Advice... and it's not about online dating!

jaxdiablo

So there was a girl that I was quite smitten with (for those who remember, belly dancer girl), and have realized that we are just too different people and it wouldn't work (she's ok with polyamory, I want a monogamous relationship/I want kids she had a medical condition which doesn't allow her to have children). So I've come to grips with that, it doesn't change that fact that she is still awesome, gorgeous, and amazing to be around. Unfortunately she has a "primary" boyfriend, who is in town this weekend, she is also performing with my burlesque troupe this weekend (bellydancing of course), she has also approached me about joining the troupe as a burlesque performer.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the fac that I am still smitten with this girl, and I will probably be seeing her being all over her boyfriend after the performances, and if she joins the troupe during troupe events? I'm kind of at a loss.

jenbit

Honestly I have no clue what to tell you except try not to be around her as much as possible....... It sucks

mrmanmeat

So there was a girl that I was quite smitten with (for those who remember, belly dancer girl), and have realized that we are just too different people and it wouldn't work (she's ok with polyamory, I want a monogamous relationship/I want kids she had a medical condition which doesn't allow her to have children). So I've come to grips with that, it doesn't change that fact that she is still awesome, gorgeous, and amazing to be around. Unfortunately she has a "primary" boyfriend, who is in town this weekend, she is also performing with my burlesque troupe this weekend (bellydancing of course), she has also approached me about joining the troupe as a burlesque performer.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the fac that I am still smitten with this girl, and I will probably be seeing her being all over her boyfriend after the performances, and if she joins the troupe during troupe events? I'm kind of at a loss.

I would just cut ties. I don't think you can be friends at this point.

rammsteinsoldier

Personally, I would try to avoid her. Doesn't sound like a good thing to join this troupe and torture yourself.

La_Amazona

I couldn't be around them... no way.

If you choose to, then suck it up and act like you could care less (that's what I'd do anyway).

jaxdiablo

Here's the problem, I help run the troupe, I'm helping them make it. We need performers. I have to try to be professional about this. She was my friend for a couple of years before this, we fell out of communication because she thought I became friends with her ex-boyfriend.

As for adding her to the troupe, she is beautiful, a skilled belly dancer, and has a desire to learn to do burlesque. There is no legitimate reason I can give other than I'm not adult enough to be around her. So yeah... lol I was thinking of finding a really pretty girl to keep me company all night at the show, but then I thought that I'm not that petty... so torn!

JanieJack

I recommend staying away until your feelings for her subside... but I don't know HOW you'll do that if she joins your troupe! Not like you can control that (and even if you have a say in who joins the troupe, if she's a good dancer it would be tough to tell her no).

Hope it works out!!
{{{{jax}}}}

oddyogi

Definitely do what everyone else is saying and stay away from her.

If all else fails, show up blitzed.

jaxdiablo

You guys are giving me great advice... but I have to be the face of the troupe. I'm the one who goes out and negotiates for venues, and sets up the deals with our vendors and our additional performers. I can't make myself look like an *kitten*. lol

odusgolp

I have to stay away from people I'm interested in but can't have until I'm fully over it and have moved on. I'm not sure how YOU feel, but that's what I would need. Seeing that would crush me.

MyTime1985

You guys are giving me great advice... but I have to be the face of the troupe. I'm the one who goes out and negotiates for venues, and sets up the deals with our vendors and our additional performers. I can't make myself look like an *kitten*. lol

If you can't avoid her then you need to get over her NOW. I hate to say this but start focusing on the less attractive things about her in your mind when you catch yourself thinking about all the reasons you like her. Or, replace her with someone else in your head and like someone else said, act like you don't care when you're in front of them.

DavetheHYNIC

The best advice to get over a woman has always been another woman. And dont believe that you need time to heal,find yourself blah blah stuff , that's for girls. Find a FWB but remember she will want to have a relationship with you sooner or later and post about it too strangers on message boards.

Oh don't fall for chicks you have a professional relationship with. Old saying you don't *kitten* where you eat.

TheKitsune6

It's unprofessional to hire someone that you have romantic feelings for.

poncho33

I couldn't be around them... no way.

If you choose to, then suck it up and act like you could care less (that's what I'd do anyway).

Or stab her??

jaxdiablo

It's unprofessional to hire someone that you have romantic feelings for.

Unfortunately, it's also unprofessional to deny someone a chance to perform with our group because of any feelings I may have.

Double edged sword.

jaxdiablo

I couldn't be around them... no way.

If you choose to, then suck it up and act like you could care less (that's what I'd do anyway).

Or stab her??

I knew there was an option I was forgetting! I could be the lefty to your poncho.

mrmanmeat

It's unprofessional to hire someone that you have romantic feelings for.

Unfortunately, it's also unprofessional to deny someone a chance to perform with our group because of any feelings I may have.

Double edged sword.

Are you going to be able to fully do your job with her there?

La_Amazona

I couldn't be around them... no way.

If you choose to, then suck it up and act like you could care less (that's what I'd do anyway).

Or stab her??

I think you like meeeeeeeeeee.... :bigsmile: :blushing: haha

jaxdiablo

It's unprofessional to hire someone that you have romantic feelings for.

Unfortunately, it's also unprofessional to deny someone a chance to perform with our group because of any feelings I may have.

Double edged sword.

Are you going to be able to fully do your job with her there?

Yeah, I feel I can manage without bias with her as part of the troupe. I also have to double as security as a few of our gigs, so I'll cover that base as well when it comes to it. Though I do that with all the performers. I make sure there are no issues and I keep tabs on them.

flimflamfloz

Hire her and at some point say to her:
"Obviously, don't expect any favours from me because of... I want to treat the troupe with fairness, it's my job, but we're both adults and I guess we're both fine with that?"
You'll look like a hero, someone with strong ethical values - plus she might get off your back (i.e. work hard and not stick around you too much).

poncho33

It's unprofessional to hire someone that you have romantic feelings for.

Unfortunately, it's also unprofessional to deny someone a chance to perform with our group because of any feelings I may have.

Double edged sword.

Sounds like your the boss, so you get to make that choice professional or not... to me it sounds like it's going to be a pain in the *kitten*... don't hire her.