Where did you go?
RMuske
Posts: 271 Member
Just curious if anyone else has had this happen..
You meet someone, they seem great. You hang out, have common interests, everything seems to be going well. They tell you they like you. You tell them you like them too. You get that first kiss... hang out a few more times, just kissing no sex... and then BAM they dissapear?!?!
What happens?!
You meet someone, they seem great. You hang out, have common interests, everything seems to be going well. They tell you they like you. You tell them you like them too. You get that first kiss... hang out a few more times, just kissing no sex... and then BAM they dissapear?!?!
What happens?!
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Replies
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Wishy washy people.. I hate them. Also people that use people as backups, waiting for their "number one" to tell them they want them.
Wheeeeeere haaaave yoooou been? Allllll myyyy li-ee-iiiife! Alllll myyy li-ee-iiiife, i-eee-iiiife?
Sorry, that song has been stuck in my head for days.0 -
they're called poofers... very common in dating.0
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Why do they do this? Seems like a waste of everyones time, don't you think?0
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they're called poofers... very common in dating.
It probably would be less hurtful if they poofed like a magician... maybe a smoke bomb in there too.0 -
they're called poofers... very common in dating.
It probably would be less hurtful if they poofed like a magician... maybe a smoke bomb in there too.
I am not sure about less hurtful but at least it would provide entertainment and a good story.0 -
I had one guy poof on the way round to my house!!! :laugh:
Have no idea why this happens. None whatsoever!!
No balls maybe?? :huh:0 -
Why do they do this? Seems like a waste of everyones time, don't you think?
I would say they didn't think you were as great as you thought they were. I've had this happen before and it sucked. But obviously, they didn't I was THAT great. It's rude but like I said, the more I dated, the more I heard it was a common theme.0 -
They get nervous about committing,they find someone else,something about you/me/us that was easy to overlook becomes grating,they simply lose interest for no reason etc.0
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they're called poofers... very common in dating.
It probably would be less hurtful if they poofed like a magician... maybe a smoke bomb in there too.
Yeah if I have to get bailed on I want a show for my troubles!0 -
I've only been accused of poofing once in my life. About three months after going on four or five dates she was with some of my friends and I said hi to her. She copped an attitude and said something like oh. it's so nice you can talk to me again. I was generally surprised she was upset I quit talking to her before. I always felt like I was talking to a brick wall and that she wasn't interested in me. ANy time we talked all her answers were short and she never followed up with any questions for me. I saw nothng from her to indicate she was interested in me.0
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evan marc katz
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared.php
made sense to me when i read it!0 -
evan marc katz
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared.php
made sense to me when i read it!
That is depressing to read.
Guess I don`t have much of a shot because his description of what a guy is and wants is about 180 degrees opposite what I am and do.0 -
Just means he/she's not that interested and/or met someone else but didn't have the balls to tell you. Or possibly you did something to annoy them or piss them off and they just didn't want to talk to you anymore.0
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That is an interesting site.. Makes some valid points..0
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That is an interesting site.. Makes some valid points..
No kidding, right? I feel like I just got smacked in the face. Yet it's all things that seem common sense, but I make all those mistakes anyway. I pulled out the points that hit home for me... and it makes sense why most guys would run then....
Mistake #1: Believing That What Attracts Him to You is the Same Thing You Find Attractive in Him. He wants what he can’t get from his male friends. A man wants a woman who makes him feel good, who makes him feel loved and secure. He wants someone who makes him feel sexy and trusted.
I literally slide into friendship mode all the time because I'll drink beer, understand and scream at football games, and sarcasm drips from my jokes directed in some cases right at the guy I'm interested in... so I become one of the guys instead of helping him feel an actual connection, support, and desire.
Mistake #2: You’re Being Too Proactive
Me to a tee..I don't think I've ever given any man a chance to pursue.
Mistake #3: You Worry Too Much About Getting Hurt Again. You’ve probably been hurt by guys in the past. And because you’ve had these life experiences, you’re determined to learn from them. Men are not heartbreakers looking for our next victim. It is never our goal to hurt you at any point in time.0 -
Sounds familiar.....0
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evan marc katz
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/why-he-disappeared.php
made sense to me when i read it!
That is depressing to read.
Guess I don`t have much of a shot because his description of what a guy is and wants is about 180 degrees opposite what I am and do.
Eh, I wouldn't be depressed. There is beauty in everyone and someone will be looking for just the man you are. I know from reading these forums that I'm definitely attracted to men that others aren't and vice versa. I think the point is to make a man feel sexy and that goes both ways.. and don't get hung up on the crap. Just let it evolve and get your brain out of the way.0 -
Grrr - my phone! Haha. Anyway, to sum up - been there. Not sure why it happens, it just does and it sucks. It does feel like a lot of time was wasted, but after, I usually chalk it up to another experience in book. And another story for the girls!0
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Don't think that men are the only ones to do this. Women disappear too for no apparent reason.
Most of the time the person disappearing isn't worth your time anyway.0 -
He just texted me after being MIA for a week to wish me luck at a game I am not playing because I am at work... Which I told him last week I would be missing for work.... Weird... I am tempted not to respond... I'm not a game player but what the deal?!0
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And just when you write them off, they reappear. A lot of my poofers will randomly text after a long while. Now that I'm attached too, it's like radar where all of a sudden a couple of them are texting me very interested. I think it has to do with keeping options open or they are lazy and only want someone when they are bored or it is convenient.0
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So what do the guys think about this from that website:Mistake #2:
You’re Being Too Proactive
Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.
You may hate the word passive. You may think it sounds like a 1950’s housewife, or a helpless woman who can’t do anything for herself.
Not quite.
Being passive doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything proactive. It means that you’re choosing not to do anything proactive, because being proactive during courtship is ineffective in making a man feel attracted to you.
Here are a few common examples of being proactive:
* You have a great date, you email him the next day to say you had a lot of fun.
* You haven’t heard from him all weekend, you text him to make sure he’s doing okay.
* You want to see him next week, you tell him his favorite band is playing downtown and you can get tickets.
* You’re confused about where your relationship stands, you ask him where things are headed.
You think you’re being real; he thinks you’re acting clingy. Understand, the man of your dreams doesn’t NEED to be pushed to be your boyfriend.
The disconnect is this: You want men to actively pursue you. But most men do not want to be actively pursued. The only guys who do are really shy, really insecure, or really clueless about women. Most men will value you more if they have to win you over. That’s what guys mean about a "challenge". So step away from "The Rules," which tell you to refuse to return his calls or act like you’re busy when you’re not. All I´m asking you to do is embrace your receptive feminine energy.
Continue to push men for dates, commitment or clarity, and watch them run away.0 -
Basically nonsense.
No doubt many ladies will like it because he is saying you don`t have to do anything so that plays into what we have seen here many times...lots of women have such a severe dread of rejection they will choose to go through life unhappily alone rather then risk it.
Does anyone think the target audience for this book is men btw?
Now take what he says in that light.
As far as his pronouncement that this is what all men want,he should hang around here for a few days and would find out it is what virtually none want.
I suspect he gets his notions not from talking to single guys but those with someone who are looking at dating with the rose colored glasses of success and want to believe they swept a lady off her feet.0 -
If you read his stuff you'll realize that a lot of it comes from being a single guy that went through a lot of women, bad dates, he disappeared on people, etc. he has male clients too!! Not as many but he does.
He is very quick to tell women that WE need to change in a lot of cases. That we want something we probably won't get from a guy ( that whole mars/ Venus thing) and so therefore WE need to figure out what exactly we want.
I dunno. I feel as though I've learned a lot from him and learned how to be more proactive in my dating experiences. I used to be that girl that wanted to know WHY he disappeared. I wanted to know what I had done or didn't do. Since reading his ebook and other stuff ( starting last nov) I've been able to go on dates and identify guys that I don't want to be w, shouldn't be with, and when they start to disappear, I let them go. The last thing anyone would describe me as is, clingy :-)
His stuff is directed to women. Some of us need help in the " what's going on in a guys' head dept" ;-) I'm not ashamed to admit I am one of them. Plus, I think he's funny! I like funny!0 -
If you read his stuff you'll realize that a lot of it comes from being a single guy that went through a lot of women, bad dates, he disappeared on people, etc. he has male clients too!! Not as many but he does.
He is very quick to tell women that WE need to change in a lot of cases. That we want something we probably won't get from a guy ( that whole mars/ Venus thing) and so therefore WE need to figure out what exactly we want.
I dunno. I feel as though I've learned a lot from him and learned how to be more proactive in my dating experiences. I used to be that girl that wanted to know WHY he disappeared. I wanted to know what I had done or didn't do. Since reading his ebook and other stuff ( starting last nov) I've been able to go on dates and identify guys that I don't want to be w, shouldn't be with, and when they start to disappear, I let them go. The last thing anyone would describe me as is, clingy :-)
His stuff is directed to women. Some of us need help in the " what's going on in a guys' head dept" ;-) I'm not ashamed to admit I am one of them. Plus, I think he's funny! I like funny!
How does that square with the above quoted where he is telling ladies not to be proactive?
Realistically it all comes down to an individual thing and hard to capture in an all encompassing essay.
One woman will want a guy to quickly declare feelings of love and the next will run like her hair was on fire if a guy does.
We see this here every day and what went wrong with lady A does not mean doing the opposite will work with lady B.
As I said before,I see most of these self help things as being more a self affirmation read.
Please don`t take that as snarky or offensive,just that we all search for answers to why things fail so if someone writes something that we think maybe is the case it gives us solace.
The truth as I have found it to be is we never know why a person lost interest,it just happens,it sucks and then we have to go on.0 -
I do get what you say though about finding things that can better yourself...look to all of life for them too.
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When I say that I usually do tell people to NOT read, I'm being serious! I think the reason I like these is because guys are not often forthcoming about what is going on in their heads, and I am tired of that ( for myself.)
I think he's talking mainly about finding HEALTHY relationships...... Healthy being key :-)
I don't live my life by any rules or book or guidelines. I do what I want when I want how I want. I piss a lot of people off because of this. I say what I mean and I'm blunt w no filter. I look around to everything to figure out my way :-) trust me ;-)!!!!0
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