Problems with son's teacher

Dumbell_Diva

My 8 yr old son is awaiting diagnosis, doctor and paediatrician both think he is autistic. Im having problems with his teacher who is blunt and talks down to me. 3 months ago my son started having problems at school , I took him to docs thinking he was dyslexic, but his doc suspected he was autistic. Initially his teacher told me Im wasting my time trying to get him diagnosed, she said it would take a long time and she didnt know what I hoped to gain from it all, she said as he was currently receiving extra help with his writing, she said the diagnosis wouldnt get him any extra help.

Anyway, eventually everything calmed down...but today she spoke to both him and me very bluntly. My son has speech problems, he had speech therapy 2 yrs ago, but with patience he can easily be understood. Basically, today he lost his PE kit on a school trip, I was asking her, trying to find out why and she raised her eyebrows and acted impatiently with him and me, which was rude and then she asked him why he hadnt told a teacher it was lost, but instead of listening to him.....she looked at me and said "I cant understand what he is saying"!!! ...I find this so patronising! When faced with a child with speech problems, surely you should crouch down to their level and ask them to repeat it?! My son has hated school since he joined her class & I can see why he dislikes school when she acts irritated with him all the time.

At least once a week I have my son off school as he gets so hysterical about going to school...usually after she has told him off. Im now so drained with it all and feel Im going to blow my top pretty soon if this woman continues to be so blunt!! Any advice would be great!!

alumpoflard

You need to get an appointment to see the school senco and the headteacher. This situation can't carry on! You could try the national autistic society, we have a lady who works for them who comes to any meeting we ask her too and knows the system and how it works. My son is in mainstream and his teaching assistant is lovely, she works one on one with him and can understand his poor speech, his class teacher however is a witch! They have pushed for him to change school, and we are trying to get him a place in a school for asd children. Unfortunately the local authority want to send him to a school for children with severe and complex issues so we are now fighting that decision. It is a never ending battle.
Don't give up your fight, and make a formal complaint against the teacher. She should be ashamed off herself. Do you have an appointment through to see a specialist for a diagnose? If not, make a lot of noise, we saw my sons pediatrician for his annual review yesterday and he said, those who shout loudest get results. ( he incidentally doesn't think our son should go to the special school that the local authority have chosen for him either! )
Good luck, I'll be keeping my eye out to see how you get on xx

lmelangley

You definitely need to raise a stink about this. Remember- if she's doing it to you, she's doing it to others. You're protecting more than just your own child.

LainMac

I am sorry to hear that things like this are no better in the UK as they are here in the US.

And I would agree that this teacher is being petty and mean to more children.

Do make a fuss but in a logical and controlled manner.

irenep22

I agree.

diddyh

This woman doesn't have any idea what she is talking about!!! Get the diagnosis so you can see what areas he specifically needs help. Not every autistic child has the same needs. The diagnosis can also qualify him for other services now and down the road. File a formal complaint immediately with the school principal and I would go one further and go to the school board. Asking to move him to another classroom is not out of line. This teacher is not going to change her tune even if she does get reprimanded. A child will always know that an adult doesn't like them.

Best of luck. Do your homework and advocate for your son. If you don't do it, no one else will!!

Dumbell_Diva

Thank you for your lovely messages. I chatted with the school SENCO 2 months ago but it didnt go well. She told me there was no point me talking to her as the conversation would be relayed to my son's teacher, so she said I may as well discuss it with my son's teacher instead!!! Both the SENCO and his teacher acted suspicious of me, I felt as if they thought I was there to cause trouble for the teacher.

I tried to explain to the SENCO that my son's doctor told me he had autistic tendancies but she talked over me and told me if the school suspected he was autistic they would have referred him by now. I then went on to explain that he had already been referred by his doctor, she then told me if he had been referred then the school would have heard about it!!! I felt like hitting my head against a brick wall...I walked away feeling like a fool!

And 2 months on its no better! Im thinking of reporting the teacher to the headmistress. Her blunt and patronizing attitude is just plain wrong. I know being polite and friendly is the way to go with my son, all the time she is blunt and strict he retreats and starts misbehaving. His catchphrase is "Youre not listening, nobody listens to me" which is obvious as his teacher doesnt even make an effort to understand him.

I will let you all know how it goes with the school!! I will investigate the complaints procedure first, and then go in...armed and dangerous (so to speak!!).

diddyh

Regardless of how things go with the school complaint procedure, get your son tested. You can do that on your own. If you need a referal from the doctor for your insurance, get it. You are the parent. Your school staff are not doctors. You don't need the staff of the school to give you a refera for a diagnosisl. You can get it on your own and provide the results to the school. That is what we did.

Dumbell_Diva

Thank you! There is someone from the psych team going into the school to observe him. The school nurse has been in touch and all the paperwork has been filled in by the teacher and sent off, so things are moving in the right direction. He was in a right state about going to school this morning, it took two of us to physically get him out of the door. Hoping once the ball starts rolling that I will get help or at least some strategies for this type of incident. It was his birthday at the weekend but he seemed so unhappy, had to really coax him into enjoying it all. Anyway...fingers crossed things are on the up and I will post updates!!

Dumbell_Diva

Isaac's teacher has apologised to me!!! I told the teaching assistant (who is lovely) about the teacher's attitude and the teaching assistant must have had a word as I had a grovelling apology today!!! The teacher is sending off some forms to the Ed Psych team and we have someone from the Autism Spectrum team coming in to observe in the next week or two. So glad he is being tested, his moods swing from one to the other at the moment. Wondering how long a diagnosis takes? Ive been told it takes up to 12 months.

alumpoflard

Good for you, I'm so pleased she apologised, teaching assistants really are the best! I don't know how long a diagnose would take at Isaac's level as he as got this far without it being picked up. My son Harry's took an hour, he was only 2 ( nearly 3) and had some very obvious symptoms- switching lights on and off, spinning anything round, little eye contact or speech and never waving at people. I knew exactly what the diagnose was going to be way before the appointment came up as I have an adult nephew who is autistic.
Great news that they are coming in to observe, keep us updated x

primrosehill

I've read your posts and been in tears - it's appalling the way you and your son have been treated. I'm mum to an Aspie son who's 8 and a SENCo in a nursery who tries my utmost to help children on the spectrum every year (we take about 40 children per year and in the 4 years I've worked there, there has always been at least one child who's autistic). I've fought the LEA and schools for my son's needs and thankfully he's now in a really good place. Get a special needs statement and be firm about exactly what he needs. You can get it. Unfortunately you have to fight. If any of my staff dealt with my gorgeous SEN children the way your son's teacher has with him I'd haul them over the coals.

Good luck and keep us posted. Your son's lucky to have you.

Dumbell_Diva

Thank you for your lovely message, if only all teachers/SENCos shared your attitude! There is one teacher's assistant who I can talk to and she seems to respect me and my son unlike the other teachers in the class, and she tells me she has a soft spot for my Isaac, if it wasnt for this lovely lady I would have pulled him out of that school ages ago! I will keep you posted, Im also due to see the autistic spectrum team on Tuesday and theyre also observing him for the day after they see me. Im clueless about what to say to them though, feel a little out of my depth!! Thanks again.

primrosehill

Good luck, and don't worry about being out of your depth. You're the expert on your son and you're clearly able to articulate Isaac's needs very well. Don't be afraid to say you need clarification on things - too many autism specialists start talking about children as though they're little checklists of jargon-filled generalisations. He's your son. He's an individual. You know him - dont' let them talk you into any strategies you're uncomfortable with. One of Oliver's "autism specialist team" told me he needed a visual timetable as 'all autistic children work better with visuals than verbal instructions" - he didn't. One week of them mucking him around with photographs and they soon saw I was right but I still feel guilty that I didn't put my foot down and refuse it as I knew it wasn't right for him. I'm stronger now but it's taken a few years and I still have days when I let the specialists make me feel two inches high!!

Lots of love

Dumbell_Diva

Thank you for your lovely reply. Youre so right, as his mummy I do know best. Ive fought the teachers and SENCOs attitude and I will continue doing so. Still waiting for the diagnosis team to get in touch, theyve not even been in to see him yet so I need to chase up the paediatrician again. I was wondering about visual aid boards and such like. Ive noticed with Isaac he really takes it in when he is shown a picture of a place we are going to and that helps him, but not sure a visual board of his morning routine would help as he knows the drill, he's just super anxious about going to school and thinks everyone there hates him and thinks everybody is laughing at him.

Thanks again, hope you have a great weekend x