That loving feeling

solman66

I've lost it.
Well maybe not really, but I thought it was a catchy title and kind of fits the situation.

Anyway, I haven't dated in something like 8 years until just recently. I've been on 2 "non-romantic" dates with this girl and I like spending time with her, but I just haven't felt any spark. Unfortunately I'm not sure she feels the same. I'm planning on giving it a 3rd date just to be sure, but if I still didn't feel anything by the end of the night I was just going to be honest.

I hesitated posting this question because I felt like I already knew the answer, but with recent posts that women "can't take honesty" I figured I better get some advice.
Is 3 dates too little/too many to determine romantic potential? I don't want to string her along, but I do enjoy the conversations and time we've spent together.
To the women, how do you interpret it if a guy tells you he has fun with you, but doesn't have romantic feelings for you? Is that too honest? Do you think he's just a pansy with some lame excuse?

christine24t

I don't think there is anything wrong with taking time to figure out if you like someone! I understand where you are coming from. Maybe if you tried kissing her or something you could figure out what you are feeling?

I would be disappointed if a guy told me he wasn't feeling us, but I've known that feeling where I like a guy but I found out that I couldn't be romantic about it, so I know it exists. A sane woman would understand that - you can't blame her for being disappointed though - but she will most likely understand.

JanieJack

The first guy I actually met on Match couple years ago told me after our 3rd date he wasn't feeling it. I was actually relieved, because I wasn't feeling it either, but I thought that maybe (especially with no one else in the queue) I should give it a chance since he seemed like a nice guy and those are so hard to come by. I'm one of those ladies who sometimes didn't like a guy upfront but as I got to know him, his personality became a turn on.

I personally prefer a guy to be straight up about us not working out. And that's all he has to say.

What I don't like is when a guy tells me he doesn't see us in a romantic way, but then continues to be romantic with me when he sees me. Or when he gives me one reason why it won't work (say, he doesn't want a woman with young kids) but then goes and settles down with a woman who presents exactly the same situation.

BelMckenzie

If your not feeling it be honest with her. I went on 3 dates with a guy and the third date I met his friends. He called the next day to tell me I was an awesome girl but he was not interested in me. I'm not going to lie it sucked hearing it but I really appreciated his honesty and thanked him for that. So if I were in that situation again, I would hope the guy would give me the same respect because it sucks even more when you go on 3 dates and the guys just fall off the face of the planet.

Natx83

:devil: Tell her after you hook up...:devil:

Just playing.... relax ladies :laugh:

Yeah i think that is a fair enough call, Im not totally sure though as I usually have a pretty good idea if I like someone.. Although in saying that, when I think about, my longest relationships have been with girls that I havent had that immediate connection with. Who knows, something magical might happen that changes your mind about her... Also she could just flake out on you as she was pretending also.. Its hard to read people sometimes, when you think you have got it figured it... Boom! they flip out.

TheKitsune6

I'm going to go with the consensus. Yes it might hurt my feelings if a guy told me that, but I'd appreciate that honesty SO MUCH and hey? If she's cool, you might still be able to be friends (if you actually do enjoy spending time with her).

kimi131

Hmm, personally, I would rather guys be more honest with me. I hate wondering what is going on with them.

Anyway, yes, I think three dates is an okay amount of time. I've been dating a guy since late February. We only just now had the discussion that he doesn't feel that much of a connection. I guess I feel the same way, but we have a good time together every time. I don't know what that means.

Be honest with her. Be honest with yourself. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. But sooner is always better than later.

Natx83

Hmm, personally, I would rather guys be more honest with me. I hate wondering what is going on with them.

Anyway, yes, I think three dates is an okay amount of time. I've been dating a guy since late February. We only just now had the discussion that he doesn't feel that much of a connection. I guess I feel the same way, but we have a good time together every time. I don't know what that means.

Be honest with her. Be honest with yourself. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. But sooner is always better than later.

Maybe that just means you sound a good friend

Nerple

Why oh why are the Righteous Brothers stuck in my head now.

flimflamfloz

The way you describe it, she might be better as a friend (although I have had build ups that ended up in proper relationships).

Two things:

- If you don't feel any spark, your attitude will reflect that, and she's unlikely to be enthralled by you anyway (you will be more distant, and your actions will reflect it, human beings can feel this - like they can sense fear/nervousness) - so she will probably be OK with just being friend.

- The only thing is that maybe at this point she thinks you are really shy, so she is waiting for you to make a first step. The great thing about women being so passive in relationships though is that you (as a man) call the shots. They just throw their hooks with some bait on it if they are interested in catching the fish, and then they wait for the fish to bite on the hook (or not). So if you don't like her that much then she'll just have to accept that...

mrmanmeat

A sane woman

They have those?




lol, jk. I know there are a few, my lady is very sane.

La_Amazona

I agree with everybody here.. be honest... BUT I wouldn't necessarily say "I don't see you in a romantic way" (which translates to "I'm not physically attracted to you"). I would just say "it's not going to work out".

Good luck!

mrmanmeat

I agree with everybody here.. be honest... BUT I wouldn't necessarily say "I don't see you in a romantic way" (which translates to "I'm not physically attracted to you"). I would just say "it's not going to work out".

Good luck!

And if she asks why not? Just say you don't feel enough of a connection needed to continue.