Wow! Girls won't wait either!
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
Talking candidly with some single guys about waiting for commitment before having sex. One told me that WOMEN tend to walk away from HIM when he insists on building a relationship before jumping into the bedroom. He says its' the #1 problem he has with dating.
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What's the reasons behind it for him? (I'm legit curious)0
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Talking candidly with some single guys about waiting for commitment before having sex. One told me that WOMEN tend to walk away from HIM when he insists on building a relationship before jumping into the bedroom. He says its' the #1 problem he has with dating.
Never run into this problem0 -
Not surprising. there are 320+ million people in the country. Probably less than 1 out of 500 sexual encounters leads to pregnancy. Not every pregnancy leads to a live birth. The overwhelming majority of those sexual encounters is consentual. That's a lot of sex.0
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What's the reasons behind it for him? (I'm legit curious)
Religious. But he's not your typical church weenie. He's one of the most manly-men I know. So I was really surprised to hear this, especially since our church groups that we both frequent have maybe 5x more women than men. You'd think all the women who complain that a guy only wants them for sex would be happy to meet one who wants a relationship first.0 -
I have met many many more women than not, that are looking for a casual relationship. It isnt by any means just men! Careers and living life are a priority for most men and women now, so finding a partner to settle down with seems to be less of a goal, and certainly most women (my experience here) are not looking for a partner until much later in life. So a lot of women, like I said an overwhelming majority, are looking for a fun, but not too serious relationship.0
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I dated a guy once who told me that a girl stopped seeing him because he wouldn't have sex with her. He said she wanted a relationship with him, and he knew she would think sex meant they were in a relationship. But he wasn't ready to go full-blown committed with her, and he didn't want to deal with the fallout. So she dumped him.
I think women take sexual rejection far more personally than men do because men allegedly are always horny and always in the mood. So if he says no, it must mean he's not attracted to you, and you should move on. Men can attribute a no from a woman to a lot of different things.0 -
What's the reasons behind it for him? (I'm legit curious)
Religious. But he's not your typical church weenie. He's one of the most manly-men I know. So I was really surprised to hear this, especially since our church groups that we both frequent have maybe 5x more women than men. You'd think all the women who complain that a guy only wants them for sex would be happy to meet one who wants a relationship first.
I would be thrilled to meet a guy like this!!! What's his number? jk Seriously, though, I would love to meet a man who felt the same way about it as I do.0 -
I dated a guy once who told me that a girl stopped seeing him because he wouldn't have sex with her. He said she wanted a relationship with him, and he knew she would think sex meant they were in a relationship. But he wasn't ready to go full-blown committed with her, and he didn't want to deal with the fallout. So she dumped him.
I think women take sexual rejection far more personally than men do because men allegedly are always horny and always in the mood. So if he says no, it must mean he's not attracted to you, and you should move on. Men can attribute a no from a woman to a lot of different things.
I think you hit the nail right on the head.0 -
I dated a guy once who told me that a girl stopped seeing him because he wouldn't have sex with her. He said she wanted a relationship with him, and he knew she would think sex meant they were in a relationship. But he wasn't ready to go full-blown committed with her, and he didn't want to deal with the fallout. So she dumped him.
I think women take sexual rejection far more personally than men do because men allegedly are always horny and always in the mood. So if he says no, it must mean he's not attracted to you, and you should move on. Men can attribute a no from a woman to a lot of different things.
I think you hit the nail right on the head.
I must be a girl then based on another broad generalised statement proudly brought to you by the single peeps crew lol0 -
I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.0
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What's the reasons behind it for him? (I'm legit curious)
Religious. But he's not your typical church weenie. He's one of the most manly-men I know. So I was really surprised to hear this, especially since our church groups that we both frequent have maybe 5x more women than men. You'd think all the women who complain that a guy only wants them for sex would be happy to meet one who wants a relationship first.
Interesting, I'm sure he'll find someone though. I agree w/ some points said, some people just want casual.0 -
Ahhh, the P.O.P.I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.0 -
I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.
CARL!! You are getting faaaaaaaaaar too cynical about women!! Stop it!!! :laugh:0 -
I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.
For some women, you're absolutely right. Some go into a dating relationship with a man thinking that sex is some kind of trump card. But when he takes it away by saying "You're not going to use sex to manipulate me into giving you what you want," she loses interest.
But I do think it is highly common that when a woman summons the courage to begin a sexual relationship with a man and he turns her down, for any reason, her self-esteem is destroyed. She may stop seeing him because she thinks he's not really into her or even just out of the sheer humiliation of being rejected in that way.0 -
I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.
CARL!! You are getting faaaaaaaaaar too cynical about women!! Stop it!!! :laugh:
Not at all,I have remarked many times that one of the reasons ladies are insistent on not taking much or any active role in early dating stages is the dread of rejection.
This kind of goes along with that and I have no doubt given human nature there are likely women that would resent not being the one to control access to the bedroom.0 -
Well, from my point of view, sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. The intimacy that you share, the feeling of being wanted, the closeness, the compatibility, the passion, the pleasure, the fun..................etc etc
It's what we humans DO to show our love for each other, which is why it's called 'love making', is it not?
After the initial ....ermmm......confusion (?) about who 'just wants sex' and who 'gives it out too soon' or 'who is using who'!!!, I think its the most natural thing in the world to share with your partner.
I dont really understand why anyone is surprised why people (both man and woman!) want sex in their life!!
So, no, I'm not surprised that women walk away from a guy not happy having sex with them, I don't think I could 'wait' for months/years either. I'm not religious and I'm not the marrying kind so I do expect my partner to want me in that way and would worry that there is a lot wrong (with him, me or us), if he didn't! :flowerforyou:0 -
I am not saying it applies to anyone here but at that point for some women it perhaps in their minds robs them of a power they have in the relationship.
It totally does apply to some here lol.0 -
What's the reasons behind it for him? (I'm legit curious)
Religious. But he's not your typical church weenie. He's one of the most manly-men I know. So I was really surprised to hear this, especially since our church groups that we both frequent have maybe 5x more women than men. You'd think all the women who complain that a guy only wants them for sex would be happy to meet one who wants a relationship first.
I totally commend this guy!! I wish there were men around my area like that (true story). I think that everyone gets caught up with the sex and forgets that after all is said and done, you still have to actually like the person and often times you find out while you are sexually compatible, it doesn't go beyond that. I figure (and this is my opinion only) that you can teach someone new tricks and help them (persay) in the bedroom department, but you cannot teach someone to take the time to get to know you or actually like the person you are. That takes time and effort (from both people) that is beyond the bedroom.0 -
^ you said exactly what I want to say! Wish I could meet a guy like that who respects your personal relationship over sex and wants to build that relationship first.0
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But I do think it is highly common that when a woman summons the courage to begin a sexual relationship with a man and he turns her down, for any reason, her self-esteem is destroyed. She may stop seeing him because she thinks he's not really into her or even just out of the sheer humiliation of being rejected in that way.
I agree to a point with this. Some people men and woman equate sex with their self-esteem and how desirable they are to another person.0 -
Well, from my point of view, sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. The intimacy that you share, the feeling of being wanted, the closeness, the compatibility, the passion, the pleasure, the fun..................etc etc
It's what we humans DO to show our love for each other, which is why it's called 'love making', is it not?
After the initial ....ermmm......confusion (?) about who 'just wants sex' and who 'gives it out too soon' or 'who is using who'!!!, I think its the most natural thing in the world to share with your partner.
I dont really understand why anyone is surprised why people (both man and woman!) want sex in their life!!
So, no, I'm not surprised that women walk away from a guy not happy having sex with them, I don't think I could 'wait' for months/years either. I'm not religious and I'm not the marrying kind so I do expect my partner to want me in that way and would worry that there is a lot wrong (with him, me or us), if he didn't! :flowerforyou:
NOt religious either, but AAAAAMENNNNN!0 -
Well, from my point of view, sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. The intimacy that you share, the feeling of being wanted, the closeness, the compatibility, the passion, the pleasure, the fun..................etc etc
It's what we humans DO to show our love for each other, which is why it's called 'love making', is it not?
After the initial ....ermmm......confusion (?) about who 'just wants sex' and who 'gives it out too soon' or 'who is using who'!!!, I think its the most natural thing in the world to share with your partner.
I dont really understand why anyone is surprised why people (both man and woman!) want sex in their life!!
So, no, I'm not surprised that women walk away from a guy not happy having sex with them, I don't think I could 'wait' for months/years either. I'm not religious and I'm not the marrying kind so I do expect my partner to want me in that way and would worry that there is a lot wrong (with him, me or us), if he didn't! :flowerforyou:
It would seem though from discussions here that puts you in the minority as far as ladys feelings on the subject goes.
That is not a criticism of you or others but an observation.0 -
But I do think it is highly common that when a woman summons the courage to begin a sexual relationship with a man and he turns her down, for any reason, her self-esteem is destroyed. She may stop seeing him because she thinks he's not really into her or even just out of the sheer humiliation of being rejected in that way.
Even though (generalization ahead warning) men may be emotionally stronger or tougher then ladies in many ways it is difficult to accept that while so many ladies have an almost cavalier regard to a guys feelings/desires.
For a woman to say in affect "there is no way in hell I would ever consider sleeping with you" does not make me feel all warm and fuzzy either.
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Well, from my point of view, sex is a very important aspect of a relationship. The intimacy that you share, the feeling of being wanted, the closeness, the compatibility, the passion, the pleasure, the fun..................etc etc
It's what we humans DO to show our love for each other, which is why it's called 'love making', is it not?
After the initial ....ermmm......confusion (?) about who 'just wants sex' and who 'gives it out too soon' or 'who is using who'!!!, I think its the most natural thing in the world to share with your partner.
I dont really understand why anyone is surprised why people (both man and woman!) want sex in their life!!
So, no, I'm not surprised that women walk away from a guy not happy having sex with them, I don't think I could 'wait' for months/years either. I'm not religious and I'm not the marrying kind so I do expect my partner to want me in that way and would worry that there is a lot wrong (with him, me or us), if he didn't! :flowerforyou:
It would seem though from discussions here that puts you in the minority as far as ladys feelings on the subject goes.
That is not a criticism of you or others but an observation.
In total agreement with you as usual, Anna :happy:
Carl whilst the forums here are useful to understand other's views, I don't believe the content can be generalised to an assumption that the views expressed are in a minority for people IRL. In fact you are much more likely to get people who agree joining in the discussion.
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. In my view it isn't emotional strength, or the lack of it, that accounts for either of these reactions.0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. In my view it isn't emotional strength, or the lack of it, that accounts for either of these reactions.
Then what is it?0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. In my view it isn't emotional strength, or the lack of it, that accounts for either of these reactions.
Then what is it?
I think there is emotion involved somewhere, but I can see where Anji is coming from as it's not really 'strength' of emotion that drives a man or woman in this situation. I think it's just how we are wired.
Men and women view sex differently. In simple terms men need the physical to connect emotionally. But women need the emotion to connect physically! IOW we connect from opposite angles!!
So, once a woman is ready emotionally, she will desire sex.
The man, however, is still waiting for the sex, to connect emotionally!!
Sooooo, he can hang around for a lot longer as he has very little invested until the point of sex. Whereas she has already invested everything!
Or so all my self help books tell me :laugh:0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. In my view it isn't emotional strength, or the lack of it, that accounts for either of these reactions.
Then what is it?
I think there is emotion involved somewhere, but I can see where Anji is coming from as it's not really 'strength' of emotion that drives a man or woman in this situation. I think it's just how we are wired.
Men and women view sex differently. In simple terms men need the physical to connect emotionally. But women need the emotion to connect physically! IOW we connect from opposite angles!!
So, once a woman is ready emotionally, she will desire sex.
The man, however, is still waiting for the sex, to connect emotionally!!
Sooooo, he can hang around for a lot longer as he has very little invested until the point of sex. Whereas she has already invested everything!
Or so all my self help books tell me :laugh:
To me it just sounds like a person wanting to have things all their way,even when an obvious contradiction.
The irritating part is to not even try to move to where the guy is and just consider the ladys view as the default one that must be accepted.
I like consistency and think probably most guys do although not trying to speak for anyone else...if a lady says she expects a man to respect and honor her view of something but she will not his then I see a problem in the making.
It goes back to what I have observed and stated before,women seem to view a relationship in the light of what she can take from it or what it does for her and not so much what she can give to it.0 -
As for emotional strength, I believe women tend to be emotionally stronger. They are more aware of the emotions driving their behaviour, they express them more easily. The fact that men tend not to do so as much does not make them stronger.
How does that equate in the context of discussion (s).
Guy wants to have sex and the lady isn`t ready...He has to accept the rejection,be willing to stick it out if he is decent and work harder to develop an emotional connection .
Gal wants to have sex and the guy doesn`t...The rejection to her is so overwhelming she can`t deal with it and he is done forever.
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. In my view it isn't emotional strength, or the lack of it, that accounts for either of these reactions.
Then what is it?
I think there is emotion involved somewhere, but I can see where Anji is coming from as it's not really 'strength' of emotion that drives a man or woman in this situation. I think it's just how we are wired.
Men and women view sex differently. In simple terms men need the physical to connect emotionally. But women need the emotion to connect physically! IOW we connect from opposite angles!!
So, once a woman is ready emotionally, she will desire sex.
The man, however, is still waiting for the sex, to connect emotionally!!
Sooooo, he can hang around for a lot longer as he has very little invested until the point of sex. Whereas she has already invested everything!
Or so all my self help books tell me :laugh:
To me it just sounds like a person wanting to have things all their way,even when an obvious contradiction.
The irritating part is to not even try to move to where the guy is and just consider the ladys view as the default one that must be accepted.
I like consistency and think probably most guys do although not trying to speak for anyone else...if a lady says she expects a man to respect and honor her view of something but she will not his then I see a problem in the making.
It goes back to what I have observed and stated before,women seem to view a relationship in the light of what she can take from it or what it does for her and not so much what she can give to it.
Well, I totally disagree with that. I've always given far more to my relationships that I've received!! Women, in general, are nurturers, so I fail to see how you can see women as 'takers'!!
But hey, I guess that some women are and, unfortunately, you've met them all?? And perhaps I've met all the male takers in my life??:laugh:
This is why the sex thing will always cause controversy. It's not that women are selfish, it's just they can't release themselves physically, or immediately, like a man can. Having said that, we now live in an era where woman are more than happy to meet men half way and even want sex before THEY do!! (ONS or FB or FWB exist because women are doing it too!!!) So, again, I don't know why you think women only take from relationships. I think an equal balance is what is required for a 'good' relationship to work. An equal balance of give and take. :flowerforyou:0
This discussion has been closed.