I'm scared to eat, or drink today. Help, please.

squelettique

It's being a couple of months since my parents found out about me purging every time I eat, and my fasting habits, and since then, they've had an extra eye on me. Since they don't let me stay home alone, and they monitor me every time I go do the bathroom, I haven't been able to purge. Even though I know I shouldn't be losing weight, because my parents have threatened on taking me to the hospital if I keep on losing, I've worked hard to lose the weight I gained since I stopped purging (5kg). This afternoon I woke up and did all the stuff you normally do when you wake up, when I weighted myself I saw the scale said I weighted 48.8kg. I'm back to my "normal" weight, and I can kind of see the difference. Nobody knows I've been trying to lose weight, and nobody seems to notice I've lost any, either. I'm really scared to eat now, I'm scared to drink, anything even. I'm just terrified that I'll gain all the weight back, mostly, I'm terrified to have anything in me, that's why I don't eat, I have a fear of having food in me.

I just don't know what to do, please, help me.

NocturnalGirl

Hi honey, I completely understand your situation. I myself fear food but I've been dealing with this for a while and have been trying to help myself wherever possible. You need to take it a day at a time, you don't have to start eating normally all at once as it might cause relapse. Each day just add a little more food in your diet till you get to a healthy amount. It's extremely hard but remember that your body needs fuel in order to survive and have a content life. You won't gain the weight back but try not to weigh yourself for a while so that obsession eases. What helped me eat more (although I'm still struggling) was to exercise as it'll exhaust you and you'll get to a point where you'll end up eating. Take care hun. Have you seeked professional help? That's also a good option and it's only for the best. Good luck

o_delaisse

I totally sympathise, especially with the drinking part: you're the only other person I've heard of who was funny about drinking. I wouldn't drink anything after 9pm, and I was so conscious of water weight even though it doesn't have any calories. Eventually, I did a little experiement: drink water, get weighed, get weighed again after I had a wee etc (I really was obsessed, what I'm writing makes me sound dreadful, but that's how it was). Anyway, I found out on the whole if I had a drink of water then got weighed after I had a wee, I was either the same, or sometimes 0.2lbs or so below or whatever. Also, I found sometimes if I *didn't* have a few glasses of water before going to bed, often my weight would be the same as it was waking up, whereas a glass or two of water helped it go down a little.

So what I'm saying is water is most definitely your friend, don't be scared of water.

As for eating - I worked on increasing my calories by 100 a week, but if you think that's too much maybe you could try going up in 50s or something, whatever is comfortable with you. To be honest, right now, weight is a bit of a sore point because I'm on a plateau, but I can tell you with total confidence, it IS safe to be eating over 1000, 1100, 1200, 1300, 1400, 1500, 1600. I've lost weight at all those points and I swore I couldn't because I thought my metabolism was screwed.

And yeah, maybe talk to your doctor - it's an awful situation and I'm so sorry you're having a hard time