A question for the men

nickyfm

Why is it that you can be the sweetest, funniest, greatest people alive, accompanied by heaps of texts, fb chat convos, deep and meaningful conversations, and amazing times, and then once we have sex with you, you become douchey and basically lose interest?

I'm sorta dating this guy who always does this, except it goes in a cycle. It's almost like after being a douche, and not seeing me for a few days, he misses me and butters me up with his constant attention until I sleep with him again, and then the cycle repeats. So frustrating. (I know he's a *kitten*, but I'm going overseas soon anyways, so i figured a random fling before I leave would be okay)

Natx83

Why is it that you can be the sweetest, funniest, greatest people alive, accompanied by heaps of texts, fb chat convos, deep and meaningful conversations, and amazing times, and then once we have sex with you, you become douchey and basically lose interest?

I'm sorta dating this guy who always does this, except it goes in a cycle. It's almost like after being a douche, and not seeing me for a few days, he misses me and butters me up with his constant attention until I sleep with him again, and then the cycle repeats. So frustrating. (I know he's a *kitten*, but I'm going overseas soon anyways, so i figured a random fling before I leave would be okay)

Am I allowed to comment on this one, considering my knowledge of said situation ?

nickyfm

Why is it that you can be the sweetest, funniest, greatest people alive, accompanied by heaps of texts, fb chat convos, deep and meaningful conversations, and amazing times, and then once we have sex with you, you become douchey and basically lose interest?

I'm sorta dating this guy who always does this, except it goes in a cycle. It's almost like after being a douche, and not seeing me for a few days, he misses me and butters me up with his constant attention until I sleep with him again, and then the cycle repeats. So frustrating. (I know he's a *kitten*, but I'm going overseas soon anyways, so i figured a random fling before I leave would be okay)

Am I allowed to comment on this one, considering my knowledge of said situation ?

bahahaha do what you gotta do

Carl01

First,what is the exact actions you are calling him a douche bag over,without that it is hard to comment.

Assuming it is something tangible like telling you to leave him the eff alone or saying you are worthless then end it now and walk away,it will never change or get better.

Steelheart7

Cuz he wants sex. He gets sex .. he is satisfied, doesn't need to shower you with texts etc. Then gets twirly again, must butter you up to get more sex. lol.

That is all.

nickyfm

First,what is the exact actions you are calling him a douche bag over,without that it is hard to comment.

Assuming it is something tangible like telling you to leave him the eff alone or saying you are worthless then end it now and walk away,it will never change or get better.

Nah nothing like that. He does exactly what I like to call "passive *kitten* behaviour". The type that I can't really call him out on. During the "douche" part of the cycle, he will barely text me or talk to me, whereas the previous days it was almost constant contact. And if he does, it will be some random, passive comment about something he read on my facebook.

Or he'll just say some random insult in that 'mean flirt' way some guys can be

La_Amazona

I'm not a man but this is easy.

It's because you're letting him. He just wants sex from you and all he does is "butter you up" and he gets it.

ItsCasey

Cuz he wants sex. He gets sex .. he is satisfied, doesn't need to shower you with texts etc. Then gets twirly again, must butter you up to get more sex. lol.

That is all.

This. Exactly this.

It's like having a friend who only tries to see you when they need a favor. And once you've provided the favor, you don't hear from them again until they need another favor.

Ditch the guy.

Carl01

First,what is the exact actions you are calling him a douche bag over,without that it is hard to comment.

Assuming it is something tangible like telling you to leave him the eff alone or saying you are worthless then end it now and walk away,it will never change or get better.

Nah nothing like that. He does exactly what I like to call "passive *kitten* behaviour". The type that I can't really call him out on. During the "douche" part of the cycle, he will barely text me or talk to me, whereas the previous days it was almost constant contact. And if he does, it will be some random, passive comment about something he read on my facebook.

Or he'll just say some random insult in that 'mean flirt' way some guys can be

That really doesn`t explain much and yes after sex guys are reserved,some for a few minutes and others longer.
I have no clue what a "mean flirt" is so can`t help with that but it is possible this is as much a perception thing on your part as much as an actual behavior thing on his.

lacroyx

I'm not a man but this is easy.

It's because you're letting him. He just wants sex from you and all he does is "butter you up" and he gets it.

pretty much.

nickyfm

Cuz he wants sex. He gets sex .. he is satisfied, doesn't need to shower you with texts etc. Then gets twirly again, must butter you up to get more sex. lol.

That is all.

This. Exactly this.

It's like having a friend who only tries to see you when they need a favor. And once you've provided the favor, you don't hear from them again until they need another favor.

Ditch the guy.

You guys are right. Truthfully, I did know what the answer was, I just needed to hear it from a mind other than my own. Being single sucks, but it probably rules over being used!

Carl01

And here we go,no chance the guy just as emotional highs and lows and that can be respected or understood,he just wants sex and is a pig.
Well screw that kind of thinking as a default...the op can`t even be specific as to what is done just it isn`t what she wants so is wrong.
If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Roadie2000

I agree with everyone else, once he gets what he wants from you he doesn't feel like he needs to be nice to you anymore.

La_Amazona

Cuz he wants sex. He gets sex .. he is satisfied, doesn't need to shower you with texts etc. Then gets twirly again, must butter you up to get more sex. lol.

That is all.

This. Exactly this.

It's like having a friend who only tries to see you when they need a favor. And once you've provided the favor, you don't hear from them again until they need another favor.

Ditch the guy.

You guys are right. Truthfully, I did know what the answer was, I just needed to hear it from a mind other than my own. Being single sucks, but it probably rules over being used!

But earlier you said you were okay with a fling...

See, I'm all for making mistakes and learning from them. I've made them!!

But I hate when we women aren't honest with ourselves. I've done it! If you're not okay and are feeling used, then STOP letting him. If you're okay with just sex, then do it on YOUR terms, not on his. If you did, then he wouldn't be a *kitten*, he'd be your fling.

I'm one that will feel used. I'm just that way so I understand.

And yes, being single even if miserable def rules over letting someone use you.

nickyfm

And here we go,no chance the guy just as emotional highs and lows and that can be respected or understood,he just wants sex and is a pig.
Well screw that kind of thinking as a default...the op can`t even be specific as to what is done just it isn`t what she wants so is wrong.
If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Well he doesn't talk to me for up to a week after we have sex, and when he does, it is to basically insult me about something I've written on facebook, or to mock me. Also once it's over, he basically wants to leave straight away, or wants me to drive him home as soon as we wake up. He essentially loses interest in me almost immediately...until he's horny again or bored, i suppose

But earlier you said you were okay with a fling...

See, I'm all for making mistakes and learning from them. I've made them!!

But I hate when women aren't honest with ourselves. I've done it! If you're not okay and are feeling used, then STOP letting him. If you're okay with just sex, then do it on YOUR terms, not on his. If you did, then he wouldn't be a *kitten*, he'd be your fling.

I'm one that will feel used. I'm just that way so I understand.

And yes, being single even if miserable def rules over letting someone use you.

Yeah you're right. Im definitely letting him get away with murder at this point. If he tries to butter me up again, then I'm going to make sure that whatever happens, it's on my terms. I've had flings before where they have been great fun, but temporary. So I never felt used or anything, whereas now I'm starting to, because he is basically showing that sex is all I'm good for.

Thanks for the feedback!

La_Amazona

If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Uh yeah I would. I would she she has issues and is emotionally unstable and that you need to get off that crazy train.

Natx83

And here we go,no chance the guy just as emotional highs and lows and that can be respected or understood,he just wants sex and is a pig.
Well screw that kind of thinking as a default...the op can`t even be specific as to what is done just it isn`t what she wants so is wrong.
If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Settle down dude, I know the situation, she doesn't need to delve into the intimate parts of it with strangers.

dbrightwell1270

Ever heard of Pavlov's dog? Not sure which one of you conditioned the other but one of you is the dog.

ItsCasey

If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Yes. People who run hot and cold all the time are emotionally unstable. If a relationship is what you're after with this person, you're staring down the barrel of a drama-filled, crisis management lifestyle in which your needs and wants are completely ignored because the other person's mood swings must take center stage 100% of the time.

Everyone has a bad day here and there, but when patterns of neglect and total disrespect are established, a wise person would get out.

Carl01

And here we go,no chance the guy just as emotional highs and lows and that can be respected or understood,he just wants sex and is a pig.
Well screw that kind of thinking as a default...the op can`t even be specific as to what is done just it isn`t what she wants so is wrong.
If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Well he doesn't talk to me for up to a week after we have sex, and when he does, it is to basically insult me about something I've written on facebook, or to mock me. Also once it's over, he basically wants to leave straight away, or wants me to drive him home as soon as we wake up. He essentially loses interest in me almost immediately...until he's horny again or bored, i suppose

But earlier you said you were okay with a fling...

See, I'm all for making mistakes and learning from them. I've made them!!

But I hate when women aren't honest with ourselves. I've done it! If you're not okay and are feeling used, then STOP letting him. If you're okay with just sex, then do it on YOUR terms, not on his. If you did, then he wouldn't be a *kitten*, he'd be your fling.

I'm one that will feel used. I'm just that way so I understand.

And yes, being single even if miserable def rules over letting someone use you.

Yeah you're right. Im definitely letting him get away with murder at this point. If he tries to butter me up again, then I'm going to make sure that whatever happens, it's on my terms. But I'm starting to feel used and I don't like it, so I will probably ditch it. Thanks for the feedback!

Okay,this is something that is clear and where I started as far as if he was being abusive in some fashion and is different then just being less talkative.
My original statement holds,he will never change or get better so get away from it.

Carl01

And here we go,no chance the guy just as emotional highs and lows and that can be respected or understood,he just wants sex and is a pig.
Well screw that kind of thinking as a default...the op can`t even be specific as to what is done just it isn`t what she wants so is wrong.
If I was to say that lady X is pissing me off,every time I take a hand in hand walk,hold her,kiss her she looks at me like I am a king and then the next morning won`t even hardly acknowledge my existence.
Would everyone say she is just using me for an emotional high and to dump her...doubt it.

Settle down dude, I know the situation, she doesn't need to delve into the intimate parts of it with strangers.

You can`t ask for advise and provide no or obscure details,it is not reasonable and now she has explained enough to get a feeling for what is going on.