it never works out in the end?
Vodkha
Posts: 352 Member
I have been hanging out with this guy. I have posted about him before and how much he confuses me. Basically, we flirt, he will touch or hit me somehow, we can make jokes and bug each other, we get along really well and have similar interests. But, no move has been made yet. He keeps seeing me so he has to like me in some way right? Anyways, we were texting tonite and he said how he was bored tonite and 'life kinda sucks', so I said go out and live life! maybe you will meet your future wife out there! And he says HAHAH, nah. I said don't you want to meet someone and he replied yes and no. I asked why yes and why no and he replied yes because his life would suck less and no because it seems like a waste of time, what's the point, nothing ever works out in the end....(he has been cheated on in the past and hurt)...could this be why he is not making any move towards me?
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hmmm. I think he has confidence issues. I think he should make a move sooner than later before it's too late. He's slowly but surely creeping into friendzone if he doesn't make a move. He could easier invite you over for dinner and a movie since he's so bored right now. Depending on your time zone.. it could be a little too late now.0
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Yeah it was like 10pm when we were texting and we both get up early for work. I should say that when I mentioned I was hanging out with another guy he had me over the very next night and seemed from that point on to be hanging out with me more than normal.0
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I'd say he sees you as a friend :flowerforyou:
I've been through this fairly lately with a guy and he friend zoned me a long time ago. Even though there were hints, and innuendo, and fun and intimate chats for hours and hours, and blah.........I'm now of the opinion that guys are perfectly capable of being everything to you, but if they're not asking to date you/sleeping with you, it means they see you as a friend, only!
You can do one of two things to make sure:
1) Ask him!
2) Stop hoping and move on!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
i haven't read the book, but that movie " he's just not that into you" makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. i think some of it is very true. if he's not calling to make dates, if he's not sleeping with you then he's just not that into you...... kinda like luke warm, on the back burner. doesn't want to get rid of you or make an absolute definition just incase. but, still looking for/ waiting for something else, something better ( in his mind).
read evan marc katz. i like him because while he doesn't sugar coat anything, he is positive that there is someone out there FOR YOU! but, he's quick to tell you to stop going after the guy that is luke warm. you want that guy that is actively pursuing YOU, not the other way around. i know that by reading what he has to say as a guy, and putting his advice into practice, i've been more PROactive about dating, relationships, and not holding onto someone that is just not that into me :-) plus, he's funny!!!0 -
Make the next move I reckon. Call him out on it and find out where you stand... Either way you can move forward and won't be stuck in limbo land. I think though that he will flake
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He hasn't made a move because you haven't required him to. You continue to give him your valuable time, and he hasn't even asked you on a date. Here's how I would handle it:
1. Decide if you're okay with just being friends.
2. If you are okay with just being friends, start dating other guys ASAP. You cannot put your love life on hold for someone who is only going to be a friend.
3. If you aren't okay with just being friends, stop "hanging out" with him. Hanging out and dating are not the same thing. Don't allow him to be willfully confused about that. You are friend-zoning yourself, and you don't even realize it.0 -
Well in my experience things never work out in the end either, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
I actually had a similar experience to that, except I was on the other end. I was good friends with someone, we had a ton in common and all that, I just wasn't that attracted to her physically and I enjoyed being friends with her so I never made a move. So she eventually told me she had feelings for me, yada yada yada, we're not really friends anymore.
I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, but most guys will make some sort of move if they are really into someone. The only way you'll really know for sure is if you ask him, just make sure you're prepared for the answer you might get.0 -
I'd like to believe it does, once in a blue moon when the stars are aligned. I believe I'll fall madly in love with someone and vice versa.
For some reason, I don't feel "burned". I mean, I went through hell and back when I was married and there was a time where I felt burned and "what's the point?" but something changed.
So far I've had feelings for 2 guys. FL and Smiley. FL rejected me. Smiley, well you know what's going on with that. And still, the fact that my heart opened up again and smiled, even for a little bit with FL or for longer with Smiley, is enough to excite me.0 -
So are you really suggesting he go out because he could meet his future wife and wondering why he doesn't make a move on you? Hmm. I have no idea why he may think of you as unappoachable. There is absolutely no ambiguity in your communications whatsoever.0
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True, I should stop doing that.
I asked him tonite if he thinks he will or could ever think of me as more than a friend and he replied with 'I dont know'...
I said look, we have known each other long enough that we can say anything to each other, so don't be afraid of hurting my feelings, and he replied that he was being honest, and that he didn't know.
So either, 1) he was lying, which from what I know of him for the last 1.5 years he is blunt and says it like it is OR
2) he is waiting around for me to lose some weight. I know most of you will frown on this and tell me to get some self confidence, but I do believe this to be true. I shouldn't be expected to be attracted to an obese man just because we get along so well, so why should I expect he can be attracted to me how I am now. We get along so well in all other aspects that I am sure if I were 50lbs lighter this would be a non-issue. This is not being not self confident, this is me being realistic.
So, I suppose it is both a positive and a negative. He was honest in saying he doesn't know which at least it is not a NO, and a negative for the obvious reason. That being said, I am definitely not waiting around for him to change his mind or am dwelling on it and not seeing anyone else, because I will and have if the opportunity presents itself.0 -
Hmm was I just friend zoned? Previous to me asking him if he could see himself liking me more than friends I asked what his opinon was of me from hanging out with me and he said I am a good person and am really fun to hang out with...0
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Hmm was I just friend zoned? Previous to me asking him if he could see himself liking me more than friends I asked what his opinon was of me from hanging out with me and he said I am a good person and am really fun to hang out with...
This might be a bit general and a bit broish... But guys just have 2 zones - ones they will sleep with, ones they wont sleep with.
But seriously I think this guy enjoys your company but I reckon if he was going to do something about it, he would of by now, well at least should have!!0 -
This might be a bit general and a bit broish... But guys just have 2 zones - ones they will sleep with, ones they wont sleep with.
This is true to an extent. However, there are times when your physical attraction for someone blossoms after getting to know them too. That is, for the ones on the boundary of said zones.0 -
Why don't you "make a move" instead of waiting for him to do it? Who knows, maybe he is posting on his "my life sucks" forum asking everyone why you haven't busted out the sexy time on him. It's not 1960, grow a pair.
It would at least answer your questions.
Crazy girls.0 -
I just don't get why a guy would keep having you over if he's not into you somehow. I don't hang out with guys a lot that I am not into.
Oh well, I'll just keep working on me and hanging out with him when I can and see what happens. I won't hold my breath though!0 -
Why don't you "make a move" instead of waiting for him to do it? Who knows, maybe he is posting on his "my life sucks" forum asking everyone why you haven't busted out the sexy time on him. It's not 1960, grow a pair.
It would at least answer your questions.
Crazy girls.
Ah, we were wrestling around once and probably touching each other a bit inappropriately (but it was still just playing around) and he let me touch him...uh...'there'...momentarily and didnt try to stop me, however I don't think that constitutes a 'move' because it was so brief. I mostly did it to test the reaction and see if he would kind of push my hand away. Maybe I'll see how the next meet goes but I don't want to rush anything.0 -
Maybe I'll see how the next meet goes but I don't want to rush anything.
After he's had so many opportunities, the only thing I can think is that if he is into you he's shy about making a move. If he's not into you, you can't make him "warm up to you" in this way by spending quality time together - you can only solidify the friendship. Chemistry (at least for me) is something that is either there or isn't there very early on in the relationship.
Rush it.0 -
True, I should stop doing that.
I asked him tonite if he thinks he will or could ever think of me as more than a friend and he replied with 'I dont know'...
I said look, we have known each other long enough that we can say anything to each other, so don't be afraid of hurting my feelings, and he replied that he was being honest, and that he didn't know.
So either, 1) he was lying, which from what I know of him for the last 1.5 years he is blunt and says it like it is OR
2) he is waiting around for me to lose some weight. I know most of you will frown on this and tell me to get some self confidence, but I do believe this to be true. I shouldn't be expected to be attracted to an obese man just because we get along so well, so why should I expect he can be attracted to me how I am now. We get along so well in all other aspects that I am sure if I were 50lbs lighter this would be a non-issue. This is not being not self confident, this is me being realistic.
Well done for asking him :flowerforyou:
The guy I was telling you about that friend zoned me - when I asked him he said "I dont know" too!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh:
Seriously, dont waste anymore time on him. And certainly dont criticise yourself or your weight!!! He's really not worth losing our self esteem over (no man is!!) There are many things that make someone attractive or a friend. Turns out that my friend is very much into submissive women (which is not me at all). It's not the kind of thing he could say out loud, as he was pretty shy, but it turns out the shy one's are the worst!!
Sometimes there are very good reasons for why things work out the way they do.0 -
Right.So either, 1) he was lying, which from what I know of him for the last 1.5 years he is blunt and says it like it is OR
2) he is waiting around for me to lose some weight. I know most of you will frown on this and tell me to get some self confidence, but I do believe this to be true. I shouldn't be expected to be attracted to an obese man just because we get along so well, so why should I expect he can be attracted to me how I am now. We get along so well in all other aspects that I am sure if I were 50lbs lighter this would be a non-issue. This is not being not self confident, this is me being realistic.
Or 3) he is waiting for you to grow longer hair. You're not at terminal length, I hope, are you? (number 3 is based on as much evidence as number 2, and thus is as true as number 2).
Not saying you should stop losing weight, because clearly you hate your current weight (thinking it gets in the way, and maybe it does), but I've never heard of such a stupid dichotomy to explain people's behaviour before: he either lies, or I'm too fat.
If I may: there might be other explanations.
If that had been me, I'd have pressed him a bit more, and asked him what his doubts are... Why he doesn't want to at least give it a go (Heck! We're not getting married, are we?).
Plus the more you wait, the more you risk of getting friend-zoned (the reason why he doesn't want to have a relationship with you might be because he values your friendship more than what he thinks he would get out of a relationship with you).0
