How do I get him to notice me?

kimi131

He's handsome, single (at least, I'm pretty sure... he's not married, that much I'm positive about), has a great job, same denomination I am, same political beliefs as me, and my parents adore him (which could be good or bad, lol). The problem is, I only see him once a month at a church function. The time before last that I saw him, I actually saw him two weeks in a row. We talked and joked around a little. He seemed to notice me, I'm not sure (I've always been a terrible judge of such things), at the very least we were forming a friendship. And the very next day he added me as a friend on Facebook.

But then there was all the time between meetings and then I missed a meeting. So, today when I saw him it had been three months or so... ugh, lol. We joked a little, but not much at all. There were opportunities when he could have paid attention to me and he didn't really. It was like starting from the beginning, and considering we had just begun to form a friendship last time, we might as well have been starting from scratch.

So, how do I get him to notice me? I'm always dressed up when I see him because it's always church time. And I feel pretty good about myself these days so I have a ton more confidence than I would have a year ago. (Side note, maybe the question should be, "how do I get him to approach me?" because I *think* he already "noticed" last time)

I'm still, and always will be I guess, pretty shy/quiet/reserved around new people (which, I'm sure, has a lot to do with why I'm still single). He seems to be a little bit more outgoing than I am because he always starts to joke around, but I think he's pretty reserved too. I think, even if he were interested, he'd have a hard time letting me know.

Heck, now that I've decided I might be interested in him, I've probably jinxed myself. It seems like every time I'm interested in a guy, he's not, and vice versa. I think I can count on one hand the number of times a guy I didn't meet online has asked me out.

Note: my reservedness will prevent me from asking him out, so advice of that nature just won't work for me, at least not unless I become absolutely certain that he is into me.

cbeutler

Try keeping the friendship alive between meetings by corresponding on facebook. Then you won't have to start from scratch next time.

meshashesha2012

Try keeping the friendship alive between meetings by corresponding on facebook. Then you won't have to start from scratch next time.

this and try and figure out some common interests that you have and go from there.

you can always start throwing some hints around like i've been meaning to go to such and such new restaurant, meaning to go see xyz movie. then you could ask him if he's been and if he can give you review. if he hasnt then hopefully he'll take he hint to ask you out. or you could just take the bull by the horns and ask him

kimi131

Try keeping the friendship alive between meetings by corresponding on facebook. Then you won't have to start from scratch next time.

I thought of that too. He is apparently neverrrr on FB. When he first added me, I wrote a quick hello message on his page. He never responded and I can tell by posts that other people have made that are left without a response that he just doesn't use it much. :indifferent:

christine24t

Try keeping the friendship alive between meetings by corresponding on facebook. Then you won't have to start from scratch next time.

this and try and figure out some common interests that you have and go from there.

you can always start throwing some hints around like i've been meaning to go to such and such new restaurant, meaning to go see xyz movie. then you could ask him if he's been and if he can give you review. if he hasnt then hopefully he'll take he hint to ask you out. or you could just take the bull by the horns and ask him

This is good advice! If he is shy, it's something simple that shows you want him to make a move and you're willing. I did this to a guy once and it was so easy. Unfortunately he didn't ask me out then...but he ended up asking me out a few months later.

ETA - You could always, if there is a church event, message him and say "hey what time is XYZ again?" and then if he responds say "thanks so much! i'll see you there/looking forward to seeing you! "

atjays

He asked YOU to be FB friends, that should say a million things alone. If he didn't have the slightest interest he definitely wouldn't have bothered to look you up on facebook. And now that you have that, there's a perfect line of communication. Catch him online and ask him if he'd like to grab dinner or something. The guy DOESNT have to be the one to ask you out, that stigma needs to die off in a hurry, I'm tired of hearing from girls that they liked someone but never told them.

All the signs are there, you're over thinking things. Put yourself out there and see if he'd meet up for something outside church. If he declines then no harm no foul. Onto the next one

2stepz

So... he doesn't FB... but does he Email? Nothing wrong with a little pen-pal action between meetings.

flimflamfloz

Note: my reservedness will prevent me from asking him out, so advice of that nature just won't work for me, at least not unless I become absolutely certain that he is into me.

Did he leave his phone number/email on Facebook? If yes contact him via that channel. Or FB message him, he might receive the associated email.

Also forget about your "reservedness", because otherwise you won't achieve too much men wise. You could achieve something with pure luck, but you're just gimping yourself - so why be reserved? Plus going out of your shell is the best way to know if he is into you (contacting him is).

I think the fact that I might die without ever knowing if someone I was interested in was into me too is the strongest motivator for me. You might miss the opportunity of your life by being so useless, so I think you should start working on it (maybe right now, maybe with that guy).
Then imagine if he says no. Big deal? Nope. And at least you stop being so excited about seeing him every month and you can start looking at the other boys.

As others said, contact him and say "hey do you like XYZ. Event ABC is happening, are you interested?". If you're really crapping yourself, invite friends and tell him he can bring a friend too or something like that.

TIP: You can always prepare the message and save it (regardless of the channel), and then if you find the strength to send it one day, you just copy/paste it or send it immediately... Because I know that by the time I finish typing a message for someone, I sometimes have lost the courage to send it (which I had when I started typing it).

AnnaPixie

I think the fact that I might die without ever knowing if someone I was interested in was into me too is the strongest motivator for me. You might miss the opportunity of your life by being so useless, so I think you should start working on it (maybe right now, maybe with that guy).
Then imagine if he says no. Big deal? Nope. And at least you stop being so excited about seeing him every month and you can start looking at the other boys.

Very good point! We all shy away from this one. And logically, I dont even know why! What's the worst that can happen? You find out that the feeling isn't mutual and move on ......... no brainer really, but yet its very difficult.

If you can't ask him straight, then just get to know him. The fact that you both go to church mean you will see each other often, so you can try and talk to him? Just ask him if he ever uses his FB for instance? Strike up a conversation about how intrusive it can get or how you love it or...whatever.....At some point you and him will get the vibe, or not. Like if he looks over his shoulder to see if you're there? Take that as a good hint he wants to get to know you :bigsmile: And never forget that guys are shy and reserved too!!

Everybody fears rejection, that's perfectly normal. But to live your life in fear and forever be alone because of it? Dont make sense :flowerforyou:

TheKitsune6

Note: my reservedness will prevent me from asking him out, so advice of that nature just won't work for me, at least not unless I become absolutely certain that he is into me.

You already know the answer, you just don't like it. You can't make anyone else do something other than yourself. Lady up and ask him out

La_Amazona

I agree... keep working on the friendship thing but you need to add some flirtyness in there or else you can get friend zoned. Touch his arm, look in his eyes, smile, lick your lips while talking (bonus points if he looks down at your lips while doing it), ask personal questions like what he does for fun outside of church, etc etc...

DMZ_1

You could dress provocatively and be flirtatious. Seems to work a lot of the time. Best wishes!

DavetheHYNIC

Note: my reservedness will prevent me from asking him out, so advice of that nature just won't work for me, at least not unless I become absolutely certain that he is into me.

You already know the answer, you just don't like it. You can't make anyone else do something other than yourself. Lady up and ask him out

He's already noticed you. Your acquaintances and friends on Facebook. You want him to ask you out and get to know you better. U better do somethin. Just think he could be the ONE and u don't wanna be 20 years down the road wondering "what if ".

Roadie2000

I don't understand why women will go through so much trouble to get a guy to notice them or to ask them out when it would be much easier for them just to ask the guy out.

DeeJayTJ

agree,

ask him out, atleast see if he would be interested...

ShoeDeahva

I'm not single but How about this approach :

Talk with him a few minutes and ask him : "When was the last time you enjoyed Good conversation and a Nice Meal?" If he doesn't take that obvious HINT--ask him if he would like to grab coffee or tea after your function or sometime that week?

OR


Have a Get together with Males and Females and invite him to come.

Good Luck!

ItsCasey

I don't understand why women will go through so much trouble to get a guy to notice them or to ask them out when it would be much easier for them just to ask the guy out.

A really smooth guy can get a woman to ask him out without her even realizing what she's doing. Happened to me, and I do NOT ask men on dates. I suggested something, he said yes, I said "It's a date," and at that moment, it hit me ... sweet orphaned kitten tears, I just asked him out.

MyTime1985

[/quote]
A really smooth guy can get a woman to ask him out without her even realizing what she's doing. Happened to me, and I do NOT ask men on dates. I suggested something, he said yes, I said "It's a date," and at that moment, it hit me ... sweet orphaned kitten tears, I just asked him out.
[/quote]

That just made me laugh!

mrmanmeat

I don't understand why women will go through so much trouble to get a guy to notice them or to ask them out when it would be much easier for them just to ask the guy out.

A really smooth guy can get a woman to ask him out without her even realizing what she's doing. Happened to me, and I do NOT ask men on dates. I suggested something, he said yes, I said "It's a date," and at that moment, it hit me ... sweet orphaned kitten tears, I just asked him out.

Well, this fella sounds like someone I could take some pointers from. What a lucky guy, he'd be foolish to say no!

ItsCasey

I don't understand why women will go through so much trouble to get a guy to notice them or to ask them out when it would be much easier for them just to ask the guy out.

A really smooth guy can get a woman to ask him out without her even realizing what she's doing. Happened to me, and I do NOT ask men on dates. I suggested something, he said yes, I said "It's a date," and at that moment, it hit me ... sweet orphaned kitten tears, I just asked him out.

Well, this fella sounds like someone I could take some pointers from. What a lucky guy, he'd be foolish to say no!

I don't think a man with a pink kitty helmet needs any pointers on being smooth with the ladies. Statistically speaking, your odds of getting asked out have to be way up there.

mrmanmeat

I don't understand why women will go through so much trouble to get a guy to notice them or to ask them out when it would be much easier for them just to ask the guy out.

A really smooth guy can get a woman to ask him out without her even realizing what she's doing. Happened to me, and I do NOT ask men on dates. I suggested something, he said yes, I said "It's a date," and at that moment, it hit me ... sweet orphaned kitten tears, I just asked him out.

Well, this fella sounds like someone I could take some pointers from. What a lucky guy, he'd be foolish to say no!

I don't think a man with a pink kitty helmet needs any pointers on being smooth with the ladies. Statistically speaking, your odds of getting asked out have to be way up there.

I hope the statistics are on my side to earn a Friday night date then, thanks for the kind words. I'll let you know how it goes

Steelheart7

You could dress provocatively and be flirtatious. Seems to work a lot of the time. Best wishes!

Hee hee! You crack me up DM!!

DavetheHYNIC

Well, this fella sounds like someone I could take some pointers from. What a lucky guy, he'd be foolish to say no!

Here's a pointer : change your head gear in your profile pic to something that suggests your a heterosexual.

mrmanmeat

Well, this fella sounds like someone I could take some pointers from. What a lucky guy, he'd be foolish to say no!

Here's a pointer : change your head gear in your profile pic to something that suggests your a heterosexual.

Dude, I have a ***** on my head, how much more heterosexual can I get? Confidence & personality man, that's all it takes.

kimi131

We don't know each other well. Even if I COULD ask him out, I don't think I'm to that point yet.

kimi131

Note: my reservedness will prevent me from asking him out, so advice of that nature just won't work for me, at least not unless I become absolutely certain that he is into me.

You already know the answer, you just don't like it. You can't make anyone else do something other than yourself. Lady up and ask him out

He's already noticed you. Your acquaintances and friends on Facebook. You want him to ask you out and get to know you better. U better do somethin. Just think he could be the ONE and u don't wanna be 20 years down the road wondering "what if ".

Which is why I need to know what to do! Ugh... why must dating be so hard?

kimi131

I agree... keep working on the friendship thing but you need to add some flirtyness in there or else you can get friend zoned. Touch his arm, look in his eyes, smile, lick your lips while talking (bonus points if he looks down at your lips while doing it), ask personal questions like what he does for fun outside of church, etc etc...

Good advice. It's ironic, I flirt ten times better with guys I'm NOT interested in, which is why I think I was better off before I decided I might be interested :ohwell:

meshashesha2012

i think the idea of having a get together where you invite him and a few other people is good. just make sure the other women you invite are your girls and know that he's off limits. bowling, a group movie and dinner afterwards to discuss, a gallery opening etc can be good places to set a man trap :laugh:

Roadie2000

We don't know each other well. Even if I COULD ask him out, I don't think I'm to that point yet.

Well, even if he notices you he may be too shy to ask you out as well. Or if you act shy around him he may think you're not interested. At the very least you'll have to make some sort of an effort to talk to him more next time you see him and get to know him. Also flirt with him and poke fun at him.

There's plenty of ways you can drop subtle hints that you're interested. There's also ways he can be manipulated. Here's an example:
Woman: Are you going to ____ next week?
Man: Yes, I'm planning on it, are you?
Woman: I don't think so, my car is in the shop/I said somebody could borrow it/etc.
Man: Well I could pick you up if you want?
Woman: That would be great, that's so nice of you to offer!
Then he'll even think it was his idea. My ex used to do this to me all the time.

Natx83

If all else fails kimi you could just grope him, guys do it all the time and it always gets attention :flowerforyou:

La_Amazona

I agree... keep working on the friendship thing but you need to add some flirtyness in there or else you can get friend zoned. Touch his arm, look in his eyes, smile, lick your lips while talking (bonus points if he looks down at your lips while doing it), ask personal questions like what he does for fun outside of church, etc etc...

Good advice. It's ironic, I flirt ten times better with guys I'm NOT interested in, which is why I think I was better off before I decided I might be interested :ohwell:

I think we all do.. well I did.

There's a guy here at work that is SO SO cute. I've had a mini crush on him for a while. Everytime I go near him and talk to him, I can hardly speak, I'm a blushing mess, I look down.. it's ridiculous.

On my 1st date with my bf, I couldn't stop smiling. I had this goofy huge grin on my face, red cheeks, sweaty arm pits, the whole thing! On other dates, I had nerves but they'd go away after a while...