When the friends sabotage
AllanMisner
Posts: 4,136 Member
Sometimes things move faster than their friends are willing to accept. I can respect that. Have any of you dealt with a situation where they were doing an effective "intervention" to get them to slow down? Thoughts on what the right pace should be?
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The right pace should be what is right for *you.* The problem is, all of us who have known you for awhile, Allan, know that this recent affair is not like you. Maybe it's what you need... to shake things up a bit. And maybe she really is the one and this is the wild adventure you've waited your whole life for.
For your sake, I hope so. Actually, for Tammie's sake I hope so. She's so smitten she's talking about moving. After two months.
But I would take it as a sign of their love for you that your friends want you to slow down. Whether or not they are right, they care. And we have so few people in this world who truly care for us. You would be wise not to kick such true friends to the curb.
Bros before hos, my friend. With this beautiful woman perhaps your friends think you've forgotten that...?
And plus I don't wanna meet you on Match again in another 8 years... kwim?0 -
I've been on both ends on the friend intervention, still best mates with the particular friend that he happened be on both occasions.
I think you should take in what they say but follow your heart about take your brain with you0 -
Friends often times don't like when things "change" dramatically. They feel scared that they are going to lose their friend and the way that they like things.
So, I would keep that in mind. But .. if they are having a reaction, it is obviously something that is very different for you. So there is that to keep in mind as well.
What is hard is how far apart you live .. you don't have the every day life stuff to deal with .. which kind of makes a relationship feel even more special somehow. I am dealing with that too. You have space right now that you won't necessarily have if and when you live either closer or together. So when you ARE together you try and make the most of every second you have together .. whereas if you lived closer you may not be doing that as much. Does that make sense? It kind of changes the dynamic. I am trying to keep that in the back of my mind as well.
I don't think I helped. lol.0 -
I haven't experienced that yet. The only people that were concerned I moved too fast were my parents and sisters. Friends questioned me but so far, everything I have told him about Smiley, they say he sounds great.
It's natural for friends/ family to worry about us. I'd say the same thing if tables were turned. I'd be talking "sense" into one of my sisters or friends. You just have to reassure them.0 -
I've been on both ends on the friend intervention, still best mates with the particular friend that he happened be on both occasions.
I think you should take in what they say but follow your heart about take your brain with you
This!0 -
My best friend got engaged after three months married after 1 year and have been happily married now for 10 years with 3 children.
My sister was with her ex for 6 years married 10 months and has been divorced 10 years.
(They got married within a month of eachother)
Time is not the best indicator on how things will work out. Yes I thought my friend moved fast but some times you just know.0 -
I would listen to what they have to say because chances are they are speaking from a place of caring for you. However, you get to make your own choices and if you are happy, make the decision to keep going.
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Yup, my ex had friends that were full of crappy advice, low and behold they just wanted to hook her up with one of their friends... didn't go well for her.0
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I guess I wasn't all that clear. It is her friends who were telling her I am bad for her.
We've talked about it and I know in time her friends will get to know me better.0 -
I guess I wasn't all that clear. It is her friends who were telling her I am bad for her.
If I was her friend, I would absolutely tell her the same thing.
And, no, that's not because I know you.
It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.
If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.
May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.0 -
I guess I wasn't all that clear. It is her friends who were telling her I am bad for her.
We've talked about it and I know in time her friends will get to know me better.
Why would they say you're "bad for her"?
My friends were concerned, I suppose. When I was after FL, my bff told me to enjoy being single and not to rush into anything. She hasn't met Smiley but I assume she feels better about the timing as she hasn't mentioned it really. She just doesn't want me to get hurt again (neither do I).
Saying you're bad for her is pretty blunt. Have they met you?0 -
I guess I wasn't all that clear. It is her friends who were telling her I am bad for her.
If I was her friend, I would absolutely tell her the same thing.
And, no, that's not because I know you.
It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.
If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.
May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.
Ouch. That hits a little close to home for me. lol.0 -
It's because you are moving much faster than normal. Most guys who do this end up breaking the girl's heart in a big way.
If my friend were showered with gifts, facebook "relationshipped," told he was "in love" with her from the get go and started talking about moving after only knowing the guy for 2 months I would tell her to enjoy it while it lasts but prepare for a huge rude awakening down the road. More than likely he's only doing for show, or ego, upset an ex, or some other ulterior motive. And hot sex. And once that itch is sufficiently scratched, he will likely disappear.
May not be true in your case. But that's what usually happens.
Is this really true?0 -
Ouch. That hits a little close to home for me. lol.
Sorry, I'm not an expert and obviously my little world is waaay different from every one else's...so your mileage may vary...not saying this will happen to you (your guy sounds sweet) but Allan asked our thoughts on the pace and every time I look at Tammie’s facebook page all I see are red flags. FUN red flags, but red flags none-the-less.
The absolute ONLY reason I haven’t said anything to her after becoming friends is because I don’t want her to think I’m just bitter Allan’s doting on her, not me.
But if she were ANY other friend … I wouldn’t say to cut him off or anything (after all, who doesn’t like attention? Flowers at work? Public romance?) but I would ABSOLUTELY warn her to guard her heart, not get too emotionally attached and NOT make any life-altering decisions (like quitting your job and moving to another state) without getting to know him longer.0 -
I guess I wasn't all that clear. It is her friends who were telling her I am bad for her.
We've talked about it and I know in time her friends will get to know me better.
Why would they say you're "bad for her"?
My friends were concerned, I suppose. When I was after FL, my bff told me to enjoy being single and not to rush into anything. She hasn't met Smiley but I assume she feels better about the timing as she hasn't mentioned it really. She just doesn't want me to get hurt again (neither do I).
Saying you're bad for her is pretty blunt. Have they met you?
Most of it seems to be coming from one of her guy friends. He's ok, but not someone I'd hang out with.0 -
Maybe he's jealous??
FL told me the other night we hung out how Smiley almost seemed like a pr*ck because of the way we joked with each other. He also said Smiley doesn't party hardy like me which could pose a problem. I'm not sure why he was saying this as Smiley has been nothing but sweet. Yes, we play- hard. We play about brown and white. It's between us but my cousin and her husband were there too (so was FL) and she's hispanic and he's white too.. they tease each other all the time, way worse than Smiley and me do. Anywho, I think FL was just trying to pick apart at Smiley. I defended him and said we BOTH play rough with each other. It's fun and we don't get offended.
Eh.. I wouldn't pay attention UNLESS she is.0 -
Maybe he's jealous??
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Eh.. I wouldn't pay attention UNLESS she is.
Could be they just want her and are jealous... but I tell you one thing... I *absolutely* take my guy friends' opinions into consideration. So far they haven't been wrong. Yet. But then I don't have a whole lot of guy friends that liked me romantically, so maybe it's not the same as FL or Tammie's guy friends...?0 -
Talk to her about it, and if she says she prefers to listen to her friend "for safety", then say "Fair enough, we can slow it down...".0
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