Support from others (Positive & Negative)
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HeidiMightyRawr
Posts: 3,343 Member
These are what I've found in regards to the types of support people receive from others (both positive and negative)
Positive:
When asked 88.5% of the people who took part said that they'd received positive comments before about their weight loss and / or eating, exercise behaviours. These are the 3 main trends from what people said:
1) Co-workers: 14% of all other people mentioned were co-workers, which is roughly the same as for family, and more common than remarks from a spouse or partner. The only group higher was friends.
One of the most common comment from co-workers was asking for advice, and was taken in a good way from the person on the receiving end.
Examples:
“My coworkers have also noticed, and some have asked for my advice on how to do it. When I hear the comments I feel proud because it's nice to have your hard work recognized. Some people get offended at these comments but I don't. I know I needed to lose a little weight so I don't mind if others make a note of the loss.”
“One of my co-workers just started doing the power 90 program in order to begin training for a 5k race. He has never really worked out before and was asking my advice about training tips and nutrition. He told me about his goals and asked what kind of supplements should he take to achieve them. I was proud because he made me feel like I am a good role model for people who want to get healthy and fit.”
2) Pride: 14.5% of all emotions felt by a person after receiving a good comment was about feeling proud. The only emotion that was higher was general feelings of happiness (good, great, happy etc) It was also a common remark made by others towards the person losing weight. Mostly coming from spouses / partners.
Example:
“From so many people, but it means the most when it comes from my husband, because he has been with me as I struggle, and sees how hard I work every day. His compliments are specific and seem to also convey how thankful he is that I want to improve the quality of life for both of us, and for the sake of our future and that of our children. He positively glows when he hears other people comment on my weight loss and level of fitness. He is as proud as I am.”
3) Negative emotions: Not the most popular emotions, but sometimes people on the receiving end of good comments, while they may appreciate them, feel negative emotions such as awkwardness, embarrassment or guilt.
Example:
“When I lost a lot of weight, people would ask me how I did it and ask for my help. I like being asked for help, but the compliments make me feel awkward.”
Mostly negative emotions were felt when the compliment was in public, and they felt it should have been said in a more private place.
Examples:
“Three of my sisters and two cousins recently commented on my weight loss. I felt embarrassed because it was a highly social situation and very irritated because I haven't lost weight I've put it on. I didn't like them discussing it. It made me feel very uncomfortable and distressed.”
“People at my gym or extended family members will say things like "you look great". I don't like attention, so I am uncomfortable with compliments, although I appreciate the gesture. I also think it's rude to comment on someone's physical appearance...especially publicly. I understand why people do it, and I appreciate the recognition, even if it makes me squirm a bit.”
Negative:
66.4% of the people who took part in the study, said that they'd received negative comments before. Main trends:
1) "Obsessive" / "Too skinny": I put these two together because they are similar, often both mentioned by the same person, and both came up so regularly. 18.4% of all the negative comments mentioned involved one of these words.
Examples:
“You looked fine before. You look so skinny. If u diet anymore there will be nothing left of you, from customers.”
“Boyfriend, commented I was losing too much weight and that it was becoming an "unhealthy obsession". I felt upset by this.”
As well as this, a further 20.4% involved other very similar negative comments about such things as exercising too much, not needing to lose weight etc.
Examples:
“Friends, colleagues and family - all advise me not to 'go silly' when I talk to them about strength training and my goals. This makes me feel disheartened and sometimes sets me back causing me to re-evaluate my own goals”
“My family always puts me down. When I lose weight they always ask if I am sick or anorexic. My family is very obese. So I try hard to avoid it by exercising daily and eating healthy.”
2) Family: Almost half of the people reported as making the negative comments were family members. I thought that this would be because they are the ones spending a lot of time with the person losing weight, so they know most of their eating habits etc and get to see it more than strangers would or work collegues. They may also feel more comfortable bringing it up if they are close.
Comments relate to overdoing it, as mentioned above, but also a lot of general insults.
Examples:
“Close family (mother + stepfather) - constant negativity towards all aspects of training/diet/lifestyle. Comments dont really affect me due to the fact that i know they are very ignorant people.”
“Extended family members will tell me "You (are getting) have gotten fat". They make me angry, but no more than any other rude comment would. I value substance over appearance, so it would hurt me more to be called "stupid"”
“Husband called me a whale. I felt angry and depressed.”
Positive:
When asked 88.5% of the people who took part said that they'd received positive comments before about their weight loss and / or eating, exercise behaviours. These are the 3 main trends from what people said:
1) Co-workers: 14% of all other people mentioned were co-workers, which is roughly the same as for family, and more common than remarks from a spouse or partner. The only group higher was friends.
One of the most common comment from co-workers was asking for advice, and was taken in a good way from the person on the receiving end.
Examples:
“My coworkers have also noticed, and some have asked for my advice on how to do it. When I hear the comments I feel proud because it's nice to have your hard work recognized. Some people get offended at these comments but I don't. I know I needed to lose a little weight so I don't mind if others make a note of the loss.”
“One of my co-workers just started doing the power 90 program in order to begin training for a 5k race. He has never really worked out before and was asking my advice about training tips and nutrition. He told me about his goals and asked what kind of supplements should he take to achieve them. I was proud because he made me feel like I am a good role model for people who want to get healthy and fit.”
2) Pride: 14.5% of all emotions felt by a person after receiving a good comment was about feeling proud. The only emotion that was higher was general feelings of happiness (good, great, happy etc) It was also a common remark made by others towards the person losing weight. Mostly coming from spouses / partners.
Example:
“From so many people, but it means the most when it comes from my husband, because he has been with me as I struggle, and sees how hard I work every day. His compliments are specific and seem to also convey how thankful he is that I want to improve the quality of life for both of us, and for the sake of our future and that of our children. He positively glows when he hears other people comment on my weight loss and level of fitness. He is as proud as I am.”
3) Negative emotions: Not the most popular emotions, but sometimes people on the receiving end of good comments, while they may appreciate them, feel negative emotions such as awkwardness, embarrassment or guilt.
Example:
“When I lost a lot of weight, people would ask me how I did it and ask for my help. I like being asked for help, but the compliments make me feel awkward.”
Mostly negative emotions were felt when the compliment was in public, and they felt it should have been said in a more private place.
Examples:
“Three of my sisters and two cousins recently commented on my weight loss. I felt embarrassed because it was a highly social situation and very irritated because I haven't lost weight I've put it on. I didn't like them discussing it. It made me feel very uncomfortable and distressed.”
“People at my gym or extended family members will say things like "you look great". I don't like attention, so I am uncomfortable with compliments, although I appreciate the gesture. I also think it's rude to comment on someone's physical appearance...especially publicly. I understand why people do it, and I appreciate the recognition, even if it makes me squirm a bit.”
Negative:
66.4% of the people who took part in the study, said that they'd received negative comments before. Main trends:
1) "Obsessive" / "Too skinny": I put these two together because they are similar, often both mentioned by the same person, and both came up so regularly. 18.4% of all the negative comments mentioned involved one of these words.
Examples:
“You looked fine before. You look so skinny. If u diet anymore there will be nothing left of you, from customers.”
“Boyfriend, commented I was losing too much weight and that it was becoming an "unhealthy obsession". I felt upset by this.”
As well as this, a further 20.4% involved other very similar negative comments about such things as exercising too much, not needing to lose weight etc.
Examples:
“Friends, colleagues and family - all advise me not to 'go silly' when I talk to them about strength training and my goals. This makes me feel disheartened and sometimes sets me back causing me to re-evaluate my own goals”
“My family always puts me down. When I lose weight they always ask if I am sick or anorexic. My family is very obese. So I try hard to avoid it by exercising daily and eating healthy.”
2) Family: Almost half of the people reported as making the negative comments were family members. I thought that this would be because they are the ones spending a lot of time with the person losing weight, so they know most of their eating habits etc and get to see it more than strangers would or work collegues. They may also feel more comfortable bringing it up if they are close.
Comments relate to overdoing it, as mentioned above, but also a lot of general insults.
Examples:
“Close family (mother + stepfather) - constant negativity towards all aspects of training/diet/lifestyle. Comments dont really affect me due to the fact that i know they are very ignorant people.”
“Extended family members will tell me "You (are getting) have gotten fat". They make me angry, but no more than any other rude comment would. I value substance over appearance, so it would hurt me more to be called "stupid"”
“Husband called me a whale. I felt angry and depressed.”
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Replies
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awesome. thank you for sharing your findings!0
