What about women that don't want to date a man with kids?

PedmomJill

I saw someone posted about men not wanting to date women with kids, and it made me think.

I was dating someone for 3 months and we just broke up. (Friendly, no drama at all). In thinking about getting back in the game at some point after a break, how do I put in writing on my online dating profile that I don't want to date anyone that has young kids? Adult kids, or even those in their late teens are fine, but I do not want to be with someone that has young kids. I just don't want to deal with custody issues and schedules and when to meet them, etc.

So how does a woman state that on her profile that doesn't make her seem like a cold, unfeeling, ogre? Because that's how I feel it would come across.

Or do I just not say anything, and find out quickly the kid situation with someone that contacts me and just nicely say I'm not interested without giving a reason? That seems mean though too.

christine24t

Do you have kids yourself? I'm guessing you do because of your user name. Maybe in the bio section, write something like "As I just finished raising/am almost done raising __ kids, I'd prefer to date someone with no young children."

Carl01

If it is an option you can say that you want kids (presuming you do of your own) but also say pretty much what you said here in your profile with the caveat that some day you would like to have children with the man in your life.

That makes it clear and honestly I think you are looking at it as a lady and assuming a guy will make the same conclusions you assume another lady will as far as being in judgment of you.

We just don`t think like that,what is said is how we take it.

Carl01

Do you have kids yourself? I'm guessing you do because of your user name. Maybe in the bio section, write something like "As I just finished raising/am almost done raising __ kids, I'd prefer to date someone with no young children."

I never even noticed the screen name here so yeah kind of changes what I just posted entirely other then still be straight up about the issue and that I don`t believe guys judge a lady about that.

La_Amazona

I didn't have it in my profile. I would just look at their profile when I was interested back.

mrmanmeat

Personally I don't think it's rude to just say you're not interested in dating someone with young kids at this point in your life.

That should do.

pa_jorg

First, it isn't my preference to date someone with kids, but I wouldn't rule it out. I find this very interesting because I think a lot of it has to do with where you live. For example, here in the Boston area, there are tons of guys on dating websites that have never been married and don't have kids well into their 30s, so it isn't as big of an issue as it might be somewhere else.

will010574

I am a single Dad and my perspective is if you don't want to date someone with kids just say so...I think Carl said it, guys don't look at this as she is rude at all. To me it's simple, your profile says no you don't want to date someone with young kids, lots of women's profiles say that and I'm not the least bit offended, it helps me not waste time contacting someone I clearly will not have anything with.

JanieJack

Personally I don't think it's rude to just say you're not interested in dating someone with young kids at this point in your life.

I agree. I was upset to find out someone I'd been dating refused to settle down with a woman who had young kids. I've never "hidden" my son the way some women do. Why on earth did he go out with me?

I put in my profile that I have a child, and am open to him having children or possibly adopting but not looking to bear more children. I think that’s only fair, and I’ve missed out on a couple of guys who told me this is the reason they weren’t interested, but I think it’s more important not to waste each other’s time.

PedmomJill

Thanks for the input.

I do have two sons, but they are 19 and 22. The last guy I dated had kids 9 and 12. I'm 46 years old-kind of over the raising part and mentally preparing for the G word (grandma lol).

That said, in the interest of full disclosure, my 19y/o son is autistic and does live with me part-time.However, his dad is very involved and I have live-in help, so I have a very free schedule and no drama with the dad.

mznisaelaine

I would prefer not to but I honestly feel this way because I am rather young anyways...But at the same time, sometimes you can't help if you like a person (kids or no kids) so at the same time, I would not dismiss a guy off the back once I find out he has a kid if I am interested in him. But I would prefer a guy with no kids however.

Katefab26

Damn, I posted my answer on the wrong thread!!

But, to answer your question, you're not a cold, unfeeling ogre just because you express what you want. We do that with every other aspect of a relationship, right? :flowerforyou:

shammxo

It doesn't come across as cold as all, it just isn't what you're looking for. Nothing wrong with that!

I'm 20 and I dated a guy with an 8 year old for a bit... But him and his ex didn't have any drama between them.
Admittedly, I was slightly dismissive of him at first because he had a daughter only a few years younger than my brother, but you don't know unless you try.
Great guy, I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship.