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letting them down easy

10acity
10acity Posts: 798 Member
in Social Groups
Maybe this has been discussed before, but the search function is apparently kind of a bust within a group.

So. This may seem silly (if you knew my personality, even more so) but I'd like some advice on rejecting guys. Apparently I'm only the Tin Man til I have to turn down a dude who's expressed interest. So guys, in either of these situations, what would be the least crappy and most effective thing to hear?

Scenario 1: went out once, totally not into him, don't even really care to be friends. It's not because he's sketchy or "bad" in any way, just because he's someone with whom I have nothing in common and wouldn't choose to spend more time with in any capacity. He apparently feels differently, because while I thought I made it pretty clear, he keeps asking for a second date.

Scenario 2: I dabble in the online dating. I get messages that seem fairly genuine and well-intended, and for whatever reason after I've read the message and his profile I just have no interest. I don't want to be a jerk and just ignore it, I don't want to be a jerk in the reply, but I also want to make it clear with 1 quick reply that he has no chance. For clarity: I'm talking about msgs where these guys are just normal people, on the site doing what I'm doing, not "hey baby wanna f&^#?" .. those just get deleted immediately. Obv.

Replies

  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    Maybe this has been discussed before, but the search function is apparently kind of a bust within a group.

    So. This may seem silly (if you knew my personality, even more so) but I'd like some advice on rejecting guys. Apparently I'm only the Tin Man til I have to turn down a dude who's expressed interest. So guys, in either of these situations, what would be the least crappy and most effective thing to hear?

    Scenario 1: went out once, totally not into him, don't even really care to be friends. It's not because he's sketchy or "bad" in any way, just because he's someone with whom I have nothing in common and wouldn't choose to spend more time with in any capacity. He apparently feels differently, because while I thought I made it pretty clear, he keeps asking for a second date.

    Scenario 2: I dabble in the online dating. I get messages that seem fairly genuine and well-intended, and for whatever reason after I've read the message and his profile I just have no interest. I don't want to be a jerk and just ignore it, I don't want to be a jerk in the reply, but I also want to make it clear with 1 quick reply that he has no chance. For clarity: I'm talking about msgs where these guys are just normal people, on the site doing what I'm doing, not "hey baby wanna f&^#?" .. those just get deleted immediately. Obv.

    1) I'm sorry, I just don't see anything coming from a second date.

    2) I'm sorry, I just don't see anything in the future for us.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I hate this too.. I always have to go with, Im sorry but I dont feel any chemistry here.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I always like "you're a great guy but I like someone else."
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    This worked for me: After walking her to her car, I said "It was really nice to meet you! I wish you all the best"
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 797 Member
    1. I think you owe him some sort of reason if you took the time to go on a date. Thank him for the date and just say that you didn't have much in common and that's it. That is a whole lot easier to deal with in my mind than telling someone they are unattractive, smelly, gross... or anything other trait about themselves they really can't change.

    2. Sadly the standard here is just straight up ignoring the guy. I've been on a site for a couple weeks now, have a pleasant profile, feel like I'm more than attractive enough with a brief description of me in a nutshell and I've gotten literally 3 responses to at least 100+ messages I've sent out. Go figure. You're also safer from backlash if you ignore the emails.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Ive decided to be celibate this summer before my retreat in the fall...
  • poncho33
    poncho33 Posts: 1,511
    Ive decided to be celibate this summer before my retreat in the fall...

    I have basically replaced sex with softball... it's going pretty well, I just pay and I get to play :glasses:
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Ive decided to be celibate this summer before my retreat in the fall...

    I think it is the other way for me,celibacy decided on its own. :laugh:




    :grumble:
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    Ive decided to be celibate this summer before my retreat in the fall...

    I have basically replaced sex with softball... it's going pretty well, I just pay and I get to play :glasses:
    for me it's the gym.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
    Thanks, guys. I seriously don't know what is so difficult about this.
    That is a whole lot easier to deal with in my mind than telling someone they are unattractive, smelly, gross... or anything other trait about themselves they really can't change.
    hahah I would NOT take that route, I assure you!

    2. Sadly the standard here is just straight up ignoring the guy. I've been on a site for a couple weeks now, have a pleasant profile, feel like I'm more than attractive enough with a brief description of me in a nutshell and I've gotten literally 3 responses to at least 100+ messages I've sent out. Go figure. You're also safer from backlash if you ignore the emails.

    Who agrees?
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    for the date thing i'd say say something like i dont think we have much in common and so wouldnt be interested in a second date

    for the online messages i wouldnt respond. these are people you've never met. you're not required to respond to them so i wouldnt feel the need to.

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