Curiousity killed the cat... (I feel stupid!!)
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
So I heard the ex has a gf. I've told family and friends I do NOT want to know anything about him but of course.. sometimes stuff slips out.
Anywho, yesterday my cousin was saying she creeped my ex's FB page and then she continued to talk trash on both him and his gf.
This morning, I was FBing and the thought started entertaining my mind. I have him blocked but then somehow I went over the privacy settings, unblocked him and took a look.
To say she's an ugly *kitten* would make me sound mean. I don't know the chick. I am about 99% she isn't one of his other women (affairs) from the past. She seems to be his type and they're all lovey dovey stupid idiotic on his page. She's okay and she looks older but who knows.
He also got my name removed (tattoo) from his ring finger. He takes a lot of self mirror shots (blah). His family (young nieces) and friends are congragulating him on his new happiness. Blah blah.
Don't get me wrong. I have Smiley whom I'm deeply in like with. He's great. But I went and did therapy back in October even before I decided to ask for the divorce, and have kept working myself. I started dating back in January and didn't settle for the 1st guy. He on the other hand has done nothing for himself to help him with his issues. It just pisses me off.. I don't know why. I could care less about what he does. I have absolutely no feelings for him.. I even wished him well last time we talked.
But one thing that irks me is... (and I hate that I'm even letting this irk me *sigh*) that my Smiley isn't Mr. Romantic. I mean, he's a sweetheart, texts me "I'm thinking of you" which is romantic I guess. He's a great man. He's protective, sweet, caring, very manly (my ex was NOT), genuine, hot, sexy, yummy, smart, funny, etc etc...
The ex is Mr. Romantic galore. He has a pic of him and her as his profile pic AND as his cover pic.. Smiley has yet to put a pic of us up and I'm not doing it first. (childish I know plus he's not big on FB) Ex wrote stuff like "my beautiful woman". Smiley compliments me but not for all the world to see. How stupid is me caring about this?!?!?!? STUPID. I just remember the days of ex being the knight in shining armor and it was like walking on marshmallows... although fast forward to a year and a half later when he had his emotional affair, it was like walking on glass so.... :huh:
I just need to be snapped back into reality before those horrid images eat at me.
On other news, Smiley and I will be taking our first little trip together for Memorial Day! Yay!! We'll be going to my cousins house for 3 days to play in the pool and barbeque. My cousin lives close to the ex and it'd be great for us to run into each other so he can see how f'ing hot my new bf is. Hmph!
Oh and we had hot great nasty sex last night too!!!
Anywho, yesterday my cousin was saying she creeped my ex's FB page and then she continued to talk trash on both him and his gf.
This morning, I was FBing and the thought started entertaining my mind. I have him blocked but then somehow I went over the privacy settings, unblocked him and took a look.
To say she's an ugly *kitten* would make me sound mean. I don't know the chick. I am about 99% she isn't one of his other women (affairs) from the past. She seems to be his type and they're all lovey dovey stupid idiotic on his page. She's okay and she looks older but who knows.
He also got my name removed (tattoo) from his ring finger. He takes a lot of self mirror shots (blah). His family (young nieces) and friends are congragulating him on his new happiness. Blah blah.
Don't get me wrong. I have Smiley whom I'm deeply in like with. He's great. But I went and did therapy back in October even before I decided to ask for the divorce, and have kept working myself. I started dating back in January and didn't settle for the 1st guy. He on the other hand has done nothing for himself to help him with his issues. It just pisses me off.. I don't know why. I could care less about what he does. I have absolutely no feelings for him.. I even wished him well last time we talked.
But one thing that irks me is... (and I hate that I'm even letting this irk me *sigh*) that my Smiley isn't Mr. Romantic. I mean, he's a sweetheart, texts me "I'm thinking of you" which is romantic I guess. He's a great man. He's protective, sweet, caring, very manly (my ex was NOT), genuine, hot, sexy, yummy, smart, funny, etc etc...
The ex is Mr. Romantic galore. He has a pic of him and her as his profile pic AND as his cover pic.. Smiley has yet to put a pic of us up and I'm not doing it first. (childish I know plus he's not big on FB) Ex wrote stuff like "my beautiful woman". Smiley compliments me but not for all the world to see. How stupid is me caring about this?!?!?!? STUPID. I just remember the days of ex being the knight in shining armor and it was like walking on marshmallows... although fast forward to a year and a half later when he had his emotional affair, it was like walking on glass so.... :huh:
I just need to be snapped back into reality before those horrid images eat at me.
On other news, Smiley and I will be taking our first little trip together for Memorial Day! Yay!! We'll be going to my cousins house for 3 days to play in the pool and barbeque. My cousin lives close to the ex and it'd be great for us to run into each other so he can see how f'ing hot my new bf is. Hmph!
Oh and we had hot great nasty sex last night too!!!
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Replies
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Go and block him again. Also what you are thinking of as romantic could also be controlling and marking his territory. Remember a lot of people post things on FB just to show the good stuff not the bad stuff. I am sure everything is not all coming up roses with them but if it is it just remember it does not affect you and who you are.
You and Smiley are going at your own pace which is how it should be. Do not compare yourself to what you used to be as you have taken the effort to move forward with your life.
PS. Yay for hot nasty sex!0 -
LMAO .. at the last line.
First off .. it is so completely natural to do what you did with the FB thing. I would think you had super powers if you didn't. There were obviously things you liked about him or you wouldn't have married him. The things you liked about him have carried on to someone else and of course that will bother you .. but .. his bad things will carry over too. You can bet the bank on that. I have seen it first hand. My ex just recently cheated on his new gf. So .. it will carry over. Those are his issues .. and you are right, if he doesn't work on them .. he is not going to change. That knight in shining armor is a douche. lol.
Maybe if you showed Smiley how you want him to be by DOING the things for him that you want done to you. Like post little hearts on his wall .. throw a picture up of the two of you on his page .. things that you would love if he did. Maybe it just hasn't occured to him. Lead him to the water lady!! lol. He seems very active and not the type to spend time on FB. But .. if he knows you have sent him something or put something on his wall that may draw him to it and he may respond in kind. Or maybe when you are talking say .. oh my cousin got the cutest message from her bf on fb .. throw a little hint out there. lol.
Teach him how to be romantic through your actions. Kindness brings kindess .. same theory here. I think the things he does are very romantic however! lol. Although I am used to NO romance what so ever from my ex .. so romance is all new to me too. The small things he does .. if you react positively to he will catch on that it makes you happy and want to do more!
Or .. according to the men here .. just tell him .. yo, I need you to be more romantic. lol.0 -
I vote block him ASAP! Out of sight out of mind. You don't want to be comparing the two. Also, I'm still somewhat of a newbie so I don't know your entire story but I'm willing to bet the new guy is a million times better than the ex, therefore; I'd be focusing on all the great things the new guy offers and not the one thing he lacks in comparsion to the ex!
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Unless you are backing up there is no reason to be looking behind you.
Just simply don`t do it.0 -
Ex was blocked since he created his FB which was right after we seperated. I have never had the itch to go look until now. I figured I could handle it which obviously I can.. I didn't fall apart or anything. It was just odd I guess.
I mean, even before going to his FB, I imagined my ex would be melting over a new gf very soon and I was right. My ex was a singer and wrote songs.. wrote and sang a song for me on our wedding day. I mean, he was over the top romantic. At the same time, his words meant nothing because just a year later he was talking to his old gf. He was an a-hole. I don't want him back at all.
I just hate that I caved. I did so great for so long... blah.
Smiley isn't on FB too much. We only have like 2 pics of us together so far and the one I put on FB I did tag him. Now, Smiley is the one that made it official on FB first. He seems proud to be with me and has brought me aroudn his family, football guys, etc... so there's no worry there. But I just don't want to be the one telling him what to do. I did that with the ex. I will never lead a man to show his feelings for me again. I rather let him show me his own way... and if that's no pic well that's fine as long as everything else shows me he cares.
I'm pretty content with my Smiley. He's different than the ex.. and I LOVE that. I know he'll be honest with me.. we talked about this last night (honesty.. not the ex). He's straight up. Ex was NOT.
And yes as soon as the 48 hours pass, ex will be back to blocked.0 -
Yep... don't waste your time dwelling on your past. And it's a bad idea to compair Smiley to your ex. If there are things you want Smiley to do, lead by example! Ever forward.0
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Unless you are backing up there is no reason to be looking behind you.
Just simply don`t do it.
LOVE0 -
Unless you are backing up there is no reason to be looking behind you.
Just simply don`t do it.
Exactly. Maybe you could also add in some of the romance. He might pick up on it and start too.0 -
Are you f***ng kidding?!? He is your ex for a whole host of very good reasons so who cares what he is doing? Gotta admit, I am a little disappointed in you for even looking and then to let it bother you!
Come on Amazon you are much smarter and stronger than that. Who cares about his lovey dovey FB page, remember he is a dbag and you left him. So no amount of public professions of love make a bit of difference.
Get over it and go give Smiley some love.0 -
Hey Will010574.. I gave Smiley some good loving last night!! Didn't you read THAT part?? My God that man knows what my body needs.. TMI I know but jeez!
Yeah I'm disappointed in myself too. It didn't get me down. But I'm overthinking (who me?!?) and hoping that on the day that Smiley pisses me off because he's not being as emotional as I wished he'd be that I won't remember my douchbag ex saying how he's soooooooo happy and how he's found the perfect gal all in front of OUR old friends. Dumbass.
Grrrr. Why did I go look!?!? And she's a-ight. I'm hotter.0 -
The good thing is that even if Smiley wasn't in the picture... I KNOW that I'm better off w/o the ex. It might have stung if I was single but I know in my heart that I would have known that he's an idiot and will always be a cheater to me. I'm better than that which is why I finally left.
So kiss my *kitten* ex!0 -
My friend just said this (made me laugh):
Ex=Rotten Zombie in good looking armor
Smiley=Dude in regular clothes, smells awesome0 -
So kiss my *kitten* ex!
:drinker:0 -
Ohh I saw the part about the good loving!!! Made me jealous as I slept next to Fathead (the dog) last night!
Didnt mean to come off as harsh just wanted to help slap you back into reality before you start overthinking all the if's and's and but's of the whole thing.
You went to great lengths to leave the ex so do just that leave him in the past.0 -
Your ex may have been romantic but he sounds like a D-bag that only did that for girls... smiley sounds like a man... I'd say your better off. One more thing, tell your friends and family you don't want any updates good or bad about your ex.0
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Just a thought that might help. Sounds a bit like the smushy-romantic ex is being smushy-romantic to ANY girl who looks his way. It's not special when everyone gets it. Stick to the discerning tastes of Smiley, and enjoy the sex-god intuition.
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Just a thought that might help. Sounds a bit like the smushy-romantic ex is being smushy-romantic to ANY girl who looks his way. It's not special when everyone gets it. Stick to the discerning tastes of Smiley, and enjoy the sex-god intuition.
Ooh me likey!! Good one! Yes, ex used his romantic charm on me and all the women he was chasing while married to me. Great way of putting it...
And my my my on my Smiley and the intuition he has. :bigsmile:0 -
Just a thought that might help. Sounds a bit like the smushy-romantic ex is being smushy-romantic to ANY girl who looks his way. It's not special when everyone gets it. Stick to the discerning tastes of Smiley, and enjoy the sex-god intuition.
Great analysis! See, that PhD is good for something romance related after all ;-)0 -
One more thing, tell your friends and family you don't want any updates good or bad about your ex.
Probably a good thing.
You unblocking him and checking him out with the divorce so recent still says much about where you are mentally. If you didn't care, you would not have bothered. I'm not sure I'd take the words of "I could care less..." at face value based upon your actions.0 -
Honestly, I was curious as to what she looked like. That was it. Nothing more. So yeah, I guess I care to that extent? It was just a mild case of "I wonder if she's hot". It probably shouldn't matter but my dumb cousin was saying how ugly and old she looked and peaked my curiousity.
The romantic stuff happened as I looked at his over the top captions on the pictures.
I will tell my family and friends again, to keep me out of the loop when it pertains to him.0
