So, he's really not that into me, right?
Maggie_Pie1
Posts: 322 Member
Need some perspective from impartial bystanders...
I found a match on eharmony that I really like. We did the back and forth questions, must haves, etc, and then finally I sent him a message. He responded right away saying he was glad I decided to message. He said some other stuff about things we have in common, and at the end of the message, mentioned possibly chatting or getting together for coffee, and he gave me his e-mail address and his phone number. So, I replied to his e-mail address instead of messaging through eharmony. 4 or 5 days go by and I don't hear from him, and I'm wondering - did he not get my e-mail? So, I message him on eharmony telling him I sent him an e-mail and was wondering if he got it. Within a couple hours he replied back to the e-mail apologizing and saying he usually isn't bad about replying, saying we have a lot of fun stuff in common and is looking forward to getting to know me better, and that he was getting ready to head to work, but would try to write more during his shift.
So, then I don't hear back from him for four or five more days, and I go back to eharmony and message him something quick and lighthearted, and that night he calls me on the phone. We talk for about an hour, and when we were saying goodbyes, I said it was nice chatting with him and I hope we can talk again, and he said he would definitely be calling me back. Again... days and days go by, and I don't hear anything. So, I was going out of town to do a 170 mile bike ride (something we had discussed while on the phone that he knew I was doing), and I drop him a quick text telling him I was off to do my bike ride, and that I hoped he had a good weekend, and if he has some time next week, I'd love to talk some more, or maybe even meet up if he was up to it (he had suggested it first during our first eharmony message exchange, but never followed up on it). I offered a suggestion for a dog park becuase we are both dog lovers. He texts me on Sunday and congratulatesme on the ride and says he was thinking about it all weekend. But made no mention of getting together or anything else. And I texted back thanking him.
I haven't heard from him again.
I'm starting to feel like he's not really interested, and I'm spinning my wheels. I'm new to this eharmony thing, are things really that slow? Do guys really take their sweet time? I thought he was interested because he gave me his phone number/e-mail address first, he mentioned meeting up first, etc, but... I can't help but feel like if he were interested, he wouldn't leave me hanging like this. It's like he responds just enough to give me hope, but that's it.
Opinions? Should I write him off? I have a date this weekend with another guy on eharmony that is way more attentive, he responds immediately and really makes an effort. I like him, but I think I have a lot more in common with the other guy. So, I'm not limiting myself, but at the same time, it would be good to know if he's 'just not that into me' so I don't go into this date with the other guy and possibly not giving him (or us) a fair chance because I'm hung up on someone that's not interested.
I found a match on eharmony that I really like. We did the back and forth questions, must haves, etc, and then finally I sent him a message. He responded right away saying he was glad I decided to message. He said some other stuff about things we have in common, and at the end of the message, mentioned possibly chatting or getting together for coffee, and he gave me his e-mail address and his phone number. So, I replied to his e-mail address instead of messaging through eharmony. 4 or 5 days go by and I don't hear from him, and I'm wondering - did he not get my e-mail? So, I message him on eharmony telling him I sent him an e-mail and was wondering if he got it. Within a couple hours he replied back to the e-mail apologizing and saying he usually isn't bad about replying, saying we have a lot of fun stuff in common and is looking forward to getting to know me better, and that he was getting ready to head to work, but would try to write more during his shift.
So, then I don't hear back from him for four or five more days, and I go back to eharmony and message him something quick and lighthearted, and that night he calls me on the phone. We talk for about an hour, and when we were saying goodbyes, I said it was nice chatting with him and I hope we can talk again, and he said he would definitely be calling me back. Again... days and days go by, and I don't hear anything. So, I was going out of town to do a 170 mile bike ride (something we had discussed while on the phone that he knew I was doing), and I drop him a quick text telling him I was off to do my bike ride, and that I hoped he had a good weekend, and if he has some time next week, I'd love to talk some more, or maybe even meet up if he was up to it (he had suggested it first during our first eharmony message exchange, but never followed up on it). I offered a suggestion for a dog park becuase we are both dog lovers. He texts me on Sunday and congratulatesme on the ride and says he was thinking about it all weekend. But made no mention of getting together or anything else. And I texted back thanking him.
I haven't heard from him again.
I'm starting to feel like he's not really interested, and I'm spinning my wheels. I'm new to this eharmony thing, are things really that slow? Do guys really take their sweet time? I thought he was interested because he gave me his phone number/e-mail address first, he mentioned meeting up first, etc, but... I can't help but feel like if he were interested, he wouldn't leave me hanging like this. It's like he responds just enough to give me hope, but that's it.
Opinions? Should I write him off? I have a date this weekend with another guy on eharmony that is way more attentive, he responds immediately and really makes an effort. I like him, but I think I have a lot more in common with the other guy. So, I'm not limiting myself, but at the same time, it would be good to know if he's 'just not that into me' so I don't go into this date with the other guy and possibly not giving him (or us) a fair chance because I'm hung up on someone that's not interested. 0
Replies
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I think it's your call... you don't have much time invested in this so you could easily walk away and find another person. I get the feeling this guy doesn't know what he wants... why would he keep responding if he isn't into at all? I would walk away cause I hate getting strung along.0
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Whether or not he's "into you," it doesn't sound like his level of attention is enough for you. It wouldn't be for me either.
If I were in the situation, I'd move on.0 -
From the sounds of it, no he's not.
And like JJ said, it sounds like you're not liking the attention (of lack of) that he's giving so move on to someone who suits you better!0 -
Everyone is different and he could be casually talking to several and upon meeting would become more attentive to you exclusively.
It depends on what you are wanting...if you are cool with just trying things out,little expectations then go on with it.
If you are looking for something more personal right now then he isn`t for you.0 -
I'm starting to feel like he's not really interested, and I'm spinning my wheels. I'm new to this eharmony thing, are things really that slow? Do guys really take their sweet time? I thought he was interested because he gave me his phone number/e-mail address first, he mentioned meeting up first, etc, but... I can't help but feel like if he were interested, he wouldn't leave me hanging like this. It's like he responds just enough to give me hope, but that's it. Opinions? Should I write him off? I have a date this weekend with another guy on eharmony that is way more attentive, he responds immediately and really makes an effort. I like him, but I think I have a lot more in common with the other guy. So, I'm not limiting myself, but at the same time, it would be good to know if he's 'just not that into me' so I don't go into this date with the other guy and possibly not giving him (or us) a fair chance because I'm hung up on someone that's not interested.
Personally, I'd say NEXT to this one and focus on the guy that is being attentive. Only you can determine if you feel his level of attention is enough for you. If a guy was that way with me, it wouldn't be enough. If he can't give you what you need in the initial stages, is he really going to be able to give you what you need in a relationship? Just food for thought. Good luck!0 -
Everyone is different and he could be casually talking to several and upon meeting would become more attentive to you exclusively.
It depends on what you are wanting...if you are cool with just trying things out,little expectations then go on with it.
If you are looking for something more personal right now then he isn`t for you.
^ This for sure, if you are talking to others it safe to assume his is as well and may have found somone else who is more in tune with his likes/dislikes.0 -
First, my experience with eharmony is that everyone there moves at a snail's pace... Still, if he's only halfheartedly answering emails and texts then he probably isn't worth any more of your time. Stop contacting him, but if he contacts you again unprompted then you can decide if he's worth continuing talking to or meeting.0
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Maybe not right him off .. but don't sit around waiting for him either.0
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You never know what's going on in his world, but if it were me I would stop initiating communication ~ if he decides to ask you out and you want to go, fine ~ but otherwise, move on to someone more attentive! :flowerforyou:0
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You all have no idea how much I can relate to this topic. Thanks for your advice for the OP because I'm taking it as well.0
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Sounds like he isn't really that into you, but he hasn't met you so he hasn't really made up his mind. He may be seeing someone else that he is sort of into, but don't take it personally because that just means he's not a player.
Either way I wouldn't really worry about it. If you're tired of his shenanigans just stop contacting him, if he wants to hang out I'm sure he'll ask you when he's ready.0 -
Thanks everyone! Just what I needed to hear.0
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I did eharmony way back and frankly the pace at which eharmony moves and their question set up just irritated me to no end. Then the site set me up with a friend of mine who I knew well and was in no way a match for me. Needless to say, this turned me off the whole experience.
To the OP..it seems like you are investing more time in communicating than this guy is. At this point, my advice is that he is just enjoying the attention he's getting from you since he is not going out of his way to initiate communication with you. He doesn't have to do a whole lot to get his little ego boost in this case.
Yes, he may genuinely be busy but aren't we all? It doesn't take a lot of time for me to drop a text to a girl I like.0 -
He is sending mixed signals. That is a turn-off for anybody. I really hate that. It's like they cannot make up their minds, and in the meantime you are stuck trying to figure everything out. You know what? If a guy likes you - really likes you - YOU'LL KNOW. If a man wants to make time for you, trust me - he will find a way if he wants to. And that is the key - IF HE WANTS TO. I once had a guy send me a new message every four days or so. Each time he sent one, it was a decent message, but his delays ruined them, and any shot with me. Sorry, but in today's world of technology, four days is unacceptable if there is sincere interest.
This topic just made me crave a candy bar. :explode:0 -
Looks like a write off to me and you are moving in the right direction by scheduling another date.0
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Opinions? Should I write him off? I have a date this weekend with another guy on eharmony that is way more attentive, he responds immediately and really makes an effort. I like him, but I think I have a lot more in common with the other guy. So, I'm not limiting myself, but at the same time, it would be good to know if he's 'just not that into me' so I don't go into this date with the other guy and possibly not giving him (or us) a fair chance because I'm hung up on someone that's not interested.
I would recommend not talking anymore with Every-Four-Days Guy. Give Attentive-And-Makes-The-Effort Guy your time and thoughts at this point. Actions speak louder than words.....0 -
The guy is communicating with someone else and he's keeping his options open.
The harsh reality of internet dating. :grumble:
I suggest you engage the more attentive guy, as he's available for you........at the moment! :flowerforyou:0 -
Yeah, honestly, he doesn't sound that into you. The fact that you're initiating all of the communication or most of it kinda shows that. It sucks but there are other guys out there!0
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The guy is communicating with someone else and he's keeping his options open.
The harsh reality of internet dating. :grumble:
I suggest you engage the more attentive guy, as he's available for you........at the moment! :flowerforyou:
and the OP should be as well.
OP there's no reason why you should be messaging1 guy at a time waiting to see if that one works out or not.0 -
Guys who say "I really want to get to know you" and put it all out there for you two to communicate off eharmony, then backs off - the ebb and flow of it all is mixed signals and that alone is perplexing.
I would personally go with the person who reponds in a more timely manner, because it totally sounds like this is what you want and desire from a partner. I am the same way, so I get this whole thing.
I would personally write him off even though you have so much in common, does not always equal a good match. Best of luck to you!0 -
This seems to be in the air!
Not only am I dealing with the same situation, but so is a friend of mine.
Are we women just wanting something that is unobtainable in the way of communication? It was always my understanding that when you're interested in someone, you make time to talk to them no matter how busy you may be. And honestly, with the way 90% of my generation is glued to their cellphones, you cannot tell me that responding to a text would be so difficult.0 -
This seems to be in the air!
Not only am I dealing with the same situation, but so is a friend of mine.
Are we women just wanting something that is unobtainable in the way of communication? It was always my understanding that when you're interested in someone, you make time to talk to them no matter how busy you may be. And honestly, with the way 90% of my generation is glued to their cellphones, you cannot tell me that responding to a text would be so difficult.
I'm going through this too, but I think I'm finally done with this guy. E-mail is not an effective way to communicate and if you have nothing more to offer me than that, then we really have nothing to talk about. Have a nice day and all that jazz!0 -
This seems to be in the air!
Not only am I dealing with the same situation, but so is a friend of mine.
Are we women just wanting something that is unobtainable in the way of communication? It was always my understanding that when you're interested in someone, you make time to talk to them no matter how busy you may be. And honestly, with the way 90% of my generation is glued to their cellphones, you cannot tell me that responding to a text would be so difficult.
I'm going through this too, but I think I'm finally done with this guy. E-mail is not an effective way to communicate and if you have nothing more to offer me than that, then we really have nothing to talk about. Have a nice day and all that jazz!
See, we had a great date with lots of laughs and before that the communication was right on point.
Now, nada.0 -
Are we women just wanting something that is unobtainable in the way of communication?
No. I'm living proof that there are thoughtful guys out there. Maybe these guys aren't thoughtful (in this case, find someone who is) or are just not into YOU.. meaning, if they found a gal they were completely into 100%, they wouldn't hesitate to keep communication.
I will never settle for less. I keep saying this and I may come across as bragging but that's okay. If my new bf and I don't work out, I will at least know and look for a guy who's into me. He truly showed me what it meant. Last time I was dating (11 years ago), boys would call but I figured now that we are adults.. guys probably have changed and are too busy. Yeah, no. Like the book says, if he's into you, you will know it. There is no doubt. And it's not because my bf has to, it's because he actually wants to. He has told me that he wants to keep me around and wants to make me happy so he does the little things that make me smile.
Besides MY insecurities in MY head, there hasn't been a second that I didn't feel my bf's interest in me. Look for this, don't settle!!!!0 -
Are we women just wanting something that is unobtainable in the way of communication?
No. I'm living proof that there are thoughtful guys out there. Maybe these guys aren't thoughtful (in this case, find someone who is) or are just not into YOU.. meaning, if they found a gal they were completely into 100%, they wouldn't hesitate to keep communication.
I will never settle for less. I keep saying this and I may come across as bragging but that's okay. If my new bf and I don't work out, I will at least know and look for a guy who's into me. He truly showed me what it meant. Last time I was dating (11 years ago), boys would call but I figured now that we are adults.. guys probably have changed and are too busy. Yeah, no. Like the book says, if he's into you, you will know it. There is no doubt. And it's not because my bf has to, it's because he actually wants to. He has told me that he wants to keep me around and wants to make me happy so he does the little things that make me smile.
Besides MY insecurities in MY head, there hasn't been a second that I didn't feel my bf's interest in me. Look for this, don't settle!!!!
And I agree, no one should settle for less than what they need.
Just trying to get out of my negative headspace about it. No matter how you put it, it hurts someone. Stupid dating with it's stupid feelings. *kicks rocks*0 -
Stupid dating with it's stupid feelings. *kicks rocks*
Yeah! Stupid dating! *kicks rocks too*
Well, last night I 'closed' the match of the guy that was being aloof. I just needed to do that, even though it probably wasn't necessary, since we have each others home email and cell phone numbers anyway. But it felt good, and since I did that, I'm more open and excited about the date I have with the other guy, which is a good thing. Hopefully, I'll have some 'good date' news to report on monday
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I agree.. stupid dating!!!
Dating stressed me out.. now that I have an awesome bf, I'm still stressed! Hahahaha.. I think I'm crazy.0
