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I just don't get it.

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Moe4572
Moe4572 Posts: 1,430 Member
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So, I had a first date with this guy and things went really well, and then we had plans for a second date and he had to cancel due to being sick. Then the following week we went out for the second time, things went well, got a kiss :) , and made plans for the following weekend. He got really sick, and I said would be best to cancel, and we were still talking lastweekend--texting mostly, then we had been out on two Tuesdays and this Tuesday night he had to work. Then on Wed I got an early message wishing me good luck on a test , and then he answered a text around noon, and NOTHING since then. I texted him yesterday to say have a nice day off, and no response. I realize it hasn't been that long, however, he was someone that texted ALOT so it is strange to say the least.

So, if he isn't interested, why wouldn't he just tell me so? Why do guys do this in general? Then they just "poof"?

Once again, sorry, guys, but "boys are yucky"
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Replies

  • Meghan0116
    Meghan0116 Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Guys are weenies sometimes. I guess they feel that it is easier to stop talking than to have "the" talk.

    I'm so sorry!
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    give it some time. This could be anything. The phone was misplaced or dropped in a toilet, etc. Give it another day and then send him a text just in case something happened to his phone where he lost his directory.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
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    guys stink sometimes. sorry.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    Give him some time or contact him. I know guys that will sit and text forever but then get busy and I won't hear from them for a couple days. It isn't that unusual.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Yeah. . I've done this.

    I'm yucky sometimes too :(

    The reasons are simple, but not pretty. It could be one or many things. Its very awkward to explain to a girl that you've lost interest, because then they want to know why and you don't want to tell them it's because they are a horrible kisser. Or, even though you have true affection for the girl, you've found someone else you connect with better.. Again, it's hard to TELL the girl this "I really like you but not as much as my new girl Natasha. . have a nice life!"

    Basically, the text freeze is a way for a weak-kneed guy to avoid having to explain anything or answer for his frivolity.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    One more time..

    I HATE POOFERS!!! Maybe he's not an official one just yet but it doesn't sound good. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

    Have the balls to say SOMETHING, anything. Damn.

    Okay.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    I don't get it either!

    I've had very similar experiences... more than once...

    If I lose interest in someone or decide that I don't want to pursue the relationship any farther, I simply let the person know. I don't just disappear.

    It's crazy, madness to me.

    In my opinion, though, if he doesn't have the decency to let me know then he's the one missing out, not me.
  • HotCuppaJo
    HotCuppaJo Posts: 477 Member
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    Yeah. . I've done this.

    I'm yucky sometimes too :(

    The reasons are simple, but not pretty. It could be one or many things. Its very awkward to explain to a girl that you've lost interest, because then they want to know why and you don't want to tell them it's because they are a horrible kisser. Or, even though you have true affection for the girl, you've found someone else you connect with better.. Again, it's hard to TELL the girl this "I really like you but not as much as my new girl Natasha. . have a nice life!"

    Basically, the text freeze is a way for a weak-kneed guy to avoid having to explain anything or answer for his frivolity.

    ^^^^ I like the honesty in this post. :)
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    Yeah. . I've done this.

    I'm yucky sometimes too :(

    The reasons are simple, but not pretty. It could be one or many things. Its very awkward to explain to a girl that you've lost interest, because then they want to know why and you don't want to tell them it's because they are a horrible kisser. Or, even though you have true affection for the girl, you've found someone else you connect with better.. Again, it's hard to TELL the girl this "I really like you but not as much as my new girl Natasha. . have a nice life!"

    Basically, the text freeze is a way for a weak-kneed guy to avoid having to explain anything or answer for his frivolity.

    You don't necessarily have to tell them WHY. Just tell them. I'd be fine with, "I just don't think it's gonna work out between us." especially if it's not really a relationship yet. Half the time, I am probably thinking the same thing, but I at least have the guts to tell the guy.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Trust me,I have had ladies that out of the box would text/email nonstop for periods of time as short as a couple weeks to as long as several months.
    Phone calls too and obviously something of a long distance "relationship".
    It is almost inevitable that within a given amount of time this gets them either healed or they gain confidence enough to strike out with a person in their life and it ends without explanation.

    In your case you met in person so not all that applies but we are back to a situation where as a lady it sounds that you became involved in a relationship with the kiss and the guy may very well was more casual and also seeing others.
    Does it suck for you...sure but maybe try to keep in mind down the road what your feelings are do not necessarily reflect what a guys do early on.
  • Moe4572
    Moe4572 Posts: 1,430 Member
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    I totaly assume he was seeing others, as I met him on "dating" site so nature of that is that he probably is seeing others, and I am okay with that.........don't love it, but am okay with it. He actually told me he only goes on the site when he gets a message---I don't go on all that often, but every time I did, he was there--guess he gets lots of messages--again, okay with that.

    I would rather have a guy say...."it just isn't going to work" rather than just poof..........I wouldn't ask why....think that is weird actually to ask why if not in actual relationship..........
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    I totaly assume he was seeing others, as I met him on "dating" site so nature of that is that he probably is seeing others, and I am okay with that.........don't love it, but am okay with it. He actually told me he only goes on the site when he gets a message---I don't go on all that often, but every time I did, he was there--guess he gets lots of messages--again, okay with that.

    I would rather have a guy say...."it just isn't going to work" rather than just poof..........I wouldn't ask why....think that is weird actually to ask why if not in actual relationship..........

    I agree,it is rare that I have been rejected or dumped with an explanation,it just ends and she isn`t interested anymore,sometimes as fast as throwing a switch.
    It sucks but what I expect now so just I accept it and go on.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    That's crappy. I'm sorry to hear that. I have been through the poof thing myself.

    Back in 1997 before internet dating was socially acceptable (back when people would say, "You're talking to someone you met online?!?"), I met a guy in a chat room who was in the USMC and stationed in CA but originally from MI, where I am from. We chatted, then began exchanging e-mails, then the phonecalls started. This was back before cell phones, so my part-time grocery store job was basically just covering my phonecalls to CA!!! And things got intense pretty quick. We were falling for each other fast (or so I thought). I was 17 and he was 20, I think. I really believed I'd found the love of my life. At 17, I was obviously still quite naive.

    So after a few months of all this, he says he is coming home to MI to visit his family and also attend his sister's wedding. He invited me to be his guest at the wedding; I was so excited. Bought a dress, shoes, the whole nine yards. This was also back when I used to paint a lot, so I began drafting up a painting to give him upon our meeting.

    The week he came home, I couldn't wait for the phonecall that said, "I'm here, let's meet" or whatever. A day or two went by. Okay, his family is excited to see him. A few more days pass...... ok, he just has a lot to do before wedding. Then the day of the wedding passed. In short, I did not hear from him at all during that trip - or for two or so months after. Not a single e-mail, phonecall, nothing. I even searched area newspapers for his obituary.

    When he did finally e-mail some months later, he was a total *kitten* to me and asked if I missed him. Or he would send a short "Hi Jill, Love Jeremy" e-mail with nothing else on it. It was like he'd lost his mind. But the reality was, I probably was the laughing stock of his platoon that whole time.

    I still remember his last name was "Hasse." Kinda funny, he had "*kitten*" built right into his last name and I didn't even see it....

    Anyway, in recent years I've communicated with guys that act interested at first and then disappear. I have other poof stories as well, but I won't share..... they all end the same anyway. Guy didn't know what he wanted, so he dealt with it in a very lame way. Better luck next time, sister. :flowerforyou:
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
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    I am sorry - for the longest time I was attracted to as Amonzona calls them "POOFERS" had many men do that to me and it is just not nice. The guy I am seeing now did the same thing for a bit - I waited 4 days before I would text him anything, and when I did his response was "I thought you forgot about me" Really? You were the one who stopped talking. Anywho, give it a few days, and then seen before I would officially classify him as a POOFER.

    If he is one, I am sorry you had that experience. Men can be super yucky sometimes
  • Roadie2000
    Roadie2000 Posts: 1,801 Member
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    I've had girls try that with me, I just keep texting them until they tell me to f**k off.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Anyway, in recent years I've communicated with guys that act interested at first and then disappear. I have other poof stories as well, but I won't share..... they all end the same anyway. Guy didn't know what he wanted, so he dealt with it in a very lame way. Better luck next time, sister. :flowerforyou:


    ^^^this! Guy = Lame!

    NEXT! :flowerforyou:
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    guys stink sometimes. sorry.

    Yep.

    I don't want to hear that "I was busy" garbage. Or "I lost my phone."

    Let's get real here. How do you treat someone you really like? Are you ever so "busy" that you can't communicate with that person for days at a time? Is a lost cell phone ever going to prevent you from somehow getting in touch with that person? I don't think so. A man who really cares about you makes you a priority. It's that simple.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    Yep.

    I don't want to hear that "I was busy" garbage. Or "I lost my phone."

    Let's get real here. How do you treat someone you really like? Are you ever so "busy" that you can't communicate with that person for days at a time? Is a lost cell phone ever going to prevent you from somehow getting in touch with that person? I don't think so. A man who really cares about you makes you a priority. It's that simple.

    Agreed. It's simple.
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
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    I've had girls try that with me, I just keep texting them until they tell me to f**k off.


    hahahahha
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    Yeah. . I've done this.

    I'm yucky sometimes too :(

    The reasons are simple, but not pretty. It could be one or many things. Its very awkward to explain to a girl that you've lost interest, because then they want to know why and you don't want to tell them it's because they are a horrible kisser. Or, even though you have true affection for the girl, you've found someone else you connect with better.. Again, it's hard to TELL the girl this "I really like you but not as much as my new girl Natasha. . have a nice life!"

    Basically, the text freeze is a way for a weak-kneed guy to avoid having to explain anything or answer for his frivolity.

    You don't necessarily have to tell them WHY. Just tell them. I'd be fine with, "I just don't think it's gonna work out between us." especially if it's not really a relationship yet. Half the time, I am probably thinking the same thing, but I at least have the guts to tell the guy.

    Most girls will press, as to why it won't work, etc. Some will try to "fix it."

    But, girls do the same thing.

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