What are your binges like?
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I used to be a very healthy weight but society taught me that wasn't good enough. I started to starve myself and lost quite a bit. I got a boyfriend and things changed, i started eating again but eating too much. I started binge eating and put on almost 20kgs in a very short time. I've been eating better this year and have managed to loose 10kgs. I'm wanting to loose the other 10 but my binges have started to come back and i'm really scared i'm going to gain all the weight back.
It's like i have a trigger that goes off as soon as i eat something slightly unhealthy. I think well today is ruined may as well eat everything else. It's like i eat for the sake of eating.. i know it's bad for me so i do it, and think tomorrow will be better so i will eat as much as i can today. I just crave the full feeling. Which sucks because i never feel full. You may think thats impossible.. but i can literally stuff myself with food all day and not feel full. I don't understand it and i hate it because well.. i binge. I'm also a secret eater, i i eat in my room/car a lot. I binge a lot on candy and chocolate late at night with chips. And when driving i feel the need to be eating something. I hate binging
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Mine were always after 6pm and it would always be until into the wee hours of the morning. I never really binged on cookies/candy...I always went for the pasta/breads/popcorn/rice! I was a huge carbohydrate addict!!!! I would be FINE all day long...I'd even exercise, but when it came time for me to settle back and relax I would eat like there was no tomorrow...and I'd get SO SICK from it!!! I'd have to take an antacid before going to bed!!! Talk about horrible!
Then... after the binges... I'd start crying. SOBBING actually. I'd hate myself, wanting at that point to just commit suicide because what good was I? Oh man... those are the darkest moments of a persons life. Every single time I binged I'd feel so guilty and just couldn't stop crying...sometimes I'd cry for hours, then I'd end up on the floor begging God to please end this cycle of hate for me!
I've been binge free for 9 days now...and I never want to go back to that place in my life again. I absolutely feel for people that DO have this problem and go through what I went through. A really tough road.0 -
Binge normally strike because of emotional reasons, stress, or boredom ... It stinks because I wanna learn how to SIT with my feelings without feeding myself physical stuff and deal w. my mental stuff instead. The healthy way that is *
Before a binge, I'll chew gum nonstop. One after the other, convincing myself I'm not hungry and I dont need to eat anything else because I just ate a meal. OR I'll think of what my therapist/nutritionist have said to me to prevent one and think why do I wanna eat etc. Then it just HITS. I'm in my room alone and sneak downstairs to where my snacks are and grab a bunch, mostly pretzels, crackers, granola bars are my LOVE during a binge. I just sit and eat and play freecell and eat. I get mad if someone walks in my room, calls me in the middle, or notices I'm eating .. just eating in general. I repeat in my head how I shouldnt be doing this, but I started so finish. Then I think how my boyfriend just called and I skipped it - I think. WHY didnt you take that call and stop. You could have save yourself calories and all the guilt and the lies to say why you missed the call in the first place. :ohwell:
I just love and hate eating. As a recovering anorexic / bulimia and now struggling with diet pills and binges, it just sucks afterwards. I think how I used to be SOOOO good at restricting and now I suck and eat nonstop. Then I realize how I know we need food BUT goodness gracious NOT AS MUCH AS I CONSUMED just now. Then I get triggered to take pills to counteract the binge. It's a cruel vicious sick cycle. I try so hard not to make myself sick and just normally FORCE myself into work if it happens before work or if its late at night [like normally] I force myself to sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow.
HOWEVER, I'm learning to be a better friend to food and not see it as the enemy. I eat my daily allowances and well, struggling to get back to the gym REGULARLY. I think once I get some control IN MY LIFE, I'll be able to better let go of the binges and the feelings of HIGH I get during it. I sometimes wish I didnt have my own room because then I wouldnt have the advantage to be alone and do what I want -even though I really dont have control when in a binge. :huh:
I feel like being THIS open is making me soooo vulnerable so I hope you all arent judging me
I get scared really easily being this open, but I feel the first step in BECOMING CLEAN is being as honest as possible and seeing how I feel with my binge and being honest with others who I believe can relate.
Good luck to everyone and keep up the good work as you all work to be binge free :flowerforyou:
I SO identify with you. You basically just described me!!
I need to learn to be more kind with myself and not keep hurting myself. We can be free!!:flowerforyou:0 -
Yesterday I woke up so tired only a few hours of sleep because my daughter wakes me up in the middle of the night every day and then I cannot go back to sleep.
I have a 45 minute commute and all I can think of is stuffing my face with food but at the same time thinking, I can choose not to go. Just do not pull off the freeway. I don't have to do this. This isn't necessary. Remember I am thinking of food differently now and fast food and processed is not an option anymore.
Then I go to the donut shop and buy $9 worth of donuts and sausage rolls. I take them back to the car thinking, just because I bought them, I don't have to eat them. I can throw them in the trash or put them out for other people at work. This isn't necessary. I don't have to do this.
Then I say, yes I do, and proceed to eat every single thing I bought plus the free cinnamon roll the donut lady put in, right there in the parking lot outside the donut shop.
That is usually how it happens.0 -
I hate to admit but I tend to eat little bits here and there from the time I get home from work until I go to bed. It is like a constant graze. The little bit here and little bit there adds up to a large amount of food for my 5'3" body.0
