Advice Needed Please

JayTee146

Since April 30 I've taken lo by almost every saturday, and once during the work week. I've explained how tired I am since I have lupus during work week and how lo and I have a evening routine and I didn't really want to drive his way after working 9 hours so they could see each other but during the weekend I get up early get lo dressed and make sure lo sees her father. He then responded by saying okay I understand. Since I've recently purchased a house he's come over to help me set up our lo's room and has spent time with her then.... He had been asking what her social security number was and went through some of my papers while at my home and found it. He then brought it to me and asked me if that's what it was. I tried not to get angry since lo was around, but I did tell him i didn't appreciate him going through MY THINGS IN MY BEDROOM! to search for something I told him he had no permission to get. He apologized.... Well since he's been seeing her on saturday's for a month now he has been begging to watch her.. he recently lost his job and wants me to take her from the sitter who's been watching her since she was 6 weeks old... to allow him to watch her.. I have issues with this and told him I wasn't going to take my child from her sitter abruptly at his request. He called this morning asking could he come get her... he informed me he purchased a car seat... I said no.. like I told your yesterday the sitter has already been paid.. He said well I want to keep my daughter and started crying.. he told me he'd call me back.. called back in fifteen minutes apologizing for his behavior and tells me that he wants to come my way to keep her. I said again no! and he said well I want to put her in daycare.. I previously told him that we could place lo in a facility that's half way between the two of us and he could visit and maybe pick her up sometimes in the evenings and bring her to my house. Since he found out that the sitter is my best friend's (who's a male) mother he has been pushing for a new daycare saying he doesn't want another male holding his child.... I told him well... look one up.. you're not working so find one we'll check it out together and make a judgement.. I did tell him that financially I couldn't afford 400+ for daycare and he insisted he'd pay that.. I insisted he didn't because I know that he'll feel like he can call the shots once he pays for something. In regards to the no male holding his child I brushed him off. I told him something similiar.. my words were please be mindful of the company you keep... I respect our child by not having all types of people/males around her and please do the same.. unless you're seriously dating a woman and we've met or unless you're married and once again we've met.. don't have the random females you mess with around and holding/kissing my baby. . . He told me that keeping her 2 to 3 hours is getting old... he's only kept her once.. last saturday.. now he's asking for a whole day.... ONCE AGAIN I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE doing this with my baby and I keep explaining that this takes time.. I'm not saying years but once she's comfortable and mostly I'm comfortable we well increase the house. He stayed on the phone with me the entire time I drove to the sitter which is may 5 minutes from my mothers house.. and demanded I tell him where lo is being kept.. he also asked to speak with the sitter and gave her his number just incase anything happened. he also asked where she lived and other things.... after that conversation... he calls me back asking could we pray together... and thanked me for allowing him to voice his concerns.. and says well I love you Jess. HE IS BUGGING THE HELL OUTTA ME! I don't want to feel pressured into him keeping my baby when I'm not comfortable yet..... what are the rules for visition with a baby under one? What do you think?

Z_I_L_L_A

I don't about the rules part but if you have a weird feeling or gut feeling about something then stick to your guns on it. Usually if something doesn't seem right with a situation its because something sneaky is going on. Something he is not telling you. Go with your mother's intuition. JMHO

Steelheart7

Well .. if there is no written custody agreement and the child is in your custody .. you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

You saying no .. may or may not push him to get a custody agreement .. so I guess I would keep that in the back of your mind. Or you can cut him off at the pass and get an agreement, but that may open yourself up the court giving him more visitation than you want. That will also trigger mandated child support if you don't have that already in place.

JayTee146

We don't have any agreement in place... we have a court date this july and every now and again we'll talk about it and his only comment will be don't put me on the governments time.

I can't help but think about how he wasn't there during the pregnancy... the times he did call it was so I could never say he didn't call... He's called me, the baby... whom he referred to as it... and my mother names.. and now I'm suppose to be all over the moon because he's buying diapers, wipes, and crying to see her? 3 months ago "I was pinning my baby on him because I didn't know who the father was" 3 months ago she was an "it" my mother was told to F*** You and I was a *kitten*... but now he loves her.. after a month of seeing her... telling me he loves me and talking about a family!

Honestly the thought of him seeing her other than the saturday's I bring her over makes me sick to the stomach... He in my opinion needs to be emotionally stable.. he's crying and begging to see her when I honestly feel i'm doing the best I can. The problem is he would like to take her around his family without me present and that bothers me.. what is it about me where I can't be present while you load her in a car and take her over to your other relatives houses?

He claims he stopped drinking but I don't know that for sure... I feel that he wouldn't put our little girl in danger... but while she's gone I worry about her.. I worry that he'll start drinking and take my little girl into harms way..

I'm trying not to hold the past against him but this is very difficult!