Engagement, Pregnancy, and Fat: DISCUSS

PANZERIA

(before I start, just know that I cant use an apostrophe or a question mark. I got my keyboard stuck in the french setting, so I get a whole bunch of these: èèèÉÉÉÉÉÉéééèèÈÈÈÈÈ GAAAAAH!!!!)

So I got into a heated argument with my future brother-in-law. He is completely pro-life, Catholic, has had only one serious relationship and they are considering marriage after two months of being together... and he thinks that as soon as there is an embryo, the womb is no longer the womans (apostrophe), but belongs completely to the unborn fetus. K, fine, whatever. We had it out PRIVATELY (he was very public, I pulled him aside to talk to him about it in complete privacy) and we ended the discussion with *quote* you think your way, and I will think my way, and we will call it even. *end quote*

But THEN he goes and asks me *quote* So are you ever going to want to have children *questionmark end quote*

I told him that, honestly, the whole birth thing isnt really something that I a) would ever care to experience, and b) my life doesnt revolve around wanting to procreate. I do, however, want to adopt eventually, but thats in the future and after I have started my career.

Soooooo he then goes and complains to my FIANCÉ!!! (hey, this é-thing worked out...) about how he is *CONCERNED* about our relationship (we have been together for nearly 7 years and have lived together for 2...LOTS TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT!!!!), how he knows my fiancé wants to have children, and how the church WOULD NOT MARRY US if we didnt have children...because thats all marriage is. Of course. (after this discussion, he actually told me that we shouldnt get married in his church. I was like...wtf*questionmark*)

Now, this brought a few things to mind. (dont worry, my hubby defended me to the fullest and in a very tactful way. I was impressed) First of all: what does it matter to the rest of the world whether or not Im planning on procreating sometime in the next five yearsÉ Second: I am working my little fanny so hard every single day to lose weight, and I do NOT want to gain any weight back when this is all over!

Why is it that as soon as women are engaged, that its open season to start asking about kids (questionmark). What business is it of thiers(imagine the proper punctuation...) Discuss!

meerkat70

I think the problem you're running into here (apart from the conservatism of catholic gender politics - as a recovering catholic myself, I know how entrenched that can be!) is related to the conflation of motherhood and femininity in our culture. The notion of what it means to be a 'good woman' and a 'good mother' are so entangled that it's hard to be seen as one without being the other. When women decide they're not that bothered about procreation, or when they choose for whatever reason not to reproduce, they start to be seen as 'unnatural women'. How often do women who do have children feel pressured to explain *why* they wanted them? Compare that to how often women who choose to be childless are asked, or even worse, how often they experience the uncomfortable silence that surrounds pointedly *not* being asked....

One of the things that continues to convince me that a feminist politics remains an urgent one for our society is the degree to which women's reproductive bodies are still not entirely their own. The degree to which our reproductive choices remain seen as public ones.

reactor25

and he thinks that as soon as there is an embryo, the womb is no longer the womans (apostrophe), but belongs completely to the unborn fetus. K, fine, whatever.

This part scares the sh@t out of me. You would not believe how hard you have to fight for your physical autonomy once you are preggers. Strangers want to touch you, tell you what you can or can't drink and eat... And this is the small stuff. For me your rights start at birth and the woman is in charge of her own womb--ALWAYS. No matter what's in it or not in it at the time.

Rhea30

My husband and I have been married for 11 years with no kids (I was pregnant a couple years back but miscarriage, but that's still like 8 or 9 years of marriage before a pregnancy) and its annoying how people always ask us about kids or why we don't have them yet etc. We have other focuses besides children, when the day comes for kids then it'll come but its something we don't want to rush into. Honestly I feel its been better this way since we've had time to build a foundation with each other before bringing kids in the picture. I've had other women as well try to make me feel guilty for not wanting children, as if I was doing something wrong or I'm ungrateful. I always get told the story how so and so can't have kids, as if this means I'm wasting something even though my situation has no bearing on someone else's or visa versa.