I've figured out why I haven't been losing weight.

irenegalea

I've wanted to lose weight for over 10 years, but I've always felt this mental brick wall which was holding me back. Every time I'd say "I'm going on a diet", I'd feel compelled to eat more. If I DO manage to lose weight, as soon as I become aware of it, I gain it all back.

So now I weigh 182lbs, and I haven't been able to figure out why I can't lose weight. I know how to. I know how to eat right, and exercise. I have tons of healthy recipes, tons of fitness books and cds, a brand new bicycle which i've barely used, weights, skipping rope....well, everything i need. I went to a health psychologist to try and figure it out, but I felt I wasn't getting anywhere, and made the mistake of ending therapy prematurely.

BUT....

Last weekend, I had a lightbulb moment, and I FINALLY figured it out all by myself. This is why I haven't been losing weight:

To my mother, it's always been important that her children look good. It makes her feel she's a good mother, and I completely understand that. Ever since I was about 9 years old, my mother used to tell me not to gain weight. She'd discourage me from wearing certain clothes because they'd make me look fat (such as bikinis and short skirts). Even when I weighed a mere 120lbs, I still wasn't good enough.

I didn't feel accepted. No matter how great my accomplishments, no matter how proud she'd say she was of me...there was always that "BUT, you need to lose weight". I feel that I should have been the most beautiful girl in the world in the eyes of my mother, that she should have accepted me for who I am, no matter what I look like.

That's why I subconsciously refuse to lose weight. I've subconsciously been thinking "why should I lose weight to gain my mother's acceptance? It's not fair" I need to feel I am really doing this for myself. At the moment I feel like i'd be doing it for her approval, but I don't want to gain her approval in this manner so I've been refusing to lose weight. I want to feel that her love is unconditional.



It all makes so much sense to me now. I'm so proud to have figured it out all by myself...but now I don't know what to do. Awareness is the first step to resolving issues, but I don't know what to do with this new information I have about myself, and how I can resolve it.

missnarwhal

That is a really interesting conclusion you have come to. I have felt similar in many ways. I have always felt fat even though up until the past couple years I weighted under 120 lbs. It is definitely difficult to change thought patterns or beliefs about ourselves that have been engrained in us for such a long period of time, whether those patterns be taught to us by our parents or by society. I definitely feel the way you do at times. I feel like, why lose weight for others and not myself? What does it say about me for looking for acceptance elsewhere? I feel like I am at a point where I want to be comfortable in my own body and I have learned several things about what healthy looks like for me (it is different for everyone) and I know how I want to look and feel now as an adult where the pressures of family and friends are not as much a factor.

Do you WANT to lose weight? If you like how you look than don't lose weight. I know it is difficult and much easier said than done. I also know the answer is not as simple as yes or no.

Also, have you ever talked to her about it? You would be surprised how helpful that can be. I know from experience. Sometimes people do not realize how much they are projecting their own issues and insecurities on other, especially those they love. Addressing it can be very beneficial for of you.