Games? WTF kinda stupid game do u play?

DeeJayTJ

I choose not to play games. They are pointless! But when someone starts playin games with you, its either you ditch them or you HAVE to play their stupid game right back! its ridiculous how that works.

Was dating a girl for 3 months, she'd show her interest, then get distant, and so on. She always referred to me as "a friend" so the other day I decided to ask someone else out.

So, went on a date with the new girl on friday (had known her for 2 years actually) and we hit it off REALLY great. Next day she tells me she had SO much fun and cant wait to go out again! practically blows up my phone with txt messages and phone calls just so excited to talk to me (almost to the point of being needy).

THEN it all comes to a sudden HALT. no more txt, no more phone calls. just silence. I think she realized she was looking needy and just decided to back off. haven't heard from her since Saturday.

So my question to you is:

How do the rest of you single folks handle these situations? I feel like I never stop moving! it's always on to the next one, and i hate that. (when they pull this crap i leave them alone without waiting around)

Are you the kinda person that plays these games?

MissingMinnesota

Maybe she just got busy? Also it might be that she thought she was always initating the contact and thought that she was being needy and is sitting there waiting for you to text her. Remember girls like to over think things. If you are truely interested in her send her a text or give her a call.

DeeJayTJ

will do!

She had some girl talk with my friends gf (which quickly became her friend) and of course i heard all about it.. and it was all "omg cant believe he asked me out" and all these good things to say about the situation.

but yeah, definitely interested and not going to drop contact with her.

La_Amazona

I agree with MM...

I don't play the games but I also don't want to come across as needy. I will initiate contact after I know the guy has interest. Until then, I pretty much let him take the lead.

I always told my dates (the ones I was interested in) that I didn't do the games and if I felt they were, I'd just move on. If I like you, you'll know. And hopefully I know that you like me too. Dating is complicated enough.

pa_jorg

Remember girls like to over think things.

^^THIS.
The problem is that over thinking turns into a vicious cycle. We worry that you are playing games or we wonder if you think we are playing games and suddenly we are in a never ending spiral playing games with one another. It isn't necessarily on purpose.

Roadie2000

I usually call them out on it. If they get *****y about it, they probably aren't worth it. If they laugh it off or admit it they're worth another chance at least. If they shrug it off or make up some BS, they're probably not that into you.

Steelheart7

Sounds to me like she doesn't really know if she is interested in you .. until you showed interest in someone else.

DeeJayTJ

Remember girls like to over think things.

^^THIS.
The problem is that over thinking turns into a vicious cycle. We worry that you are playing games or we wonder if you think we are playing games and suddenly we are in a never ending spiral playing games with one another. It isn't necessarily on purpose.

LOL SO TRUE!!!

a vicious cycle that keeps going and going and going!!

SmexAppeal

I just dealt with this on a woman's end lol. The guy I had been seeing for about a month decided to pull some crazy ***** fit (yes a man pulled a ***** fit) and basically quit talking to me for two days. Then contacts me Monday morning and I'm like... uhhh, what now? So if you have advice for me, shoot. Because I'm so tired of stupid games, and moving on to the next one as well.
Stupid dating :grumble:

Tropical_Turtle

This is perfect timing I have to say - I have been dating a guy the last 3 months. We were talking Friday, then he just stopped. Have not heard from him since then. Where we used to talk every day. I have had two previous relationships end where the man just stopped talking to me and disappeared. I am heartbroken but I think it is time to move on.


I have been told "Give him time to explain" bullpucky - there is no reason to stop mid conversation, and just disappear off the planet.

I could use advice too....

DeeJayTJ

yep, thats why i post this, im sure everyone goes through this.

to be honest, im the kinda guy that disappears. i cant speak on behalf of the men that have done that to you, but if you give me a GOOD reason to leave u alone then im gone. it would never be " just because" it would have to be for a real good reason... its not from one day to the next, but i slowly detach myself and move on. i always have an exiting line though, i dont just cut them off, i explain myself.

i feel like im fitting in with those dbags that have done that to you

Tropical_Turtle

At least you explain yourself. I could handle an explanation. The just disappearing - not acceptable. Shoot I will even take the your too amazing for me, or its not you its me. Something would be fabulous.

As for your situation - women do tend to over think stuff, and we too dont want something until someone else wants it. (Its the vicious cycle of what I call sandbox syndrome - I see you there no one wants you, neither do I. But once "Sally" picks you up - I want you too)

My theory is if I want games I would play freakin monopoly - Why must we make dating so much harder than it already is???

AllanMisner

It seems she was blowing up your phone. Were you responding in kind? If I were to show interest in someone and get a cold reception, I'd probably back off too.

Carl01

My personal experience has been that many ladies will very quickly be on an emotional high when they take up with a guy.
Texts/emails are very frequent and then after a few days they sort of level off and everything slows down.
Add in to that the useless but inevitable over analyzing every last word and action and who the hell knows what they are thinking.

Was teasing on that last part although some truth.

odusgolp

Wait... You talked to a friend, who told you that she talked to yet another mutual friend, who spilled all the beans to you about how excited she was to go on a date with you?

That, alone, can be considered a game. As can your "tendency to disappear." Her directly texting you being all excited is not a game... it's blatant excitement and (albeit annoying) exuberance.

So... pick your battles, sir. It sounds like you intentionally didn't write her for days even though you're interested /shrug. Honesty never fails. "I like you, but let's take it slow. Your incessant texting is smothering me a bit." or.... "I don't like that you've been introducing me as you 'friend' rather than significant other. Are we free to see other people if that's the case?"

Games, as people like to call them, are simply fear of communication and honesty.

Bikini27

I don't do games.
I really don't like when people do.
I do the same, I'll slowly detach myself but I do give a reason.

Of course, my lack of game playing has a lot to do with my ability to remember what game I did previously. Keeps me honest.

At the end of the day, your interest and instincts will lead you to the right person.:flowerforyou:

meshashesha2012

i think people play games (or it appears that way to others) when they are second and triple guessing themselves.

no one wants to say i like you in case the other person doesnt like them
no one wants to say i dont like in case the other person really likes them
some people are stuck in the i dont know for sure if i like that person because of xyz

i think half the games would disappear if people were more honest (hey i like you or sorry i'm not really feeling you).


there's also the games where you're being invited to play. i happen to think that there is a certain amount of game playing necessary in dating. i make a move..you make a move..i make a move, etc. when that process works smoothly then it's not recognized as being a game (which it is). for instance i make a move, he makes a move, he makes another move, he's probably going to think i'm the one playing games because i didnt respond to one of his moves.

what makes the issue more complicate is that oftentimes people make moves without realizing they've made them or they dont pick up on moves that the other person makes.

also i'm going to be the one to say it.. responding to someone only by texts and emails is a sure fire way to make romance and chemistry for women. i know it's easier to do it that way, but women for the most part need to feel a connection with someone and that's hard to do when you're just words on a screen. i'm not saying you have to have 2 hour conversations with her, but when you're asking her out for a date then CALL her and ask. you can text the details. if you had a nice time on your date CALL her and say so.

i've recently had too many experiences that have fallen into does he or doesnt he like me because the guy texted everything. if i'm not sure someone is that into me, then i'm eventually going to lose interest. i cant speak for every woman, but i know a lot who are similar

Shanna_Inc86

hmmm I was casually talking with a guy and noticed every time we hung out he made the point of telling me that he isn't looking for a relationship....ok....heard ya the first time you told me....don't need to keep telling me.

I initially really enjoyed hanging with him. Texting and what not. Now I've just stopped contacting him b/c it isn't worth my time. He hasn't contacted me either so it obviously isn't worth his time either.

Not to mention, I refuse to do all the work in talking to a guy. If he's interested he'll contact me too....if he's really not he wont'. You gotta do some of the work as well ya'know.

toots99

to be honest, im the kinda guy that disappears. ... i always have an exiting line though, i dont just cut them off, i explain myself.

How do you disappear but yet explain yourself and have an exiting line?

I've had so many guys disappear. I dated one guy for four months, and he literally stood me up one night and I never heard from him again. The next guy, who I dated for three months. did the same thing. Bunch'a f'ing cowards.

DeeJayTJ

to be honest, im the kinda guy that disappears. ... i always have an exiting line though, i dont just cut them off, i explain myself.

How do you disappear but yet explain yourself and have an exiting line?

I've had so many guys disappear. I dated one guy for four months, and he literally stood me up one night and I never heard from him again. The next guy, who I dated for three months. did the same thing. Bunch'a f'ing cowards.

what i do is, detach myself emotionally, then i only bother to talk to them when they talk to me.

then we still hang out but not near as much as before. but then, i tell them its not working but im glad to be their friend.. and then they never hear from me again. simple as that.

DeeJayTJ

and most of the time, they cant handle just being my friend. so then i never hear from them anyway.

the first girl in my story that was getting distant then close then distant and close again just called me to go out for drinks.

i will be goign out for drinks with her JUST as friends. and then if she asks "did i do something wrong?" again... i'll finally get to tell her that i dont expect anything from her other than to just be my friend and that im no longer pursuing a relationship with her like i was before. i refuse to say something like that over txt. its face to face or i wont say anything. just like a breakup, im not going ot breakup with someone over txt thats just cowardly and wrong.

for her it was okay to date other guys while dating me (which is fine, thats what dating is) but it was not fine for me to date other girls.. why teh double standard?

also, the first girl is the type of girl that likes to "mess around" and do the whole friends with benefits thing.. thats not me.. i dont play that ****.

DeeJayTJ

well, turns out I was the one over thinking things with the new one.

she msged me this evening to apologize for disappearing shortly after hanging up the phone with me saturday she ended up having to rush her mom to the hospital! her mom is OKAY and was getting released today and so thats why she didnt respond to phone or txt (though i only sent 2 messages since saturday and that was on saturday night)

xtinalovexo

hmmmm. as much as i try to behave... i love a good game! i really should snap out of that.

i cant give you my secrets

JanieJack

How do the rest of you single folks handle these situations? I feel like I never stop moving! it's always on to the next one, and i hate that. (when they pull this crap i leave them alone without waiting around)

Are you the kinda person that plays these games?

I don't play games cuz I don't have time... what you see is what you get. I can't stand double standards.

OTOH, I know my personality falls outside the "norm" so I don't mind the "always on to the next one" feeling. I think there are very few guys out there I would actually be compatible with, so my feelings aren't typically hurt when things fall apart (unless it's someone I've dated for awhile).

christine24t

i think people play games (or it appears that way to others) when they are second and triple guessing themselves.

no one wants to say i like you in case the other person doesnt like them
no one wants to say i dont like in case the other person really likes them
some people are stuck in the i dont know for sure if i like that person because of xyz

i think half the games would disappear if people were more honest (hey i like you or sorry i'm not really feeling you).

You are so right. The best response I've seen here!

pa_jorg

well, turns out I was the one over thinking things with the new one.

she msged me this evening to apologize for disappearing shortly after hanging up the phone with me saturday she ended up having to rush her mom to the hospital! her mom is OKAY and was getting released today and so thats why she didnt respond to phone or txt (though i only sent 2 messages since saturday and that was on saturday night)

Sorry about the mom in the hospital part, but nice to know why she poofed. Just try to remember this the next time you start to over think things...

Roadie2000

I don't think it's always necessarily game playing, but rather people just over-thinking everything. They never want to text too often or come on too strong because they don't want to scare the other person away. Either that or they are just not into the other person, either because they don't know them well enough yet or they just lost interest.

Like if I don't text somebody for a day, it's not because I don't like that person. It's usually just because I'm busy or just don't have anything interesting to say. And I don't feel like I need to if I'm just dating that person. I'll always respond if they text me though.

But mostly if people try to play games with me, ie not texting me back for like 6 hours, never being able to hang out, or failure to ever initiate conversation, I'll call them out on it or just play my own little game. It's called "Let's see who can give less of a *kitten*." I always win that one.

JanieJack

Like if I don't text somebody for a day, it's not because I don't like that person. It's usually just because I'm busy or just don't have anything interesting to say.
....
if people try to play games with me, ie not texting me back for like 6 hours

I work in a secure facility and on days when I have to run my son immediately across town for practice it could be 12 hours before I get around to answering a text.

Roadie2000

I work in a secure facility and on days when I have to run my son immediately across town for practice it could be 12 hours before I get around to answering a text.

Well that's understandable, as long as you let them know and make an effort to communicate when you can. It's more about when someone usually responds right away, and then they just start doing it when they get around to it.

AnnaPixie

well, turns out I was the one over thinking things with the new one.

she msged me this evening to apologize for disappearing shortly after hanging up the phone with me saturday she ended up having to rush her mom to the hospital! her mom is OKAY and was getting released today and so thats why she didnt respond to phone or txt (though i only sent 2 messages since saturday and that was on saturday night)

Great! Glad you got an acceptable answer/excuse. I dont really get why texts can't be sent in any and every situation, it takes like 3 seconds to say "get back to you soon" but then I have a great track record in communication.....:laugh: (laughing because that sounds so conceited, but true nonetheless). Its my observation, that most people dont! :flowerforyou: