bullies

ShaunnaM

:mad: a boy my son hung out with at lunch everyday, in the 8th grade, lost his father last year, and had been bullied everyday, while the school did NOTHING, i don't know if his mom knew, but regardless, the school should have, this boy, he shot himself in the head lastnight, yep let that sink in. an 8th grade boy was bullied and stressed out to the point that he felt he needed to kill himself to escape the pain. I am here for my kids and will be watching my son carefully to make sure he makes thru this ok, we are a family that is strongly against bullying, my son gets picked on a lot for being short, and skinny (side effect of his Crohns disease) he deals with it by laughing at himself with these butt holes, but he also knows that if he is physically threatened he is to do whatever possible to defend himself with no punishment from us, we have our kids backs, even when the schools don't. Now I know we all went thru it in school or were the ones doing it to others, it was a rite of passage, kids being kids , or so we were told, but it wasn't and isn't ok, normal, or a rite of passage ! Now imagine what you went thru at your most painful bully memory and add, cell phone texts and pics, myspace, and facebook, how much worse it would've felt, especially now when parents are a LOT LESS involved and strict, they let their kids run wild , get pregnant in grade school, smoke and drink and do drugs, in 5th and 6th grade, we as parents are the guidance to our kids being good adults. I think if you have kids, you owe it to them to keep them in line, teach them morals and values, and not to judge others based on looks size or color, so tired of the crap kids get away with now, kids starving on purpose, wanting plastic surgery before high school, not feeling worthy, loved, accepted, . I will admit, in my history I was a bully for a short time, I was being bullied at home thought thats how it was supposed to be, in middle school i realized I didn't have to be the bully, and started being the protector, even kids I wasn't friends with would come to me when they were being bullied, and I would deal with it, to that felt better than hurting people who didn't deserve it, now as a mom I press the importance of tolerance to my kids, and find I am the minority, WE ALL NEED TO STAND UP and say enough is enough ! NO MORE ! Sorry for ranting about this in a weight loss site but it effects us ALL and adults are just as guilty as kids when it comes to being a bully, I see it here, facebook, every where, so let it sink in that an 8th grader felt the need to blow his head off to make it stop, then think about the adult who has weight issues, or body image issue, depression, being abused or neglected or bullied but thinks its them that are the problem, its hard for a kid, but they have resources , adults think they are alone, or embarassed to admit they need help or when they reach out others make them feel bad or stupid, think before you speak, type, post or comment, it could be the difference between life and death.

Dragonwolf

I'm sorry to hear that about your son's friend and I think you take a great stance with your kids.

Have you reviewed your son's school's policy on bullying and fighting? One of the best ways, in my opinion, to help with bullying is to make sure that the school's rules aren't enabling the bullies or tying the hands of the bullied kids. The "no tolerance of fighting" rules very often punish the bullied kids just as much as the bullies (sometimes even moreso). What message does that send to these kids? That they aren't allowed to defend themselves. When most bullies will back down once a victim stands up for him/herself (sometimes by laying the bully out once it escalates to violence), such mindless rules turn these kids into victims.

Bullying is not a rite of passage. It's not "kids being kids." It's abuse. It's assault. If they were adults, they would be fired for creating a hostile work environment, or arrested. Allowing it to go on in schools only teaches them that such behavior is okay. It's not okay.

Shortly after the Columbine shooting (side note - Columbine recently repealed it's mindless zero tolerance rules), when it was thought that they did it because of bullying, Jon Katz (author on such publications as Wired magazine and Slashdot) wrote/compiled a series called Voices From the Hellmouth. One of the things it highlights is the number of kids who, though they don't condone it, nor would they consider doing the same thing, could understand what it's like to be pushed so far by bullies that shooting/blowing up the school and/or committing suicide start looking like viable options to just make it all end, because they'd been the outcasts, the victims of the bullies. They'd been the ones who tried to go to the teachers to get something done about it, only to find that the teachers wouldn't or couldn't do anything that was effective.

http://news.slashdot.org/story/99/04/25/1438249/voices-from-the-hellmouth

The sad and scary part isn't just the ones who have acted on those thoughts, but the number of kids who were a hair's breadth away from acting on it. You never know when your own friendship or kind words might save a life, or even many lives, solely because you've given a quietly desperate person a reason to continue to fight, instead of simply wanting to end it all, one way or another.

emanna11

I totally agree with you about parents being 100% responsible (that's right.. 100%) for how their children treat other people. My 3 year old was just making friends with a girl at preschool in the fall when she got her hair cut (from extremely long to very short.) My DD told me that she stopped playing with her because she did not like her hair cut and that other girls stopped playing with her too. I talked with her and made it completely clear that her behavior to this girl was unacceptable. Of course, the conversation was watered down so she could understand, but she got the point. And I asked everyday who she played with, what they played, and her general opinion of the kids she shared activities with. Today she calls that girl her BFF and they play every day at recess. If you start young and behave the way you expect your child to behave (ie be an EXAMPLE), then you won't raise a bully.

ShaunnaM

i agree:drinker: