What does he want? Help!
chicky89
Posts: 260 Member
So usuallly, I don't post these looking for advice... but I'm kinda desperate. And I'm sorry, I wrote a novel.
I met this boy back in end of October... so 6 months now. He is honestly amazing, and is the first guy in awhile I have actually had feelings for. I was all for friends with benefits. And now since he has come along, I have pretty much given up all my FWB and told them I'm not interested incase it screws things up with this guy. I actually see me committed to him.... weird!!! I also usually go for older men. Have not dated anyone my age, always atleast 3 years older... and this guy is younger! But he is amazing!
Howeverr, he isn't always around. For the first month for so, we hung out a lot. And than he disappeared for almost a month and than randomly texts me. He apologized and said he was sorry but has been going through a rough time and usually keeps to himself when he is.
Since than, he has come and gone a few times, but no longer than a month. Maybe a week or so, and will send me cute messages like “Hope your day is going well”
Now- I have a lot of friends thinking he's probably busy with someone else. This guy is extremely busy, works Mon-Fri 7am- atleast 6pm or sometimes later, and he has his some EVERY weekend Friday night to Sunday night (don't find many dads like this) I totally understand his son comes first, and understand he has other priorities other than me. We also live an hour and a bit away from each other. And I work shift work. I'm not looking for excuses for him, but he is busy and there are other elements of getting together.
He has made comments in the past that has made me seem like he wants more. Example, someone in my building asked me if he was my bf, and he replied “I might be, you never know.” uhhh what does that mean!!! and has also asked for me to go on a trip with him and his son in the summer!
I have no idea where we stand. Its frustrating and annoying and some people are saying “ditch him” because he has no time for me. I could care less if we see each other once in awhile and talk every few days. (I actually hate that) but just need to know where we stand.
I dont want to forget about him cause like I said I havent felt this way for awhile for someone, and when we do talk and hang out, he is amazing!!! its just the whole not talking to me for a few weeks... I just dont want to be played and get hurt!
Guys..... what is he doing with me?!?!?!? Is he playing me.... or maybe just taking his time and taking it slow?!?!?! I should ask him, but I hate bringing this stuff up face to face, and I know as an adult, I should not do it through text... help!!!!
I met this boy back in end of October... so 6 months now. He is honestly amazing, and is the first guy in awhile I have actually had feelings for. I was all for friends with benefits. And now since he has come along, I have pretty much given up all my FWB and told them I'm not interested incase it screws things up with this guy. I actually see me committed to him.... weird!!! I also usually go for older men. Have not dated anyone my age, always atleast 3 years older... and this guy is younger! But he is amazing!
Howeverr, he isn't always around. For the first month for so, we hung out a lot. And than he disappeared for almost a month and than randomly texts me. He apologized and said he was sorry but has been going through a rough time and usually keeps to himself when he is.
Since than, he has come and gone a few times, but no longer than a month. Maybe a week or so, and will send me cute messages like “Hope your day is going well”
Now- I have a lot of friends thinking he's probably busy with someone else. This guy is extremely busy, works Mon-Fri 7am- atleast 6pm or sometimes later, and he has his some EVERY weekend Friday night to Sunday night (don't find many dads like this) I totally understand his son comes first, and understand he has other priorities other than me. We also live an hour and a bit away from each other. And I work shift work. I'm not looking for excuses for him, but he is busy and there are other elements of getting together.
He has made comments in the past that has made me seem like he wants more. Example, someone in my building asked me if he was my bf, and he replied “I might be, you never know.” uhhh what does that mean!!! and has also asked for me to go on a trip with him and his son in the summer!
I have no idea where we stand. Its frustrating and annoying and some people are saying “ditch him” because he has no time for me. I could care less if we see each other once in awhile and talk every few days. (I actually hate that) but just need to know where we stand.
I dont want to forget about him cause like I said I havent felt this way for awhile for someone, and when we do talk and hang out, he is amazing!!! its just the whole not talking to me for a few weeks... I just dont want to be played and get hurt!
Guys..... what is he doing with me?!?!?!? Is he playing me.... or maybe just taking his time and taking it slow?!?!?! I should ask him, but I hate bringing this stuff up face to face, and I know as an adult, I should not do it through text... help!!!!
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Replies
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Where are you at with him,are you sleeping with him when he is around.
If so you may not consider him a FWB but he maybe does you.0 -
Where are you at with him,are you sleeping with him when he is around.
If so you may not consider him a FWB but he maybe does you.
We waited 6 months. We have once, and talked about it before, about if we were ready... To me, that doesn't sound like fwb.0 -
From the sounds of it, he's not into you. (if you haven't read the book, READ IT)
You've definately invested more into this relationship than he has.
If a guy is interested, he'll let you know. Even if he's going through a rough time, even if he works late, even if he's busy, he has a minute or 2 every day to communicate with you somehow but he doesn't.. he actually goes a week or more w/o communicating! Don't invest your time on someone who isn't investing theirs. I was here a while back with a friend who was amazing when we were together but than he'd disappear for a week or 2. He wasn't into me the way I was obviously and in the end, I was the one that got hurt.
As for where you stand... well obviously you're not a priority to him. And that would say it all to me. So quit wasting time on someone who sees you as an option.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Where are you at with him,are you sleeping with him when he is around.
If so you may not consider him a FWB but he maybe does you.
We waited 6 months. We have once, and talked about it before, about if we were ready... To me, that doesn't sound like fwb.
Just asking for detail is all.
Basically it sounds like he is keeping you in the loop.
If you want more then let him know it.0 -
I agree with the above, I don't think he is that into you and I would not recommend waiting around for him to change his mind.0
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Guys..... what is he doing with me?!?!?!? Is he playing me.... or maybe just taking his time and taking it slow?!?!?! I should ask him, but I hate bringing this stuff up face to face, and I know as an adult, I should not do it through text... help!!!!
The only person that can give you an answer is HIM!! So ask him.
Anything you get here is mere speculation and will confuse you even more! Ask him! I wouldnt care if I got a question like that in text. For me, text is a perfectly acceptable form of communication, but I know other people differ on this......just make your own judgement on that, but ask him soon before you drive yourself mad! :flowerforyou:0 -
I say see him when he is available, but don't close yourself off to meeting other guys!0
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This has been going on since October and you still have no idea what's going on? You need to COMMUNICATE with him.
I'm guessing you are into him but are not comfortable with the way things are going? It does sound a little bit like he's just keeping you on the hook. People around here give some pretty solid advice, but you'll never know for sure unless you actually talk to him. Just be prepared for the possible answers you might get, I can almost guarantee it won't be what you want to hear. My guess it it would be something like he likes you he just doesn't have time for a relationship. Either way I'd try to move on with your life. Keep him on the hook if you want, but don't wait around for him.0 -
Ask him, but it sounds like he's not interested in a relationship with you. I'd say move on. Or cut him off and then see what happens. Do you make yourself always available for him?0
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From the sounds of it, he's not into you. (if you haven't read the book, READ IT)
You've definately invested more into this relationship than he has.
If a guy is interested, he'll let you know. Even if he's going through a rough time, even if he works late, even if he's busy, he has a minute or 2 every day to communicate with you somehow but he doesn't.. he actually goes a week or more w/o communicating! Don't invest your time on someone who isn't investing theirs. I was here a while back with a friend who was amazing when we were together but than he'd disappear for a week or 2. He wasn't into me the way I was obviously and in the end, I was the one that got hurt.
As for where you stand... well obviously you're not a priority to him. And that would say it all to me. So quit wasting time on someone who sees you as an option.
:flowerforyou:
Spot On! He is stringing you along, and if you really want something with him make it known now in no uncertain terms. But from what you put in your post, I agree wholeheartedly with the Amazon...he isnt into you and you have invested much more time and effort than you need to with this clown.0 -
Guess I just need to bite the bullet and get it over with. Thanks guys!0
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From the sounds of it, he's not into you. (if you haven't read the book, READ IT)
You've definately invested more into this relationship than he has.
If a guy is interested, he'll let you know. Even if he's going through a rough time, even if he works late, even if he's busy, he has a minute or 2 every day to communicate with you somehow but he doesn't.. he actually goes a week or more w/o communicating! Don't invest your time on someone who isn't investing theirs. I was here a while back with a friend who was amazing when we were together but than he'd disappear for a week or 2. He wasn't into me the way I was obviously and in the end, I was the one that got hurt.
As for where you stand... well obviously you're not a priority to him. And that would say it all to me. So quit wasting time on someone who sees you as an option.
:flowerforyou:
^^^ This
I have had my share of men disappear and that was how the relationship ended. I always heard the same excuses your man is giving you. It is a bunch of bull pucky. It totally sounds like you have invested so much more into this relationship than him, and you will be the one sitting at the end of the text or sitting there waiting when you hear nothing, with a broken heart. All I can say from past similar experiences - WALK AWAY NOW0 -
Pretty much going to say the same thing that has already been said, but it sounds like he's just not that into you. As was said on an episode of Sex and the City (from which the book was created) - "if a guy is into you, he's booking the second date, he's coming upstairs". Basically, the effort will be made to see you. Yes, people get busy, and it is commendable that he takes care of his son, however, I work a lot of 7am-6pm shifts and it doesn't keep me from doing things after work. You're just making excuses for him at this point.
Talk to him though, what's the worst that will happen? That he wants to keep things casual or that he's not interested? Then you move on. Better to know than to constantly worry what he's thinking. And if he isn't man enough to answer you, well, do you really want to be with someone like that anyway?0 -
This.The only person that can give you an answer is HIM!! So ask him.
On to a joke now:
Man texts: "Sorry I will be late, I'm staying at the office a bit longer :ohwell: "
Woman replies: "Of course hun, don't strain yourself too much though
"
Man shrugs: what the hell does she mean? Oh well, let's grab another pint at http://www.theofficepub.at/ !!!
And paaaaaaartyyyyyy!!! :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
Lose the guilt people!
Who wants me? :smooched: Forever alone!0 -
I say see him when he is available, but don't close yourself off to meeting other guys!
Exactly. If you feel you must "talk" about this with him, may I suggest letting him know that you are looking for XYZ in a relationship and your primary goal is to go find someone who will provide it. You're happy to give him a chance be that man, but you also understand that he has other priorities right now.0
This discussion has been closed.