living alone

whitehandlady

i am totally alone now
my son moved out just before the thanksgiving holiday
i moved my ex out just after my 34th birthday this past december...after 8 years of going nowhere
i had a dog i loved very much also during that 8 year period
he was my best little friend and the most perfect roommate ever
he was hit and killed by a car a few weeks ago
i'm still getting used to his absent greetings
now i'm absolutely alone here

it's peaceful and sometimes i enjoy living here alone
i mean....for the first time in my life i have peace and no bs to deal with

but sometimes...when i've had a bad day....or when i'm sick....or just when i want to break out my old nintendo and eat cereal in my pajamas with someone....it's depressing
all of my friends are married....so are my sisters and cousins....i had my son in high school....so everyone else has kids....so not much going out

i'm learning to make new friends and to find amusement or solace in being alone

it's just difficult more days than not

anyone? how do you deal with it?

Natx83

I live alone, sometimes when work is busy and I don't have much time to catch up with friends it gets lonely for sure. I just try and catch up with friends regularly, best thing to do!

maria1113

Well, I'm bit in different situation since I have always been alone since I moved from home in my teens. That was over 10 years ago.
I guess I'm bit of a hermit and enjoy being alone (well it's the only thing I know), but sometimes I do wish I had someone there.
I guess you just have to give it time, some get used to it more easily than others. And you could always try some new activity where you could meet new people and find new friends? I know I should do that

brewerchick

When I moved to South Dakota 5 years ago I went from St. Paul to a tiny town of 600 where I knew 1 person and that person had a family so I did not want to intrude (even though eventually they adopted me lol)! I was in my mid 20s, single and lived in the middle of nowhere.

I was alone a lot but I had to learn to find new ways to be social or I'd get super depressed being by myself all the time after work. For example you could look into some sort of craft class (pottery etc) if you're into that thing or find certain clubs that grab your interest like a book club (yeah, I dunno just an example). I found myself looking into things I wouldn't usually consider doing but was a way to meet people with similar interests.

For example...I joined the gym away from the town and met people. After making fun of people for years for golfing I learned how to play and actually became decent and met great people! With the people I met through golf I joined a dart team and through a girl at work just by inquiring found a softball team. Sometimes you have to search harder to find things to keep you busy (and still keep time for you) and it can be hard when you're alone because you may be unmotivated.

As for feeling alone at those points where you need "you" time I think that's normal and I feel that way too at times and am not sure if that ever goes away completely. As humans it's natural to usually want to be with someone or have some sort of close connection with someone (not even a spouse but a sibling etc) and want someone to hang with. Eventually maybe you will find that buddy that is in your boat and wants to eat cheerios and play nintendo with you. I have nintendo too and bust that out with the karoake machine when I'm lonely. Usually there is wine involved though :bigsmile:

AnnaPixie

Get another dog/pet?

Get a lodger/house mate?

Busy yourself with other things - friends, dating sites, meet ups, hobbies, books, etc - and try not to think about it!! You actually do get used to it ........:flowerforyou:

annalee_1

I for the most part live alone, my daughter is here sometimes but for maybe 10 minutes to change clothes. I have been alone by choice for a long time but I think I am ready to be in a relationship - being alone has been two fold for me I became a dependant on no one but me and it gave me time to become the best me so when I did find that someone special I could be a rock solid partner. Do I get lonely? Yes there have been times but I stay busy and surround myself with people who support me. I hope this helps you. Anyone that would like to add - i can help support you in your journey!

flimflamfloz

Get another dog/pet?

Get a lodger/house mate?

Busy yourself with other things - friends, dating sites, meet ups, hobbies, books, etc - and try not to think about it!! You actually do get used to it ........:flowerforyou:

Yep. This pretty much.

I've got a house mate personally so always have someone to talk to should I need a quick pint or something.

This aside...
Just subscribe to websites such as meetup.com and meet people who live near you, and enjoy the same things as you do (same problem as you, I had 0 friends available before).
Recently, I learnt to accept that, from time to time, it's OK to renew your circles of friends entirely because you've moved on, you're different, or your friends are different. So start from scratch friend wise, there are people of all ages always happy to meet nice friendly others, especially when an activity is involved.

And when I don't see my friends, I just plan for my next nights out (to which you can invite your new friends! ), or even look at dating sites indeed. Or play a video game with my brother who lives 500km away from here (the wonders of the internet :laugh: ).

Once you've got people you see 2/3 times a week, it's easier to enjoy all these solo activities, so I'd focus on meeting new people first!

Nerple

When I lived alone I usually made at least one weekend trip a month (usually to ym hometown to see people) and switched apartments so I could get a dog.

But in general I loved living alone.

Now that I am not living alone, I dream everyday of finally buying a house to get back on ym own, and anxiously look forward to the next business trip to be on the road and alone again.

The_Iron

Living alone is the bomb! I am local though so friends come by often.

Jarnard

I love living alone but I understand the feeling lonely part. Fortnuately, I live in a big city and I have friends near by, so if I need to call up someone, I can.

lorro

Sorry about your dog A child leaving home can be a difficult adjustment too.

Sometimes it helps to know that it's the meanings we attach to the feelings of loneliness that make it difficult and these are related to how we are feeling generally, so may change over time.

When I was first single I found loneliness qute upsetting. I think I saw it as a sign I wan't coping, or would be alone forever. Also I was adjusting to not being part of a couple for the first time in decades. Now that I've been single for a long time I'm lonely much less often but if I am, I just see it as a sign that it's time to see a friend, just as if I was hungry I'd go and make a sandwich. There is no negative meaning attached to it anymore so the feeling is more akin to a transient pang .

It gets easier :flowerforyou:

Edited to add - re-reading it sounds like you don't see much of your friends. If you get on with them when you see them then I'd make the effort. But it sounds like you could do with more friends who can go out with you. I'd find something you are really interested in, something you've always wanted to do and start doing it, meeting people along the way

BigDaddyBRC

Being "alone" is a mental state.

Reap the rewards of truly being Queen AND King of your domain. Invite your friends over, through parties (or wine tasting nights), get out and enjoy life.

Emv79

I can relate and it does take some adjusting and time to get comfortable with it all.
When I got transferred to Toronto (form Montreal...a 6hour drive away) for work, my boyfriend decided to make the move with me (we were already living together at that time). I knew no one else aside from colleagues, but we had each other. 4 months after, he's miserable, which makes me miserable and we decide it's best for him to go back "home" and we end our 2 year relationship.

I have always enjoyed my alone time, but for the few months that followed I felt the loneliest in my life: no family, no friends, a house way too big for one and still fairly new to the surroundings. That's where I gained about 30lbs...I was sad and bored.

I don't know what the trigger was, but one day I decided I'd start exploring on my own, looked up a hiking trail and went for it. Then, each weekend, I'd pick a new area, a new trail and went. Then I started playing tourist and went to museums and other activities that I wanted to do, but never thought of doing alone. I also looked up old friends on Facebook and found some now lived in the area and I offered them to grab a bite and catch up. I joined a "outdoor activity" group on Meetup.com and joined them on hikes and runs.... My point is: I got out there. Do I have a close group of friends yet: no, but I'm meeting interesting people all the time and I'm enjoying myself while keeping active.

My suggestion: get out there!