Hospital

Arialynna

I have Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder and "possible" Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I joined this site to keep myself healthy because that is how I got out of my last (three year long) depression. I've been in this one for two years and I'm scared.

I spent the first week of the year in a hospital for suicide (I stopped myself just before and told my husband to bring me there).

I am seeing a therapist but they have had trouble finding me a psychiatrist so they had me do this online survey thing where local psychiatrists will read it and give my doctor advice and find a psychiatrist for me.

I guess I was too honest. Apparently I am "very, very sick" and they want me to go back into a facility. I told them I'll do what they say as long as I don't have to go back. I have been taking two anti-depressants every morning since January and they just upped one of them. I've got anti-anxiety medication.

But I don't want to take 2 seroquel a night! I've lived this way for years and want to talk to a psychiatrist before pouring these scary pills down my throat to keep myself from committing suicide. I already know that I won't, if I feel those things again I have people around me and I will have them take me to a hospital.

Sorry if this is just a rant, but I'm scared and don't really know who to talk to about it. I have very loving friends and family who are here for me, but they don't understand these feelings.

Anyways, I hope you all are having a wonderful day!

lorro

Hello and welcome to MFP :flowerforyou: It's great that you are taking such positive steps to improve your health.

I think it's very understandable that you are scared about the latest feedback on your health. The online assessment process sounds quite unusual. There is no substitute for an in person assessment. On the plus side, it sounds like these were recommendations and that the choice about whether to follow them is yours. So I would recommend that you get more information to help you make a decision about what to do.

The main problem seems to be that you have a different view of the level of risk and so the recommendation about going to hospital seems unecessary to you. Could you discuss this with your doctor and ask why they feel this is necessary? Many people live with suicidal thoughts for years and effectively manage the risk. There are several other factors taken into accound when assessing risk (eg level of insight, degree of fluctuation in mood) so perhaps this is why they felt risk was higher.

It's perfectly reasonable that you would want to talk to a specialist before taking medication that you don't want to take. Again, to be on the safe side, it's best to share these concerns with your Doctor and tell them if you are not taking prescribed medication, so that they can either reassure you, offer an alternative threatment or monitor your health more closely.

When you do get to see a psychiatrist, it's worth asking for psychotherapy if this hasn't already been tried. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is an effective treatment for the problems you have and DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) is also good for BPD.

It really helps to talk to people who feel the same way. As well as people here, you may want to find a local group. Here is a link to some which are local to you: http://www.namiut.org/find-local-support/free-support/connection

I hope you find what you are looking for here. Have a wonderful day too and take care of you :flowerforyou:

Arialynna

Thank you, I really appreciate all the advice.

I should be seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday, so hopefully I can figure out a new medication and treatment plan with them.

lorro

You're welcome, good luck for Thursday

mleoni092708

I just wanted to pop in and say my heart goes out to you and I hope the dr's help you. I've been going through this for awhile as well and I know how awful and isolating it can be. I know meds seem scary. I was terrified as well and fought taking them but in the end I realized I needed them if I was going to even begin to function. (((HUGS)) feel free to vent any time, that's what we're here for. I too am trying to follow dr's orders with eating healthy/working out. It takes work but it has helped me I think. Hope things go well for your appointment. Add me as a friend if you want ok?