Dating the exes/crushes of friends

ItsCasey

Ever done it? Right or wrong?

I did it once. My senior year of high school, I went out with a guy my best friend liked. We were all friends, so I didn't think of it as a date. He just wanted to go to the movies. But afterward, we both pretty much knew we wanted more than friendship from each other. We dated for nearly a year. My friend told me she was okay with it, but she wasn't, and I was selfish and continued seeing him anyway. The good news is we are still friends, so I can't even say I would've done it differently, had I known then what I know now. He was never going to ask her out, and she realized that eventually.

But in general, I think unless the friend is genuinely over the person, you're basically choosing between friend and date.

Nerple

Never done it but basically agree with you. Some of my friends are perfectly ok with it, some would be more than pissed off if one of us started dating one of their exes (or sister but that's a different story) from a serious relationship.

But my parents met because my father dated one of my mother's friends, so I at least owe my existence to some people not minding it. (And my parents have been married for 39 years now)

ItsCasey

Ohhh, dating friends' siblings is definitely a different story.

My brother dated a girl that my sister and I had been very close friends with our entire lives (literally since nursery school). It was incredibly weird for us, but he did it anyway. And then threatened all of his friends anytime they so much as glanced at my sister or me.

DavetheHYNIC

Never done it that's grimey and a nono where I'm from. My ex wife's sister came on to me after me and my wife split up and even though me my ex truly don't like other and my ex wife would love to see me dead I still wouldn't do it out of respect to the institution of marriage and my personal value system.

La_Amazona

I was 18 and me and my first love broke up (by the way, to this day, this is the only guy I have ever been in great love with). We were going to give ourselves a break as we were at that time in our lives where we were too young to marry and not sure where to go from there. We had dated almost a year and we had planned to get back together after a bit.

Fast forward 3 months, I start hearing rumors. My then best friend (not my bff. Bff and I had parted ways for a while and this new chick and I became really good friends.) had been friends with my boyfriend for years before I even met him and I always kind of felt she liked him. He wasn't interested and he'd always talk about her in a way that I'd never in a million years felt I had to worry he'd fall for her as he saw her as a sister.. an ugly sister. Anywho, I hear that they're talking a lot. I start being avoided by her and so I asked him about it to which he said "hell no!".
Yeah... eventually she completely dropped me as a friend and they got together. She ended up knocked up (she was a pastors kid as well) and didn't tell anybody until she was 5 months along. Then her dad made them get married and the rest is history.

They have 3-4 kids now. He's miserable and everybody tells me how unhappy he looks when they see him. He even told me twice now that it was the biggest mistake of his life but he'd never leave as he loves his children and doesn't want them to go through what he went through (fatherless). She on the other hand, hates me because I was trifling and slept with him a couple of times while they were together (before she got pregnant). Yeah, stupid I know...

B*tch. He was an a-hole for doing so. I would have never gotten back with him... but SHE. She was my friend. She knew everything about me and him. I'd tell her all our fights, about our sex, about EVERYTHING.

I have a friend now going through this... SHe realizes how bad she screwed up. Her bff liked this guy for a long time and although he didn't date bff, he was sleeping with her. Well my friend and him start spending time together. I think guy always liked my friend.. but still friend knew her bff had the hots for him.
So friend and guy end up together. Bff is hurt.
Guy cheated on my friend and now she's all broken hearted. Her and her bff have yet to recover. Sad.

DMZ_1

The exes of friends are usually off limits. It can be done, but you're going to need to talk it over with your friend and make sure that the friend is ok with it. Preserving the friendship is more important if it is a friendship that you value.

Crushes of friends is a different story. If nothing happens between your friend and the crush, and something materializes between you and that person, that is acceptable. But some amount of time should be given for your friend to take action on it.

dbrightwell1270

I haven't dated any friends of any exes. I doubt I ever would. I also wouldn't date any exes of my friends. Mainly out of respect for my friends but to some extent because I know my friends and I am a little concerned I might catch something they gave the girl.

Roadie2000

Nope, I would never date a good friends ex (bros before hoes), but a crush is a different story. I mean I have a crush on Halle Berry but I'm not about to get mad if one of my friends dates her. Depends on the situation I guess though.

I have, however, made out with a bunch of girls within the same group of friends though. And when I say a bunch of them, I mean all of them.

Also it would be tough to date a buddys sister. Most of my good friends sisters look too much like them, it would just be weird.

Nerple

Ohhh, dating friends' siblings is definitely a different story.

My brother dated a girl that my sister and I had been very close friends with our entire lives (literally since nursery school). It was incredibly weird for us, but he did it anyway. And then threatened all of his friends anytime they so much as glanced at my sister or me.

My sister dated a few of my friends in high school. It was definitely a little weird.

The one shady part of that though is when you are hanging out and talking about girls from the past and your buddy forgets she's your sister. :explode: Shortly after graduating from college I went home to see some friends. We started talking about stupid offensive stuff we had done in the past and the one that had dated my sister started talking about how he pretty much cheated on my sister (with far more graphic detail) and eventually turned his head and saw me with my eyes basically about to explode in rage and almost literally holding myself back. The worst part was his new girlfriend who I had not yet met immediately jumps to his defense. I turned to another friend who drove over there with me (didnt have a car as I lived in downtown Boston at the time) and just said "Who the f*** is this *****? We need to leave now" The next day was a cousin's wedding and I still couldn't sit still the entire day, shaking out of fury. Had I seen him anytime that week, I probably would of destroyed him. I never stopped hating that girlfriend of his. But they broke up a few years later after he found out she liked being gangbanged when he wasn't around.

mrmanmeat

I've never dated a friends ex. Crush? yes. Dated? no.

One of my ex's moved to Raleigh and we broke up shortly after she moved. She started liking a friend of mine that lived up there. We weren't the best of friends, but as far as I know, they never hooked up. I know they never dated. But otherwise, no idea. She was a little upset that he wouldn't date her, thought I had something to do with it.

She never really understood the bro code.

MissTattoo

oooh, no. That's a big no no UNLESS you are adult enough to sit down and talk to said friend and see how they feel. I mean, you can't help who you fall in love with but I always see it as you are choosing the ex over a friend. I mean, what if things got serious. Could you all hang out together.
I can admit that I would be pissed if one of my friends dated one of my exes. I couldn't even be in the same room as them. Especially since they know what those creeps put me through.

Roadie2000

There are exceptions though. If the friend has moved on and is happily married, has kids, and they dated a long time ago I don't think it would be that big of a deal. I personally wouldn't mind if one of my buddies dated one of my exes as long as he had the balls to talk to me about it first. I'd want them both to be happy but I'd feel a little hurt if I had to find out about it through someone else.

christine24t

I think it's a no based on two experiences I've had.

First my sister dates her friends older brother and it ruined their friendship.

Second, while drunk at the bar, I danced with my friends crush and it really hurt her. I'm glad she decided to forgive me because I felt so bad about it. Even to this day we can't talk about that night. I feel so bad. I didn't even like him it just kind of happened.

Darkskinned88

i have, but im a hypocrite i would never hook my boy up with someone i been with or really want to

TheKitsune6

I did. When I was fifteen I started dating a guy that my friend liked. He was in love with her so I'm not sure why he chose to date me... we (my friend and I) spent the next two years constantly feuding. We hated each other. To be honest, I hated that I hated her. I felt guilty, I knew I was wrong. Finally I apologized and over time she came to forgive me. We are super bestie friends now and I love her so much. Since then we've gone through even more together supporting each other at every turn.

Long story short? It wasn't worth it, and I never want to do that again. Friends mean so much more than boys

mrmanmeat

I think it's a no based on two experiences I've had.

First my sister dates her friends older brother and it ruined their friendship.

Second, while drunk at the bar, I danced with my friends crush and it really hurt her. I'm glad she decided to forgive me because I felt so bad about it. Even to this day we can't talk about that night. I feel so bad. I didn't even like him it just kind of happened.

Just dancing?

AnnaPixie

Totally wrong!! I've never even LOOKED at my friends crushes/partners/lovers/ex's in that way. Totally against everything I believe in. And my sister's ex's would be even worse! :noway:

The one time I fell out with a 'friend' immediately is when she jumped into bed with MY ex pretty soon after we split up. She had obviously been preying on him for some time! I got back with my ex after that too, but never spoke to her again. That's against the sisterhood!!

:flowerforyou:

christine24t

I think it's a no based on two experiences I've had.

First my sister dates her friends older brother and it ruined their friendship.

Second, while drunk at the bar, I danced with my friends crush and it really hurt her. I'm glad she decided to forgive me because I felt so bad about it. Even to this day we can't talk about that night. I feel so bad. I didn't even like him it just kind of happened.

Just dancing?

Like grinding. For an hour or so, I'd say.

mrmanmeat

I think it's a no based on two experiences I've had.

First my sister dates her friends older brother and it ruined their friendship.

Second, while drunk at the bar, I danced with my friends crush and it really hurt her. I'm glad she decided to forgive me because I felt so bad about it. Even to this day we can't talk about that night. I feel so bad. I didn't even like him it just kind of happened.

Just dancing?

Like grinding. For an hour or so, I'd say.

But nothing else?

christine24t

I think it's a no based on two experiences I've had.

First my sister dates her friends older brother and it ruined their friendship.

Second, while drunk at the bar, I danced with my friends crush and it really hurt her. I'm glad she decided to forgive me because I felt so bad about it. Even to this day we can't talk about that night. I feel so bad. I didn't even like him it just kind of happened.

Just dancing?

Like grinding. For an hour or so, I'd say.

But nothing else?

No not at all! My intentions were to get him over to us and then push him to her since she is kinda shy, but that obviously didn't end up happening.