crap....no no no no no. 10 yrs older than you lives with mom, no job no license NO WAY this isnt the same as the forum the other day about a successful woman dating a janitor. This guy (who I have never met clearly) is showing no effort on any front. He will be a drain on you. My opinion run away from that guy.0 -
wait you lost me at you're dating someone you're not sure you like (which more than likely means you dont like them).
i think the real question is what are YOUR intentions by continuing to see someone you're not that into? are you waiting for them to say they are into you before you decide on being into them?
if you've already friendzoned him, hen maybe you're the one who should be telling him your intentions?
No, there's a guy from home that really likes me (can't figure out why, but he does). This is the guy with no job, no drivers license, lives with mom, is divorced and has a kid. Except all those crappy things, he's totally my type, but lives at home, which is 8 hours from school. So I don't see us ever actually dating.
I've been on a few dates with a boy from school. I don't know where it's going with him and I don't know if/when to ask his intentions.
Way too many red flags flying there.
Lets be honest,it sounds like the only thing there really is would be that you have a physical attraction/desire for this guy.
It sounds like you are holding out hopes for a "fling" and don`t want to give that dream up but will feel guilty about it if you commit to something in your mind with the other guy.0 -
wait you lost me at you're dating someone you're not sure you like (which more than likely means you dont like them).
i think the real question is what are YOUR intentions by continuing to see someone you're not that into? are you waiting for them to say they are into you before you decide on being into them?
if you've already friendzoned him, hen maybe you're the one who should be telling him your intentions?
No, there's a guy from home that really likes me (can't figure out why, but he does). This is the guy with no job, no drivers license, lives with mom, is divorced and has a kid. Except all those crappy things, he's totally my type, but lives at home, which is 8 hours from school. So I don't see us ever actually dating.
I've been on a few dates with a boy from school. I don't know where it's going with him and I don't know if/when to ask his intentions.
I would never date a guy with no job and lives with his mom. Deal breakers for me no matter if he is my type.0 -
Haha somewhere along the line, this got switched from me asking the intentions of the boy at school and switched to the guy I would never date unless he got his act together
The reason for this thread was about the 22 year old boy at school that has a job, goes to school and doesn't live with mom and dad. We've gone on a few dates and i would really like to know where he thinks it's going. Is it too soon to ask?0 -
Yes it's too soon. Just enjoy your time together and get to know each other a little bit. He probably doesn't even know where it is going yet. Give it a while and if it doesn't seem like it's progressing then ask him.Haha somewhere along the line, this got switched from me asking the intentions of the boy at school and switched to the guy I would never date unless he got his act together
The reason for this thread was about the 22 year old boy at school that has a job, goes to school and doesn't live with mom and dad. We've gone on a few dates and i would really like to know where he thinks it's going. Is it too soon to ask?0 -
Yes it's too soon. Just enjoy your time together and get to know each other a little bit. He probably doesn't even know where it is going yet. Give it a while and if it doesn't seem like it's progressing then ask him.Haha somewhere along the line, this got switched from me asking the intentions of the boy at school and switched to the guy I would never date unless he got his act together
The reason for this thread was about the 22 year old boy at school that has a job, goes to school and doesn't live with mom and dad. We've gone on a few dates and i would really like to know where he thinks it's going. Is it too soon to ask?
If it's going somewhere, I don't wanna rush the intimacy, but if it's turning into less of a relationship and more of a FWB type deal, then why wait? Does that make sense?
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My apologies, I had to read the rest of the thread. Does he know you're leaving for a couple of months? I would absolutely tell him that at least, just so he knows what he's getting into. If that leads into a deeper conversation then go with it.
Yes it's too soon. Just enjoy your time together and get to know each other a little bit. He probably doesn't even know where it is going yet. Give it a while and if it doesn't seem like it's progressing then ask him.Haha somewhere along the line, this got switched from me asking the intentions of the boy at school and switched to the guy I would never date unless he got his act together
The reason for this thread was about the 22 year old boy at school that has a job, goes to school and doesn't live with mom and dad. We've gone on a few dates and i would really like to know where he thinks it's going. Is it too soon to ask?
If it's going somewhere, I don't wanna rush the intimacy, but if it's turning into less of a relationship and more of a FWB type deal, then why wait? Does that make sense?
But still, I'd assume he's not really sure either. And I don't think it's fair to ask him what he wants if you don't know what you want. I just try to get to know somebody before making things all complicated.0 -
Haha somewhere along the line, this got switched from me asking the intentions of the boy at school and switched to the guy I would never date unless he got his act together
The reason for this thread was about the 22 year old boy at school that has a job, goes to school and doesn't live with mom and dad. We've gone on a few dates and i would really like to know where he thinks it's going. Is it too soon to ask?
Yeah, it kinda did because you're comparing the 22 yr old who's got his act together to the guy at home with no apparent positives to us outside observers (other than that he's "into" you).
I am trying hard not to rain on the parade of my friends who are having a great time in their dating threads, but I really honestly think a couple weeks is just too soon to be talking about a relationship and where is this going. The absolute most I would do (but you're, not me, and I won't be offended if you have a different idea) is remind him that you're going back home soon and ask him about ways to keep in touch (skype, yahoo, etc) which would then open up to talking about a "relationship" if he wants.
But I wouldn't even do that until a) you decide what you want (a real live good guy or the fantasy about the guy living with his momma) and b) until closer to your departure, say maybe a month out if he hasn't already done so.
Wish you all the best! Janie0 -
Okay, I guess I will wait. I'm leaving in about 5 weeks, so I'll see where we are in about 3 weeks and then, if need be, we'll have the talk.
Thanks for the input
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