I'm so confused.
La_Amazona
Posts: 4,855 Member
Seriously, ya'll are the best therapy a girl can have.
I'm confused. My mind is racing 100 miles an hour. It seems I was finally calm and settled with him then I got shaken up.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm now thinking of whether or not I should stick around with the bf. I like him- a lot. My feelings haven't changed for him. What has changed is the way I see him. I'm now afraid he's going to break my heart and I feel like I'm guarding myself now- silently. Maybe that's wise? Or is that a sign that I need to get out now? I'm also starting to want to dump him before he dumps me. I think it'll hurt less this way.
I ended up seeing him last night. It wasn't planned but I ran out of gas (NEVER has happened to me) in a bad part of town. I didn't call him when it happened because he was at his brother's where there is no reception (lives out in the country). After a big ordeal, I finally got home and called him after a horrible experience. He didn't answer my calls or texts, finally he called me back all freaked out. He had left his phone charging at home on accident and had just gotten home. I told him what happened. I was on the way to my friend Angela's house because I was having a mini breakdown due to my ghetto experience when he called. He told me to come to his if I wanted which I said if she wasn't there, I would. She wasn't home so I ended up at his. He seemed concerned and he just hugged me and I cried. It was blah! I'm a strong girl but I was pretty scared last night. Anyway, I fell asleep in his arms and he told me I was safe blah blah.
This morning he was sweet.
Already re-reading this turns me off because I'm back to being stressed and overthinking crap. Is it worth it? I don't know. I do know that it stresses me out because of how much I like him. If I didn't care about him, I would have left, right?
Why am I doing this? What's in it for me? Why am I acting unlike me? Why can't I just walk away and say F it? There's sooo many other men in the world. As a matter of fact, a cute guy already asked me out if I end up single. Why am I suddenly noticing cute guys again?
I'm stubborn. I fight for what I want. But sometimes this has more to do with pride and I certainly don't want to be in a situation where I'm setting myself up for hurt because of pride. How do I know if this is what it is?
Damn him for shaking me up. This sucks.
I am not sure whether or not to bring the issues back up either. If I do, it's back up at the forefront. Would that be a bad thing? I mean, why would I want these issues to be swept under the rug? Am I avoiding it? Or am I just giving it time?
I'm so so confused. Why didn't I just stay away?
I know what you're all going to say (I think). Give it time. I know but I don't want to get hurt and though that's an assumption on my part and a risk you take, I'm terrified of it.
I'm confused. My mind is racing 100 miles an hour. It seems I was finally calm and settled with him then I got shaken up.
I'm not sure what to do. I'm now thinking of whether or not I should stick around with the bf. I like him- a lot. My feelings haven't changed for him. What has changed is the way I see him. I'm now afraid he's going to break my heart and I feel like I'm guarding myself now- silently. Maybe that's wise? Or is that a sign that I need to get out now? I'm also starting to want to dump him before he dumps me. I think it'll hurt less this way.
I ended up seeing him last night. It wasn't planned but I ran out of gas (NEVER has happened to me) in a bad part of town. I didn't call him when it happened because he was at his brother's where there is no reception (lives out in the country). After a big ordeal, I finally got home and called him after a horrible experience. He didn't answer my calls or texts, finally he called me back all freaked out. He had left his phone charging at home on accident and had just gotten home. I told him what happened. I was on the way to my friend Angela's house because I was having a mini breakdown due to my ghetto experience when he called. He told me to come to his if I wanted which I said if she wasn't there, I would. She wasn't home so I ended up at his. He seemed concerned and he just hugged me and I cried. It was blah! I'm a strong girl but I was pretty scared last night. Anyway, I fell asleep in his arms and he told me I was safe blah blah.
This morning he was sweet.
Already re-reading this turns me off because I'm back to being stressed and overthinking crap. Is it worth it? I don't know. I do know that it stresses me out because of how much I like him. If I didn't care about him, I would have left, right?
Why am I doing this? What's in it for me? Why am I acting unlike me? Why can't I just walk away and say F it? There's sooo many other men in the world. As a matter of fact, a cute guy already asked me out if I end up single. Why am I suddenly noticing cute guys again?
I'm stubborn. I fight for what I want. But sometimes this has more to do with pride and I certainly don't want to be in a situation where I'm setting myself up for hurt because of pride. How do I know if this is what it is?
Damn him for shaking me up. This sucks.
I am not sure whether or not to bring the issues back up either. If I do, it's back up at the forefront. Would that be a bad thing? I mean, why would I want these issues to be swept under the rug? Am I avoiding it? Or am I just giving it time?
I'm so so confused. Why didn't I just stay away?
I know what you're all going to say (I think). Give it time. I know but I don't want to get hurt and though that's an assumption on my part and a risk you take, I'm terrified of it.
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Replies
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Damn him? He did was your man is supposed to do, he was there for you.
Damn you for over thinking everything. Like I told you yesterday, you're thinking of breaking up with him just so you don't get dumped? Might as well end it now because you're not in it like you should be.0 -
Breath!!!!!!!!!0
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Nothing worth having is easy! If he is what you want then work hard at it, find out what his reservations are and work with him to get past all that. Even if you do that and you both work at it and put the time and effort in to identify your issues and problems it may still not work, but at that point, if you two go your separate ways you wont have nearly the heartache and issues. Whatever you do, is worth doing 100% so give it 100% and if it works out it will be that much better but if it doesnt you wont have those nagging doubts in the back of your mind. You will know you did everything you could but the juice wasnt worth the squeeze so to say.0
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Damn him? He did was your man is supposed to do, he was there for you.
Damn you for over thinking everything. Like I told you yesterday, you're thinking of breaking up with him just so you don't get dumped? Might as well end it now because you're not in it like you should be.
I'm looking out for ME.
Again, assuming... but I feel like he's going to push me away slowly. We've talked about ex's and so I know what to look for when he's trying to push someone away. I feel like I'm playing defense now. Again, assumptions. Damn those assumptions (or maybe it's my gut telling me to run).
I told you I'm confused.0 -
Damn him? He did was your man is supposed to do, he was there for you.
Damn you for over thinking everything. Like I told you yesterday, you're thinking of breaking up with him just so you don't get dumped? Might as well end it now because you're not in it like you should be.
I'm looking out for ME.
Again, assuming... but I feel like he's going to push me away slowly. We've talked about ex's and so I know what to look for when he's trying to push someone away. I feel like I'm playing defense now. Again, assumptions. Damn those assumptions (or maybe it's my gut telling me to run).
I told you I'm confused.
Stop thinking. Enjoy life. Like you said, if he was to break up, you're not fully invested in it. A week tops, and you'll be over it. But I'm sure you're not being a great gf with all these thoughts and issues in your head.0 -
Nothing worth having is easy! If he is what you want then work hard at it, find out what his reservations are and work with him to get past all that. Even if you do that and you both work at it and put the time and effort in to identify your issues and problems it may still not work, but at that point, if you two go your separate ways you wont have nearly the heartache and issues. Whatever you do, is worth doing 100% so give it 100% and if it works out it will be that much better but if it doesnt you wont have those nagging doubts in the back of your mind. You will know you did everything you could but the juice wasnt worth the squeeze so to say.
I've only been with him 1.5 months though. If I had been with him 6 months, we've said our "I love you"s etc.. yeah.. but it's only been 1.5. Isn't all this too much for this little bit of time?0 -
Nothing worth having is easy! If he is what you want then work hard at it, find out what his reservations are and work with him to get past all that. Even if you do that and you both work at it and put the time and effort in to identify your issues and problems it may still not work, but at that point, if you two go your separate ways you wont have nearly the heartache and issues. Whatever you do, is worth doing 100% so give it 100% and if it works out it will be that much better but if it doesnt you wont have those nagging doubts in the back of your mind. You will know you did everything you could but the juice wasnt worth the squeeze so to say.
I've only been with him 1.5 months though. If I had been with him 6 months, we've said our "I love you"s etc.. yeah.. but it's only been 1.5. Isn't all this too much for this little bit of time?
Apparently, for you it is. I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't think you can really handle anything too serious unless it falls in line w/ some dates on a calendar.
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I get what you're going through. It is called falling for a reason. He is too.
You can choose to protect yourself or live. I chose to live.0 -
Maybe you're right. But this is a big deal to me because I was scared of opening up and I did.. even though I knew it'd be a risk. Now the fears have returned again but now I have feelings, true feelings for him. If we break up, I'm going to actually miss him, remember him, etc etc. My life won't be over and I'll get over him (it'll take more than a week!) but it's going to hurt and sting.
It's part of life, I get it but it bites!!!!0 -
Damn him? He did was your man is supposed to do, he was there for you.
Damn you for over thinking everything. Like I told you yesterday, you're thinking of breaking up with him just so you don't get dumped? Might as well end it now because you're not in it like you should be.
Agree with Mack! If you're going to bail at every hurdle, you aren't ready for love. Dump him and you face the same problems in your future, with whoever. Life is never going to be as perfect as you want it to be. Neither will you ever find a perfect person :flowerforyou: Overcoming obstacles is all part of a relationship. The honeymoon is over, now its time to face reality. Get real Amazona!! The guy has life issues, anxiety, worries of your compatibility, money probs............etc. This is life! Are you going to worry about YOU or give all you got to fight for someone you want? Or is this guy not for you?? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself.......getting hurt is almost inevitable in life. Sorry, but I'm of the age when I know that hurt can be overcome. There's a lot more rubbish to put up with than that... :flowerforyou:0 -
Once you go down the road of being afraid he's going to hurt you there is no going back!! To me he sounds like a really good guy, and judging by what all the gals in here say, it's hard to find one. I think you should stick in there, y'all just need to figure out how to make this work, you will have to learn when to pull back when he needs his space. And he will have to get over his money issues and be there when you need him. If you break up with him because your afraid of getting hurt you will always wonder what if.0
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What about the issue about him not feeling like he's in love with me?
I was stupid and stalked his FB and saw where he declared his love for his ex. Yeah I know, they're not together anymore. But still, the fact that he's noticed that he doesn't feel the same for me as he has in the past with other women, scares me. Then again, maybe I'm not a priority to him right now. I am to a point, I'm his gf. He chooses to be with me in his free time. But with all this other crap going on, I don't think I'm getting the attention he wants to give me in his mind.
The fact that he brought up how he was a giver yet with me, I am. He says I'm always touching on him, always massaging him, kissing him, when in the past it's been him to have to do those things. He will for me too but I'm hands on. That's me. He says usually the women he dated would stop after 2 weeks. He said eventually he'd stop opening the car door too and they'd get in a rut. To this day, he still opens my car door, etc.
Another thing, he mentioned how he's usually romantic... he is somewhat but I wouldn't consider him Mr. Romantic 2012 so not sure if that's because he's not into me or again, because he's not focusing on me.0 -
Dude. Chill.
You want to break up with him because he approached you about some concerns that would affect the longevity of your relationship. Do you see why that's kind of horrible?0 -
Dude. Chill.
You want to break up with him because he approached you about some concerns that would affect the longevity of your relationship. Do you see why that's kind of horrible?
I'm now writing in 2 different threads but I'm thinking of breaking up because I feel he was trying to break up with me that night of the talk. I feel maybe I "forced" him to stay with me or I don't know. I don't know!!!0 -
Don't compare yourself to other girls he's dated. That never ends well. He's not with them anymore for a reason, he's with you. Every relationship is unique. And stop freaking out that he doesn't love you after 1.5 months. I would never say that to someone that early in the relationship, it usually takes me about 3 months before I can really tell.
I never really understood the whole "dump them before they dump me" mentality. So maybe you're scared of getting hurt, but I'd be more scared of destroying something with potential instead of fighting for it.0 -
Don't compare yourself to other girls he's dated. That never ends well. He's not with them anymore for a reason, he's with you. Every relationship is unique. And stop freaking out that he doesn't love you after 1.5 months. I would never say that to someone that early in the relationship, it usually takes me about 3 months before I can really tell.
I agree with you. But it was he who said he was concerned that he didn't feel it yet. I even said, "I think it's great that we're really thinking about it and taking our time in that area. I think it's great that I'm different than any other woman you dated. I think it's good that you're taking it slower with me. I think real love takes time to grow and bloom." He replied with "but that's not how I always pictured it". :brokenheart:0 -
Just stop with this,now don`t get mad but listen...you are not acting remotely sensibly here and are flying around like a roiling kettle of liquid emotions.
By your own admission you are this way and have declared yourself immature,well it is time to say enough with the "I am who I am" stuff when it is destructive,it needs to change and only you can do that.
There is no magic person out there who is going to let you be you while fulfilling all your wants and dreams,you will both have to move towards each other and let this be the start of learning that.0 -
Just stop with this,now don`t get mad but listen...you are not acting remotely sensibly here and are flying around like a roiling kettle of liquid emotions.
By your own admission you are this way and have declared yourself immature,well it is time to say enough with the "I am who I am" stuff when it is destructive,it needs to change and only you can do that.
There is no magic person out there who is going to let you be you while fulfilling all your wants and dreams,you will both have to move towards each other and let this be the start of learning that.
I feel like I just got slapped back into reality!!!! :noway:
I needed it. I'm telling you, this group is awesome.
I care about my Smiley. He scares the living crap out of me because I've known from the first date he stood out from the rest. I don't want to lose him but that's out of my control. If we're meant to be, we'll be. Right? Right.
All I can do is keep being my awesome self.0 -
Just stop with this,now don`t get mad but listen...you are not acting remotely sensibly here and are flying around like a roiling kettle of liquid emotions.
By your own admission you are this way and have declared yourself immature,well it is time to say enough with the "I am who I am" stuff when it is destructive,it needs to change and only you can do that.
There is no magic person out there who is going to let you be you while fulfilling all your wants and dreams,you will both have to move towards each other and let this be the start of learning that.
I feel like I just got slapped back into reality!!!! :noway:
I needed it. I'm telling you, this group is awesome.
I care about my Smiley. He scares the living crap out of me because I've known from the first date he stood out from the rest. I don't want to lose him but that's out of my control. If we're meant to be, we'll be. Right? Right.
All I can do is keep being my awesome self.
Nowhere at this point have I seen any sign you are losing him outside of what you have created in your mind.
May it happen as the blushes of infatuation wear off and things you or he were sure they could live with suddenly not seem as easy to..?
Sure but it is also where you can move (key word there) to a place deeper and together sort out where you have to be for each other.
For now stop coming up with scenarios in your mind designed for some silly desire to keep yourself worked up or to justify the frenzy you have let overwhelm you.:flowerforyou:0 -
Don't compare yourself to other girls he's dated. That never ends well. He's not with them anymore for a reason, he's with you. Every relationship is unique. And stop freaking out that he doesn't love you after 1.5 months. I would never say that to someone that early in the relationship, it usually takes me about 3 months before I can really tell.
I never really understood the whole "dump them before they dump me" mentality. So maybe you're scared of getting hurt, but I'd be more scared of destroying something with potential instead of fighting for it.
I am agreeing with this. At 1.5 months with the guy I have been seeing, I was thinking of fleeing because of my own issues. I have now been with this guy 6 months, and still no I love you, but that is ok. Baby steps. Every relationship is different.
I too wanted to dump him before he could imagine dumping me, but I said to myself NO because what if this has the potential to be something really worthwhile.
*edit: love doesnt always happen as we picture it - damn movies!0 -
Just stop with this,now don`t get mad but listen...you are not acting remotely sensibly here and are flying around like a roiling kettle of liquid emotions.
By your own admission you are this way and have declared yourself immature,well it is time to say enough with the "I am who I am" stuff when it is destructive,it needs to change and only you can do that.
There is no magic person out there who is going to let you be you while fulfilling all your wants and dreams,you will both have to move towards each other and let this be the start of learning that.
I feel like I just got slapped back into reality!!!! :noway:
I needed it. I'm telling you, this group is awesome.
I care about my Smiley. He scares the living crap out of me because I've known from the first date he stood out from the rest. I don't want to lose him but that's out of my control. If we're meant to be, we'll be. Right? Right.
All I can do is keep being my awesome self.
Nowhere at this point have I seen any sign you are losing him outside of what you have created in your mind.
May it happen as the blushes of infatuation wear off and things you or he were sure they could live with suddenly not seem as easy to..?
Sure but it is also where you can move (key word there) to a place deeper and together sort out where you have to be for each other.
For now stop coming up with scenarios in your mind designed for some silly desire to keep yourself worked up or to justify the frenzy you have let overwhelm you.:flowerforyou:
He started off the conversation "I'm not sure if I see us long term". At one point he said maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore. He did say it. But then he'd get all stressed and start saying he was confused. He didn't know. Etc etc.0 -
I think Carl01 should charge because he always gives the greatest advice and is spot on with what is really going on. Listen to him! You're freaking out over scenarios you have created in your mind. If the guy wanted to dump you do you think he would have been so available for you last night? I don't. Relax and enjoy your life. If it doesn't work you'll live and someday you'll find someone new. If it does work all of this worry is for nothing. 90% of the things people worry about never happen anyway. :flowerforyou:0
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What about the issue about him not feeling like he's in love with me?
I was stupid and stalked his FB and saw where he declared his love for his ex. Yeah I know, they're not together anymore. But still, the fact that he's noticed that he doesn't feel the same for me as he has in the past with other women, scares me. Then again, maybe I'm not a priority to him right now. I am to a point, I'm his gf. He chooses to be with me in his free time. But with all this other crap going on, I don't think I'm getting the attention he wants to give me in his mind.
The fact that he brought up how he was a giver yet with me, I am. He says I'm always touching on him, always massaging him, kissing him, when in the past it's been him to have to do those things. He will for me too but I'm hands on. That's me. He says usually the women he dated would stop after 2 weeks. He said eventually he'd stop opening the car door too and they'd get in a rut. To this day, he still opens my car door, etc.
Another thing, he mentioned how he's usually romantic... he is somewhat but I wouldn't consider him Mr. Romantic 2012 so not sure if that's because he's not into me or again, because he's not focusing on me.
It's been a month and a half.
Again, the calendar of dates you're following. Stop it.0 -
Like everyone has said, chill out. Take things one day at a time. You mentioned how you're not sure if you want him as your bf anymore, well let that feeling go. If it comes back and it feels right in your gut to break things off, then do that later. Don't jump into any rash decisions though. Slooooow.0
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breathe sweetie!!! :-)
do you meditate at all? try just some quiet time, and move all of those negative thoughts out of our head..........
try and find something to preoccupy yourself with. pick up a book, start watching a show on netflix or hulu that has a lot of seasons. go to the gym, go for a run, do something that you can easily take your mind off of you and smiley and what it all might mean in the future. go read the book " mars and venus on a date" !!!!
the last two guys that i was in relationships with started drifting away about 2 or so months in. they both apparently fell fast, but then it fizzled out. they stopped communicating much, stopped accepting my invites, stopped asking me out....... there was never a sit down and chat about concerns, just slowly disappearing. with the first guy that's how i ended up reading evan marc katz's ebook "why did he disappear?" or something along those lines. i didn't chase after, and one day poof they were gone.
smiley isn't disappearing. he vocalized concerns and confusion. but, he's still there and actively engaged. last night he could have ignored you or spoken on the phone and left it at that. but, no, he asked you to come to him and told you you were safe!!!!
it's not easy to sit back and relax and let yourself fall.......... but, try!!! try to do those things. try to enjoy the here and now and not worry about the " what may come, what may be." life is too short to NOT enjoy the present. you can't do anything about your past, but you can control your present and affect your future. do you want to have a life running away from prospects due to being afraid HE might dump YOU first????
HUGS!!!!!! it's a rough ride, but try to sit back and enjoy it while you can :-)0 -
breathe sweetie!!! :-)
do you meditate at all? try just some quiet time, and move all of those negative thoughts out of our head..........
try and find something to preoccupy yourself with. pick up a book, start watching a show on netflix or hulu that has a lot of seasons. go to the gym, go for a run, do something that you can easily take your mind off of you and smiley and what it all might mean in the future. go read the book " mars and venus on a date" !!!!
the last two guys that i was in relationships with started drifting away about 2 or so months in. they both apparently fell fast, but then it fizzled out. they stopped communicating much, stopped accepting my invites, stopped asking me out....... there was never a sit down and chat about concerns, just slowly disappearing. with the first guy that's how i ended up reading evan marc katz's ebook "why did he disappear?" or something along those lines. i didn't chase after, and one day poof they were gone.
smiley isn't disappearing. he vocalized concerns and confusion. but, he's still there and actively engaged. last night he could have ignored you or spoken on the phone and left it at that. but, no, he asked you to come to him and told you you were safe!!!!
it's not easy to sit back and relax and let yourself fall.......... but, try!!! try to do those things. try to enjoy the here and now and not worry about the " what may come, what may be." life is too short to NOT enjoy the present. you can't do anything about your past, but you can control your present and affect your future. do you want to have a life running away from prospects due to being afraid HE might dump YOU first????
HUGS!!!!!! it's a rough ride, but try to sit back and enjoy it while you can :-)
I'm going to Half Priced Books to get the book after work.
I'm going to happy hour with my friend tonight. I feel like I want to stay home and mope around but eh.. it's a beautiful day and I need an hour or 2 of girly gossip.
I texted bf at lunch today and didn't receive a response which of course I overanalyzed (in my head). He just wrote me back saying he worked through lunch and was on the way to his interview. I told him to call me after so I can hear all about it.
I'm going to think happy thoughts. No matter how this goes, if I keep thinking negative it doesn't help anything. It just causes me stomach aches, stress and worries about things that are mostly in my big head.
*cheers* to happy thoughts!!0 -
I even put a new pic of us up.. ha!!
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I even put a new pic of us up.. ha!!
Ahhhh, very cute pic :bigsmile:0 -
I even put a new pic of us up.. ha!!
Ahhhh, very cute pic :bigsmile:
Yes, very cute! Have fun at HH later...nothing like girl time and tequila and vodka. :drinker:0 -
yup yup yup relax.
MAKE something else in your life more important ASAP. Or he'll smell your fear.0
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