Sex as a weapon

ItsCasey

So as not to hijack the Poll thread about communication, I thought I'd create another one, since we seemed to be getting on the topic of why the woman's POV takes precedence over the man's in a relationship.

The answer is obviously sex. Women can withhold it at any time, and most men would rather bow to the woman's POV (or at least pretend to) than give up sex just for the sake of being right.

My question is, when does it go too far? When does withholding sex (for men and for women) reach the point of manipulation or outright cruelty, as opposed to simply not being in the mood because you're mad about something?

And what is the point, anyway? If you stop having sex with your partner, do you really expect that to fix anything?

My thoughts:

I've mentioned before that I believe, especially in a marriage wherein you have made vows to this person, intentionally withholding sex is a betrayal of trust. But as a woman, if a man has hurt me, sex is the last thing on my mind. I think it's natural for a woman to not want to be physically intimate with a man when she feels like there is an ocean between them, emotionally speaking. But at some point, you have to find an actual resolution. Using sex, or the lack thereof, to control a man's behavior is only going to widen the emotional gulf.

dbrightwell1270

I think what you've described is reasonable. There is a line but defining it is difficult. As a general rule, if a girl starts withholding or using sex in a manipulative fashion, I'll start openly comparing her to a hooker. Whether we break up immediately or not, the relationship is over. It's just a case of when.

odusgolp

I couldn't withhold sex intentionally... So, I say any length of intentionally holding out as "punishment" is craptastic.

If a dude doesn't want to hump me as often as I want to hump him, we're in trouble.

ItsCasey

If a dude doesn't want to hump me as often as I want to hump him, we're in trouble.

Yes. This.

TheKitsune6

I couldn't withhold sex intentionally... So, I say any length of intentionally holding out as "punishment" is craptastic.

If a dude doesn't want to hump me as often as I want to hump him, we're in trouble.

Yep.

I hate manipulation, and using sex as a reward or punishment is unacceptable.

Bikini27

I couldn't withhold sex intentionally... So, I say any length of intentionally holding out as "punishment" is craptastic.

If a dude doesn't want to hump me as often as I want to hump him, we're in trouble.

Yep.

I hate manipulation, and using sex as a reward or punishment is unacceptable.

Agreed.
And in a relationship, there should not be manipulation. There should be discussion and compromise. We're human, but playing games is just wrong and yes I think withholding affection is playing a very dirty game.

AnnaPixie

I think its perfectly natural to not want sex if you're mad at each other. I dont think a man would want it either? Take time out, resolve the problem, and then make up!! :bigsmile:

I wouldnt class that as withholding, just not being in the right frame of mind.

Withholding is when you intentionally refuse to spite him/her (yes, men withhold too!!) even though you may want to. That is all wrong.

Big difference I think. And I think we all know where that line of intent is..... :flowerforyou:

Steelheart7

I think its perfectly natural to not want sex if you're mad at each other. I dont think a man would want it either? Take time out, resolve the problem, and then make up!! :bigsmile:

I wouldnt class that as withholding, just not being in the right frame of mind.

Withholding is when you intentionally refuse to spite him/her (yes, men withhold too!!) even though you may want to. That is all wrong.

Big difference I think. And I think we all know where that line of intent is..... :flowerforyou:

Agree 100%.