Chemistry
Carl01
Posts: 9,301 Member
The word gets thrown around to the point it is almost a meaningless cliché.
No right or wrong answer but interested in personal definitions as to what it is or what makes it happen for you as an individual.
Or does it just get back in the end to a school yard style crush without explanation so was a word needed to to be an all encompassing description of that?
No right or wrong answer but interested in personal definitions as to what it is or what makes it happen for you as an individual.
Or does it just get back in the end to a school yard style crush without explanation so was a word needed to to be an all encompassing description of that?
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Replies
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When my nether regions inexplicably tingle when he looks at me.
That's step one... And it can easily dissapate as he talks.0 -
A couple of things for me:
First: We need to be able to converse. If talking is difiicult and feels like a chore, I'm not going to want anything
Second: Goes right along with what Odus said; If I look at her and have no inclination to touch her, to kiss her, or to wonder what she looks like naked, a romantic relationship will never happen.
Third: Just think of it logically: Chemistry involves how elements react to each other. If there's no reaction, there's no chemistry. If there's a bad reaction, bad chemistry. Every relationship has some kind of chemistry, it's just a matter of determining which it is. When a woman shuts you down, it's because there's no/too little romantic chemistry to continue asking you to pay for her meals. Take it as a courtesy rather than an insult. More often than not, there's nothing malicious going on.0 -
When my nether regions inexplicably tingle when he looks at me.
That's step one... And it can easily dissapate at he talks.
:laugh:0 -
When my nether regions inexplicably tingle when he looks at me.
That's step one... And it can easily dissapate at he talks.
:laugh:
Why'd you delete the old account???0 -
When my nether regions inexplicably tingle when he looks at me.
That's step one... And it can easily dissapate as he talks.
That was sort of my idea,it is an undefinable something and we have developed a catch all word to describe it.
Btw,talk of your nether regions just made mine do that.
Not sure that was chemistry or lust though. :happy:0 -
Jeez, its 2.18am here and I need to go bed. Good question Carl, will sleep on it and come back to you in the morning....
Nanight :flowerforyou:0 -
Perfect on paper + no spark = no chemistry
You cant deny it or create it. Its there or its not but chemistry doesn't equal compatibility or happiness, just a tingle!0 -
I have found, as I get older, that the "original" chemistry may not be the "actual" chemistry. Someone that I am not attracted to first-off, after conversation and time spent getting to know each other may just stroke my intelligence errogenous zone so strongly that the lust develops.
I've also been close enough to touch someone that I lusted after and in less than one evening together I never want to be near him again and wonder what "get it off me!" I could've felt that had me lusting in the first place!
Chemistry comes in... but conversation has to be the a huge part of it.0 -
When my nether regions inexplicably tingle when he looks at me.
That's step one... And it can easily dissapate as he talks.
You said it. And where your heart beats so fast because you're so happy.
Unfortunately, I don't think it happens in every relationship. And that can be okay, so long as you like the person and are attracted. But not everyone makes your heart flutter.0 -
I think there are "tangible" (for lack of a better word) aspects of chemistry, and that, to me, is the physical attraction. I don't mean is he/she hot. I mean just what hiker described ... do you have a desire to touch/kiss/be close to this person? With some guys, I feel no physical connection at all. The conversation may be great, but I'm not wondering what it would feel like to have his hands on me. With some, the physical attraction is so obvious that I feel like my body is on fire. That matters, bigtime.
Then there is the not so tangible ... do your personalities click? That's the one that is harder to explain. With some people, things just feel right. The conversation flows more naturally, your willingness to open up about certain things is greater, your questions are more probing and less superficial, etc., because you just have more of a desire to get to know the person on a deeper level and you feel more comfortable allowing them to get to know you.0 -
Chemistry......The class I disliked the most...:grumble:
Seriously...I think when you just "get" and "understand" the other person. It is just so easy to talk to him on a day to day basis. Also....if he leaves me smiling...and I leave him smiling .... almost everyday...in my mind, we definitely have a connection (in other words, we have chemistry).
ETA: Yea I just read this again, and I am not really good at this kind of thing lol.... No wonder I am having a hard time in the single world....:frown:0 -
Chemistry is that inexplicable thing that when it happens you lose yourself in the moment with that person. You could be anywhere, but for some reason you don't see or hear anything around you but that person. You draw energy from them and feel yourself drawn to them. It makes you believe in love at first sight when you know that isn't actually possible.0
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Chemistry is that inexplicable thing that when it happens you lose yourself in the moment with that person. You could be anywhere, but for some reason you don't see or hear anything around you but that person. You draw energy from them and feel yourself drawn to them. It makes you believe in love at first sight when you know that isn't actually possible.
^^ this in far better words than I was trying to explain it in.
On another note, do you think lust and chemisty are sometimes confused?0 -
Chemistry is that inexplicable thing that when it happens you lose yourself in the moment with that person. You could be anywhere, but for some reason you don't see or hear anything around you but that person. You draw energy from them and feel yourself drawn to them. It makes you believe in love at first sight when you know that isn't actually possible.
^^ this in far better words than I was trying to explain it in.
On another note, do you think lust and chemisty are sometimes confused?
I find this interesting because most people will say physical attraction or desire for intimacy of some kind is a factor but then will downplay it.
From this it doesn`t seem so.0 -
Hm... I think it has three basic facets for me.
1) Ability to hold an interesting conversation. Nothing to talk about means there's no point in going any further.
2) Physical appeal. It doesn't mean I objectively think he's a good looking man, because I've been very attracted to men who were completely not what I found handsome at all, but there was something about them - maybe one feature, or a particular expression - that made me keep looking, and made me want to look more.
3) Sparks. If he touches my hand, or puts his hand on my shoulder or the small of my back, and it feels uncomfortable or awkward, then I know it isn't going to work out no matter how nice they are to talk to or interesting they are to look at. If, however, it feels natural and/or exciting, that's a pretty good indication that further touch would also feel natural and/or exciting.
Combine the three - great chemistry0 -
Im available for any and all chemisty experiements...any takers? lol0
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Chemistry is that inexplicable thing that when it happens you lose yourself in the moment with that person. You could be anywhere, but for some reason you don't see or hear anything around you but that person. You draw energy from them and feel yourself drawn to them. It makes you believe in love at first sight when you know that isn't actually possible.
^^ this in far better words than I was trying to explain it in.
On another note, do you think lust and chemisty are sometimes confused?
I find this interesting because most people will say physical attraction or desire for intimacy of some kind is a factor but then will downplay it.
From this it doesn`t seem so.
Real chemistry, while similar in nature to lust, has longevity. If you still find these things happening after a month or two, you're on to something. Another delineation is when you are really into the person and not just their body.0 -
Lust (or physical attraction) is one factor of chemistry, but not everything.I find this interesting because most people will say physical attraction or desire for intimacy of some kind is a factor but then will downplay it.
From this it doesn`t seem so.0 -
When I think of chemistry I think of two things:
1. That initial intense feeling (mostly lust) that is often (according to some psychology books I've read- would love 2stepz thought on this) an indicator that the person is actually NOT right for you; that, rather, this person triggers some unresolved issues in your child hood. Or that they're just incredibly hot, which clouds your judgment.
2. The even more delicious intensity that comes from being pleasantly surprised as you learn about someone. How good he is with his kids. How quick he is to help you solve a problem. How well he treats you and your friends. How he's respectful to actually hear your side of the story, not just jump to conclusions and write you off as an "emotional little woman." All that gets wrapped up in - and intensifies - how good he looks without a shirt, lol.
#1 dissipates quickly when you begin to see the other person's "true self."
#2 intensifies (hopefully) because you now see the person's "true self" and find it pleasing on emotional, intellectual, and physical levels0 -
I find this interesting because most people will say physical attraction or desire for intimacy of some kind is a factor but then will downplay it.
The guy in my life who was hardest to get over was not the most "attractive" by the general populaces standards. But the way he treated me, the way he loved on my son, oh my goodness!! His personality flipped my switch and even though we never actually dated, it took forever to stop pining away for him.0 -
When I think of chemistry I think of two things:
1. That initial intense feeling (mostly lust) that is often (according to some psychology books I've read- would love 2stepz thought on this) an indicator that the person is actually NOT right for you; that, rather, this person triggers some unresolved issues in your child hood. Or that they're just incredibly hot, which clouds your judgment.
2. The even more delicious intensity that comes from being pleasantly surprised as you learn about someone. How good he is with his kids. How quick he is to help you solve a problem. How well he treats you and your friends. How he's respectful to actually hear your side of the story, not just jump to conclusions and write you off as an "emotional little woman." All that gets wrapped up in - and intensifies - how good he looks without a shirt, lol.
#1 dissipates quickly when you begin to see the other person's "true self."
#2 intensifies (hopefully) because you now see the person's "true self" and find it pleasing on emotional, intellectual, and physical levels
I'm struggling to understand why they can't be the same person. Are you saying that lust is a bad thing? That having lust means you've picked the wrong person? That first impressions are always wrong?0 -
Chemistry is that inexplicable thing that when it happens you lose yourself in the moment with that person. You could be anywhere, but for some reason you don't see or hear anything around you but that person. You draw energy from them and feel yourself drawn to them. It makes you believe in love at first sight when you know that isn't actually possible.
exactly and almost always ends with a kiss that stops time.0 -
I'm struggling to understand why they can't be the same person. Are you saying that lust is a bad thing? That having lust means you've picked the wrong person? That first impressions are always wrong?
No, hopefully you will lust after person #2. But the intense chemistry I'm talking about in #1 is almost unnatural-and back when I was studying this stuff I learned about how we can strongly, chemically, drawn to someone who reinforces something wrong in us... so the girl who has daddy issues seems to keep feeling crazy intense chemistry for men who will abuse her ... subconsciously hoping she can fix him in an (unknown to her) effort to fix him, thus correcting the problem she couldn't fix as a kid (dad too critical, never loved her). Another example I remember from this was the guy who hated women, and always was intensely drawn to narcissistic, manipulative, women who only reinforced the "women are evil" subconscious belief he adopted because his mom abandoned him. Another one is the "I wouldn't be a member of any club that was dumb enough to allow me" kind of folks.
I'm not a psych though, so this is just my interpretation of what I read. Though, I will have to admit the men I have the most intense initial chemistry for are the cold, distant, guys who only give drops of attention. Guys that want to text, call, be around, all that stuff right up front have (in the past) scared me away. Which is weird because I'm, by nature, a very affectionate person. So I don't know if this theory is true 100% of the time, but I do know it's been true for me more often than not.0 -
I'm struggling to understand why they can't be the same person. Are you saying that lust is a bad thing? That having lust means you've picked the wrong person? That first impressions are always wrong?
No, hopefully you will lust after person #2. But the intense chemistry I'm talking about in #1 is almost unnatural-and back when I was studying this stuff I learned about how we can strongly, chemically, drawn to someone who reinforces something wrong in us... so the girl who has daddy issues seems to keep feeling crazy intense chemistry for men who will abuse her ... subconsciously hoping she can fix him in an (unknown to her) effort to fix him, thus correcting the problem she couldn't fix as a kid (dad too critical, never loved her). Another example I remember from this was the guy who hated women, and always was intensely drawn to narcissistic, manipulative, women who only reinforced the "women are evil" subconscious belief he adopted because his mom abandoned him. Another one is the "I wouldn't be a member of any club that was dumb enough to allow me" kind of folks.
I'm not a psych though, so this is just my interpretation of what I read. Though, I will have to admit the men I have the most intense initial chemistry for are the cold, distant, guys who only give drops of attention. Guys that want to text, call, be around, all that stuff right up front have (in the past) scared me away. Which is weird because I'm, by nature, a very affectionate person. So I don't know if this theory is true 100% of the time, but I do know it's been true for me more often than not.
All I can hope for you is you find a guy who blows your socks off (is patient enough to hold out through your "he must be bad for me" phase) and keeps blowing your socks off.0 -
All I can hope for you is you find a guy who blows your socks off (is patient enough to hold out through your "he must be bad for me" phase) and keeps blowing your socks off.
hm... seems to me that the more I recover from the divorce, the more great guys I meet ;-)
Too bad most of the guys out there, even the great ones, refuse to remarry.
Besides, Allan, you've seen me in real life. You've observed that during the rare times that I really like a guy, my bravado goes out the window and I do tend to fall quickly and hard for him. Until he friend zones me, anyway.0 -
when the planets align and there is a mutual physical, intellectual and emotional attraction. at this point i'd even take 2 out of 3 and see about growing into the 3rd, but lately it's just been 1 out 3. that is no chemistry0
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Ok, I'm a awake (and on here) again..............I think I need rehab!! :laugh:
The more I think about the replies so far, and my corresponding experiences with chemistry, the less I think it has anything to with sex, or physical attraction. Or at least it doesnt in the first instance.............
I know. Bizarre! I'm even surprising myself with this one............
The reason I say this conclusively, is that I have some great chemistry going on with men that I'm not, and never will be, intimate with. The thing is, we just 'click'.
Therefore I think its just a chemical balance, unity. The vibe we give off. Our aura! It either gels with someone else, or it doesn't.
But it goes further than that. That is just the instant bit. The 'I knew after 2 minutes of meeting him' bit!
So lets just say that once that energy is established, then the blending of both your characters come into play. This may be why some people are saying it can dwindle when you start talking. I agree. You can feel an instant spark, but actually, your personalities dont gel. That will break the chemical bond. My best friend, for example, if you saw us chatting in a restaurant, you'd think we were married. People have often asked us this. But after 25 years of knowing each other, we have never been intimate. We just get along so well, understand each other, 'get' each other, and never run out of things to say.
And then there is the physical attraction, which is another phenomenon, but lets say we all know why that happens. So, in combination with:
*A forcefield of unified, undefined energy + (soul)
*2 personalities in tune/harmony + (mind)
*And, I want to rip your clothes off (body)
= Fireworks!!
Yes, a meeting of mind, body and soul!!
I think you need all 3 for 'romantic' chemistry. Well, I do!! But not necessarily everyone does as some relationships survive without 1 or the other.............0 -
Chemistry to me means something you feel when you first meet or talk to someone.. beyond that I think it is just forming a relationship. You need the chemistry to move to the next step.
That spark in your body or your mind that makes you go .. hey .. I want to know this person ... I wanna kiss this person .. lol.0 -
To me, the main part of chemistry is when the conversation just flows smoothly, it isn't forced, both people are laughing and they seem to just "get" each other. It doesn't even have to be with someone you are romantically or physically interested in.
But there is also romantic chemistry. The kiss by a person that makes you weak in the knees, the feeling you get when you see them and just want to rip their clothes off. It goes beyond simply how attractive a person is, it's like a spark inside of you.
Both are important when looking for a significant other.0 -
Chemistry to me means something you feel when you first meet or talk to someone.. beyond that I think it is just forming a relationship. You need the chemistry to move to the next step.
^^This
Chemistry is an all encompassing word because I think it can be used just as easily for a friend as for a romantic partner...someone you click with and just generally understand his or her point of view easily. Adding the physical attraction and butterflies you get when you talk or see that person is what heightens the experience toward romantic chemistry.0
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