What does this conversation mean?

kimi131

Tonight was date number seven (yes, I keep track ) with a particular guy. We obviously like each other and we're pretty comfortable with each other. I'm a teacher and I have to work prom this year. He is planning to be my date to prom :laugh: . That's a few weeks away still, but the fact that he's going with me is something we joke about regularly (in fact, he went dress shopping with me today :laugh: ).

Anyway, we were discussing food options and he wanted pizza. I suggested a fabulous little pizza place near my house. He has some friends in the area and jokingly said, "I should invite so and so to join us."

I was a little confused by that comment, but I wanted to be the cool girl so I said that would be fine if he wanted to. He laughed and said, "Nah, we're to the prom date phase not the meeting each other's friends phase."

Of course, I overanalyzed that comment as I always do. I know he's hinted that girls in the past have rushed him and I don't want to be that girl. So, I said that I hoped my comment that he could invite his friends didn't bother him. He said, "Why would it? I was sort of testing you. Do you think you passed or failed?"

I said that I thought I failed because of the prom date phase thing. He said that was more of a joke about the fact that we're two adults going to prom than anything. After that, we moved onto other topics.

So, the whole thing just confused me. I don't know if it meant anything or nothing at all. I'm fine if it didn't mean anything, but if it was him hinting at something then I'd like to know. I'm trying not to rush things. But truth be told, he's the only guy I'm dating and has been for a while (my choice - I'm just not capable of dating multiple guys at once) and we are intimate.

There have been other little hints like that. Like the time I swear he was testing me trying to figure out if I was dating anyone else. And the time recently when his text said, "Good morning, sweetie" instead of his standard good morning. I guess it's about time for such hints though, right?

Dating is so confusing...

Natx83

This such a good example of a time when males and female just dont get each other.. funny stuff.

I think this guy is quite fond of you, if he is starting to call you sweetie and he hasnt done this before this is probably a sign that hes thinking pretty highly of you.

In regards to the friends thing, my interp' of it is.. He said it jokingly as you put it, but was probably actually pretty serious about it and was thinking he would like his friends to meet you, another reason I think this guy is digging you! Maybe you should look back on how you said your response, like the tone of your voice when you said "that's fine". This may have been off putting for him and maybe retracted his comment about the going to prom phase.

I dont know about other guys, but I have often said things jokingly that I was semi serious about in the light that it'll save me embarrasment if what I said is rejected.

Do you know what I mean?

After seven dates, you guys are getting into the pointy end of dating I guess before getting into an exclusive relationship I'd say

takingnameskickingbutt

I think he means:

I want to go to prom with you, but I am not ready for you to meet my friends.

As hard as it is, just go with the flow.

Natx83

I think he means:

I want to go to prom with you, but I am not ready for you to meet my friends.

As hard as it is, just go with the flow.

Disagree very much.

I think its the exact opposite... I think he wants her to but he is nervous about it.

lacroyx

Anyway, we were discussing food options and he wanted pizza. I suggested a fabulous little pizza place near my house. He has some friends in the area and jokingly said, "I should invite so and so to join us."

I was a little confused by that comment, but I wanted to be the cool girl so I said that would be fine if he wanted to. He laughed and said, "Nah, we're to the prom date phase not the meeting each other's friends phase."

How was your "that would be fine" tone? Were you hesistant or happy? I am with Natx83 on this one. I believe he was testing the waters with the way he joked about it and see how'd you respond. I think he wants you to meet his friends but maybe how you responded gave him the vibe that it wouldn't be a good idea yet.

flimflamfloz

Of course, I overanalyzed that comment as I always do. I know he's hinted that girls in the past have rushed him and I don't want to be that girl. So, I said that I hoped my comment that he could invite his friends didn't bother him. He said, "Why would it? I was sort of testing you. Do you think you passed or failed?"

I said that I thought I failed because of the prom date phase thing. He said that was more of a joke about the fact that we're two adults going to prom than anything. After that, we moved onto other topics.

So, the whole thing just confused me. I don't know if it meant anything or nothing at all. I'm fine if it didn't mean anything, but if it was him hinting at something then I'd like to know. I'm trying not to rush things. But truth be told, he's the only guy I'm dating and has been for a while (my choice - I'm just not capable of dating multiple guys at once) and we are intimate.

It doesn't mean anything.

We men don't "*kitten* test" women.

That being said, I think you kind of failed a non-test (<= does it means anything?) by being so serious about it.
"Nah, we're to the prom date phase not the meeting each other's friends phase." didn't really need for a serious answer/serious comment.
The "I hope my comment didn't bother you" thing you said was too much and probably uncalled for since the guy was just being silly. No need to apologize for your comment and if you need then your guy is oversensitive anyway.

AllanMisner

I'll admit that I have some friends that I wouldn't want to introduce to a new girl until we were very well established. They're rude, crass and bullish. Great for tailgate buddies, bad for setting impressions with a lady.

He's opened the door for you to discuss stages in your relationship. Take this opportunity to have a good talk. You won't get to the answer by analyzing this yourself or bouncing it off us or other friends. Ask him.

MissingMinnesota

Of course, I overanalyzed that comment as I always do. I know he's hinted that girls in the past have rushed him and I don't want to be that girl. So, I said that I hoped my comment that he could invite his friends didn't bother him. He said, "Why would it? I was sort of testing you. Do you think you passed or failed?"

I said that I thought I failed because of the prom date phase thing. He said that was more of a joke about the fact that we're two adults going to prom than anything. After that, we moved onto other topics.

So, the whole thing just confused me. I don't know if it meant anything or nothing at all. I'm fine if it didn't mean anything, but if it was him hinting at something then I'd like to know. I'm trying not to rush things. But truth be told, he's the only guy I'm dating and has been for a while (my choice - I'm just not capable of dating multiple guys at once) and we are intimate.

It doesn't mean anything.

We men don't "*kitten* test" women.

You might not test women but plenty of guys do. My last BF was the king of it. I was the one that was blunt with the relationship and he was always doing things to see if I would get jealous. He admitted to this after we broke up that he tends to do that in relationships.

Back to the OP. I agree with the rest I think he was seeing how open you were to the idea of meeting friends so he put the idea out there. If you were hesitant in your response (and from the tone of your initial post I am guessing you were) he probably backed off a little bit on the idea. He was testing the waters on moving the relationship along.

Roadie2000

Yeah, sounds like he was just testing the waters and kind of joking around. It was either your reaction or he just kind of realized that it might be a too early in the relationship to start meeting friends.

DMZ_1

Probably nothing if things continue to be pleasant in upcoming interactions. Things are usually pretty simple with men.

flimflamfloz

It doesn't mean anything.
We men don't "*kitten* test" women.

You might not test women but plenty of guys do. My last BF was the king of it. I was the one that was blunt with the relationship and he was always doing things to see if I would get jealous. He admitted to this after we broke up that he tends to do that in relationships.

Well, the truth is that I technically test women all the time.
Just not in a silly way like this (probing, trap questions, pushing them to the limits). :noway:

But I constantly re-evaluate the relationship and, yes, I should always be pleased to be with the girl - so it's constant testing. I also tell about the problems I see when I care...

La_Amazona

I'm not down with all this testing.. what am I? A lab rat?

This is the kind of stuff that makes us women overanalyze and overthink everything to try to figure it out. It's draining.

I'm not sure what exactly the conversation meant to HIM.. because obviously that's what matters.

AnnaPixie

This such a good example of a time when males and female just dont get each other.. funny stuff.

I think this guy is quite fond of you, if he is starting to call you sweetie and he hasnt done this before this is probably a sign that hes thinking pretty highly of you.

In regards to the friends thing, my interp' of it is.. He said it jokingly as you put it, but was probably actually pretty serious about it and was thinking he would like his friends to meet you, another reason I think this guy is digging you! Maybe you should look back on how you said your response, like the tone of your voice when you said "that's fine". This may have been off putting for him and maybe retracted his comment about the going to prom phase.

I dont know about other guys, but I have often said things jokingly that I was semi serious about in the light that it'll save me embarrasment if what I said is rejected.

Do you know what I mean?

After seven dates, you guys are getting into the pointy end of dating I guess before getting into an exclusive relationship I'd say

this^^ spot on answer! I dont think 'testing' is the right word. That implies that he's trying to trip you up. Whereas I think he's just trying to gauge your thoughts on the matter without being too direct or vulnerable, or putting you on the spot.......

All part of getting to know each other :flowerforyou:

jbella99

Men usually always mean what they say, We are the ones who say one thing and mean another. In my experience men are pretty simple creatures. hahahaha

JanieJack

My best guy friend has a series of tests he does on women... I didn't know this until after we'd stopped dating and became friends, and he ran through the tests with 3 other girls since then. I wonder if he consiously realizes what he's doing. I'll admit it was kinda bittersweet hearing him tell me "I did this and she actually got the right response," because with each new incident I'd remember, "Hey, he did that to me, too!"

I don't remember all of his tests, but a couple I do remember: the insult test (can she come back with a witty remark). Another one was giving her a slightly later time for dinner with friends, and by time she arrives he is seated with other women and his date has to take a seat at the end of the table with his other friends (how rude!). Another one was various shades of flirthing/being into other women in front of her. Apparently, for this guy (and all guys are different, I'm sure), mingling with the party and finding someone else to flirth with was the right answer.

j4nash

My best guy friend has a series of tests he does on women... I didn't know this until after we'd stopped dating and became friends, and he ran through the tests with 3 other girls since then. I wonder if he consiously realizes what he's doing. I'll admit it was kinda bittersweet hearing him tell me "I did this and she actually got the right response," because with each new incident I'd remember, "Hey, he did that to me, too!"

I don't remember all of his tests, but a couple I do remember: the insult test (can she come back with a witty remark). Another one was giving her a slightly later time for dinner with friends, and by time she arrives he is seated with other women and his date has to take a seat at the end of the table with his other friends (how rude!). Another one was various shades of flirthing/being into other women in front of her. Apparently, for this guy (and all guys are different, I'm sure), mingling with the party and finding someone else to flirth with was the right answer.

And I'm guessing this guy is still single.

j4nash

Just be yourself. Do what you would normally do if it wasn't date #7. At the end of the day, if you get into relationship land, you're going to drop all the I'm going to be appropriate and "say this" act and just be yourself. If it bothers you it should.

My opinion on the comment: lame joke. Poking fun at the fact that you're going to prom. Nothing more.

JanieJack

And I'm guessing this guy is still single.

Depends on what you mean by single.. he's been with his current gf for 2 years now, and wants to marry her. Which, surprised all of us. I was shocked he and I even dated for 4 months, because I knew him while married and most girls only last one or two dates with him. But this girl is a good fit for him (I wasn't), and I'm happy he found her.

DavetheHYNIC

He might just be a jokey kinda guy. I am and that's kinda like something I would say. I think that everyone is missing the biggest point of the information you gave and are too focused on the test or perceived test aspect which you admit you don't even know if its a test .He's going with you to a friggen high school prom were everyone is going to be checking him out and isn't somewhere a grown man would want to go. Hence he must really like you and be into you. That's not a move a guy whose lookin to just hook up makes . Don't sweat the small stuff.

TheKitsune6

I've been told I need to say this more often:

"Dude, chill"

Seriously, you're over analyzing it Even if you aren't and he's playing games, let him play by himself!

kimi131

He might just be a jokey kinda guy. I am and that's kinda like something I would say. I think that everyone is missing the biggest point of the information you gave and are too focused on the test or perceived test aspect which you admit you don't even know if its a test .He's going with you to a friggen high school prom were everyone is going to be checking him out and isn't somewhere a grown man would want to go. Hence he must really like you and be into you. That's not a move a guy whose lookin to just hook up makes . Don't sweat the small stuff.

That's a nice way of looking at it. Good point :flowerforyou:

kimi131

I'm not trying to overanalyze this one. I just thought it was a weird conversation and maybe I was missing something. I've been more "chill" with this guy than any in the past. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to overdo it. He overanalyzes things too though. This is a conversation we've had. Heck, this is the guy who after only date number 3, when I was having a busy day and not responding to his texts went as far as to call me from work to make sure everything was okay :bigsmile: .

I admit, I am starting to get a little antsy to make it a relationship, but I'm trying to play it cool.

PeekABooGirl

In my experience, men typically say exactly what they mean. They're not normally like women, who often beat around the bush instead of saying exactly what we mean. HOWEVER the way you describe it, kind of does sound like he was maybe testing the waters. Why say "hey I should have so and so meet us" if he wasn't at least entertaining the idea? Maybe subconsciously testing the waters a bit.

But I certainly think after 7 dates, I'd be having that conversation with him..... its only fair to get a rough idea of if things are going to go anywhere or not.