What is love?

Showgirlbody

So, I haven't been able to troll the boards as much lately. Can't do it at work and busy lately on my free nights. If anyone is wondering about an update about the man I posted about dating a month ago, we are a couple now. He asked me last week to be his girlfriend. It is very weird for me. I'm the perpetually single woman. Lots of casual relationships but very little emotional intimacy. I guess it's turning around for me. I have a good guy. Saying "my boyfriend" is a trip as I was never that girl. Things seem to be moving very fast but not in the faux fast, coming on strong way that I usually get. (I mentioned before that I would get the guys that start off coming on super strong. Say they miss me right after meeting me. Try to get comfy in insta couplehood minus the foundation or "the talk". Then they poof away). But this is different. It FEELS different. He's intense and we are definitely in the couple mind set. But the emotional intimacy is there or it's coming more and more every day.
My guy told me last night that he was falling in love with me. It scares the bejeezus out of me. It feels sincere but my rational mind is saying that it's too soon, and he doesn't mean it. But he's 42, he's been in love, he's been married. He says that it's so, so who am I to question him? I don't know what love is. I've never been in love. I feel something for sure, something that I haven't before. Wonderful and terrifying. I am an emotionally detached Aquarius and I do not understand such illogical emotion type things. lol What is love? How do you know? Is there a time period where it is or it isn't? Or does mileage vary with each coupling?

Nerple

According to Haddaway it's "Oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more"

christine24t

My guy told me last night that he was falling in love with me. It scares the bejeezus out of me. It feels sincere but my rational mind is saying that it's too soon, and he doesn't mean it. But he's 42, he's been in love, he's been married. He says that it's so, so who am I to question him? I don't know what love is. I've never been in love. I feel something for sure, something that I haven't before. Wonderful and terrifying. I am an emotionally detached Aquarius and I do not understand such illogical emotion type things. lol What is love? How do you know? Is there a time period where it is or it isn't? Or does mileage vary with each coupling?

First off congrats! I am happy for you!

Secondly, I don't think I have ever been in love. I've had very strong feelings for people, but it has never been love (and that's probably a good thing, as I don't want to be in love with someone who I'm not even dating).

I think people move at many different speeds, and because he has has experienced being married and in love, he knows what it is. For you, if you've been single a lot of your life, you might not know those feelings or what they are. And just because he feels one way it doesn't mean you have to feel that way yet. As long as you are having a good time, I think you should just keep going.

My mom was talking to me the other day and she said "being in love is the best feeling...when you're in it, you will know." That helped me so much and I hope that helps you too.

Carl01

My guy told me last night that he was falling in love with me. It scares the bejeezus out of me. It feels sincere but my rational mind is saying that it's too soon, and he doesn't mean it. But he's 42, he's been in love, he's been married. He says that it's so, so who am I to question him? I don't know what love is. I've never been in love. I feel something for sure, something that I haven't before. Wonderful and terrifying. I am an emotionally detached Aquarius and I do not understand such illogical emotion type things. lol What is love? How do you know? Is there a time period where it is or it isn't? Or does mileage vary with each coupling?

First off congrats! I am happy for you!

Secondly, I don't think I have ever been in love. I've had very strong feelings for people, but it has never been love (and that's probably a good thing, as I don't want to be in love with someone who I'm not even dating).

I think people move at many different speeds, and because he has has experienced being married and in love, he knows what it is. For you, if you've been single a lot of your life, you might not know those feelings or what they are. And just because he feels one way it doesn't mean you have to feel that way yet. As long as you are having a good time, I think you should just keep going.

My mom was talking to me the other day and she said "being in love is the best feeling...when you're in it, you will know." That helped me so much and I hope that helps you too.

No matter what else may be know and accept your feelings on the issue and what you want,can surrender and what you can`t in those areas and then be honest to yourself if you can do this.

AllanMisner

They call it falling because it means letting go. Initially the feelings are great and scary. But it is also when the chemicals are churning and keeping you from being as rational as you'd normally be. After three months, if you still feel that bond, then you know it's love.

In the meantime, enjoy! It is better to have jumped and lose it than to regret never jumping.

PS I'm also an Aquarius.

Showgirlbody

They call it falling because it means letting go. Initially the feelings are great and scary. But it is also when the chemicals are churning and keeping you from being as rational as you'd normally be. After three months, if you still feel that bond, then you know it's love.

In the meantime, enjoy! It is better to have jumped and lose it than to regret never jumping.

PS I'm also an Aquarius.

Yay Aquarius! My man is a Pisces so it's good to have one person more willing to take emotional risks because I will need it pulled out of me since it doesn't come naturally. 3 months. That is funny. I always said that all my "relationships" usually fizzled in 3 months. So it's been a running joke about if we will be sick of each other in 3 months or if the honeymoon is over in 3 months. I almost debated not announcing my relationship status until 3 months, just like a pregnancy. Make sure it's for real. lol I have a good feeling (and a bad feeling). He said he has a tug in his tummy when he's away from me. I have a weird queasy pit in my tummy sometimes too. I thought falling in love should feel good, not make you feel sick. Love sick....ah, maybe I'm catching on.

But seriously, is a month too soon?

eduardo_d

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." Robert Frost

There's no 'too soon'.

AllanMisner

They call it falling because it means letting go. Initially the feelings are great and scary. But it is also when the chemicals are churning and keeping you from being as rational as you'd normally be. After three months, if you still feel that bond, then you know it's love.

In the meantime, enjoy! It is better to have jumped and lose it than to regret never jumping.

PS I'm also an Aquarius.

Yay Aquarius! My man is a Pisces so it's good to have one person more willing to take emotional risks because I will need it pulled out of me since it doesn't come naturally. 3 months. That is funny. I always said that all my "relationships" usually fizzled in 3 months. So it's been a running joke about if we will be sick of each other in 3 months or if the honeymoon is over in 3 months. I almost debated not announcing my relationship status until 3 months, just like a pregnancy. Make sure it's for real. lol I have a good feeling (and a bad feeling). He said he has a tug in his tummy when he's away from me. I have a weird queasy pit in my tummy sometimes too. I thought falling in love should feel good, not make you feel sick. Love sick....ah, maybe I'm catching on.

But seriously, is a month too soon?

There are no hard and fast rules. It seems like you have a healthy approach (feeling it but keeping some skepticism).

realrayne10

According to Haddaway it's "Oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more"

Heh, that's exactly where my mind went too!

lorro

Wonderful and terrifying.

That's as good a definiton as any. There is no minimum time for feeling this way. Love is wonderul but it isn't enough on it's own. If the relationship is right for you it will last and enhance your sense of self. Be brave, be honest - she who dares at least gets a shot at winning!

I'm so happy for you, well done girl!! :bigsmile: :flowerforyou: :glasses:

AnnaPixie

No idea how to define love in words. You just feel it. And it's probably different for everyone.

Sounds to me like you're definitely 'falling' in love! But then again, it could just be the first throws of romance. Or then again you could be in lust. Or you could have a tummy bug!! :laugh:

Seriously, there is no time scale or definition or right or wrong. Just go with it and when you feel like saying you're in love, you will know

I hate people that you talk to and you say "I'm in love" and they say "no you're not"....... :laugh: Like if anyone else can get inside your head and feel what you feel....... Like I say, YOU will know :bigsmile:

DMZ_1

According to Haddaway it's "Oh baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more"

When I saw the question, "What is Love?", I immediately thought of the Haddaway song. Looks like someone else was thinking the same thing. Good post! :bigsmile:

Showgirlbody

What I don't get is when people say "I love you" to every single person they date. I see this on Facebook all the time. Someone is "in a relationship" for like a minute and then you are seeing "I love you baby" posts back and forth. Then there is a break up and the next bf/gf is getting the same deal. To me, you can't be "in love" with every single person you like. Definitely a difference between "in like" or infatuation than falling in love. I've dated and had warm feelings for people, but I sure knew I wasn't in love and I wouldn't say it because that is the thing to do.

I don't get it. At least I know for sure that I won't say it unless I mean it. I'm questioning it meaning I have unfamiliar feelings whereas in the past I knew that I didn't feel it even with someone who was in love with me. I couldn't just validate them by saying it back. I think just calling someone my boyfriend is big because I have never been the serial monogamist, I do not have boyfriends just to have them. It may be a word but it carries weight with me. The same with the L word. But if everyone says "you know when you know", then why are all these fools in love with every damn person they go on three dates with? lol

christine24t

What I don't get is when people say "I love you" to every single person they date. I see this on Facebook all the time. Someone is "in a relationship" for like a minute and then you are seeing "I love you baby" posts back and forth. Then there is a break up and the next bf/gf is getting the same deal. To me, you can't be "in love" with every single person you like. Definitely a difference between "in like" or infatuation than falling in love. I've dated and had warm feelings for people, but I sure knew I wasn't in love and I wouldn't say it because that is the thing to do.

Definitely this. I don't get it either. I'm not a huge sharer by any means (I maybe post stuff on Facebook once a week if that), and that is just not my thing.

I don't get it. At least I know for sure that I won't say it unless I mean it. I'm questioning it meaning I have unfamiliar feelings whereas in the past I knew that I didn't feel it even with someone who was in love with me. I couldn't just validate them by saying it back. I think just calling someone my boyfriend is big because I have never been the serial monogamist, I do not have boyfriends just to have them. It may be a word but it carries weight with me. The same with the L word. But if everyone says "you know when you know", then why are all these fools in love with every damn person they go on three dates with? lol

You seem really in tune with your feelings which is a great thing.

I think a lot of people get lust and love confused...so when they're like "i'm in love" after date three it's really all those hormones surging through your brain. I think when you're in love it goes so beyond the physical lusty part. It's the "I really love this person's personality and attitude and thoughts."

oddyogi

I've been in love before.. and it's been different each time. Sometimes love was the enemy because it blinded me to what I should have known would never have worked out. I think it's all about chemistry.

Next time I fall in love, I will be not so hasty to get too serious too fast. I've learned through both my marriages (ha!) that I need to give myself time to make sure it's not just what I really want, but what I really need.

Guess that's what I get for being an emotional, risk-taking Pisces. :laugh:

La_Amazona

I don't know, sadly.

I know I've been madly in love once, my high school bf. To this day, I still feel tingles when I think of him although I'd never go back to him.

With my ex, I loved him but when I look back, I don't consider myself to have been in love with him. I think I cared about him and the beginning was infatuation.

I'm with cupcakes though. I won't be saying the L word to anybody unless I'm 100% sure. Now that I'm in a relationship with a different state of mind (went through a divorce, tons of therapy and self help stuff), I see that certain moments and experiences can make you feel like you're in love but it's not really. I truly believe real love takes time to develop. Yes, you can be falling in love which to me, that is more of a feeling, a pre-stage to the big L. But even if you're falling in love, doesn't mean you're going to really truly love that person.

I know one thing.. it's definately complicated to some extent.

pa_jorg

They call it falling because it means letting go. Initially the feelings are great and scary. But it is also when the chemicals are churning and keeping you from being as rational as you'd normally be. After three months, if you still feel that bond, then you know it's love.

^^This is a very nice way to describe it.

And Candy, I am so very happy for you, you deserve someone special!!! Just do your best to try to enjoy this time and not question every action or statement he makes.

yoovie

For me love is one thing very specifically, the ability and permission to be weak, vulnerable, scared and honest with the other person, without fear of negative backlash, because you know you have each others' back and together you are stronger and can conquer anything.

TheKitsune6

I believe love is the ultimate respect for an individual. If you can fit someone else into your selfishness (example: when making them happy makes you happy) then you love that person. Either platonically or romantically this works for me.

calvert6183

To some, its attention, its lust, if they feel happy, contentment, shallow material things like money or status, or its a unbreakable commitment and dedication to never giving up. I think love is what you make it out to be. Ive seen different people be in those and still cheat. I am old school, and believe in what grandparents believed in and they didnt have lists of 300 things a person had to be to be dateable ).

I think Facebook, dating sites, romantic movies, texting, reality tv shows like Jersey Shore, and role models like Kim Kardashian have ruined love for people in their teens, 20s, and 30s. .Dating for them is like a competition like The Bachelor. People, put your cell phones up when your on a date and actually get to know the person that your on the date with. I see it all the time.

ZombieChaser

For me love is one thing very specifically, the ability and permission to be weak, vulnerable, scared and honest with the other person, without fear of negative backlash, because you know you have each others' back and together you are stronger and can conquer anything.

^^ This! I hope to have this someday!

(I also had visions of that Haddaway song, doing the Kris Kattan head move...)

Steelheart7

"I am old school, and believe in what grandparents believed in and they didnt have lists of 300 things a person had to be to be dateable"

I absolutely love this.

Z_I_L_L_A

Did he send you a note that said: I wuv you do you wuv me? Check yes or no. XOXOXOX at the bottom of the note?

Steelheart7

I guess in my mind .. there are different stages of love. You can totally love someone after 3 months .. is it the same love that you would have after a year, or 5 years .. no, not even close. But you can still love them. I still have that same feeling for my exhusband now when I see his name pop up on my phone as I did 18 years ago when we first met.

I know that I love my exhusband because even after all that he has done to me and put me through, if he told me he loved me and wanted me back, I would go. Would it be the worst decision ever, yup. Would it last, nope. I know that he loves me still, I can see it in his eyes when we talk. I know that he loves me because he would never ask me to come back because he knows he can't change and he knows that he would hurt me again. That kind of love is grown over years and years. The desire to put someone else before your happiness is love.