Is that the beer talking??

kristen49233

A guy I've been seeing and I went out Saturday night to listen to my friend's band and drink a few beers. Since I drove he had a few more and was feeling pretty good...not stumbling over-the-top drunk, but he was feeling pretty good. For the first time since we've started seeing each other, he opened up a little bit, and now I'm not sure what to think?

We've been seeing each other since the end of December, and I would say it's been more of a casual dating relationship because he is going through a divorce, and so I know how emotional that can be and I wouldn't want to rush anything--so I've pretty much been keeping it on the down-low. Actually, for about the first 2 or 3 months that we were dating, I was also seeing someone else. Someone else decided they wanted to get serious, so I called it off with the current guy--only to contact him again after serious guy wigged out after a week. I should add that current guy seemed disappointed when I did break it off with him, which surprised me because I really didn't know how he was feeling. I haven't dated anyone else but him since because I don't want to screw it up this time. I really like him, he's a super nice guy and we get along great!

OK...so I saw current guy on Friday night--he came over when I got home from the airport after being gone all week traveling for work. We also did the Saturday night thing (which surprised me because we have never done a Friday and Saturday night combo on the same weekend). So....we're sitting alone at the table and he starts talking, and he says:

I really like you....alot. I'm not going to say I love you because that always gets me in trouble. Then...hugs me and while hugging me says: actually I do--I said it anyways. Very sweet---but I wasn't sure really how to take it?? Totally surprised me--to the point where I didn't say anything back because I didn't know if it was the beer talking?

I did tell him that I really like him too...to the point that I've chosen to not see anyone else because I didn't want to screw this up like I almost did before. He responds: well you know I was seeing a few others too...where I interrupt and say--it's ok. I'm not expecting the same from you because I know you're going through a lot right now. At this point I could kick myself for interrupting because I realize he said he WAS seeing a few other women...but now I really don't know what he's currently doing?? But I had interrupted him because I didn't want him to feel bad if he was dating others. And now I don't want to bring it up again too soon in another conversation like I'm trying to push??

Oh...one more thing. He's told me on two different occassions that he doesn't want to get married again. This is fine with me...I'm 45, never been married but am not opposed to never getting married--things change and feelings change so I take it with a grain of salt. Anyways, he likes calling me Ms. <insert last name> and yesterday morning he calls me that and then says "if we were to ever get married you would have to keep your last name because I like calling you that". Hmmmm....all of the beer had worn off by that point. I just giggled and try to make light of it.

I know he really likes me--he tells me that when he's had nothing to drink! So I'm not sure why all of the above has been on my mind all day yesterday and today?? I tend to overthink things (this being one of them) and/or read into things way too much. Am I reading too much into this? I just want to let him set the pace and actually, as intense of a person as I usually am, the good thing about this relationship is that I've been pretty low-key throughout to not pressure him.

Sorry for the long book. I see the great advice and feedback you give each other on here...was hoping for some insight too!

Steelheart7

Ugh .. I am just getting ready to leave work .. I will respond when I get home ..

mrmanmeat

I tend to overthink things (this being one of them) and/or read into things way too much.

This is all I read. You're over thinking.

Roadie2000

What's the question? He basically told you he loved you and you didn't say anything back, then you interrupted him and told him it was okay if he was seeing anyone else. But now you want to know? Give him some more beers next time you see him and let the poor guy talk.

The thing about the last name is no big deal. So he said he didn't want to get re-married, maybe he changed his mind. You seemed to be cool with getting married or not getting married though so it shouldn't really be an issue. He was probably just joking about it anyway.

Carl01

It was the beer that loosened him up,no way to know if it made him overstate things.
Just see how it goes and don`t fret over it.

ItsCasey

I pretty much think anything a guy says when he's "feeling good" is inadmissable.

Also, if a man says he doesn't want to get married, believe him. He may very well change his mind later, but it is a mistake to operate on the assumption that he will. When you find a man who is actually honest about what he wants for his future, do him the courtesy of taking him at his word. Don't make him the bad guy later because he did exactly what he said he was going to do.

AllanMisner

After a divorce, I think all guys go through a stage of "ain't doing that again." I wish I'd have done it longer the first time. He will need time to heal, but after that, feelings about marriage can change. I am new in my current relationship, but it has made me wonder if I might eventually marry her. I've never felt or even thought that in the past 15 years.

You don't really have to ask him if he's dating anyone. All you have to do is re-approach the conversation and tell him you never really got his position on the exclusive part. In all likelihood, he'll tell you all you want to know and more.

TheKitsune6

I love -everyone- when I'm drunk. Of course, things are also convoluted and weird because I'm not thinking straight. I assume this happens for a lot of people.

I'd say... forget it and keep going with the flow.

kristen49233

What's the question? He basically told you he loved you and you didn't say anything back, then you interrupted him and told him it was okay if he was seeing anyone else. But now you want to know? Give him some more beers next time you see him and let the poor guy talk.

I know!! I know! He just totally caught me off guard. Not one of my brightest moments.

You don't really have to ask him if he's dating anyone. All you have to do is re-approach the conversation and tell him you never really got his position on the exclusive part. In all likelihood, he'll tell you all you want to know and more.

Thanks...that's some great advice and I will do that when the timing is right.

When you find a man who is actually honest about what he wants for his future, do him the courtesy of taking him at his word. Don't make him the bad guy later because he did exactly what he said he was going to do.

I hope I wasn't making him out to be a bad guy? He's actually the total opposite of that and I do appreciate his honesty.

I love -everyone- when I'm drunk. Of course, things are also convoluted and weird because I'm not thinking straight. I assume this happens for a lot of people.

I'd say... forget it and keep going with the flow.

I was thinking that too...well not about you! HA! About him! :bigsmile:

AnnaPixie

Hmmm I always thing that too much drink is a truth serum!! I agree you loosened him up and the next time you need to give him more beer :laugh:

The guy likes you, for sure. But obviously he's still feeling vulnerable from the divorce so wants/needs to take it slow. I think that's only natural. Give him time. Just do what you've been doing. I think the conversation will happen again soon. And yes, let him talk :flowerforyou:

flimflamfloz

I really like you....alot. I'm not going to say I love you because that always gets me in trouble. Then...hugs me and while hugging me says: actually I do--I said it anyways. Very sweet---but I wasn't sure really how to take it?? Totally surprised me--to the point where I didn't say anything back because I didn't know if it was the beer talking?

Been there, done that, got dumped. Fnck you, never going to say this to a girl again (especially when drunk) so I'm 100% with him here.
IMO there is a strong chance that his feelings are true/true-ish (he really likes you A LOT and it could evolve into love).

A man calling a relationship "love" is (a lot of time) a death sentence, women freak out, get worried (Am I at the same stage? Am I really ready for that? Is this the right time? Is he the right one for me? What if he is lying to me?).
Look: even right now, he just half-said it, and you're freaking out already, you don't even know what to think, reacted impulsively by shutting him off on the spot.
If I could talk to your dude, I'd tell him: "Man, you're such a failure, how could you say those words... You know the girl will be all panicky about it and will reassess the relationship and overthink it now?".
You can confront him about this though, but he might not want to talk now since you shut him up once (which isn't a healthy reaction to have and makes you act really strange regarding the relationship - I would expect a girl to be flattered if I said that)