Ironic X

Z_I_L_L_A

Okay Zilla venting time. Sounds like a workout doesn't it? My X use to complain about her mom choosing her new husband over her own kids when she was growing up and still complains about it today. The irony is she is doing the same thing to her own daughter. Its prom time again, one of the great mother daughter bonds and the X is making a point to go out of town instead of being there for her daughter. She missed last years prom too and I can do everything in my power to make up for it but I'm not a mom. I hope my daughter doesn't treat her own kids this way when she is married with kids.

Sad for my daughter, Zilla

kendrafox

That is truly low. I have been there done that where a parent has chosen a new significant other over their children. It blows. I feel so bad for your daughter. Prom is a right of passage for young ladies and it should be shared with their mothers if they have them, just as a women should have her dad walk her down the isle at her wedding. It is great that you want to make up for the short comings of your ex, and your daughter should be blessed that she has a parent that is truly invested in her happiness.

JanieJack

{{hugs to your baby girl}}

That really stinks for her. The problem is, we all say we won't turn into our parents, but that behavior sneaks up on us and we don't even realize what we are doing. (We get selfish "I need to focus on ME right now") and don't remember the hurt when our parents put us to the side. We minimize it ("oh, kids are resiliant."), and then are so surprised later when we have to reap what we sow. She will reap one day.

You may not be a mom, but you can still help your daughter by being there for her.

{{hugs to you too}}

Z_I_L_L_A

I will die taking care and thinking of others, thats me. As for not breaking the chain, I think you can. Different situation was my father was whipped often and very badly. When I was young I was whipped pretty bad and I hold nothing against my father it kept me out of trouble. As for my kids I talk to them and explained why something was wrong and that I didn't want to have to talk with them about it again. Its worked for me, I used different methods. My children are well behaved without corporal punishment. So the chain of parents to kids can be broken if needed.

JanieJack

I agree with you that someone can break the chain!

My mom was always the life of the party, always traveling with her friends, partying with her friends, having a good time wherever she went... without US. I don't know how my younger sister and brother felt, but I know that I and my older brothers (who didn't live with us, but as adults I've talked with them) felt like Mom didn't want to have anything to do with us. It hurt even more that, for awhile, my stepdad's buddies were young airmen who were dating the girls I went to school with. So these girls were out drinking with my mom, but my mom couldn't be bothered to stay home a night with us and play games with US. How much it hurts to think your parent doesn't love you!

Looking back on it, I know my mom did (still does) love me. But it didn't feel that way. And I'm sure feeling unloved is part of why I ended up marrying a man who didn't love me either.

I noticed a couple years ago, a tendency to want to stuff my son aside so I could relax after a long day. Talk with friends, go on dates, watch movies that he couldn't watch with me, whatever. It shocked me to see myself doing the SAME thing my mom did. I didn't look at it the same because I wasn't out drinking with minors or ignoring my son's basic needs. I was tired after a long day of being a single parent 24-7 with no breaks. I yearned for grown folk conversation and to spend an hour that didn't involve Thomas the train or getting dirty.

I felt "entitled" to get what *I* wanted out of life without regard for my son. After all, I'd been through a lot. This was MY time. I hope your ex gets out of her entitlement phase quickly before she completely ruins any hope of a relationship with your daughter.

I'm glad my eyes were opened!!

I now have a healthy, happy little boy who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that his mommy loves him and will always make time for the things that are important to him. Contrast that to the hurt when he talks about his father, and the slow but steady disengagement (he is starting not to care about his dad's lack of involvement).

Keep doing all you can do. I admire that. And it's sooooo worth it!

Doreen_Murray

I can relate to this, but remember that you're teaching your daughter more important lessons as an awesome dad that will stay with her always versus just a "moment" of her sharing time with mom on prom night, which will turn into just a memory. You're teaching her what a good man is so one day she finds one for herself or at the very least avoids the bad ones! Especially on prom night!